The Long Road Home
by Scorpio21
Summary: When you take away everything you know and everything you thought you were, what exactly do you have left? This is the story of how they came into their own eternity. Jasper/OC Warning: Rated M for lemons, language, and extreme violence on occasion.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: I wanted to say a few things before anyone begins to read my story. But first, I promise that I will never have this long of an A/N again. Ever.**

**As you probably already know, this a Jasper fic. The timeline for this story is pre-twilight through Eclipse, and will interweave SM's plot-lines while differentiating in various places. I express my artistic license to change little details that occurred at will, so please don't yell at me for that later. I have written Jasper as I perceived him from the books, and embellished a little on the qualities I love so much about him. But neither he nor the rest of the Cullens will be **_**completely**_** in-character. I will try to retain their old-fashioned ways to the best of my ability, but I will have them act in the times as well, as I feel they would 'realistically' do if we had been able to read more on them. So heads-up on that.**

**Also, I have never written for fanfic before now. I am a writer of poetry and philosophical short stories. This is not the norm for me, so I apologize beforehand for my writing style. There will be many times that I structure my sentences and usage of words in a more poetic style instead of grammatically correct and straight-forward. I tried to do it as little as possible, but I write how I think and this is what came out. I'd like to know your opinion though, and where I could change to make this story better. But please, if you can't come up with something more articulate and substantial than, "This shit sucks!" then please don't bother flaming. Tell me why you don't like something if you're going to tell me at all. All the same, I would appreciate comments that swing both ways. It helps me tremendously.**

**Now here's my warning. If you are an avid fan and defender of all things Edward and Bella, then maybe my story isn't for you. There were many times when reading (especially Eclipse and Breaking Dawn) that I just wanted to scream at their behavior. And to be honest, Bella's actions leaned more towards moronic to me, not self-sacrificing like SM wanted to portray. Edward's inclination was far too self-loathing and controlling for my tastes, even if it does make for some interesting character development. I will not be afraid to subtly convey my opinion throughout my story, but they will still be in character and fairly treated because I still love them both. It's why we've all read the book at least a dozen times and write fanfic on them.**

**I'll wrap this up and just let you now that there will be lemons later, the first few chapters are compacted to fit an extended, lengthy time frame, and the action and adventure really begins in chapter 4, so stay tuned. I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think.**

**P.S. I hope most of you catch the subtle irony in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except Keira. SM does and always will.**

Chapter 1

My name's Keira O'Callaghan, and this is my story.

It won't always be nice or pretty or wrapped in a perfect bow. No, my tale has loss and heartache and tears and blood, but it's real_,_ and that's something so much more gratifying than any fairytale's false illusion. There's no truth to them outside our own hopes and dreams, no real place for them beyond literature and our own imaginations. And people who continue to believe in such fantasies, those who measure their world by them miss out on what makes life worth living. They forget it's the imperfections we're surrounded by that make those little moments — those little things — so perfect. Sometimes we get a really big perfect too, but it's swathed in so much conflict and confusion that it changes us and everything we believed beyond the point of return. There is no going back after that, and if you're lucky, you don't want to.

I was, but I didn't always see it that way.

It took going through hell and back and experiencing the darkness of the world before I got my answers. They weren't simple, but they embodied all that was light and unadulterated, giving me the gift of interminable love and clarity. In all of those, clarity was the most rewarding because I got to see life and humanity and people without for what they really are. That we're all evil and pure, as hopeless as we are redeemable, and as ignorant in some ways as we are knowledgeable in others. We're as forgiving as we are relentless, and as equally dangerous as we can be trustworthy. We're all each other in one form or another, and as capable of being the monsters in children's bedtime stories as anyone else.

But we're also each other's saving grace, no matter what age, race, gender, or species_._ We only need to watch, to listen, to reach out. The sooner we do — the sooner we start to see ourselves, the world, and its' inhabitants for what they really are — the easier it will be to start living the life we're placed into instead of believing in fantasies that won't come true. The sooner we'll be able to enjoy the reality of it all.

oOoOo

During the fall of my sixteenth year, my simple world began it's gradual collapsed when the Cullens moved to town, changing everything as I knew it before I was even aware. Their arrival in Forks came fast and the news hit hard, everyone wondering about the mysterious family that no one heard was coming. They had no ties here, no family or friends to incite their presence. Certainly there wasn't any grand paycheck available to promote their stay, and that made us all the more curious. Even me — maybe especially me — because I was young and excited and had no idea what to expect from them. I was sadly disappointed in ways, extremely unnerved in others.

They walked among us for two years, but it was undeniable to say they were never really _part_ of us. They kept their distance and we repaid in kind, neither side bothering to make any more of an effort than necessary. The good doctor and his wife were always treated fondly, their adoptive children always looked upon with awe and want and jealousy that no one would ever act upon. That didn't stop the rumors and small town talk, though. No, if anything it added to it, because they were untouchable in their perfection.

Their first day at Forks High School highlighted the beginning of this trend as well as my social downfall. Three of the siblings were in my sophomore class, and as the backhanded whispers immediately dubbed them as — they were the scary Hale twins and the burly Cullen. To those who didn't feel emasculated or over-postured by them, they were known as Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. The school was small, so at least one of them was in every period of mine, which meant I heard the gossip wherever I went that day.

My interest in them was just as peaked as everyone else and I would cast the same surreptitious glances in their direction whenever I could, but it seemed I didn't hold the same acrimonious regard for the siblings as the rest of my friends did. Their reactions were simply curiosity unfulfilled, I knew that, and a natural inclination to resent those who make us feel lesser than we want to believe. But the cruelty in their assumptions astounded me, the level of spitefulness my friends went to having me cringe in my seat every time they'd pull me into the rumor-mill. It broke my heart and tainted my view of them, because these were the people I held dearest to me and I was a part of them, yet I hadn't wanted anything less in that moment. I was a pawn in this pettiness, yet I wouldn't have wished it anymore than I'd wish their caustic tongues turned on me.

Maybe my outlook was different because my parents were different, cultural diversity making them separate from those around us. Even though I was born and raised in Forks, my parents were not, having moved here from Ireland four years before I was born. It's beyond me why they choose this town over the many places in America, and anytime I'd ask, they'd just glance into each other's eyes with small smiles and light chuckles gracing their lips. They never would say, like it was the most beautiful secret in the world, an inside joke only they would understand. But I was okay with not knowing, because that's how my parents were. They were unique in their ways and unique in their beauty.

What made my mom and dad stand out from the crowd wasn't their physical appearance, rather their profound connection. They were magnets drawn to their opposite, two very different people who balanced each other perfectly. Their love would shine through every glance and touch and smile and laugh, even through their fights and tears. It was an unbreakable bond because no matter what, they never stopped caring for the other. No amount of harsh words or unimaginable mistakes would drive them away or loosen their faith in each other. Their devotion was always there, and it's the closest thing I've ever seen to a real fairytale. It's no exaggeration to say that my parents could be standing in a room full of gorgeous people and outshine them all just by looking into each other's eyes, because their beauty thrived from within their soul's love for the other.

That's not to say they weren't an attractive bunch. My mother with her tall, slim frame, and deep, red curly hair. Her large, almond-shaped eyes were pale green that seemed almost yellow in their translucence. She had fair skin and freckles that sprinkled her nose and cheeks, making her look younger than her years.

My father was tall, broad, and thick with meat and muscle. His black, tousled hair and midnight blue eyes that would — more often than not — appear black were the perfect compliment to his round face, button nose, and gruff voice. Made him seem boyish in his intimidations.

And when I came out of my mother's womb and into this world, I was and continued to be the exact combination of my parents. Inheriting my mother's pale green eyes, fair skin, and lightly freckled nose could be called a genetic blessing, as well as my father's round face and strong cheekbones. Sadly though, I also received her untamable curls with shades between both their colors. Red hair that got blended in somewhere with black, one more profound in the sunlight and the other in the shade. It's a shame really, because the wildness of my mop forbids me from doing anything except putting it in a sloppy bun that half will eventually escape from. Leaving it down usually becomes a hassle, but I typically do anyway considering everything else makes me look like a parody of the Wild, Wild West.

No one really knows where I got my height from, though we're certain I didn't receive a 5'3'' stature from my pedigree considering everyone in my family's at least six foot. But I did inherit my mom's slim form and dad's meat and curves. I use to be a scrawny kid, then I hit puberty and gained hips, thighs, and _boobs_. Yes, _boobs_. And _that's_ why I grew my hair out. To cover my _boobs_.

So yes, I'm small and trim, although not skinny by any means. Curvaceously petite, I guess you could say. Eventually I became more comfortable in my new body, learning to dress in complimentary colors and styles, but it was really my parents that taught me to love myself. To feel beautiful even though I may not look like a famous supermodel or resemble any of the cliché "popular" girls you see on TV. They taught me to embrace myself, to always be true to what I believed. They taught me the warmth of unequivocal love and devoured me in hugs and kisses, but they also raised me on the importance of freedom. Freedom to act and speak, freedom to be and not be, freedom to live however, whenever, wherever. They raised me to embrace a free soul, to be liberated of all frivolities.

Never freedom to judge, though. Those were always reserved for the small minded, big mouthed, and black hearted they said, which might be why my friend's quick judgments of the Cullens irked me. It went against the grain of everything my parents tried to instill in me since the day I was born, yet everywhere I turned, there was that constant low buzz of bad gossip filled with vicious unknowns. Abrasive opinions and unkind acknowledgments.

"_Did you hear that they're all _adopted!_" _As if being adopted was the equivalent of being Satan's spawn.

"_I heard the blond has a bad coke habit." _The jealous tone was picked-up on easily.

"_They're all together, you know. As in couples. And they _live _together!"_ It's not like they're related, people! And yes, they live together because they were _adopted_ by the _same couple_.

"_I heard the girls swap partners in bed, but won't let anyone else near the guys except them." _Obviously she tried and was turned down.

"_I can't believe the Doc's wife can't get pregnant. All those kids gotta be her way of makin' up for it." _Uhh, yeah. People sometimes can't get pregnant, and those who want to usually adopt at some point. So?

The list goes on and on. They conjured up horror upon horror of the innocent Cullens, and I considered this society my friends. People I thought of as extended family, kids I let into my heart and mind and laughed with, kindred spirits that I confided in. I belonged in their circle, was associated with this madness, and my parents would be so ashamed to know I was involved no matter how insignificant my part may seem. Though I've heard them talk about other's before, it's never been with so much hate and criticism. Never had it been quite so cruel and narrow-minded. It made their once vibrant personalities turn dull and shallow in my eyes, and the longer the day went on, the more my feelings of self-disgust and repulsion grew. My stomach coiled with the anxiety of it all and my throat constricted with the urge to throw-up. When I realized I'd never be able to look at my friends the same way again, I wanted to cry for my loss. It almost didn't make sense how much this was affecting me, how the welfare of a few strangers could impact me so fiercely.

Funny how the smallest things can tear us apart on the inside, make us feel portions of ourselves we never knew was there before.

This churning of emotions I couldn't rightly explain only progressed, each period making my gut twist more painfully. These siblings had lost their families, had probably gone through tragedies I couldn't even fathom, and my friends were too busy ridiculing their circumstances to be compassionate. It made me angry, at them and at myself because surely, if I can hear their words then the Hale twins sitting three seats over could as well. Imagining the hurt they were feeling at the hands of such vindictiveness only made the guilt worse, and I was guilty by association. Remorse had welled-up inside me and I was desperate for it all to stop. It was then, during fifth period, that I reached the end of my tolerance.

Abruptly jumping from my seat, I stared my friends down, bewildering them with my sudden movement and pissed-off glare. I gave them all a good, hard look before grinding out with a bit more volume than intended, "I wish you'd all just shut the hell up. I am so _goddamn_ sick an' tired of hearing you run your mouths about shit you have _no_ idea about! They're people, just like you and me. And they're sitting right there, hearing every _fuckin'_ thing you're saying! Grow the fuck up, and while you're at it, grow some hearts for Christ's sake."

I'm sure my eyes were wide and my face was stern and my hair was wild because everyone did shut the hell up. Even the teacher paused. I think I scared them a little.

Nothing ever went back to normal afterwards, though normal is relative to the perceiver. My simple, black-and-white life bloomed without the rose-colored glasses on, effectively seeing those around me with new eyes. I observed their behavior with new understanding, saw what I had closed myself off to before, and couldn't dismiss what I only just perceived. My friends were never really my friends again, but in retrospect, I doubt they ever truly were. Not really. There weren't any catfights or name-calling or social shunnings of one another, but there was a gradual shift of distance that eventually led to our separations. After awhile, we didn't bother with the niceties just for the sake of appearances, because we knew there wasn't anything left to salvage. Not when I was unrepentant and they didn't bother to understand. I also didn't truly care, though. I wasn't who they thought I was, and they weren't who I thought they were. My fighting Irish bloodline had finally made an appearance, and it refused to be reigned back in.

Those spiteful rumors still surfaced from time to time, usually when someone had been politely snubbed by the quintet and their only weapon of retaliation was to recirculate old gossip, but I never said anything on the matter again. There wasn't a point when not even the Cullens seemed to care what others had to say. Then again, that was one observation about the family that always intrigued me.

One would presume without looking closer that those five beautiful siblings made themselves outcasts, but you only had to watch and observe to see right through that charade. You only needed open eyes and a sliver of intelligence to see they hadn't made _themselves_ outcasts... _we_ made them outcasts. The way we'd tense up when they came too close, or shiver when they smiled too wide. The way our nerves would jolt into action whenever they'd focus on us, no matter how insignificant it may be. The way our thoughts and feelings betrayed us around them, as if they could somehow read how much we wished to run the other way. They knew we didn't really like them, that we weren't comfortable anywhere in close proximity to them. They knew that for some reason…we feared them.

So _they_ avoided _us_ to make _us_ feel better, because we did feel better when they weren't around. They probably felt better too, because our reactions were obvious to any who took the time to notice.

I never could bring myself to fear one member of the Cullen clan though, which is ironic because he _screamed_ danger. He effortlessly exuded power and authority, it seeped from his very being into the air around him. Hell, this man was power personified, as well as a walking contradiction. The way he held himself — so laid back and casual — was a magnificent contrast to the subtle warning you could detect in his stance that told you in no uncertain terms that, 'Yeah, I'm relaxed, but before anyone could blink you'd be dead.'

He was the tallest of the Cullens, lean and muscular, but not the thickest of the siblings nor the thinnest by far. No, those features were reserved for Emmett, who was massive with his bulk, and for Edward, who was much more lanky and boyish. Jasper Hale — with his broad shoulders, long legs, and honey blond curls that fell into his dark eyes and hung loosely around his strong neck and jaw was by far the most intriguing and seductive to me. He was leonine, and watching him was like watching the deceptively calm and lazy male lion oversee his pride, just waiting for one wrong move from an outsider.

But it wasn't his physical appearance that made me so curious about him….or so enamored with him. It was the few and far between times when pale green eyes met molten-gold.

We only made eye contact a few times in the two years we knew each other but didn't speak. The first occurrence came the day I yelled at everybody for their callousness. I hadn't bothered glancing over at Rosalie or Jasper after my little tirade, just sat back down and fumed as I glared a hole through my desk. I didn't even bother getting up when the bell rang because I was still stewing in the aftershock of my anger and confusion. But as the crowd thinned and dispersed from the room, I did look over for some reason, as if compelled by an inexplicable feeling to do so. Jasper's vaguely concerned eyes met mine as he walked out the door, and a little respect seemed to glitter in those dark orbs of his, as if he hadn't expected anyone in this town to defend his family at all. I got the sense he was silently expressing his gratitude with that single glance, and I appreciated that. It made the day a little more bearable.

Other times were just passing moments when our gazes accidently collided as we looked around. Nothing meaningful or extraordinary, except the sensations that invaded me the second it took to make-and-break the visual connection. A simultaneous pull and tug would wrap itself around my heart so tightly that I often wondered if it was heart failure, but then something would shift in my head — like an intangible thread quivering to life and readjusting itself inside my brain — and my palms would start to tingle. Almost like a vibration.

I hadn't known what it was, and I sometimes thought I just imagined the whole thing. The third time it happened, there was a passing thought it might actually be some sort of chronic brain disease, but I eventually came to understand that it only happened when looking into Jasper's eyes. Which made me extremely unnerved, not to mention confused as hell, because it seemed like something straight out of the Twilight Zone or sci-fi novel and everyone knows those kind of things don't really happen. I was more inclined to believe that Jasper was some sort of voodoo caster or other equally wicked shit. Anything other than, '_Yes doctor, his eyes make me have an aneurism and I haven't the slightest clue why other than he must be an alien.'_

Yeah, that'd work out well.

Alas, as the months and occurrences passed by that hadn't led to me inexplicably keeling-over, I gradually lost my nervousness over the situation and simply remained curiously confused. I couldn't figure out what it was or what it meant, didn't know who to turn to or confide in no matter how much I wanted to. Even my parents were off-limits for this, not wanting to tell them that their only child was experiencing some sort of physical anomaly. They'd freak-out and immediately assume the worst, then the whole town would eventually known how a certain Hale affects me. That'd just be beyond mortifying.

I never confronted Jasper about this "thing" either, probably because he'd label me ten kinds of crazy right then and there, and Alice would just believe I wanted her man. I'm not stupid, I know how it would sound. I'm the one it was happening to and it sounded crazy even to _me._

When I found out later what it all meant, I realized I couldn't have been more wrong about what kind of possibilities there were in this world. Nothing could have prepared me for the strange discoveries I made about myself, for the life I was about to be thrust into without consent. Everything was taken out of my power when I became irrevocably altered, and nothing was ever the same. Especially not me.

* * *

**Review and let me know what you think so far!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

Chapter 2

After two years, the excitement over the Cullen family finally died down. The trepidation surrounding them, the tension everyone felt when too close, had not. Their self-appointed distance and seclusion hadn't changed either, but they became part of the ever-moving fabric of Forks nonetheless. Their presence was expected, welcomed by few and loathed by others, but they had their place among us and within the town whether we acknowledged it or not. Their continued distance only further aggravated my curiosity, though. I wanted answers, reasons, explanations, and perhaps even a bit of companionship in this whirlwind of strange sensations, but never could build the nerve to approach Jasper. It wasn't that I feared him, but I was afraid those sporadic thoughts of my own insanity would be mirrored in his look if I ever told him why I wanted to talk.

I never gathered the courage to divulge in anyone else, either.

It wasn't hard to forget it ever happened, though. Those moments between he and I became fewer and farther apart as time went on, the only real glimpses of him being in shared classrooms where he studiously ignored mine and everyone else's presence. I never even saw him walking the same halls as me, though there were moments when I'd feel eyes on my back as I turned a corner or walked through a cluster of fellow students. Eyes I knew couldn't belong to any of my one-time friends, for the prickle of awareness that ran down my spine was far too intense to be caused by those who once had their gazes fixed on me all the time.

No, it wasn't hard to brush off any thoughts about those crazy occurrences, but it was impossible to forget the man that caused them since I was almost certain it was he that I felt watching me sometimes. It coincided with the other absurdities surrounding him.

But a couple months into my senior year, Forks and consequently its' high school received another newcomer. Really though, she wasn't fresh to this place. No, this girl was coming home.

I hadn't thought much of her at the time, she was just a new face others were talking about. And for some reason, the gossip didn't bother me as much as it did with the Cullens. Maybe because it wasn't as harsh and directly affronting. It seemed to revolve mostly around her mom and how she left Chief Swan all those years ago.

See, that did bother me though. It made me wonder, yet again, why my parents chose this town to settle down in. Why they chose to stay and what they saw in these people all those years ago. The biting words and hurried whispers about the old Mrs. Swan originated from the elders of this place, from the ones who had front-row seats when it all went down. But now the knowledge and judgments and accusations were being passed down to their children, and they were no less kind with their insults than their parents. It spurred my indignation because my fellow peers shouldn't be allowed to judge the woman for her choices when they weren't even there, yet it didn't prevent their self-righteous floodgates from opening now. Hell, it was even encouraged, and I found it disconcerting.

Be that as it may, I still didn't throw a hellcat's fit or yell at my classmates the day she came to school, though that might've been because she wasn't actually _in_ any of my classes. There was no anger or confusion or shame on my part when I heard the talk of the town, hardly any acknowledgment from me whatsoever. I'd already distanced myself from their callousness, didn't mingle with them on a personal level anymore. I already knew how they could be.

Although I did find it slightly interesting that Chief Swan's daughter was returning home after so many years, briefly wondering why she'd come to live with her dad now after being gone for so long. The Chief has always been considered a kind man, good-natured and unassuming even if a little socially awkward. So I was pretty sure he'd be happy about her being home, which made me happy for him and his daughter, Isabelle Swan.

What little I saw of her in that first week didn't really solidify any idea of who she was or what kind of person she'd be. Bella — as I came to hear her referred to more times than her full name — seemed very shy and timid. A wallflower, much like her father. But the group she sat with at lunch made me second-guess that assumption. Jessica Stanley and Lauren were nothing if not vapid, social high-achievers that tried to make big in a small town. The boys at that table were no better than the characters portrayed in a cheesy Lifetime high school movie special.

Then again, I kinda' made it a point to _not_ pay attention to that group, and Bella Swan made no difference. The less I saw of them the better in my opinion, so I didn't really watch to see what part she played in the group dynamic. More and more it seemed, I withdrew from the people around me, closed myself off from the world that played before my eyes. I didn't want to see what I couldn't stand, didn't want to get involved where I made no difference. My parents were the only exception to my self-imposed distance.

Within days, the gossip surrounding Bella deflated as quickly as it erupted, though her popularity certainly hadn't. She was already one of them a week into her arrival, fitting in perfectly with those who vied for her affection even though her curiosity seemed riveted elsewhere. It was easy to catch the disturbed glances she kept giving the Cullens during lunch, a strange expression somewhere between hesitant and agitated. I wouldn't have noticed at all if her diverted attention hadn't been the very reason we almost collided one day in the cafeteria, her _lack_ of attention towards _me_ almost costing her the lunch she was carrying if I hadn't quickly dodged out of the way. I could only muster an exasperated sigh as she sheepishly smiled and mumbled an apology, somewhat endearing her to me in that moment. But when I walked away, I chanced a peek in the direction that had so entirely captured the girl's focus, already knowing I'd find the singular table in the corner that the beautiful siblings took as their own. What I didn't expect was the absence of Edward, simply because they never missed a day of school unless they all skipped out.

Overhearing through too-loud conversations, Mike Newton seemed to think Edward's truancy had something to do with his reaction to Bella, which was said to be extremely unkind and would sorta' explain the girl's strange look. What that didn't explain was why the copper-haired boy was gone for a whole week, supposedly out camping by himself. I seriously doubted that story considering they were known to always go together, something that was still whispered about by those who either admonished that particular tradition of theirs' or were jealous of it. And the continual glances I'd occasionally catch Bella giving throughout those first few days — glances that grew more and more forlorn as the week progressed — made me think Newton might be on to something for once in his life.

Yes, I was sure camping wasn't the whole truth, but then again, there was always something slightly off about the Cullens and their excuses.

For instance, none are suppose to be related except for Jasper and Rosalie, all adopted from various, long-divided family lineage on both the Doc and his wife's side. So why do they all have the same varying shades of unique eye color? Why are they all as pale and smooth-skinned as a porcelain doll? Better yet, why had they appeared so much older than their years when they first arrived, but have yet to seem anymore aged since? Weird.

Their always dependable absence during bright, sunny skies wasn't what I'd call exactly normal, either. Their reasons seemed sound, but it still struck me as odd.

However, Eddie returned the following Monday, the entire debacle disappeared, and I took to avoiding the cafeteria incase any other mundane drama inadvertently caught my interest. I'm only human after all, and the petty things that sometimes enthralled me made the shame I felt two years ago surface anew. It was a personal issue of mine, one more stupid than not, but one I carried now nevertheless. Maybe I just wanted to make my parents proud a little _too_ much. Silly thing, that.

It was later that week that this seemingly insignificant girl made such a pivotal impact on my life, no matter how indirect her part may have been. She hadn't meant to, it certainly wasn't her fault, but that didn't mean she hadn't been the catalyst.

It had been a beautiful morning despite the typical dreariness of Forks. When I had glanced outside while getting ready for school, a content smile immediately curled my lips, the white blanket of snow covering the ground being the perfect start to the day. I adored snow, the crisp cleanliness of it always making me oblivious to the sharp iciness it held. The pureness of it brought a warmth to my spirit, as if I were dancing on clouds so close to the heavens above, and the world always seemed more open and genial when wrapped in the magnificent simplicity of winter. The season never failed to bring out the innocent child in me, reminding me of hot chocolate and cuddling by the fire and helping my mom with holiday cooking. If I had my way, it'd snow all year and no one would ever take down their Christmas lights and everyone would sing holiday carols until their voices cracked. No matter how idiotic we all looked.

This joyous feeling carried with me as I skipped my way to campus, my delighted grin incapable of being vanquished with the milky onset and occasional flakes of snow that fell around me. I only lived a couple of streets away from the school and both my parents had vehicles, so there was never a need for me to buy a car. Eventually that need would arise during the summer, but for now I enjoyed the serenity of walking the shortcut through the surrounding woods to the student parking lot. Icy wind dived through the trees and swooped around me, dark curls blowing wildly across my face, but nothing could tamper with the inner peace I felt from the gloriously crystallized morning. Happiness made me immune to the discomfort.

And after a few minutes, I reached the school grounds and was strolling along the edge of the forest that ran parallel to a row of parking spaces, humming an absent tune when Bella Swan drove onto the property with typical noticeability. The thunderous rumble of her engine was hard to ignore as she pulled into a spot about ten feet from me, and I couldn't help snickering with amusement as she cautiously exited her hideous scrap of metal. _I'd be cautious too if I had to put-up with that ancient beast!_

As though she heard my thoughts, her gaze flicked to mine for a brief moment and a timid, almost apologetic grin turned her mouth. I just gave a short nod and returned to my own business, pulling my coat tighter as a sharp gust of cold cut finally through my skin.

Not twenty seconds later nor that many steps, I heard an odd, high-pitched screech splinter out far too close for comfort. I whipped my head towards the sound and saw Bella standing at the back-end of her truck, seemingly frozen in fear and anticipation. I watched a dark blue van skidding across the pavement, obviously out of control and leading a direct course to Bella's immediate location. I noticed a bronze-tipped blur moving impossibly fast — almost invisibly — towards the girl and then out of immediate danger, right before witnessing the van crush into the truck bed. Exactly where Bella _had_ been. What I saw was almost too fast to comprehend, but I know it was some sort of miracle.

I instantly ran forward, intent on helping in some way, only to abruptly pause when I caught sight of Edward Cullen stopping the still-moving van with his bare hands, then lifting it up with one arm while the other was spinning and shoving Bella out of the way of more impending doom. The cacophony of screams and twisting metal didn't register until the echoes of it reverberated in my mind once the van reluctantly settled, bringing everything to a tense stand-still. Too tense, too still, too silent, too...impossible.

I unconsciously started taking a few steps back, not really understanding what happened but realizing enough to be thoroughly freaked the fuck out. I don't know how long I stood there, mindlessly observing hordes of people standing around Bella, Edward, and the crash. My mind just kept recalling every occurrence and every small detail I had witnessed in the last few minutes. The bronze-tipped blur, Bella's miraculous escape, Edward stopping tons of steel with his bare hands...

It just wasn't possible. No way. _It's not humanly possible._

"Not… _humanly_… possible." I repeated quietly in a weak murmur, my breath catching as I replayed that thought over and over. _Oh God! This isn't real. It can't be._

Except I knew it was, because I know what I just saw. _But still…_

When the ambulance pulled into the parking lot, the sirens snapped me out of my daze and I took that as my cue to slip away unnoticed. I was still mulling everything over, slowly making my way towards the building when I noticed Edward's siblings standing over to the side. They were looking on from a distance with unfathomable expressions, their stoic gazes obviously zeroed-in on their brother. I felt my feet stutter to a stop on their own accord, my chest constricting with something akin to panic, but I nonetheless focused as intently on them as they were on someone else.

I don't know what possessed me to do it or why I thought it was a good idea, but for some reason, I really wanted to confront them. I wanted to look them straight in the eye and watch their reactions when I told them what I witnessed, maybe hoping for some sort of explanation or answer to it all. After a minute or so of staring at their unresponsive features, after watching them exchange a few guarded glances, I did the unthinkable.

I pushed my hair back from around my face, peered around to make sure I could say what I needed to without anyone overhearing, and glided right over to the group. Four pairs of dark eyes immediately fastened on me, their expressions turning from unfathomable to collectively wary and threatening in an instant. I avoided looking directly at Jasper, though. This was not the time to lose focus.

"I saw. I saw everything that just happened and what your brother did. And I_ know_ what he just did _isn't_ humanly possible." While my voice was low and tone was light, I held my head high and my eyes met theirs' so they knew I meant business.

Emmett, with his huge bulk and intimidating muscles, scoffed and said, "I don't know what you're talking about little girl, but I suggest you scamper away and forget anything you _think_ you might have seen."

I noticed Jasper's lips started moving infinitesimally while he shot Emmett a quick, indecipherable glance, as if they were conversing secretly between themselves. I also noticed a hissing sound that appeared to be coming from the general direction of the gorgeous and unapproachable Rosalie. Little Alice looked in a daze with her eyes glazed over and seemingly not focused on anything.

No more than a second later, she snapped out of whatever moment she was having and looked at me sadly. It was like she just had her heart broken. "It's okay Keira. You're parent's diner closes at ten, right? My family and I will be at your house at eight tonight to talk to you. That should give us enough time before your parents get home."

Rosalie's eyes widened and she took a menacing step forward. "What! Alice, you can't be serious!"

"I am, Rose. This is for the best, really. It's the only way to a good outcome." Alice still held that same devastated expression, but her wind-chimed voice was steady and sure. She and Jasper shared a look, and it was like they had an entire conversation and came to a mutual understanding in a matter of seconds. Almost as if they knew something the rest of us didn't. Of course, I wasn't comprehending a damn thing at this point, so it wasn't that hard to accomplish.

Emmett was just standing completely still, frozen in place and tense as hell ever since Alice's little proclamation.

I decided to help ease the situation as much as I could, preferably before the obviously furious Rosalie killed me. I addressed them all while still not meeting Jasper's gaze completely.

"Look, I didn't mean to come up to you and start something. I'm not planning on mentioning to anyone what I saw. They'd just say I'm crazy or made it up anyway, and incase you haven't noticed, I don't really socialize or go to parties with these people." I punctuated my comment by waving a hand in the general direction of the student population.

I continued. "I didn't really think before I approached you, I just did. I realize now how this must've sounded to you all, and I'm sorry. It was never my intention to threaten you or anything of the like. I guess I just, well… I always knew you guys were different, just didn't know _how_ different. Now I've seen some things that kinda' blew my mind, ya know? Anyway, I just wanted to tell ya that I saw what happened and now I know."

This time Jasper scoffed, and I finally, _truly_ looked over at him and met his piercing stare as he said in a deep, calm voice, "You really don't know anything yet."

I heard his words but didn't respond. I couldn't, not when I was too preoccupied with the hefty tug and pull on my heart and the weightless shifting somewhere in my head. My palms started tingling and I could feel the vibrations seeping up my wrists and flowing in my veins. This was the strongest I had ever felt it. Hell, this was the first time I had felt it _anywhere_ but my hands.

I was still locked in Jasper's gaze as my body became alien to me again. I'm sure my eyes went wide and my cheeks became flushed because I was feeling startled, excited, scared, and unnerved on top of whatever it is that I feel when I connect with the enigmatic Hale.

He narrowed his eyes just a fraction and I swear he smirked ever so slightly at me, but Jasper's golden pools grew darker and he took a small step back. A calming sensation swept through me, and I was once again able to focus on my surroundings and speak-up as the peculiar phenomenon abandoned my body.

"Uh…oh yeah. Umm, sure. So, I'll see you all later then." _God, Keira! Really eloquent there!_

Rosalie rolled her eyes after my statement, although she still looked pissed, while Emmett looked on, highly amused. Jasper just continued to stare at me as if trying to decipher something, and Alice was... well, Alice seemed to be deciding on whether she wanted to smile brightly at me or cry. And I was standing there awkwardly, shifting my weight back and forth from each foot, knowing that now was as good a time as any to walk away, but not quite managing to accomplish it.

I finally just waved a timid goodbye and ran to my first period, knowing the four siblings were whispering feverishly amongst themselves as I left. I paused at the door to Mr. Humphrey's room when I realized I had Rosalie in this class, and at least one of the three oldest in all my classes thereafter. I wasn't ready to face the cool looks of the blonde goddess that I now realized could probably crush my skull with her finger. I wasn't ready to face any of them yet, not knowing what I know now. I needed time to think about everything that just happened. Really think, including pondering over the progression of whatever was happening to me and why Jasper was so intertwined with it.

So I walked back to the outer rims of the snow-crested woods, barely noticing the ambulance pulling away with Bella Swan and, surprisingly, Edward.

I made it home minutes later and collapsed on the couch, lost in a tsunami of memories containing supernatural abilities and impeccable beauty and unnatural feelings. I couldn't have felt more lost and confused than I did at that moment. Everything that happened within the last hour, within the last two years, came crashing down on me in a tidal wave that pulled me under to its' depths of darkness. It twirled and dragged and pushed and pulled me every which way until my lungs started crushing under the pressure of it all, my body aching for release and solid ground while my mind simultaneously ached for simple understanding and easy acceptance.

Having no idea how long I sat there replaying and pondering, only realizing that I couldn't even begin to comprehend what I was feeling. I didn't even try understanding, but eventually my body responded without my consent as my palms and fingertips began again with that prickling sensation that warmed my veins. This time it traveled throughout my entire body, my skin coming alive like a separate entity and my bones quivering with power, but I briefly recognized that the usual shifting in my head wasn't there. Instead, my brain tingled and vibrated with suppressed force, much like the rest of my body.

I didn't think on it for long though, because quite suddenly the world around me started shaking. Objects were rattling, furniture was squeaking, and the whole house seemed to be moaning in protest. My heartbeat jacked into overdrive as I began sweating, my entire body shivering with barely suppressed fear. The couch creaked under the weight of forced movement, the pictures on the wall vibrating so harshly that two of the three had already fallen to the floor. The entertainment center looked as if it would collapse from the quickening stimulation at any moment, while several movies and most of the decorative pieces it held had already crashed to the ground. My mother's favorite violet vase on the coffee table had already shattered into small pieces from being quickly rattled off the once stable surface, and it was like an unnatural, almost subdued earthquake had taken over my living room.

A quick glance confirmed that the hallway and kitchen were frighteningly unaffected.

Squeezing my eyes shut and taking deep, calming breaths, I unclenched the hands I hadn't realized I fisted. I didn't know what was happening, but instincts were screaming for me to calm down, to get back under control. I continued to breathe as evenly as possible while counting backwards in my head, and slowly, I began to feel the retreat of power from my bones and blood back to my palms. Curiously though, my mind remained opened yet contained, seemed to be forever altered by whatever trigger that'd been unblocked. The raw ability still tickled and teased through my brainwaves, knowing it'd be used again.

Again, I didn't know what just happened, but I somehow knew I was the cause of it all. It was there in my mind, it knew all the answers I was looking for, was just biding its' time 'till the rest of me caught up. Waiting for me to _listen_.

Still trembling in shock, I reluctantly started righting all the unbroken decorations and furniture while trying not to think too much on the insanely absurd day I was having. Once I had the room back to as normal as could be and cleaned-up everything that broke, I headed down the hall to my room, unacknowledged tears streaming down my face. It was only after collapsing on my bed and absently staring at the ceiling for however long that I realized I was crying. Whether it was from fear or something else, I don't rightly know. I didn't try to figure it out either, just wiped at the damp streaks with a furious resolve to erase their remnants as if that would make the recent events vanish as well. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, felt like throwing precious objects across my room just to watch them shatter like my delicate sanity, felt like running far and fast into the woods so I could curl into a ball and disappear. I felt like throwing up.

Instead, I mustered the willpower to calmly sit down and research my "symptoms" on the computer. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from having a meltdown.

Despite the two hours I spent searching the internet, I was never able to find a scientific prognosis other than paranoid schizophrenia and delusions. I certainly hadn't crossed those out yet, but there were supernatural and paranormal sites that kept popping up. A single word always highlighted beneath their captions, a dark contrast to the other fonts that seemed to pulse ominously before my eyes. _Telekinesis_. Otherwise known as the psychic ability originating from the mind, leaving the carrier with the capability to move objects around them without touching them.

_What a load of shit!_ But really, I knew. Somewhere inside me, I knew because there was no other explanation other than I'm crazy, which is highly improbable considering I've been sane the entire eighteen years of my life. I knew it because Edward Cullen was able to stop tons of steel with his bare hands without so much as a scratch. I knew it because the moment I saw it pop-up on the screen, I could _feel_ the answer.

I wasn't ready to face it, though. Not yet. I needed to set aside a good three days to really come to terms with everything that had changed about me, and I didn't have that kind of time when the Cullens were coming over in a few hours. Plus, I read on one of those sites that uncontrolled telekinesis was primarily activated by strong emotions, and I _knew_ I was going to have some _very_ strong emotions when I finally accepted this fucked-up affair. For now though, my mental and emotional state just couldn't process it all. I couldn't deal with what I couldn't even comprehend.

In a single morning, my whole world and all my beliefs tilted and shifted and threw me into this parallel universe. A universe where I couldn't divine what was real or sane, where I wasn't able to understand how it all came to be. I was utterly absent of sound mind and body in this new standing, and couldn't help but feel that everything was too chaotic for me to handle. I was oblivious to the rules anymore. I was balancing precariously on the edge of a cliff, not knowing if I should take a step back or plunge forward.

Both were unknowns at this point, it was just a matter of which choice would lead me to a game over.

**Author's Note:**

**I hope this wasn't too much in such a small span of time. I didn't want to throw so much at Keira at once, but her ability depended on coming through at the height of her emotions, and it wouldn't have been very believable for her to be so overwhelmed at this point with everything that happened, but nothing to come of it when it would later. Especially considering she has already been showing symptoms for 2 years. But I won't build on it until she's ready to except it. With that said, I hope you enjoyed and I would love to hear what you think about it so far.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

Chapter 3

_Vampires._ I still couldn't believe it. Well, I could and I did because everything made sense now…but _vampires_? Not only that, but _vegetarian_ vampires. That don't eat vegetables. Huh.

I don't know why I couldn't see it before. Maybe because these things aren't suppose to exist in our world. They belong to books and movies and overactive imaginations, but it all just became real. Makes one wonder what else is out there. Ghosts, aliens, fairies, superheroes…_hell_, maybe there really are some goddamn _Buffy the Vampire Slayers _out there. And when the explanation for everything crazy that happened is laid before you and you realize just how many dots you didn't connect that any three year old could have…well, it makes you feel kinda' ridiculously incompetent.

Dr. Cullen, Alice, Jasper and Edward had arrived on my doorstep at 8 p.m. sharp that evening. When I opened the door in my flannel pajama pants and fuzzy socks, I took note that they were all dressed in their best, which made me second guess what the proper attire was for this kind of thing. Carlisle and Edward wore expensive looking dress slacks with light silk and cashmere collards, while Jasper had opted for loose, light-wash jeans and a fitted black sweater. Alice looked dazzling in a beige, knitted sweater-dress. They made me feel very cheap and extremely underdressed all of the sudden.

My thoughts must have shown on my face, because Jasper chuckled as he walked through the door, pausing beside me and leaning down to whisper in my ear, "Don't worry, we always dress this way. It's one of Alice's rules."

Alice's tinkling laughter echoed in my otherwise silent surroundings as she skipped her way down the hall.

When Jasper straightened and winked at me, I beamed up at him, grateful for the momentary distraction he provided. And up close like this, I was finally able to experience the true depth of just how much this man towered over me. He was at least a foot taller than me and sturdy as hell; my short, slight frame dwarfed in comparison to his lengthy, formidable one. Briefly scanning his face as my insides began reeking havoc once again, I realized he possessed a raw kind of beauty, where sharp features tailored a wild masculinity. A purely male brusqueness dominated his allure, yet his subdued manner made him approachable. Less frightening, more intriguing, and definitely enthralling. Being this near to him brought a fluttering to my stomach I could only associate with infatuation, but it also inflamed the tingling in my veins to a maximum level. I had to quickly look away before any objects started magically shifting on their "own" accord, silently thanking my lucky stars that I was somehow feeling calmer and more relaxed than I should be. Otherwise we'd have more than one topic of conversation this evening.

The necessary introductions were made as we all settled down in the living room to have what I'm sure was going to be a taxing colloquy for everyone. They had opted for less family present so I wouldn't feel as intimidated or threatened — as they were sure I would be — with muscle man and blondie. I appreciated the thought, but I wasn't entirely certain that fewer Cullen and Hale members would make this conversation anymore comfortable. Especially with the unwavering hostility visibly pouring forth from every muscle of Edward's clenched jaw and hunched shoulders.

But no matter what I had already been witnessed to earlier, no matter what I'd already done myself, I was still tremendously shocked and unnerved when Dr. Carlisle Cullen started his entire speech with, _"I was born in the 17th century as a human, and was made what I am now at the age of 23."_

So he told me his tale of how he became what he was, and he told me how he brought Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett into their existence as well. He told me why he chose to save their lives, and the internal conflict he experienced each time he created another vampire. He didn't go into extraordinary detail about Rosalie's change like he did the others, simply stated that he found her dying on the street in the middle of the night and couldn't stand to see such beauty go to waste. Not much was mentioned of Alice and Jasper's history either, only how they came to live with the rest of the Cullens. Still, I looked at each present sibling as they were mentioned, and they all stared back with mute expressions. In fact, I don't think any of them ever took their eyes off me the entire time, or gave any of their own thoughts away. With Alice sitting on the couch beside me and Jasper leaning against the wall to my right while Edward sat in a lone chair across the room, it could've been called a nerve-wracking experience.

Though I tried to take the whole conversation in stride, I often fought to still my fidgeting hands and restless legs. Sitting wide-eyed and silent, I listened like a good little girl and sometimes even found myself leaning forward as Carlisle spoke of their lifestyle, their trials and tribulations through the years, and their encounter with tribal werewolves when they first came to Forks many years ago. He told me the many experiences they'd gone through as a family, taking my breath away and making my head spin with the imagery he weaved.

Only once did he hesitate in divulging something to me, pausing to stare at me in contemplation for a long moment before glancing at the others, seemingly asking for their consensus on the matter. Some sort of imperceptible signal must have been made because Carlisle cautiously continued, delving more into the history of vampires and their many capabilities, briefly touching on a coven called the Volturi. I let none of my incredulous variance show through, but I found myself physically reacting for the first time when the _gifts_ of their species — specifically certain members of _this_ family — were mentioned.

When Carlisle spoke of Edward's ability to read minds, my eyes widened further and my head abruptly swiveled over to him with what I'm sure was a frightened look. I inhaled sharply and immediately jumped from my seat, everyone remaining as they were while I quickly walked to the opposite — _unoccupied —_ side of the room. With my back to the wall and staring out at all of them, I remained frozen and unblinking in the silence of the room for an indefinable period of time.

An untraceable calm seemed to invade my body, but I was too horrified to relax completely. All I could think about was how Edward Cullen had been privy to all my thoughts for the last two years. A person's mind is supposed to be a sacred place, a sanctuary where one retreats into to contemplate things they'd never say aloud for one reason or another. It's _supposed_ to be _private, _and I couldn't comprehend the enormity of such an invasion of personal space. What do we all have if not our own minds?

Eventually Carlisle raised the palms of his hands in an unthreatening, placating gesture. It wasn't that I was scared of them now. No, I was just alarmed at my newfound lack of self-intimacy, but I couldn't find my voice long enough to tell them so. Jasper obviously decided to enlightened the others, maintaining strong eye contact with me as he said, "She's just having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that her thoughts are no longer hers' alone. It can be a very disconcerting realization, which is how she's reacting right now."

_Now how does he know that? Can he read minds too? Oh God!_ Edward must have heard that thought, or maybe it was just apparent that my panic redoubled, because he answered my unspoken question. He started with a detached, monotone voice that later became bitter and biting.

"What Carlisle never had the chance to explain is Jasper's an empath. He can read and manipulate emotions, which is very rare for a vampire. We've yet to come across another with the same ability as he, though we've seen it in some small measure here and there. Alice has visions of the future that are based on decisions presently made, also extremely rare. One way or another, she can see the outcome of situations once they're decided, and that's not something we've ever known another vampire to have. As for my ability, I would apologize but I can't help it. I don't enjoy hearing everyone's thoughts and it's not something I can tune out at will. You shouldn't worry too much though, you're mind is mostly safe from me, what with it being primarily static up there. Occasionally a really strong thought comes through loud and clear, but even those are fuzzy and incoherent at times. I wonder...do you by any chance have some sort of mental disability?"

Carlisle and Jasper threw Edward scathing looks, Alice quickly admonishing, "Edward, be nice. You're not here to insult, and whether you want to admit it or not, the only reason we're in this predicament is because of _your_ actions. You may not have agreed with our choice to tell her, but it's for the best, as you well know. Don't place your anger and blame on anyone but yourself."

"Actually Alice, I _don't _know." He was quick to respond, his lips curling into something close to a sneer. "How could I possibly know _anything_ when you're blocking your visions from me? You've never had a reason to hide your thoughts before, which makes the fact that you are now very unsettling."

Jasper growled warningly, a low, animalistic sound that caught me off-guard as he came to her defense. "Alice doesn't have to share her visions with you, Edward. They're hers' alone, and if she doesn't want you privy to every single one, then that's her prerogative. You should respect her privacy, she rarely asks it from you."

Edward looked slightly abashed after that comment, but still he shrugged his shoulders and shook his pretty head as if he were disappointed that he didn't get all the answers. I was just happy and relieved to know that not _all_ my thoughts were able to be read by the angry boy.

Carlisle finally decided to chime-in with his fatherly tone. "Jasper and Alice are right, Edward. While I find the description of Keira's mind fascinating, we really should continue our previous conversation before her parents return. We can explore this development at a later time. So Keira," And here he glanced at me. "Do you have any questions for us? You could retake your seat and we can answer anything you might want to know to the best of our knowledge."

I did rejoin the others, albeit slowly and timidly, but after my initial shock I jumped right into the questions. Eventually, I found the nerve to ask the one thing that'd been nagging at me ever since they first told me what they were. And how important their secrecy was.

"Why tell me? Why not come up with some elaborate story about human genetic engineering or something? You're a doctor, after all." I was looking at Carlisle, obviously the patriarch of the family even withdrawing the front they put on for others. So it was he that I asked, and he that answered.

"We probably would have if it weren't for Alice. Something other than human genetic engineering, I'm sure…" He smiled at me softly, showing he meant no offense. "We've never bet against Alice or her visions before, and we weren't going to start now. If we had, the future became virtually unknown. What she was able to see if that course was taken wasn't very bright or promising for any of us."

I caught the glance Alice and Jasper exchanged at the end of Carlisle's statement. I had yet to figure out the whole story between them, but it was becoming more apparent with every interaction I witnessed that something else was going on here besides a human catching a vampire in action. I wasn't about to point that out though, not with Edward sitting a few feet away glaring at the three of us.

So after a few more questions, we decided it was time to cut the talk, my parents bound to be home within the hour. I didn't mention anything about my personal predicament, still unable to really process anything that'd happened so far and not wanting to heap anymore stress onto the _vastly_ interesting day I was having. It was one for the record books, that much I was sure of, and I wasn't willing to add to that calamity by telling them about myself. They might just have an explanation I wasn't prepared to hear yet.

I did wonder if the static Edward was reading in my mind had any relation to what I was experiencing, though. It would make sense, and I'd need to bring it up later for them to dissect. Later, once I found my own peace and closure with everything, after I finally came to terms with all that's changed. I made a silent promise to tell them soon, though. I wanted them to know that they could trust me, and that maybe — _just maybe — _we weren't so very different in the abnormal department after all.

Carlisle, Alice, and Edward had walked out the door, the first two giving a warm smile while the latter simply nodded his farewell. Jasper was the last in the procession, his gaze steady on me as he walked by, sending that prickle of awareness down my spine that I sometimes felt in school. Realizing it really was him the whole time, now knowing that he'd been watching me and could feel my emotions, I reached out and softly grabbed his arm before he could make it all the way outside. A spontaneous decision I hadn't really thought through, which was evident in my blush and stuttering request to speak to him alone for a moment.

He had one foot out the door already, but Jasper stopped and stared down at me with his dark, unreadable eyes for a long, tense-filled moment as if trying to determine my motives. Eventually he blinked away his thoughts and glanced at the others, inclining his head for them to continue without him. They seemed wary to leave for some reason, glancing at each other as if having a silent debate, but reluctantly left us nonetheless. And as Jasper shut the door and turned towards me, standing there with an almost lazy boredom as he casually tucked his hands in his jeans and raised an eyebrow, I tried very hard to not be distracted by the vision he presented. I felt something indefinable for this man, a connection that couldn't be explained but would make my body zing into awareness whenever I was around him. With his ability to read emotions, he probably knew from day one how I reacted to his presence. I'd be absolutely mortified if my body didn't feel like it would implode.

Pushing my wayward thoughts aside, I tucked a stray curl behind my ear and nervously licked my lips, inquiring in a hushed voice with my eyes on the floor. "Jasper, earlier today when I came up to you at school, what were my feelings like after you spoke to me?"

Silence was my answer, but a certain tranquility settled on my skin and seeped through my nerves, calming the tingling in my hands and my thundering heartbeat. I recognized it for what it was now, internally grateful for Jasper's ability even though I didn't say so. When I felt relaxed enough to raise my gaze to his, he smiled briefly in a welcoming gesture then shrugged his shoulders, saying, "All over the place, really. There was a quality to them I've never experienced before, but it'd be extremely difficult to describe. They were very powerful though, much like they are now?"

He stated it as a question, tilting his head slightly in wonderment, wanting me to explain. I made some sort of sound of assent in the back of my throat, quickly deducing that whatever was happening to me was actually a physical manifestation and not just my mind conjuring shit up. If Jasper could feel a difference then I wasn't completely crazy, but I still wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Not when I couldn't even begin to explain it myself, so I evaded the unspoken demand by countering instead, "And before? What are my emotions like _before_ they become really powerful?"

The corner of his lips curled slowly into a smirk, a pleased glint in his eyes as he realized I was saying without the exact words that I knew he'd been watching me sometimes.

"I had thought so." He murmured so quietly I almost didn't hear, though I didn't fully understand since his entire reaction confused me anyway. But he grew serious once again, answering in an almost thoughtful manner, "It's rare for me to actually take the time to cipher through the erratic feelings of the student population and pinpoint who they belong to. I typically try to ignore them to the best of my ability unless someone catches my eye, or when close proximity makes it's impossible to do so. With the unique quality to your emotions, I'd be able to detect you a mile away in a crowd full of thousands. The fact that I seldom have tells me they're much like any other's when you're naturally calm. Although…actually, never mind. Why do you ask?"

Somehow, I got the distinct impression he was withholding information, that what he said wasn't entirely true. But who was I to complain when I was doing the same, and he was probably very aware of it, too. So as nonchalantly as I could, I flapped a hand in dismissal and replied, "Oh, no reason really. Can I ask a favor of you, though? Ya know, with your ability and all."

He seemed hesitant for a second, but Jasper slowly nodded his head.

"Whenever you're around and start to feel that coming from me, can you hit me with a hefty amount of calm or somethin'? Like you just did? It seems to help, and I think I might need it before everything gets figured out."

His brow furrowed with concern and a strange expression flashed in his eyes before he slowly, collectedly, asked, "What, exactly, is happening to you?"

I took a deep breath, already feeling horrible for what I was about to say, especially considering everything they entrusted me with. But apparently it was unavoidable no matter how hard I tried, so I resignedly admitted, "I…I can't, Jasper. I can't talk about it now."

His gaze immediately narrowed with disbelief and I took a step back as if he barked at me instead, not realizing I was frantically shaking my head as well. "I don't mean it like that, Jasper, I swear I don't. I want to tell you, I just don't know how yet."

"Words are quite easy to spit out, Keira." He replied, and though his statement seemed harsh, his tone was without malice.

"I'm sorry." I said, running a hand through my hair and trying to gather my thoughts. Watching Jasper's unperturbed expression, knowing he wasn't angry with me yet gave me the courage I needed to explain as best I could. "The thing is, I honestly don't know what's happening to me. I have an idea, but what that means for me or how it's going to affect me, I haven't the slightest clue. I want... no, I _need_ to figure this out before I can talk about it. I _need_ to know I'm not crazy first, and I _need_ to know where I stand with it all before I can deal with anybody else's reactions."

Looking at him with a beggar's desperation, I pleaded quietly, "I promise I'll come straight to you once I do, just _please_ don't be mad at me. _Please _just give me some time."

Whether it was my plea or my desperation that convinced him, I don't rightly know, but Jasper completely relaxed at my confession and his neutral expression even soften with understanding. His amber hues — opened to me for the first time — seemed to convey a shrewd perception, an intelligence, an unfathomable astuteness beyond my knowledge. The way he was staring at me was like he was peering into my very soul, seeing more than I ever could and relating to me on a level I wasn't privy to. Like he knew what it meant to need to find a steady grounding on your own, to find your own security when everything else gets lost and shoved around. He seemed to know what I was going through and was willing to give me time.

Jasper came towards me then, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not angry, Keira, I can probably sympathize better than most even. But I'd appreciate an explanation whenever you're ready, and in return, I'll do as you asked. If I'm around and sense that same magnitude, I'll manipulate your emotions for you and keep them in-check until you're able to do so on your own. In the meantime, if you need _anything _at all, I want you to come to me or Alice. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Deal?"

I smiled brightly and nodded my head emphatically. "Deal! And thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."

Jasper graced me with a small smile as he removed his welcomed touch. He took a step back and turned to leave, but before he could I made another rash decision. Rushing forward, I wrapped my arms around him tightly, laying my head against his cool chest as I gave him the biggest hug I'd ever given since I was a little girl.

At first he stiffened, but soon relaxed and brought his arm around me, hugging me lightly back while his other hand softly cupped the side of my head. His fingers threaded through my long curls, and soon tears came to my tightly shut eyes as I quietly whispered my broken gratitude under my breath.

He would never fully realize how much that moment meant to me. Not only was he unaware of just how much he helped bring me one step closer to understanding this phenomenon within me, but his strong and silent support let me know I wasn't alone in this foreign place where life had taken me. He made me feel as if I finally had a true friend, one person who knew how I felt and wouldn't judge me because of it. He made me feel safe, as if everything was going to be okay even though we barely discussed anything at all. This may have been our first real conversation, but I still got the sense that he'd be there for me if I ever needed him. Knowing I had someone in my fucked-up time grounded me, filled me with a gratitude that rivaled my nerves from earlier.

When we finally pulled away, Jasper slid his hand from my hair and gently cradled my cheek, his thumb wiping the tears from the corner of my eye in one smooth movement. Our gazes were locked for mere seconds, mine bleary but grateful while his became distinctly unreadable once again, but nothing else was spoken as he abruptly turned and walked out the door, quickly rejoining his family. No more words needed to be said though, and I didn't begrudge his curt departure.

We were given our moment, and I was happy to have received it at all.

oOo

The next couple of days were spent at home and away from the outside world, unwilling to face anybody just yet. The shock from the Cullen's confession had eventually worn off that night, and I spent the wee hours of the morning alternating between throwing-up and hyperventilating. My poor mother hadn't even raised an eyebrow when I listlessly told her I was staying home from school. I think my condition frightened her somewhat.

In the time that passed, I eventually came to terms with the idea of real, live vampires walking among us. I hadn't freaked when they told me what they were, but I think that had more to do with the weariness I was already under from the day's events than anything else. In my opted seclusion, I was able to go through the motions of finally dealing with all the bizarre paradoxes they introduced me to, letting it crash down on me in a tidal wave of panic. There were a few nonsensical moments where I became thoroughly convinced that I made it all up in my head, fully accrediting the entire predicament to an awful case of delirium. And believe me, the irony that _not_ believing in vampires was now considered nonsensical did _not _escape me.

Still, I wondered when my mind became so wrong and when my logic started to escape me. There were moments when I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs or taking a baseball bat to some unsuspecting object, but Alice would text me to stop being so silly and that made me realize I couldn't avoid the truth forever. Not when the foresighted one was doing her freakishly foresighted thing and sticking her nose where it didn't belong.

So once I acknowledged the absurdity of my situation — which wasn't without it's own difficulties and certain _accidents_ — I managed to start thinking rationally and began researching more on telekinesis, though I did it with a great deal of reluctance. Taking this step seemed as if I were admitting to something that could never be reversed, no way to go back once I took that plunge, but I knew I'd never be able to move beyond this if I didn't gain at least a sliver of understanding. So I swallowed my anxiousness and delved again into the field of paranormal possibilities.

Every article pretty much said the same as before, though none of it was ever substantiated. I was beginning to understand how entirely telekinesis belonged to the realm of myths and legends, where it was claimed to be true and stories were told but no real evidence would ever be found. Maybe because anyone who possessed such a thing wouldn't want to be found out. They'd never be considered normal, would never be looked upon as completely human. People would frown and skitter away, avoided like the plaque, so they hide their true selves. Much like vampires, and now like me, I suppose.

My mind knew it was true, my body felt it to be true, and the evidence that I, myself, had provided refused to let me believe otherwise. I couldn't deny it anymore, couldn't overlook what was staring me straight in the face no matter how much I wanted to. By the end of those two days, I had found a measure of acceptance for it all, though the Cullens were easier to embrace than the changes within myself. All the preconceived notions I had about who I was seemed as if they were tossed to the wayside, becoming irrelevant almost. Dealing with that — adjusting to such a significant transformation — was harder than approving of others for who they were and what they couldn't help but be.

Yet when I finally returned to school, it was as if nothing happened, as if everything hadn't been altered forever. I knew it had and the Cullens probably did too, but it seemed the rest of the town remained blissfully unaware. Residual gossip about Bella's accident was still being circulated, but I managed to miss the majority of it in my absence, which made me all the more thankful that I skipped when I did. I doubt I would've been able to walk around knowing what I know now — surrounded by students embellishing the accident and Edward's heroics — and not have a telekinetic relapse.

My interactions with the siblings stayed more or less the same, though with notable variations. Classes with Rosalie became very straining since it was obviously she didn't appreciate my knowledge of her family. There was never a moment where she wouldn't take the opportunity to balefully glare at me, disturbing me to no end and causing me to put as much distance between us as possible. At the same time though, I understood her defensiveness, knew that if our situations were reversed I'd be overprotective too. I was a liability now, someone who could destroy everything they've built to achieve. I had no intention of doing so, but she had no way of being sure of that.

As for her husband, he seemed just as wary when he first saw me, but I believe that had more to do with the fact that he semi-threatened me and the uncertainty of how I would react to him now. When I gave him a small smile and a timid waved, his face split into a wide grin that produced the most adorable dimples, immediately dispensing of whatever uneasiness existed between us. And the more I watched him, the more I realized I'd get along with Emmett just fine. No one could resist his jovially personality, he simply exuded positivity wherever he went. As long as you weren't a threat to his family, that is.

But none of their reactions compared to mine when Jasper would enter a room. Although I'd been stressed with everything I needed to accept, it didn't hinder my perception of Jasper at all. No, if anything, it made me more drawn to him. A mystery I wanted to figure out, a danger I wanted to explore. Whenever I saw him, I'd feel that pressure in my heart magnify, like a gravitational force that'd get temperamental whenever it was ignored. I was being inexplicably pulled towards him, yet I fought it just like I had before. It was becoming a daily occurrence, a daily battle to push away this need to be as close to him as possible. I didn't know why it had grown in intensity from just a few days ago, but I knew I couldn't allow myself to do anything about it until I was capable of confessing my secret to him. He deserved to know the truth about me, and if I ever wanted to pursue a friendship with him, I'd have to do just that.

So I always settled on giving him a bright smile instead of rushing over to him like I wanted to, which he'd return with a gentle, more _discreet_ one of his own before going about his business. If Jasper noticed any deviation in my emotions, he didn't show it, simply gave me the time and space I needed to figure everything out. I felt his eyes on me more, though. Not just in classrooms, but trailing my path through the halls and parking lot as well, watching me like he promised to even if I couldn't see him. That he was keeping to his end of the bargain and censoring my moods told me that he must've felt those certain changes within me, he must have felt that compulsion from me whenever he was around. He must have known how he affected me even if it wasn't reciprocated, and I didn't know what to make of that. I didn't know what to make of his lack of acknowledgment.

But surprisingly, my "condition" failed to make another appearance. Even though that heavy tug on my heart had amplified and I felt more drawn to him than ever, it seemed as if I were becoming immune to the constant sensations he seemed to cause. I didn't know if it was simply my ignorance over the matter that made my body go haywire before, as if the uncertainty and trepidation of what it could've been made me freak more than I should have, but my reactions had calmed ever since I gained a little understanding. Like simple insight was enough to make the worst of the beast heel. Not even looking into Jasper's eyes stirred that telekinetic energy anymore, my palms free from tingling and the outside world absent of small, unexplained earthquakes. Only my heart was affected.

My mind, however, still felt like it was permanently altered in a way, almost as if the incident in my living room had caused it to irreversibly shift. That intangible thread I pictured it as had quivered to life and readjusted itself for the final time perhaps, alleviating that weightless tension I had felt and replacing it with a sense of naked exposure. There was an openness to it now, as if the force in my mind had been freed and was now lying in wait, peacefully hibernating until I brought it to the forefront once again. Maybe that's why I could finally look at Jasper without becoming unhinged, maybe the incident in my living room had been a catalyst for many differences surrounding me and my rather _skeptical_ ability.

Though I was curious about these new developments, I also knew there was no way to figure it out unless I wanted to become a science experiment, which I surely didn't. So I let it go until time and experience gave me more answers, being far from settled on the whole matter but knowing I needed to take each day as it comes. Jasper's assistance hadn't been needed yet, and until that moment arrived, I could push the issue aside and just coast through all the unknown factors.

If vampires could exist, then so could other numerous asinine possibilities. Namely me.

And so the days went, passing by with quiet uneventfulness. Eventually the whole debacle surrounding the accident completely disappeared, forgotten as soon as they realized neither of the victims — with the notable exception of Tyler, of course — cared to talk about it. As if it weren't a big deal. Edward I understood since he was trying to cover up what he had done, but I was surprised with Bella's compliance for silence. If I had been in her shoes, I don't think I would've been so nonchalant about the whole ordeal. I mean, for God's sake, I freaked out just _watching_ that shit happen.

Maybe she had an idea of what really took place during the crash, maybe she saw the same things I had. It would certainly explain her new obsession with Edward; her eyes constantly fixed towards his table at lunch whenever I saw her, as if she were waiting for him to approach or watching for some kind of signal from him. Made me wonder what her thoughts could possibly be on it all, even what Edward thought about it all. He was playing it low-key, avidly avoiding any and all things outside his personal circle like he had before, but it seemed more forced now. There was a constant look of painful concentration on his face and his mouth seemed set in a perpetual grimace, like it took all of his energy to go about his daily routine. The boy had rarely bothered with the student population beforehand, always politely aloof and distant from everyone, but this Swan girl seemed to affect him as much as he affected her. Since day one there'd been this strange dance between them, both drawn towards the other but they'd retreat and reposition themselves before either got too close. Much like a skittish dog would act when someone offers it a piece of scrap, and though it's starving, it always backpedals out of fright before it trusts the hand's offering.

Now more than ever, I believed Mike Newton's account of what happened that first day Bella arrived and Edward disappeared. I just wondered why.

I found it curious, but I'd never broach the topic with any of the Cullens to sate that curiosity. Not only was it none of my concern, but it seemed the mind-reader was capable of holding me personally responsible — unfairly I might add — for the exposure of their family secret. He never said anything, but I could see it in the way he looked at me from time to time. He _resented_ me; the cool, hard glaze in his golden eyes whenever focused on me leaving no room to doubt how he felt. His steely glare was just as effective as Rosalie's and made me want to duck and run just the same, but the difference was that I didn't give a shit about the boy. He never once made a good impression on me, never intrigued me like the others had. There was just something about the way he held himself, as if he were above the crowd and knew better than most, and that immediately caused me to feel indifferent towards him. It made some sort of sense now that I knew he could read minds, giving him that constant edge above others, but his demeanor still wasn't to my liking. He just wasn't someone I could see myself ever interacting with on a personal level, so I didn't really care whether he hated me or not.

One day I might ask him why, but not anytime in the near future. My only priority at the moment was dealing with my own shit, then dealing with Jasper.

oOo

It took almost three weeks before I gathered the courage to approach Jasper. I knew I had kept him waiting longer than expected, and it wasn't because I couldn't find the words to explain it to him. It wasn't that I needed more time to come to terms with the situation or adjust to the changes, because frankly, I didn't think I'd ever fully be there. No, the reason I waited so long was simply because, for some reason, I feared telling _anyone_ once I gave myself the time to think about it. I had made a promise I intended to keep, but the mere thought of exposing my secret jarred my gut with anxiety and filled my lungs with the pounding constriction of panic. It threatened to choke me at times, and on those days that it did, my dreams became haunted with images of sneering children throwing rocks at me and government officials coming to take me away. It was an irrational fear, I knew that, especially considering it was only Jasper I was telling. But I was safe as long as nobody knew, I could pretend to be normal if I kept quiet, and I'd never have to question why someone was looking at me a certain way if no one found out.

Mostly though, I think I just didn't want to be laughed at, didn't want Jasper to think I was crazy. I didn't want him to be as afraid of me as I was of myself at times. Yes, I had basically accepted my new place in life, but acceptance didn't always lead to appreciation or an intelligent grip on things, and I had neither.

I eventually found the will to push past my uneasiness by seeking a different outlook to embrace. The one I settled on made my lips twitch with involuntary amusement, because I'd remind myself that it was only a vampire I was confiding in. If he laughed, I'd just come up with some really spectacular Dracula insults to taunt him with for the rest of the year. If he thought I was crazy, I'd politely point out that _he's_ the one that calls himself a vegetarian vampire, then proceed to kick him in the balls. And if someone twice my weight and size was scared of me, then I'd find _myself_ laughing at _him_ calling _him_ a pussy. So there.

My new stance gave me what I needed, which led to me standing inconspicuously by the cafeteria doors at the beginning of lunch hour one Friday afternoon, trying to catch Jasper's gaze without alerting the mass of hungry gossipers. The siblings were all sitting at their usual table and staring off into different directions, but even after a few minutes of shifting around, none of them appeared to have noticed my attention at all. Casting a cursory glance at each vampire and realizing how fruitless this would be, I decided to fix the empath with a hard glare, hoping he'd feel my eyes on him like I do his. But unlike the others, his head was bowed over his untouched tray of food, his honey locks shielding his face from view like a golden curtain. His fists were clenched on top of the table, and his shoulders were hunched as if in pain. I'd never seen him like that before, and more than a little alarmed, I looked at Alice to see if she was aware.

That's when I noticed her trance-like state, the glazed absence of life in her eyes a telling characteristic of her visions. Whether it was seconds or minutes later, I haven't a clue, but she returned to the present with a shake of her head and turned slightly to meet my stare. The beautiful pixie's wide, doe-eyes altered from that startling omniscience she often carried to an urgent desperation I'd never seen. The bright ocher within seemed to swirl with the need to be understood, her features begging me to hear what she was trying to communicate. But I'm not that gifted nor that talented, so when all I could do was stare back in confusion, her face shadowed with defeat before she swiveled around and gently nudged Jasper's arm. When he looked up, completely mute of all expression, Alice nodded in my direction and resumed looking at nothing in particular. But the shadow was still there, as was the silent desperation.

For some reason, Jasper seemed to ignore this when he glanced at me, only quirking an eyebrow when I jerked my head towards the door and walk out. I hoped he would get the message and follow since I was still trying to remain inconspicuous and reframe from having to drag him out. And when he finally meandered his way outside a minute later, I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and gently took his hand in mine, leading us behind the school and back to the outer-rim of the woods. Right before we disappeared into the thick brush, I asked if he was opposed to missing the rest of school that day. When he didn't respond, I took that as a no.

We walked deep into the forest, far from civilization and any encounters with prying ears. I never looked back to confirm he was silently following, and he never asked where we were going or why. I think he understood I wanted as much privacy as possible for this conversation, and I'm sure he could _feel _that what I had to say was both momentous and burdensome. Despite my reservations, I wanted to get this off my chest just as much as he wanted to know. His curiosity was leaking outwards and becoming tangible, the sensation tickling beneath my skin and jump-starting my nerves.

We eventually came to a narrow stream that a large, thick tree had fallen over, and I figured it was as good a place as any we'd find. I climbed up the wide trunk, seating myself over the running water even though Jasper didn't join me. He chose instead to lean against a tree beside the water's edge, a fair distance from me even though he was watching my every move. He seemed peaceful and content among the wildlife, his relaxed features and easy stance telling me that nature was a second home to him. It's as if he belonged, like the wildcat temporarily set free from it's normal enclosure to roam without any pretenses of being tame. The pain from earlier was gone, only a sense of immense comfortability left in its' wake. Almost like I imagined the whole thing.

Shaking myself from my inner musings, I took a deep breath, my gaze flitting around while I fidgeted nervously. Jasper was patient while I collected my thoughts, never making a sound or attempting to manipulate my emotions to push me further than I was ready for. When I finally gathered my bearings, I locked eyes with my silent audience and began telling him how it all started two years ago when a new family moved to town. I described to him with as little intimacy as possible how my hands and head and heart became enveloped in strange sensations every time we stared at each other, no matter how brief the moment was. I recounted every instance, and how at first, it seemed to only be intertwined with him. Then I told him what happened to me the day I found out about his family. What happened in my living room when I was _alone_. I relayed everything that I could remember about the research I did, and I told him how it all traced back to hypothetical's.

I sat there talking for what felt like hours about what was surfacing within me, about what was changing inside me. I told him all my thoughts and insecurities, and explained why I couldn't say anything until now. I told him how it frightens me sometimes, because I no longer know who I am anymore. Everything I thought I was, everything I thought the world could be, it all changed. Nothing was the same anymore, and I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was going insane. I told him everything that I've been dying to say to _somebody _just for companionship, but was delighted to say to him even with my fears. Because he was the man that was tied to my heart in obscured ways.

And he listened. He listened so well I almost forgot he was there a few times. He quietly took in all my words, and I could tell by the way he looked at me that he believed my story and understood everything I was trying to say. There was no judgment in his sharp eyes, only that same shrewd perception I'd seen before when I asked him for time. Jasper was taking what I said for truth even though we barely knew each other, and I was immensely grateful for that kind of faith. My fears were unfounded, thank God.

"Soo, umm...yeah. That's that." I finished without grace, peering over at him from under my lashes, suddenly and inexplicably shy.

Jasper chuckled, a low, rich sound that brought a silly smile to my face as he said, "I can't believe you were afraid I'd condemn you for that, Keira."

The way my name rumbled from his lips aroused another fluttering in my stomach I didn't want to analyze around him. I hadn't mentioned the way I was drawn to him now more than ever, figuring he already felt that pull I have towards him and how he affects me, so there was no reason to embarrass myself further by saying it out loud. My heart already felt as if it were going to burst from my chest being this close to him alone, but now a simple chuckle and word were making me react like a smitten pansy. It seems that no matter what he does I respond, and I inwardly cursed myself for my inability to remain passive around him.

But Jasper pointedly ignored this even now, even after everything I confessed. In fact, he quickly glanced away in that moment and didn't say anything else for awhile, just absently gazed around as if thinking over what I said. When he finally brought his attention back on me, it was to stare at me with such an inscrutable yet seemingly conflicted expression, like he was unwilling to voice whatever was on the tip of his tongue. I was getting antsy, unknowing if I did something to offend or make him uncomfortable, and was just about to say something when he shifted away from the tree. In one smooth movement, he took a step forward and bent his knees, swiftly leaping onto my perch like the natural predator I pegged him to be before settling himself beside me in all his stealthy elegance. I think I might've choked on my awe, never having seen someone move that way before.

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, shaking me from my stupor of admiration as he calmly murmured, "I can see why you'd be wary of telling anyone about that, but I promise you have nothing to fear from me. I won't betray your confidence."

He faced me then, eyes tight but veiled nonetheless, though his expression was as soft as his next assurance. "We all come into our own differently, Keira, and sometimes the heavier burden is unfairly placed upon unsteady shoulders. I've found that, more often than not, it's quite a battle to be had before there's any peace, and the roads less traveled are always the roughest. If you care to, I'll tell you of another's struggle? Perhaps it will make yours' less of a hardship."

I nodded slowly, unsure if I really wanted to know this man's hardships incase it hurt too much to hear. But I wanted to know _him_, everything there was to know about this fascinating enigma. So I straightened my spine and made myself promise not to cry for Jasper no matter what — because surely he wouldn't appreciate a blubbering idiot on his hands — then nodded again with more certainty this time. He gave a small smile as if he knew exactly why I hesitated, then gazed off into the distance as he recounted all his years to me. I listened to all the horrors that were done to him and all the travesties he'd done unto others. I listened as he spoke of his friend Peter, of how he came back for Jasper even after he'd set him free. He described the torture he felt every time he fed from humans, and how depressed he'd finally become after so many years of death by his hands. He told me how he wanted it all to stop, how close to the edge he truly came because of his empathic nature. Until Alice. Until that beautiful day he met her, gained some hope and incentive, then traveled together in search of the Cullens for years. He had found a new way to live, a better way. The Cullen way. And now here he was, sitting beside me telling me his story.

Despite the fact that he said it was to help ease my burden, I think it was his way of trying to make us even. Story for story, tale for tale, that kind of thing. Maybe he just wanted me to know who I was dealing with as much as I wanted to know the man behind the exterior. Maybe it was just his brand of soup-talk, telling me of his own path through the frighteningly unfamiliar, thus preventing me from reflecting more on my own issues and unknowns. Either way, he gave me back a little faith, that same faith he'd been given by Alice all those years ago. Faith that while encompassed in mass absurdity and bleakness, hope can still be found. That familiarity can still be gained even in the unfamiliar.

I became curious, though, the longer I sat there observing him and absorbing all his words. Jasper picked-up on it of course, and while still gazing out into the thick foliage surrounding us, he quietly rumbled out, "Go ahead and ask. I've already told you the worst parts about me."

Though his tone was calm and his words seemed easy, I caught the slight tensing of his shoulders and the way he avoided looking at me.

I chuckled and shook my head, strands of curls falling across my face in rhythm. "First of all, I like your worst parts. I believe it's given you you're character, Jasper. It makes you stronger than the rest of us, because you've been through hell and back and danced with the devil and you _still_ came out a good man. You were still able to want something more for others and for yourself. You're a better man than most Jasper _Whitlock_, and I for one am proud to know you. But I was imagining, and call it slightly strange if you will…but wouldn't it be hard to resist the temptation of human blood after so many years of instant gratification?"

He had another one of those unfathomable expressions on his face when he turned to me, and his eyes were unreadable when regarding me. I saw the age in him then, for the first time truly comprehending his many years despite his youthful appearance. He blinked away the moment though, coming out of his own thoughts as he slowly reached out with his hand and tucked those stray locks behind my ear. There was a tenderness to his touch that clenched my heart, and the cautious smile that followed from his lips became quite the ambivalent endearment.

"It was extremely difficult for the first fifty years or so." Jasper finally answered, and though he dropped his hand, he continued to hold my gaze. "I still have trouble every now and again, but I'm much more controlled than I was. It's harder when I'm around my family, absorbing their thirst on top of my own, though I find I'm able to be around humans without any true discomfort if I've recently hunted and stay out of range of other vampires. Bloodlust is not difficult to ignore when it's only mine I feel, but my kind cannot escape feeling varying degrees of it at all times and I'm almost never alone. So I'm sure you can imagine, at least to a certain extent, how hard it can be to withstand sometimes. It can be very painful and _very_ distracting."

I thought back to how he looked in the cafeteria, and couldn't stop from blurting out, "Is that what was wrong earlier? During lunch when you seemed to be in pain?"

He nodded, a hint of aggravation furrowing his brow before glancing up at the light dancing through the trees and breeze. His features were illuminated by the soft glow the sun was trying to emit through the branches above, the dull shine of his skin almost glittering like snow as he closed his eyes, making him seem more otherworldly than ever. And with his face still tilted upwards and a daydreaming aura to him, he added in that unassuming way of his, "I'm not really sure if my family realizes that's _why_ I slip-up so much in this diet, which is amusing if you take into account a mind-reader for a brother and a doctor that's made a study of my abilities for years."

Another slight pause in the moment where I had to smother a very unladylike snort, then…

"Oh, okay."

"Yes, quite." He teased with a sly grin, laughter dancing in his amber eyes when he focused back on me.

I grinned in shared amusement, really enjoying Jasper's covert playful side. I had only seen it once before, and he didn't strike me as the type of man to openly express it often, but I hoped to see it the more I was around him. But when I though of being around him more, my mind automatically drifted towards Alice and her pleading expression in the cafeteria. I still didn't understand what she was trying to communicate, though admittedly, I hadn't thought on it since being in Jasper's company. If they were married like I assumed they were when Carlisle explained everyone's true relationship, I think it might be obvious. It made me feel guilty for spending time with him, for wanting _more_ time with him, for simply wanting more of Jasper altogether. I knew if I were her, I'd be plotting ways to kill the smitten bitch.

Then again, the married status of the other two couples were proudly proclaimed by the patriarch, yet not with these two. _Hmm..._

"Does Alice mind me spending time alone with her husband?" I asked, probably completely out of the blue for him if his quick shift in expressions was anything to go by. And I'll be honest here, I snuck in the husband comment to kill two birds with one stone. I'd never build the nerve to get the scoop on how serious their relationship was, and while I definitely knew they were mates, no one explained to me what that term meant to vampires. It could be taken in a Discovery Channel kinda' way, or as a soul mate kinda' thing. If the latter, I may as well start begging the pixie for forgiveness now.

Jasper sighed heavily, his gaze falling to his lap as his lips pursed and his manner became almost forlorn, but he spoke quietly from under the weight he suddenly carried. "She shouldn't mind, but then again, Alice and I aren't married. When we met, she already considered herself a Cullen. We were mated soon after, which is all two vampires in love ever really need. A ceremony's unnecessary when we already loved each other wholly and passionately and without reservations. But Alice always knew we weren't forever. She had a vision a week before we met and saw our path's divided in the distant future." Lifting his head and glancing at me, he said, "Do you remember what Edward said about Alice's visions? That they were based on decisions presently made? Well, that's not entirely true. She really can see the future, but only little flickers here and there if the events in the vision are a long time away. But what she does see in those instances are almost entirely certain. So after her vision she knew, but until then, we'd have many years of happiness and fond memories."

He eyes took on an absent, faraway glaze to them, as if he were looking through me, beyond me, lost in another time and drowning in a sea of memories. I doubt he really saw me at all by this point, and I'm sure if he could, Jasper would've been holding back some nostalgic tears.

"Alice became my world." He said with a slightly rougher tenor to his voice than before. "She was mine, my gift and my blessing and all my dreams come true, and I never wanted to part from her. You see, when vampires mate, it's for eternity. Only extreme circumstances or death can separate us, but Alice saw it happen. She knew that one day we'd take different paths. No matter how much it pained her, she understood that our time together would eventually come to an end and our happiness would only be found in others. And when the family made their decision to come to Forks, Alice had that same vision again, this time with more clarity and finality. She realized we'd divide here, but I was furious and didn't want to come if that meant the end of her and I. We fought and I tried to delay our move as much as possible, even begged her to come away with me. Anywhere but here. But she refused, saying it was the only path to my true salvation, my true light. And she to hers', apparently. So we came to Forks with our hearts broken over things that had yet to occur, but surely would."

He slowly drifted off, saying no more, so I quietly asked, "Did you? Ever find your true salvation, I mean?"

My question brought him back to the present, and Jasper slowly shook his head as if to clear the haze of past memories lost. He gazed down at the small, black-watered creek without answering, and after a minute, I realized he wasn't going to. So I followed his line of sight, absently observing the small chunks of ice gliding along the slow current of shallow water, remaining silent out of respect for his current solemnity. I don't know how long we sat there, both surrounded in our own minds and watching nature watch us, but I knew twilight would soon descend upon us. I needed to start making my way home, for it was well-known to all citizens of Forks that these woods were unfriendly to any who trespassed after dark.

Saying as much, Jasper offered to walk me home, which I graciously accepted. If I got stuck in the woods at night, certainly a vampire could protect me, right?

As we drifted back towards the school and in the direction of my house, we made small talk over my supernatural 'gift'. I didn't bring up Alice again. I figured all the unanswered questions could be handled in time. After reassuring me there was no reason to be concerned, Jasper decided he'd tell the rest of his family about my telekinesis to save me the hassle, and if they — mainly Carlisle — had any questions or concerns they could come to me. And vice versa. We agreed to privately work on it together though, and to discuss it more definitively later. He hoped to help me build strength in my ability and gain control over it, I just hoped to understand it better. He also promised to pay more attention to my emotions now that he knew the full ramifications of those feelings.

And as we parted ways that night, I was struck with the realization that the last two years had led me to this very day. That the Cullen's first day of school had caused a ripple in the waters of my life and diverted my future course to what it is now. I hadn't known it then, could never have foreseen where it would've led, and probably would've laughed at anybody who suggested such a thing. But my parents always said that fate had a funny way of tying-up loose ends, which made me wonder if this was really the end to a tumultuous couple of years or the beginning of an interesting lifetime.

One thing was certain: there had been an intangible shift between Jasper and I today, something so subtle I couldn't put my finger on it. It was there though, felt only once we started home. Like a misplacement had been righted and an opaque calm had temporarily settled, yet left you with the feeling of more to come. We had bonded over regrets and struggles and loss and hardships, had forged a communal understanding of wishes and comforts and the redemption of souls. Though mine weren't nearly as destructive or strengthening as his, Jasper knew that I still felt each and every strain just the same. He knew that my life was changing in ways and directions I could never steer on my own, and had offered his guidance and support without words, without demand, without expectation of something in return. It made my soul ache in awe and reverence for his unique nature, made tears of gratitude sting my eyes and brought an inexplicable smile to my face every time he came to mind. To me, he seemed like he was one of a kind, a man of many contradictions yet so simple in his manner. Both kind and fierce, gentle and hard, understanding yet firm in who he was. He seemed to be both the ruthless soldier and the loving romantic, the devil's knight and the guardian angel. Never ashamed of either.

And suddenly, I couldn't wait to see what came next, couldn't wait to find out where this feeling of more-to-come would lead. I wanted to know if the fluttering in my stomach and the pull in my heart would ever evolve into something more substantial, I wanted this thing between us to develop into mutual affection.

I wanted more, but failed to account for all the factors surrounding a relationship with Jasper.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I envisioned so much more for this chapter, but couldn't find the right words to form the picture I wanted. So instead you get this. Oh well, let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

**Warning: Just so you know, I'm one of those fans that believe it's ridiculously impossible for a vampire who's organs have been frozen and dead for decades to regenerate semen, unless of course someone wanted to conjure that up as a vamp's special 'gift'. So sex with vampire _does not_ equal baby in my story. Sorry to all those who swoon over that. **

**Also, I have formed the opinion - which is of no reflection to SM's - that the vamp's venom would only be truly dangerous when entered into the bloodstream. SM unconsciously supported this stance when she allowed Bella to have sex with Edward but not have his venom affect her in any way other than getting impregnated. SM also hasn't written anything that directly contradicts this personal view of mine. So there you go, you've been warned. Onward... **

Chapter 4

Many things can change in a year's time, whether it's a small switch that gently sways us to a new rhythm or an innumerable one that alters everything. Sometimes it happens gradually, like the shifting of the seasons where the leaves and the weather and the stars prepare us. They foretell the coming of something new, something different. But there are times when change happens so abruptly that we're rattled to the core, not even given the chance to grasp it all before we find ourselves standing in the aftermath, waiting for the dust to settle at our feet. The people we surround ourselves with in those moments, the ones who are there when it all goes down, they become our measure of endurance whether we will it or not. They can either make the storm more bearable or be the ones that push us over the edge of reason, make us feel stranded in a nightmare of helplessness and incertitude.

It's a different story altogether when no one's there at all, when you're abandoned to deal with the repercussions all on your own.

For me, life had been relatively easy. Despite the improbability of vampire's existence and my own telekinetic possibilities, I had found my way through that calamity with the help of one man. After all had settled, I had gained a sense of belonging never felt before. My world seemed at peace until one mistake changed everything again, one mistake that affected everyone so drastically and made us all lose so profoundly. One single mistake in one small second the nine people paid the price for, a price that changed us all forever.

oOo

Weeks after the Cullen's big reveal, Jasper and I were constantly working hard on controlling what little telekinetic ability I could produce. Anytime I didn't have a shift at my parent's diner, our afternoons and weekends were spent training my mind, though it seemed I wasn't really able to make anything happen. It more or less just happened _to_ me, so our lessons became more about learning how to maintain control once my emotions would trigger it. Jasper would manipulate me, and I would fight to restrain the power it produced. He said this exercise would also help to strengthen my ability if it ever became more active.

The man had also done his own research, knocking on my door not three days after our talk in the woods with a self-satisfied glint in his eyes that belied his otherwise bland expression.

"I took the initiative in searching for more lucrative answers to your situation, knowing the internet is less than accurate in regards to supernatural enlightenment." He stated without preamble, deftly side-stepping his way inside without so much as a hello.

Bewildered, I closed the door and slowly turned, looking at him speculatively. "And?"

He smirked at my expression, then sauntered away and proceeded to make himself at home in my kitchen, starting a pot of coffee that I could only assume was for me. Sweet of him really, especially considering the huge production I had made the day before about the spectacular pleasures one can find in a simple cup of the potently caffeinated liquid. At the time, I thought he merely indulged me by pretending to listen – probably thinking I was trying to distract him from the task at hand, which had been a quick exploratory test on what emotions I reacted to the most – but apparently he took what I said to heart. Again, it was kinda sweet.

So I followed him into the kitchen and cautiously took a seat at the table, watching him through bemused eyes as I realized he knew my house as well as I did after only one tour of the place. I waited for him to elaborate on his findings, but only after the coffee was brewed and a full cup was placed before me did he say another word.

Seating himself directly across from me, he leaned back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest, equal bemusement on his face as he said, "I got in touch with more…_reasonable_ resources. There wasn't much to be found, but according to them, telekinesis has been around for some time now. Much like any myth we eventually find to be true, I guess."

His lips twitched at the corners and his gaze flickered with a tinge of humor, like it was amusing to him that I could be considered a part of folklore. Rolling my eyes, I took a sip from my mug before muttering under my breath, "Yeah, yeah. We've already established I'm a freak. Get on with it."

Jasper chuckled, but continued. "As far as they can tell, it's a subtle mutation of the neurons in your frontal lobe, the very lobe that functions as our _emotional_ control center. It's hypothesized that this mutation alters the brainwaves in that region — which are generated by aforementioned neurons — and causes that electrical frequency between them to somehow resemble a physical force. More like a psychic propulsion if strong enough, but the telekinesis that results from such depends on the measure in this charge. It's said to be indicative to the amount of power the mutation will propel. Supposedly rare, though, and without rhyme or reason as to why certain people are born with it. More often than not, it only results in pounding headaches that the carrier would simply shrug off as a migraine, but it's been known to evolve into more like it has with you. According to their research, at least."

He shrugged his shoulders as if what he just explained wasn't completely alien to me. I opened my mouth, closed it, then opened it again, eventually finding my voice and asking with slow precision, "So what you're saying is that I'm not a complete freak, just a mentally deformed one?"

Jasper smiled wide, his teeth glistening like pearls and suppressed laughter gently racking his frame. "Yes, exactly."

"And who are your sources again?" I demanded, not terribly thrilled over this prospect.

Not bothering to conceal his amusement any longer, he replied over his own boisterous snickering, "Various friends of Carlisle that he obtained through the centuries."

I decided to leave it at that.

And Carlisle, of course, had been extremely curious and thrilled over my telekinesis. He was definitely a man that thrived on new knowledge and anomalous happenings. But I guess when you live to be as old as him, you've kinda seen it all, and _that_ could make for one _very_ bored vampire.

He managed to somehow document everything that Jasper and I had done during our training, sometimes joining us in the field for first-hand knowledge but often just writing down what Jasper relayed. They apparently spent a great deal of time conversing and speculating over it, both seeming to agree with my theory that this ability was probably the reason my thoughts were mostly static to Edward. That didn't make the mind-reader too happy, though. I think he was really rooting for a mental disability, but if he ever gleamed the full facts from Carlisle or Jasper's mind, he'd know he wasn't too far off the mark.

My parents had begun to notice the differences surrounding me as well, how tired and listless I'd become. I'd often come home looking haggard, the lessons with Jasper taking more out of me than I ever realized until it was too late. What time I managed to spend with them seemed more forced, like we were tiptoeing around each other because I was either too tired to participate in conversations or too antsy to get back to Jasper. I could see their concern, the surreptitious glances they'd shoot me and then at each other. I could practically hear the questions bubbling within them, but anytime they'd approach me about what was wrong, I'd just shrug my shoulders and tell them I was stressed. It killed me to do so, because in all my years and in all that time, I never once shut them out. My parents were always my shining beacon of guidance and devotion and trust, and I knew if they had even an inkling of what was truly happening, they'd realize their concern was unfounded. They'd know my exhaustion was reasonable and my reticence wasn't all that it appeared to be.

I wanted to tell them, so much so that I often had to walk away before I blurted the truth out. I knew I couldn't though, because I'd have to explain _everything_ in order to do so and the Cullens made it perfectly clear how forbidden that was. One way or another I'd have to lie, and my heart just couldn't stand that thought. Not with them.

So I ran from the house, ran from my parents, and ran straight to Jasper and the rest of the Cullens. I got to know the clan a little better during those days. Esme was adorable in her motherly fashions, always going out of her way to make sure I was comfortable when around. She had an internal warmth that flowed gently over whomever she lavished her attentions on, a maternal grace in all her doting ways. There was nothing even remotely vampiric about her except her astounding beauty. She and Carlisle made a very beautiful, and _very parental,_ pair.

Rose still hated me, and I had a feeling that nothing short of a miracle would change that. But I never could muster even a little indignation over that fact. I had a feeling she possessed very strong reasons for being who she was. There was an undercurrent in the air of protection she always exuded around herself, in the caustic tongue she so clearly used as a guarded barrier that made me think she hadn't always had it easy. That she had her justifications for not trusting any outsiders. Most do after all, so I tried not to take it personally.

Emmett made that exceptionally easier. It was difficult to love him and not his counterpart. They were definitely a comedic pair. There was constant playful bickering and challenging banter thrown between the two, and Emmett himself was a continual source of entertainment. It was hard not to endear yourself to the big, overgrown puppy. He also volunteered to partake in my sessions with Jasper, but when I couldn't even make a twig do anything more that randomly shift and shake, there was no point in trying to psychically move a large, hefty vampire. It just wasn't going to happen.

But in all the time I spent over at the Cullen home, I never really saw Alice or Edward. I didn't worry overmuch about Edward, knowing our mutual dislike for the other was more than enough reason to keep our distance, but I was concerned with the Alice situation. Something about it didn't sit right with me, and that feeling only progressed with the passing days as she pulled herself further and further away. She avoided me at every turn, running off whenever I arrived or making sure there were at least three other vamps around when she was. It made it impossible to confront her, but her pleading expression back in the cafeteria all those weeks ago would often flash in my thoughts, and I'd find myself questioning whether I really wanted to know. If she and Jasper truly weren't together anymore — because of her and her visions I might add — then there was no reason to second-guess my own behavior, and certainly no cause to suffer any guilt over my developing feelings for her ex.

Though I couldn't help but sense that maybe she thought I should, that maybe she blamed me for it all. Something was there in her eyes sometimes, what little I did see of her. Covered by her bright smiles and random acts of kindness. Call it a woman-to-woman intuition, if you will.

I couldn't bring myself to discuss it with Jasper. Alice was still a sensitive subject for him, and we had a unspoken agreement not to bring her up.

The one development that struck me the most in the additional weeks that passed was Jasper, though it came as much as a welcomed surprise as it was somehow expected. Like nothing could've been more natural, and it all just felt so right. With Jasper and I spending most of our free time together, the boundaries between us subtly changed and disappeared. Those days grew more causal, our time spent learning about the other without cloaks or pretenses, building a solid camaraderie between us that filled a void inside me I hadn't known existed. Whether we were engaged in lessons or simple conversation as we walked through the woods, whether we relaxed in silent companionship on my couch or submersed ourselves in debates on his, whether we were surrounded by others or no one at all…we never stopped learning from the other and sharing in the experience. It felt so easy, so familiar, as if I'd known him for years and could finally stop missing him. He was just one of those people I instantly clicked with, where our personalities suited each other and a harmony was so effortlessly woven between us. To me, he was that stranger you come across by chance and find yourself chatting with as if the oldest of friends, then wonder weeks later after countless hours together how you ever managed without them.

Jasper had become that best friend in a matter of weeks, and if his constant company and lack of resistance to unproductive hours was anything to go by, I'd say I became one of his as well. When I finally introduced him to my parent's, it was almost instantaneous approval. Jasper had intentionally stayed longer than usual, and when my parents came home from closing the diner, their eyes practically bugged out of their sockets when they landed on the striking blonde in their kitchen. But ever the polite and charismatic one, Jasper flashed them a charming smile as he rose from his seat at the table, shaking their hands while I stood fidgeting on the sidelines waiting for their reactions. I had expected suspicion or perhaps a reprimand for having an essential stranger in their home, but I hadn't been prepared for their shock to be swiftly replaced with an exchange of conspiratorial glances before turning wicked smiles on me. They wasted no time whatsoever on embarrassing me any way possible that night, though the worst was my mom's random comment about my previously bizarre behavior making sense now.

"_Who wouldn't be off-balance when such a handsome young man was seeking their attention?"_ She said with a sly grin and a wink at my father, prompting me to groan and bury my face in my hands, silently contemplating the benefits of running away.

Neither me nor Jasper corrected their assumption, though his smirk suggested he was getting far too much amusement out of it to even consider such a thing. And after that night, the underlying tension between my parents and I had abated with their somewhat skewed understanding of my circumstances. They wholeheartedly kept their doors open to him, allowing us to spend much more time at my house than his. I was relieved to a certain extent, preferring to avoid Alice avoiding me, not to mention it gave me more time alone with Jasper. A chance to bring him into my world as he brought me into his.

So it went, him effortlessly securing a place in my life with an almost surreal balance neither of us could have predicted. But as easily as he became my best friend, he also became the man I was undeniably in love with in two short months. That fluttering in my stomach had turned into a full-blown knot of neediness, of compulsion, of yearning. I had to be around him, wanted so much more than I ever dared voice. I felt a strange possessiveness of our time together, of him, like he was mine more than anyone else's. Even the barest displays of his quirks brought a content smile to my face, for it was I that witnessed it, I that he let see. Every small laugh or smirk he gave at my expense, every relaxed pose he submitted to when around me, I found myself cherishing with an abnormal extremity. Whenever he chose my company over his family's, whenever he'd delay his departure with a flimsy excuse I'd see right through, I'd feel an exultant thrill run through me and an almost suffocating joy encompass me. People have said for so long that love makes us foolish and capricious, but I never realized how true those words were until I fell victim to such silly whims. Until I let Jasper overwhelm so much of my life and become intertwined in my own happiness.

He was aware of my feelings, of course, because he could feel them. Sometimes I'd even catch him looking at me in such a way that left no room to argue that he didn't. It was a look that told me he hadn't simply been tuning me out, but if he wasn't going to broach it then neither was I, because I knew he knew which placed the ball in his court. It wasn't until Bella Swan became a part of their lives that Jasper and I confronted the big white elephant between us. Or shall I say I _forced us_ to confront it.

It had been an interesting week at school for me, made even more interesting when I had rather unceremoniously discovered Edward and Bella's burgeoning relationship. My first encounter came during lunch when I stumbled by a table, my mouth dropping open and expression surely flabbergasted when I realized just who was sitting there. Together. In front of the entire student population. When I continued to see the twosome in the parking lot and walking together in the hallways, I was completely floored. I knew the Cullens preferred to keep their human interactions to a minimum, not only for the sake of comfort but also to maintain their secrecy, and I had no idea how Edward could spend so much time with Bella without her eventually discovering what they were. My knowledge had been a fluke and happened completely against my will, but even so, I never openly interacted with any of them at school aside from the most trivial instances required during class. It made this puzzle hard to figure out.

I wasn't the only one who noticed, either. Rosalie often looked pissed those days — glaring at them from a distance — and Jasper wore his apprehensive clearly as we all became aware that Edward was following Bella around, seemingly trying to maintain her attention. After observing them, he really needn't be too concerned.

And one day of such behavior turned into a few more days of the same, finally resulting in Jasper appearing on my doorstep a week later, looking more than a little angry and slightly calculative.

"She knows. Bella Swan knows what we are." He stated in such a simple, placid tone, but there was an edge beneath it that spoke of barely concealed worry. Jasper appeared lazily relaxed sitting on my sofa with his arm propped over the back, but I could see the slight coiling of muscles in his neck and shoulders as he said this.

So I sighed loudly and sat down next to him. "How?"

His eyes flashed dangerously for a brief second before shaking his head, quietly answering with a hint of scorn, "A Quileute boy apparently told her a few stories that she obviously believed, and Edward decided to confirmed her suspicions after taking her out to dinner last night."

It was my turn to shake my head in disbelief, my eyes growing large at something so potentially disastrous. "Wow. So what's gonna happen? What are you guys gonna do?"

"Nothing!" He growled in frustration, narrowing his gaze at the coffee-table as if it were the source of his vexation. "Edward says she won't tell a soul, but how they can trust his judgment right now is beyond me. I know Esme and Carlisle are pleased to see their son show an interest in someone after all these years, and his happiness pleases me too. But she's human _and_ she's his singer, I don't see how it could possibly end well for them. One slip is all it takes for her to die, then everyone will undoubtedly question Edward's involvement."

He scoffed then, saying, "But of course, Alice has seen her and Bella becoming the best of friends. They believe that just because she's seen one version of the future means there's no immediate danger present."

I didn't outwardly respond to what Jasper said at first. I was mulling over his words and dissecting every meaning his few sentences carried, realizing far too quickly how damning his opinion was for us. His brutal honesty ignited a splintering of hope for me, the truth behind his proclamation holding an inevitability that couldn't be ignored. His stance on this brought a clarity that was nothing short of devastating since he obviously believed that relationships between humans and vampires were impossible. Which meant _we _were impossible. Not only that, but Alice already thought of Bella Swan as her best friend when she hadn't even been _introduced to her_, yet she couldn't even manage to be in the _same room_ as _me_.

Feeling the strike of unlooked-for frankness as if it'd been a slap to the face, I turned away from Jasper as bitter tears sprung to my eyes. That he and I would never become anything more than friends really cut deep, understanding only now just how much hope I had riding on that possibility. And no matter what I did or said or how much time had passed, I would always be the other woman to Alice. Maybe I was being childish, perhaps I'd been naïvely optimistic until now, but it still _hurt_.

"Keira? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Jasper placed his hand on my thigh in an act of comfort, fingers that held so much strength touching me with such gentleness that I clenched my teeth to keep from sobbing. And as his ability allowed, he felt my emotional torrent more vividly through the contact, his fingers giving the slightest twitch the longer he staid his hand.

Standing abruptly to put some space between us, I walked a few steps away, giving him my back as I refused to face him right then. I didn't want him seeing the emotions he could so easily feel, didn't want him touching me when I already felt so heartbreakingly confused. His words hit too deeply and made me realize how blinded I'd been. This twisted dance of courtship hadn't been that at all, my ignorance and lack of experience allowing me to perceive so much more than had actually been. I had fallen so fast that I forgot it took two to tango, and that what I felt wasn't necessarily what he felt. I had taken his gift for granted, assuming his silence on the matter as a veiled avowal instead of the gentle rebuff I saw it as now. I had been so utterly stupid to not recognize all the signs I could so clearly read now, and the humiliation burning through me made distance from him necessary before I could regroup.

I angrily wiped at the tears in my eyes, pushing dark curls back from where they had fallen over my face. Hoping for some composure before turning back around, I took a deep breath and lifted my chin, needing the false display of pride to somehow become real. I needed the façade to cover my suddenly broken daydreams.

"Keira, you're really upset right now." Jasper spoke-up quietly from behind, and I could hear him shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "Tell me what I can do without manipulating your emotions."

His rich, deep tenor washed over me and soothed me, but the heartbreak and bite his previous words gave did not abate, leaving me unable to respond. When I failed to face him, I more-or-less sensed rather than heard him stand, taking those few steps towards me to close the distance. Just before he reached out to touch me as I knew he would, as he had done so often before during different times, I finally and reluctantly turned to him while taking a step back. Refusing to let him touch me.

Meeting his gaze for a long moment, seeing the concern and unspoken questions in his dark eyes, it was almost as if we were locked in battle of dueling queries. Him wanting to know what caused this reaction, trying to find the answer by the sheer will in his stare, but I was wanting and waiting for something else. Seeking an inkling or understanding I didn't yet know and couldn't find. Thinking back on it now, I believe that's why I said what I did. I confronted issues that should've been left for another day. A day when fewer emotions were already present on both our parts, when smiles and the bright side of things could still be had despite the situation.

Instead of possessing such intelligence at the time though, I took another deep breath and tried to steady my frenzied heart. Maintaining eye contact with him, attempting to interpret _his_ reaction to _my_ words, I spoke cautiously. "You don't believe that a human-vampire relationship can work, period, nothin' else to it. Do you?"

Jasper's features immediately cleared of any expression whatsoever, a blank, impassive slate slammed in place. He gave no response for a full minute, showed no affect to my question aside from his swift withdraw, but I desperately held my ground as all my hopes became hinged on his answer. The seconds ticked by in this strange standstill, a rigid strain beginning to stifle the air between us as he stared at me without any sentiment, the tension smothering me with it's all too apparent uncertainty. I was silently begging for a rebuttal and mentally preparing for the worst, not knowing which to expect but beginning to doubt he'd even respond.

Then a slight shift in his stance, a shuffling of weight that clearly signified his discomfort, and a cringing of the eyes even though his face remained perfectly stoic in all aspects.

"I wish you hadn't brought this up, Keira. I can't be honest with you right now without hurting you, and I can't be honest with myself without hurting Alice. And if I'm being truthful here, I'm not even sure what there _is _to talk about." He dipped his head as if shamed, his tawny locks shielding his eyes from me as he gave a quiet sigh of resignation. "I think it might be best if I leave. I'm sorry, Keira, but I just can't do this right now. It wouldn't be fair to anyone."

_Well, fuck me. That hurt, too._

Once again stricken beyond measure, unable to form any sort of reply, I could only watch as Jasper flicked his eyes up to mine with a quick grimace. As if unable to look any longer, he glanced away, exhaling a muttered curse and jerking his hand through his hair. I could see his frustration and felt his remorse seeping out, knew he was the kind of soul that'd regret hurting me in any manner, but I couldn't find it in me to give him any solace. Not now, not when I was trying to keep a brave face while my heart was breaking. Not when the only words I could think of weren't what he deserved. After all, he'd never led me on, this was all merely a product of my own foolish wishes.

Without receiving an answer, Jasper half-turned, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing at me from the corner of his eye. His body language said he wanted to run, but if I knew anything about this man, then only his sense of honor and integrity were keeping him from doing just that. He was pulling away though, that much was obvious. Forming an aloof distance between us that had nothing to do with the amount of space. Before me was not the man I knew, but a timeless profile kept carefully blank by a peculiar nothingness, more stranger than friend at the moment. Maybe he was angry because of my impetuous question, maybe he just didn't want to deal right now, but I frankly didn't care. Not when he was pulling away from me. I couldn't allow this to cause a rift between us, the very thought of such a thing shaking me from my stupor long enough to speak.

"Jasper," I choked out, reaching over and touching his arm as tears rimmed my lashes once again. "Please don't do that. Please don't shut me out just 'cause I have a foolish infatuation."

"Oh, Keira." He murmured so quietly I almost didn't hear, his eyes squeezing shut as he took a deep breath and shook his head once. Then turning to face me fully, he reached out and gingerly cupped my cheek, his gaze full of remorse as he softly whispered, "I could never think your feelings foolish, but you and I both know this is more than an infatuation."

I wanted to protest no matter how much of a lie it would've been, but the words died before they could even form on my tongue. He was nothing but hollow determination now, and nothing I could say would change anything at this point. I realized I was losing him, and the sudden despair that swamped me at that thought, the panic that immediately followed made me gasp for air and frantically shake my head in denial. And for the briefest of seconds, I swore I saw my sorrow mirrored in him as he tried to soothe my hysterical movements, but Jasper never said anything in an attempt to assuage my dread. Instead — in an act of what felt like confirmation — he carefully leaned down and brushed his lips to mine, the touch so impeccably light that it was barely felt. It was sweet and gentle but filled with conflicting emotions, for it was a kiss that savored so strongly of goodbye. Almost as if he had spoken the farewell without making a sound.

It destroyed the last thread of control I had over my tears, and I could feel them falling freely down my face as Jasper pulled away. The barest of seconds where his gaze still locked with mine conveyed so many things I couldn't understand — wasn't sure if I wanted to — before he averted his eyes and swiftly turned away. He never said a word as he started down the hall, never once looked back as he walked out the door, only showed the slightest of hesitations before he swung it shut. Just the dull thud of wood closing against wood and the doorknob clicking into place filled the heavy silence around me, an ominous finale to all that had taken place.

I stood there for awhile, staring at the spot he disappeared from and wondering if it wasn't just my imagination that conjured up that goodbye. Brushing my fingertips against my lips where the touch of his still lingered, I became acutely aware that he hadn't denied shutting me out. That he hadn't even bothered trying to.

The days passed longer in his absence, a black cloud hanging over my head with everything unresolved. He had left so quickly and hadn't reappeared, his siblings unaccounted for as well. I felt like screaming half the time, crying more than that, and mourning a loss I wasn't yet sure of for all of it. Somehow I managed to keep my telekinesis in check, though I could feel the call of power begging me to let go. It was constantly crawling under my skin and swimming through my veins, waiting for me to release my affliction in the most effective of ways. It would certainly drain me, but I found myself willfully unable to do so. An innate sense of responsibility towards it, I guess. The fact that I could withstand at all spoke highly of my lessons with Jasper, that they were really starting to have the benefits we sought.

It was four long days later when I finally saw both him and his siblings again, standing by Edward's car in the student parking-lot, waiting and watching and listening before classes began. It was strange, but I realized the moment I saw them that I had begun to believe I wouldn't hear from them again. Had unconsciously resigned myself to it even, remembering a comment Carlisle had made in the past about always being prepared for abrupt departures, how numerous occasions have led to their need to vanish from one town or another with little-to-zero notice. What better reason than a human becoming too attach to one of them?

But to see Jasper now after no call, no word, no nothing after our slight falling out…well, it brought a hollow twist to my gut and, for some reason, left the sour taste of betrayal on my tongue. I wanted to blame it all on hormones and being a teenage girl, and maybe that's partly true. But if I were being truly honest with myself, then I'd admit that I really thought I meant more to Jasper than what he currently showed. I understood his past with Alice, but I no longer comprehended their present as I thought I did. It left me with the distinct impression I'd been duped somehow. Played even, like an inconsequential pawn in a high-ranking game of chess, and my heart just couldn't find the strength to fight it. Why should I when Jasper didn't seem to believe our friendship warranted so much as a single word for four days straight? So even though I had the fleeting desire to run-up and hug him with welcoming relief, to mend what was broken between us, I fought the urge perhaps too easily and simply continued walking to class. Not bothering to glance at them as I passed by.

Jasper never approached me during that day, choosing instead to unmercifully curse me with the feel of his unrelenting stare. His eyes constantly followed me with a vigilance equal to a hawk and its' prey, the familiar trickle of awareness it caused irking me as much as it provided a small sense of comfort. It showed he cared to some degree, but my constant squirming under the empath's regard brought strange looks from my classmates that were less appreciated. I couldn't fathom what he was thinking and never dared look upon his face to figure it out, but I had a good and obvious guess that he was constantly reading my emotions. There wasn't a thread of doubt that he could feel the unwavering hurt and confusion he caused, and with him being so close yet so far, it only got worse. Made it feel like I was sinking further with the constant reminder of what I couldn't grasp, so much so that by midday, all I wanted was for him to pull me into his arms and hold me tight. To tell me everything was going to be okay between us.

Feeling him all around me was comparative to an addict's drug of choice being within reach yet unable to successfully grab it, withdrawals sending a quiver through my bones that fairly begged for me to forget everything that was said between us. Even though I knew I'd never be able to just forget and move on, I wanted my friend back. I hadn't had a _real_ friend in a long time, and I felt like I was losing the best one I'd ever get.

By the end of last period, my over-sensitive heart had dropped so low that it felt as if it became lodged in my feet, weighing them down like lead barrels. When the final bell rang, I had the passing thought that maybe I'd just stay where I was until someone forcibly removed me, giving me time to collect myself before the suddenly weary walk home. But pale knuckles rapping loudly against my desk sundered that prospect, and I dejectedly lifted my gaze, only to encounter Emmett's rapt and stern attention.

With a start, I glanced around and noticed the classroom had already cleared, that it was only us and the teacher still there. No other circumstances would have allowed Emmett to approach me with such familiarity.

"I believe my brother's waiting outside for you." He declared reproachfully, bringing my focus back on him in time to catch the less-than-neutral observance he bestowed on me before glancing out the windows.

"Brother?" I repeated before shock gave way, realizing what Emmett meant. Timidly now, I asked, "Why would he be waiting?"

The typically unaggressive vampire graced me with a sharp look that could skewer the thickest of steel, raised a patently sardonic eyebrow, and curtly responded with, "Oh, I don't know, Keira. Maybe because he cares. Maybe because these last few days haven't been all they've seemed to be and he'd like the chance to explain. Maybe because anyone not blind can see you moping about, waiting for him to approach you."

Flushing with embarrassment, I dropped my gaze to the floor and inadequately mumbled, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Emmett retorted, then softened his tone as he quietly added, "You're not the only one who's been affected during this, Keira. Jasper has a loyal streak a mile wide and heart that feels just as plainly as anyone else's. He'd never intentionally cause you pain and certainly wouldn't have abandoned you without an explanation if there'd been any other way."

Surprised that he read the situation so easily, I looked back up at him. "Jasper told you what happened?"

Emmett shook his head, tenderness taking over his previously stern features. "He didn't need to. I love my brother and have come to know his moods well. Whenever he turns inward, I know he's thinking too heavily on things for his own good. For him to not eventually disclose what's bothering him means they were matters of the heart, and those he guards fiercely from whomever it doesn't concern. That it began and seems to end with you, I deduced on my own. And again, anyone with working eyes can see how you're feeling."

He gave a sort of impish, self-congratulatory grin for his own detective skills, and I couldn't help breathing out a chuckle. But his grin quickly dropped into a firm line, and he once more stated, "Now go, he's waiting for you." He gracefully turned on his heels and started for the door, but at the last second, Emmett looked over his shoulder. "Remember Keira, you're not the only one hurting right now. Cause him more distress than his due and you'll see a side of me you're unlikely to ever forget."

Thoroughly chastised and feeling unreasonably selfish after that successful guilt trip, I made my way outside, albeit with a little apprehension. Emmett had vanished from view as soon as he left the room, but when I turned the corner of the building, I could see Jasper standing by the edge of the forest. Waiting for me to walk home from school, just as Emmett predicted.

I approached him slowly with what I'm sure was a wary expression, but I also knew he could sense the slight lift in my mood just knowing he was there. It again meant he cared, that his brother's words rang true, but still I stopped a few feet from him and focused intently on my scruffy shoes. Awkward from our previous encounter and paranoid of further rejection.

"I'd like to walk you home, Keira." Jasper asserted without any force to his tone. It was calm and reserved, just like his demeanor. "If you'd allow, there are things I need to say that I wasn't able to before."

I snorted, bitterly mumbling under my breath without looking up, "I take it that it's now _fair_ to everyone for you to talk to me, that it won't hurt _Alice_ anymore?"

I winced as soon as the words left my mouth, eyes wide as I quickly glanced up. I went to apologize, even took a step closer to him as my mouth formed the words, but Jasper held his hand up and cut me off. "I deserve that and probably more. The way I left was horrible, and I can only imagine what you've been going through these last few days. I can't take it back, but again, if you'd allow then I could possibly make it right."

I pursed my lips from shouting an immediate _hell yes_, taking a moment to truly look at him. Jasper's features seemed dimmed somehow, lacking that incandescent quality that was entirely him. Exhausted almost, yet he stood tall and proud and unwavering, like he was preparing himself for battle. _Determined_, I surmised, feeling a pleasant spark of anticipation at just the thought. But when I failed to answer right away, he took a step forward and reached out, tucking a stray curl behind my ear and letting his fingertips linger along my neck. His eyes peered down at me in the silence, and whereas before there was only the edge of resolution in them, they now glimmered with a plea he'd never bring himself to utter. It wasn't Jasper's way, he was not a man to beg for anything. The fact that he was desperate enough to grace me with such a look crumbled the last of my reservations, trusting him instinctively not to fester the wound I already bore. Because despite Emmett's pep-talk, I wasn't entirely certain that Jasper's approach wasn't a means for a final severance. Now I could calm that insecurity, could believe there really were other reasons for his departure besides what happened between us. He truly wanted to talk now, he wanted to sort this out as much as I did, and I wanted answers.

But mostly, I just wanted my friend back, wanted my soldier and vampire returned to me in whatever capacity he allowed.

So nodding my head in slow acquiesce, I gave his arm a gentle pat and stepped around him, starting the short trek home knowing he'd followed. I'd glance back at him from time to time, but neither of us tried to ease the awkwardness with mundane chatter. Jasper was probably as lost in thought as I was, preoccupied with recent events and the conversation to be had. I didn't know what to expect from it, was too afraid to even ponder the possibilities whether good or bad. But leading us back into my bedroom once we arrived — giving us the added privacy even though my parents were closing the diner that night — I felt the tension ebb away with the familiar comfort of my surroundings. It was a haven for me as much as the woods were, providing an unconscious solace and protection I couldn't describe. Made me feel that no matter the outcome, things would be okay.

Plunking down on the edge of my bed, sitting cross-legged as Jasper quietly closed the door behind him, I kept silent and waited patiently for him to start. After a quick glance at me, he leaned casually against the opposite wall in all his long and blonde glory, crossing his arms over the broad expanse of his chest as his eyes swept across my room like he was cataloguing everything for the first time. And for a few agonizing minutes, it stayed this way, both looking around with an incertitude that spoke loudly of the rift that had acclimated between us. But still I waited, waited for him to say something or do something.

It felt like that was all I'd been doing lately: waiting on him, waiting for him, waiting because of him. I was beginning to wonder if it'd ever change, and it was saddening for me to realize how much had changed so easily between us. Made me second-guess how true our bond had been if it could be so effortlessly trifled with.

"Don't, Keira." Jasper's strong, bass tenor suddenly spoke out, the command behind those two simple words unhindered by how softly they were uttered.

Giving him a quizzical look, I asked, "Don't what?"

"Don't start doubting me now." He said, his gaze tight as it bore into mine. "Not when we're here, now, ready to clear the air. Give me the benefit before you judge the circumstances."

Once again feeling properly chastised for the second time in less than an hour, I sighed and grumbled sullenly, "Get on with it, then. I don't have the patience of a saint, ya know."

Jasper quirked an eyebrow at my pouting, though a glint of humor sparked within his dark orbs. It wasn't often that I resorted to childish antics, my natural inclination being more introspective than reactionary, which might be why Jasper always seemed amused by it when I did. In light of that, I had stubbornly refused to play anymore games with him, whether it be cards or chess or anything of the like. Never winning definitely brought out the less-mature side of me, and his unrelenting grin whenever it happened only further exasperated my already questionable displays of juvenility.

Jasper pointedly cleared his throat to regain my attention, and giving him a sheepish smile, I waved my hand for him to continue. He smirked, but quickly got to the point. "You're probably wondering where I've been the last few days, and I promise to explain everything to you. But first, I want to discuss you and me, Keira. I'm having a hard time deciding where to begin since there's still so much you don't know, and much more than that still left unsaid."

He hesitated there, obviously inconclusive, so I shrugged my shoulders and chirped rather _too_ cheerily for it to be anything but a disguise for my sudden panic, "Just start from the very beginning. Anything and everything I don't know, tell me now. That should make it easy enough."

Jasper snorted with detectable skepticism but tilted his head back, resting it against the wall and looking at me through hooded lids. "As you wish. The true beginning goes further back, but you've already heard most of that and will probably put two-and-two together soon enough." He took a moment to gather his thoughts, then began in a mellow drawl, "If you remember that first day I came to school, it seemed everyone was talking about my family as if they'd never seen anyone from outside of Forks before. But we were the new faces among constant familiarity, and even the natural wariness that human instincts provide don't make us immune to the gossip that follows that kind of celebrity. We were used to it by then, so I kept my head down and didn't pay it any mind. I didn't pay _anyone_ any mind until you basically demanded that your presence be known."

His lips curled with a tender remembrance for the past. "I confess I hadn't noticed you at all until you stood up against your peers and defended my family that day. Even though we had many classes together, I never looked at you or separated your emotions from all the others. You were simply part of the constant background I'd long ago learned to ignore, but when you did what you did, I couldn't help it. I took in everything you felt, heard every word you said, and found myself pleasantly surprised for the first time in a long while. You were strongly hurt and angered for us when we were nothing more than strangers to you, when we hadn't even exchanged so much as a single word. And even though I could feel the love you had for your friends, you refused to look the other way and abide by their behavior towards something you believed as wrong. For me, it went against the very grain of my experiences with those that age, adolescent emotions usually centered more selfishly and _always_ perpetually more trivial. I guess you could call it the teenage angst stereotype, certain maturity only following with time and experience. But you truly loved your friends, weren't just fond of them and dependent on their company, yet you still stood before them for no other reason than what you perceived as unfair. It's not something I've witnessed often in all my years, and I knew then that you were different from the other children of this town. That you were more than what even you, yourself, believed, and could become more if given the chance. It earned a certain amount of respect from me, not to mention how beautiful and striking you were in your fiery nature."

My cheeks burned with the first compliment he'd ever bestowed upon me, unused to such praise from him no matter how slight it was. Jasper took in my flush, eyes twinkling mischievously as he no doubt recognized a new tactic to use against me. The man loved to push me out of my element, to force me to do things I never would otherwise, and perhaps found a little _too_ much enjoyment in watching me stumble over my own words. What better way to do that than embarrass the hell outta me?

But that was just one of the many discoveries I'd made about him in our time together, that his well-concealed playful streak was simple that. Well concealed. He could be as coltish as he was calm, as passionate as he was laid-back, and as capable of somewhat _evil_ retaliation for pranks that any dared pull on him...namely Emmett. Made me wonder what he was like when human, before he spent decades surrounded by bloodshed and massacres.

"Anyway." I said, clearing my throat and averting my eyes when Jasper gave a decidedly wicked grin at my growing discomfort. "You were sayin'?"

I could hear the deep rumble of suppressed laughter, but when I turned the full-force of my glare on him, he raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Moving on." And glancing out the window, arms crossing even tighter over his chest as if for personal comfort, Jasper quietly asked, "Do you remember telling me how you felt every time our eyes met?"

I nodded, feeling kinda' insulted that he kept asking me if I remembered things, but then he surprised me. "Well, I didn't tell you at the time, but I knew. I knew how you felt, what came over you and how your body would shift and change, because I felt that change within you. Though I couldn't feel _exactly _what you did and never knew the cause until you told me, I sensed the differences when they came about."

Looking back at me now, I watched a flicker of wariness come over his features, probably assuming I'd be a mite upset. Rightfully so, considering he had kept that important detail from me when I had spilled my heart to him that day in the woods. Jasper had let me believe that I, alone, experienced that weirdness. Though I should've figured — what with his empath abilities and all — it still didn't make his silence any more excusable.

Not bothering to say any of that just yet, much more curious as to where this was going, I flapped my hand and somewhat curtly demanded, "Explain."

He grunted and ducked his head, shrugged his shoulders as if to say it wasn't that important, but the expression in his eyes as he peered over at me from under a lowered brow and a curtain of honey locks said otherwise. As did his hushed, revered tone when he clarified, "Every single time, no matter how far away you were or how many other emotions I was taking-in, I'd always feel you above all others in those moments. Despite how brief our eyes would meet, it was like the world around me would fade into insignificant scenery, my focus centered wholly on you in those quick seconds. It happened entirely against my will and wasn't something I fully understood, but was nonetheless a connection I couldn't deny. And I think you know as well as I that it started that first day of school when I glanced at you while walking out of class. It's since altered, the nature of our connection changing when your telekinesis came to a head. Your reactions calmed with the understanding you gained, and you no longer sucked me in. But I believe that has more to do with the decrease in intensity than anything else, because I still feel you above all others. The moment your emotional signature comes into range, a part of my mind unconsciously locks-on and I can't switch it off no matter how hard I try."

Dumbfounded, I was quiet for a good, long minute while Jasper waited patiently. I stared at him without any true focus, the enormity of his confession boggling my mind with all it entailed. He felt what I had, which again, wasn't much of a surprise now that I thought about. But that he noticed me at all in those years, that he experienced the same magnitude in our seemingly insignificant interactions, that he recognized it as an unprecedented connection like I did, well...

"Holy shit."

It was all I could say, and even _that_ came out breathless. But Jasper didn't react in any way, just continued to watch me as if knowing my exclamation was merely the beginning. His features were calm and his stance against the wall appeared unconcerned, but the way he was watching me said he was far from unaffected, that he was simply biding his time while I caught up. So with a thousand questions racing about and dancing on the tip of my tongue, I blurted out without coherent thought, "What does that mean? For you, for me, for us? You said you didn't _fully_ understand why it happened, so does that mean you know something about it that I don't? And why didn't you ever say anything? I told you _everything_, the least you could've done was be equally honest with me! God, Jasper! All this time, I thought I was making more out of something than there actually was. I thought I was alone in this...this _thing_ between us. You should have told me, should've said _something!_ Why didn't you? Why...why _any_ of this?"

Pausing to catch my breath, I shook my head in bewilderment but managed to add with more rationality and less accusation, "Help me understand, Jasper. Please."

He smiled softly at me then, dark amber aglow with a gentle welcoming I couldn't comprehend as he lithely pushed himself from the wall and made his way over. Kneeling before me so that we were eye-level, staring at me as if he were seeing into my very soul, he lightly wrapped my hands between his like a baby's cradle and murmured, "I didn't say anything for so many reasons, Keira. Mostly, I think I was afraid of you. Afraid of who you were and what you meant for my life. I don't think you've yet connected the dots, but that true salvation I spoke about before? That true light Alice foresaw I'd find here? You're it, little one, and I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't know that within the first year of meeting you. Granted, I was aware you'd be coming, but Alice started having more and more visions of you and I as time went on even though I never actively decided to seek you out. I was trying to fight fate, for me and for Alice. But fate intervened this year and brought you to me."

I think I might have choked a little, fervently overwhelmed. But the sadness in Jasper as he dropped his gaze down to our intertwined hands told me that while I may be overjoyed — albeit stunned, but overjoyed nonetheless — it was still too soon to rejoice.

"I have watched you grow into this beautiful young woman over the last two and a half years." He whispered before flicking his eyes back to mine, the sadness still there but muted next to the passion envinced when he quietly declared, "You're no longer the striking child I first met, Keira, but this vivaciously spirited, tender-hearted woman before me whom I've grown to know and adore beyond measure. Our time together may be short in comparison to all my years, but that doesn't make these last two months any less significant. That fate I tried so hard to fight was sealed the day you and I began our friendship, and it grew to be so much more to me. More than I ever thought possible."

I bit my lip and squirmed a little, disbelief warring with everything I wanted. Feeling as if it were too good to be true, I absurdly pointed out, "But just the other day you said that you'd hurt me if you were honest. How...if _this_ is the truth...why would you...?"

Needless to say, I was being completely idiotic.

And Jasper, of course, chuckled at my eloquence, though he gave my fingers a delicate squeeze. Whether it was in understanding or reassurance, I don't rightly know, but his voice was tight when he explained, "I was as conflicted as you are now and didn't want to admit defeat. I know that sounds arbitrary, but I've loved Alice for decades and still do. She has given me more than I can ever repay, more than I ever deserved, and she only added to that by sacrificing her own heart to allow me yours'. She claimed it was for the greater good and our own happiness, but I still felt I owed it to her to fight this no matter the cost. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your view, the cost was more than either of us could bear."

My brows furrowed in confusion and he gave a slight grimace before reluctantly elaborating. "In order to fight this..._development_ between you and I, I'd have to avoid you completely. As soon as we returned to Forks—"

"Returned?" I interrupted, causing a gentle sigh of exasperation from him, though his lips quirked with amusement.

"Yes, returned, which I'll explain soon oh-so-patient-one." He answered, playfully rolling his eyes while I narrowed mine in feigned offense. "It was my plan to come say goodbye to you once we got back to town, but the mere thought of doing so caused this ache inside me that I couldn't explain. Like I was being ripped apart and left with only half of myself."

Jasper's dark stare suddenly pierced into mine as he gripped my hands more forcefully, slowly pronouncing, "Like I was being forced to sever from my mate."

My eyes widened and a few beats of silence ensued, then "Oh."

It was my only reply, and though it was a poor substitute for all the words rushing through my mind, I was simply too astounded at this development to properly respond. Never in a million years had I thought this is where our conversation would go, and I had recently lost all hope of there ever being anything more than friendship between us. But in a single, seemingly simple word, Jasper enlightened me the full depth of what we were talking about and redefined us on a whole new level. _Mate. The one unbreakable bond between vampires._

Understanding that my lack of speech wasn't due to incomprehension but from the side-effect of shock, Jasper continued in an almost thoughtfully manner, as if still pondering the aspects of what he was saying, "It was a strange feeling, realizing that the prospect of never seeing you again hurt more deeply than the thought of separating from Alice. How two months with you could overcome what's considered a lifetime with her was a conundrum to me, but I was still duty-bound and wouldn't be swayed despite the pain it caused. Though I didn't realize it at the time, the internal battle I was having made me more withdrawn, morose, definitely unhappy. Alice called me on it, but her foresight had already supplied her with the reasons behind my behavior. She knew what I was doing and instantly forbade me from going down that road. I wanted to argue for her sake but found I couldn't, just stood there silently in front of her as she waited for a rebuttal that never came. In that moment, we both made it easier to finally set each other free, neither of us wanting to cause the other more misery than we already were. I couldn't put her through anymore unnecessary stress with the visions that were plaguing her, and she wouldn't allow me to forego my destined path out of a pesky sense of honor."

He gave a wry grin, saying with a hint of nostalgia, "My eternal happiness was apparently a price too precious to pay." Shrugging his shoulders ever so slightly, he averted his eyes. "That's how she put it, anyway."

His unexpected demureness brought home just how hard this had to be on him. I was so used to the unyielding vampire that could take on an army of newborns, had grown familiar with the many layers and intricacies beneath the enigmatic empath, but had so easily forgotten about the man that stirred behind the armored skin. And kneeling before me now was that man. A man who just recounted his emotional struggle with the heart, a man who spent that last few days questioning every thought and feeling and action, a man who apparently let go of the only love he'd ever known. A love he protected fiercely for decades, yet released for the dubious regard of a mere girl. It was enough to strain even the steadiest of characters, though it only made Jasper seem more human. More vulnerable, almost.

While I may not be able to do a damn thing for the vampire other than love him, I could help protect and assure the man. So extracting a hand from his and cupping his face, gently coaxing his gaze back to mine, I softly told him, "I'm honored to be so entwined with your eternal happiness, Jasper, and you already know how provident you've become for mine." And trying to lighten the mood, I teasingly added, "But just so you know, I readily admit here and now that Alice is a far better person than I could ever be. If you were mine, I wouldn't care how unhappy you were, I still wouldn't let you go. I'd force you to stay miserably by my side if only to stare at that fine backside of yours' all day long!"

Jasper blinked, then slowly broke into a wide smile, his upper body starting to shake with the beginnings of laughter as he snickered out, "The same girl who blushed not five minutes ago because I called her beautiful just admitted to staring at my _backside_. Can't even call it _ass_ like everyone else this day and age!"

While his deep, melodic sounds of gaiety filled the room, I sniffed and crossed my arms, looking down my nose at him as I haughtily declared, "Got ya to laugh, didn't I? And I'll have you know, I can say 'ass' just as easily as the next person! You've heard me cussin' before!"

"Oh, I know." Jasper retorted around his continual chortling, smiling eyes gazing at me with affection. "I'm well aware of what a foul mouth you can have, being on the receiving end of it on numerous occasions. But I think I might just have to teach you the finer points of dirty talk, 'cause old-fashioned propriety has no business being anywhere near it."

I grumbled, but couldn't help smiling along with him. I didn't laugh at my own expense though, because whether he realized it or not, Jasper had made a pretty apt observation. He'd need to teach me the finer points of a lot of things since I was untouched in all the ways of relationships outside familial ones, even if it seemed like something that'd come naturally. It suddenly made me feel so young, almost inadequate, definitely unsure. And when his laughter started to calm somewhat, I found myself shyly blurting out, "How are we gonna do this, Jasper? I mean, um...I assume...ah...well, hell. I've never been in a relationship before, but I figure that's where this is leading and I don't really know what's to be expected." Eye's widening as I realized how that sounded, I hurriedly backtracked, "I mean, I _know_ what's to be expected...eventually...if that's where this is going. But I wasn't referring to..._sex_. I meant how do we go about being in a... _if _we're going to be in a relationship... how... Ah, shit. Never mind."

Jasper chuckled, palming my burning cheek with his cool hand. "I know what you meant, Keira. Before we get to that, I need to ask you a serious question and I need you to answer honestly." He took a breath and looked at me gravely. "Alice will always be a part of my life, and I will always love her. I can't erase my past and can't just forget the years we spent together. She will always mean more to me than the others. If you and I are going to do this, I need you to understand that. Can you accept the situation, no matter how unfair it is to you? Can you accept me as I am before you now, past included?"

All other inquiries forgotten, I tilted my head and pondered his question, wondering if I could really share this man's heart with another. It may be greedy of me to say so, perhaps a bit insecure, but I didn't think so. _Could I really say goodbye to him and everything that could've been just because of a past relationship, though? A past relationship that would be flaunted in front of my eyes every time I saw Alice..._

Standing abruptly and side-stepping Jasper, I began to pace the length of my room, ignoring the vamp as I contemplated how I really felt about it all. Jasper had somehow encompassed a large part of me from day one, his presence wrapped around my heart and mind in ways I hadn't understood until now. Still didn't fully understand, but if the foresighted pixie was anything to go by, then it was simply fate connecting loose ends. Meant to be and all that crap. Did I believe that? Did I really want to lay my life's happiness in the hands of something that I basically believed to be spiritual nonsense not three months ago? I may be ignorant in the ways of relationships, but I wasn't stupid. I knew if I accepted Jasper, then my life as I've ever known it would change forever. _Forever..._

Stopping in my tracks and staring down at my feet, I asked in a small voice barely above a whisper, "Will this acceptance be followed by an eternity?"

"Yes, it has to be, otherwise we stop here and now. As I've told you before, mating is serious among vampires. In the most basic of human concepts, it's the equivalent of marriage, only magnified ten-fold and essentially unbreakable. Think hard on this, because it can't be entered into lightly. It'll be forever for me, and it needs to be for you, too. I'll understand if that's not the course you want to take."

Nodding swiftly, not even bothering to glance at him, I resumed my pacing. So he wanted me to become his true mate, his vampire mate just like Alice was. _Was I really capable of filling her place, or would he return to old habits once the thrill of us died down?_ I shook my head, internally berating myself for questioning Jasper's honor and integrity. I'd never met a soul more honest and forthright as him, and once he gave himself over to something, he did it fully and without looking back. _But would he fully give himself over to me? Would I really have his heart, or just a place in it?_

Not even stopping this time but still not looking at him, I ran my hands through my hair in agitation and gritted out, "You say mating is serious stuff, but from where I stand, it sounds like you're asking me to share with Alice. Maybe not physically, but emotionally."

"No, Keira!" He practically shouted, forcefully, and from the corner of my eye I caught him standing from the bed I hadn't realized he sat on until then. I swiveled in place and continued walking the same path across the carpet, noticing Jasper made no move to approach, but roughly added, "As I said before, I may love another more than what's fair to you, but my heart and body and questionable soul will belong to you. _Only_ to you. I love _you_, wholly and without compare, whether you take me as your mate or not."

Faced with such poetic words, I ceased my pacing once and for all and turned to him. Jasper stood there with his fists clenched at his sides, looking for all the world like he wanted to run to me, shake me, drag me away, maybe even lock me up without a choice in the matter. Could I love this man before me for all eternity? _Yes._ Did I need to question whether I had his full heart? _No._ Could I accept his love for Alice? _He wouldn't me the man I loved if he just tossed her to the wayside._ Better yet, could I accept that fate — my destined path — was with him even if I've never really believed in such things before? _Hell yes, and even if it's not true, I'd make sure we had it anyway!_

"Say something, Keira." He pleaded quietly, as frantically as his nature would allow, the dark gold in his eyes vibrant with something akin to anger.

I shook my head, stepping towards him, taking his hand back in mine. "There's nothing to say, you've said it all."

Jasper growled, jerked his head in exasperation, then leaned down and captured my lips in a demanding hold. He pulled me flush against him, nothing gentle or easy about his manner as his tongue devoured mine and explored every inch and crevice within my mouth. He took what was his, what he'd known was rightfully his from the day we met, and there wasn't an ounce of apology in him when he pulled away. Instead, he looked a mix between exultant and still sorta' angry, muttering under his breath as he stared down at me in his arms, "Nothing to say? Damn women and their damn complicated ways."

A little louder now and obviously directed at me, he continued his grumbling, "I pour my feelings out to you, tell you I love you, ask you to be my mate while confessing all the strings attached to it, and you think there's nothing to say? Fuckin' women."

I giggled — yes, _giggled_ — detecting that slight southern drawl of his that comes out when he curses. And probably exasperating him further, I coyly chided, "Well, you haven't actually asked me to be your mate yet, just told me you wanted it. I thought the South was real big on doing things proper?"

I was teasing him, he knew it, but he simply grunted with his reply, "I wasn't aware that the _Irish_ were big on propriety. But if you insist." Jasper pulled back, a gleam to his eyes as he swept his arms out in a grandiose fashion, loudly and somewhat sarcastically announcing, "Keira, for what feels like the hundredth goddamn time, will you give me the honor of becoming my mate? To love, honor, and cherish for all of eternity...or until death do us part?"

He was smirking at me, being a smartass to no end, giving me more than enough cause to cheekily answer, "Sheesh, Jasper. No need to be so melodramatic. I already told you I would."

He chuckled, concluding our rather strange avowals with another kiss, probably as much to shut me up as it was for pleasure. This one was more leisurely, no less passion or want evident in the act, just taking our time and savoring the taste. His fingers weaved through my curls and the sweet taste of what I could only assume was venom layered my tongue, eventually making it tingle the longer we went at it. The chill from his body felt different, as did the hard planes of his form against mine, but in a pleasant sort of way. Like there was no mistaking it was Jasper, and these sensations were uniquely him, would always belong to him. It was a comfort, I guess you could say.

It was later on, after lazing around the house for awhile, that we brought up all that we failed to mention earlier. Sitting outside on the back-patio, cup of coffee in my hands and a blanket around my shoulders, I looked at Jasper sitting beside me on the porch steps. Though my breath was visible in the thirty degree air, his was nonexistent, bringing home just how different we were. Different for now, but not different for long, and that made me wonder. So hesitantly, somewhat afraid of the answer, I hedged, "When, exactly, will this eternity of our's get started?"

Jasper didn't react at first, just continued staring out at the woods behind my house. But he had pursed his lips, eventually glancing sideways at me before slowly replying, "It can't happen before graduation, but it doesn't need to happen right after, either. I know what your parents mean to you and how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to them."

Turning to me then, placing his arm around my shoulder, he almost sorrowfully explained, "We'll have to stage an accident, Keira. Everyone, including your parents, must think your dead." Here I winced, and Jasper tucked me closer to his body. "Again, it doesn't need to happen right away, whenever your ready is fine by me. But the sooner the better. Humans aren't suppose to be involved in our world, and the incident with Bella just proved how disastrous it can be."

"Incident with Bella?" It clicked then that the Cullens weren't the only ones absent the last few days of school, and I was surprised I hadn't put the coincidence together, or even noticed really for that matter. In fact, Bella had yet to return. Forgetting for the moment everything else Jasper had just said, I gave him a look that demanded immediate explanations. I had been too caught up in the moment earlier to realize we hadn't discussed the very issue we started out with.

With clouded eyes, Jasper glanced away and leaned slightly forward, resting a forearm against his knee while the arm around my shoulder draped a little more loosely. It was like the mere memory of what happened had affected him so much that he needed to collect himself, and that brought a jolt a panic to my gut. _Oh God, did something terrible happen to Bella? Was she...was she still alive?_

"Bella's fine, Keira. Don't worry." Jasper murmured in that deep rumble of his, a sense of relaxation melting through my nerves, the first time that day the empath had manipulated my emotions. He still wasn't looking at me, but he had a faraway glaze to his features and the contemplative scrunch to his brow told me that while I may not need to worry, he sure as hell was.

"Hey, Jasper." I soothed, reaching over and running my fingertips along his chin, using the slightest amount of pressure to tilt his face back to mine. "What's got ya so thoughtful over there?"

He shook his head, catching my hand as I pulled away, placing a soft kiss in my palm before letting go. His gaze met mine, deep and dark and apologetic as he said, "I'm sorry, I just got lost in thought there for a minute. I was thinking how easily it could've been you instead of Bella, what I would've done if it had been, and then thanking whatever Fates above that you and I had our disagreement when we did. It prevented you from possibly being there." Jasper gave a sheepish sort of grin, one that made him seem like the twenty-year-old young man he was before he became the almost two-century-year-old vampire he is now. "I guess I also need to apologize for not being around the last few days. It was never my intent to disappear on you, but certain things happened on Sunday that required my full attention. I couldn't put you in a dangerous situation you weren't already involved in, so I had to leave things the way they were between us to not draw any attention to you. I was upset, knew you were too, but it couldn't be helped."

"What happened?" I asked. He had me extremely curious.

Jasper gave a quiet snort before droning on with a near sarcastic edge about Bella and baseball and nomadic vampires. It was clear he hadn't approved with the idea, and it made me wonder how he interacted with the girl. Did he keep a polite distance while smiling and nodding, or did he speak to her with the same edge he had now while trying to ignore her? Before I really knew him, I never would've assumed anything other than the the first since he always seemed respectively courteous even when aloof. Now I could see his undertones, could read the body language he didn't even try to conceal because it was so subtle that most would never pick up on it. Jasper had a calm aura, but any who really knew him saw the perfectly controlled tension that played beneath his casual approach to unfavorable situations, even if he seemed as nonchalant as a pig in mud.

When he got to the part about James and running to Phoenix, Jasper's features tightened with anger. Clearly his protective instincts had erupted when this occurred, and it made me realize that even if he didn't agree with the situation, he'd guard Bella fiercely as if she were family. I didn't know whether to feel jealous or proud, but eventually settled on proud since I knew he'd do no less for me. But when he spoke about the ballet studio, I couldn't contain the harsh bark of laughter that erupted no matter how spiteful it might have been. Bella getting tricked into separating from the Cullens was a sad affair, but it was just plain stupid to walk right into the lion's den in an _insane_ attempt to save her mother from a _vampire_. Alone. She was obviously a load light in the head if she thought she could do _anything_ about that without the Cullens. Maybe it was brave of her, but it was a bravado that wavered on stupidity.

One thing that touch my heart was when Jasper mentioned Esme and Rosalie staying behind to watch over Victoria since she stuck around town, and how he made sure they kept an eye on me from afar so I'd be safe as well. Their thoughtfulness and Jasper's concern brought a silly smile to my face, erasing any remnants of jealousy that might have remained. He loved me before I knew it, cared about my welfare even without showing it, and looked out for me even though I'd never been aware. Made me think back on what Emmett had said, feeling kinda' ashamed for ever doubting my vampire. _My vampire..._

I sighed, perhaps a bit too dreamily given the current topic because Jasper gave me a weird glance. Clearing my throat, I spluttered out, "Uh, well, wow. That's, uh, pretty intense."

And it was, now that I refocused on the topic at hand. I hadn't really grasped just how dangerous a vampire's lifestyle was until now, especially when you weren't one yourself. It brought back Jasper's earlier words, about my change being inevitable if we were going to be together and how the sooner it happened, the better. I realized that it wasn't selfishness that drove his desire for my change — and yes, a tiny part of me thought his timeline was for purely selfish reasons, though I didn't mind — but it was actually the urge to protect and make me as safe as possible. The longer I stayed human, the higher the chances that something might occur both naturally and supernaturally. Like he said, people don't belong in his world, not with a beating heart and fragile bones.

So giving his knee a little pat, snuggling further into his side and taking a sip of my coffee, I made the absent comment, "I guess we need to do this change of mine sooner rather than later, like you said. I'd be really pissed if some blood-coveting vampire broke my leg and tried to eat me. And you, mister, wouldn't be getting laid for awhile if you let that happen!"

He chuckled, warm eyes alight with humor as he gazed at me under his arm. "That's one thing you'll never have to worry about, little one. I promise to slaughter any nomad who so much as looks at you the wrong way." Jasper tilted his head, one corner of his mouth curling slyly as he rumbled out, "But I think you'll find yourself amendable to withholding sex as punishment once you actually _experience_ it, especially with me."

I jabbed him with my elbow, rolling my eyes at the typical male macho-ness that apparently even Jasper wasn't immune to. He, of course, just smirked, but quietly said, "Thank you for understanding, Keira. You're giving me a gift I'll be spending the rest of my existence trying to repay."

I knew he meant understanding why the change needed to happen in the near future, and I knew the gift he was talking about was my life. Shaking my head, burrowing it into his chest, I mumbled, "You don't repay gifts, Jasper. Besides, it's mine to give and I give it freely to you. The only string attached is that you love me forever, no matter how many mistakes I make along the way."

"I promise." He replied softly, wrapping both arms around me and hugging me to him, placing a kiss barely felt on top of my head. "Until that time comes, though, we'll have to be cautious. There will be moments when I won't be able to be close to you. If I haven't hunted recently and I'm around my family, there's a high chance that close intimacy with you will be difficult. I'll try to hunt as often as possible, but the situation will be relative to the others as well." His tone became tighter, as did his hold on me when he warned, "And I'm telling you now, do everything in your power not to break skin around me. Best case scenario, we'd be alone and I'd be able to resist. Worst case...I'd attack and we'd have to stage an impromptu accident."

"You'd be able to stop before killing me?" I asked curiously, making him flinch slightly and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, _'I hope so' _before answering in a strong affirmative. As if his resolve was enough to make it true.

We fell silent for awhile, me enjoying the feel of Jasper's body folded around mine and both of us watching the sparse life scurry around the winter-brittle forest. How new it was, how different this passing of time felt from just a week ago made me think back over the day and how everything had changed in the last few hours. I never imagined when I woke-up this morning that any of this would happen. Finally having my heart's desire had filled me with a peace, a satisfaction, a buoyancy so intense that I doubt even the powerful empath could replicate it. That I could finally call Jasper my own brought such an indescribable rightness to my thoughts, probably inflaming my already possessive inclinations towards him. Never have I felt such all-encompassing emotions before, never have I been driven to feeling such extremes as I have now. But not everything about this situation was sunshine and roses. There were sacrifices that needed to be made, and I wasn't foolish enough to believe there was any way around them.

_Was he worth it? Was my eternal happiness worth saying goodbye to one's so dear to me?_ At any other point in my life, I might have said no. I might have said there was no such thing as eternal happiness if you had to hurt others to achieve it. Here and now though, beside my friend and now my mate, everything felt so centered and in place that I couldn't argue the value of those sacrifices. Call it instinct, an innate sense of belonging, a knowledge that I was somehow on the best course for me. I knew I was his and he was mine, knew this was the path I should take, and could only hope that I was able to recollect this feeling of certainty in times of doubt. Times when he wasn't around to remind me why I needed to destroy the two people who'd always been there for me, who brought me into this world and raised me and gave me the chance to even have this moment at all.

"Hey." Jasper suddenly spoke-up, softly, pulling back and staring down at me in concern. "You're thinking a tad too heavily there for comfort, Keira. What's got your mood so conflicted?"

I absently shook my head, not really knowing how to answer. Looking down at my empty coffee cup, mindlessly twirling it in my hands, I answered without much thought, "Just wondering how somethin' so right can be so wrong for others who don't deserve that kinda' pain." Glancing back up at him, seeing that he understood what I meant, I said, "I'm gonna ask you to make another promise. Whether it's through touch or words or just a look, I'll need you to reassure me from time to time that I'm doing the right thing here. It's not that I doubt you or us, I just need to be reminded of what I'm gaining in exchange for everything I'm giving up. I know it's probably not fair to you, but can you promise to do that while not holding it against me?"

As soon as the last sentence left my mouth, I thought how fitting it was that I now asked Jasper to accept this just like he asked me to accept his continual love for Alice. Practically the same words, slightly different circumstances, full circle. A balance between us now, both having pleaded for something that bore an unfairness on the other.

If Jasper recognized that as well, he didn't show it. Simply quirked an eyebrow and seemed a little disbelieving, saying after a moment's pause, "I knew the moment I decided to accept you as my future mate that if you agreed, it wouldn't be easy. Your parents have always been a constant for you, and letting go of them will probably — _hopefully_ — be the hardest decision you'll ever face considering the manner in which you'll do it. Being what you need at those moments are a given, Keira. It's called being a good partner, a good mate whether human or vampire, and part of the package if anyone ever wants to have a lasting relationship. It's understanding at it's finest and most basic, something that's expected of me no matter the circumstances. So don't worry, I'm prepared to see you through the worst and enjoy the better with you, and certainly won't ever hold those moments against you."

Feeling more than sufficiently mollified with that answer, I gave him a gratified smile and a quick peck on the lips, then ducked my head in embarrassment because I still wasn't completely confident with initiating any sort of intimacy. Jasper chuckled, probably at both my response and the embarrassment born from that response, patting me on the head like a kid. "Now come on, little one. It's getting late and I need to have a talk with the others."

Glancing at him, confused and a bit disappointed that he had to leave, I asked, "The others? You mean your family?"

Nodding, he explained while nimbly jumping to his feet, dragging me along with him. "Alice and I decided back in Phoenix that after I spoke with you, we'd call a family meeting and explain the..._changes_ that have occurred."

Looking at him wide-eyed, suddenly feeling the dropping temperature of the evening more than I had a second again, I squeaked out in a high, strangled voice, "You mean they don't know about you and Alice already? About her visions of you and me?"

Jasper frowned as if just realizing he'd left that _hugely_ significant part out, then shook his head slowly. "No, my family doesn't seem to know that mine and Alice's circumstances have drastically changed. They'd be blind not to notice some difference, especially Edward, but we've been diligent in keeping this quiet and out of our thoughts." As if in afterthought, he tilted his head to the side and mused, "Should make tonight interesting."

I choked back the urge to laugh hysterically in a fit of panic, gasping out, "Oh my God. They're gonna hate me."

_And that would make things just soo freakin' dandy, now wouldn't it? _Maybe I was overreacting, being too concerned about what others thought, but who wants the family of the man you're with to not approve? And Jasper, who'd been staring at me passively as if he didn't believe I meant it, now realized the strength of my distress and placed a hand on the crook of my neck. His thumb stroking just below my collarbone in a comforting rhythm.

"Shh, Keira. It'll be okay." He soothed, tone warm and eyes as gentle as his touch. "They won't hate you, that much I can assure. You're already considered a part of my family, and whether you realize it or not, they too, care about you. I don't doubt they'll be surprised, and I might even hear a few protests at first, but that's why Alice and I are confronting them together. It's a show of unity that let's them know we both want this, and once they see that, everything will be okay. They aren't going to blame you or hate you for something that isn't your fault."

A slow smirk of pure wickedness graced his lips then, giving him quite the devilish distinction. "Besides, they'd be dealing with one _very _pissed off vampire that could _easily_ kick their asses if they did."

Despite my dubious opinion on the matter, I felt a grin tug the corners of my mouth at the mental image of Jasper — the quiet and reserved one — flipping out on _extremely_ shocked Carlisle and Esme. Not that it would ever happen, but it was still funny to picture.

Deciding to let the issue go for now since there was no point worrying over something I couldn't prevent, I just sighed and waved my hand dismissively, wanting nothing more than to return to happier topics. Jasper had to go though, and it was getting dark. The temperature was still dropping with the sun's glare, and giving one last look around the backyard as if it were our personal paradise we were being forced to leave, I grabbed the cool hand still on my neck and tugged my man inside with me.

I shivered when we entered the house, the receding chill from the winter air still clinging to me. Perhaps more forcefully now that I was in a heated room. Jasper shook his head and meandered towards the kitchen, probably knowing better than I that I'd wake in the morning with a cold, but he didn't chide me on the frailty of being human. He never had before and I don't know why I suspected him to now — maybe because the nature of our relationship had changed, and with it came inevitable changes as well — but I was thankful he hadn't nonetheless. I wanted our effortless friendship _and_ the romance, the carelessness of comrades as well as the security between lovers. It might be asking for too much; wanting my cake and eating it too, as the the saying goes. But I was giving him everything I had, everything I was and could be. I was giving him the very breath in my lungs and the pulse through my veins, any future with my parents and any possibility of children. So if wanting certain things to remain the same between us was too much to ask...well, he'd just have to find a way to suck it up and deal with it.

After telling him as much right then and there and without preamble, standing in the middle of my living room while Jasper just stared across the way a little stupefied, I felt another weight lifting from my shoulders. Like I had erased a potential charade between us, not wanting him to take me as anything other than what I am. It took him a second to recover from my impulsive tongue-lashing, but Jasper's subtle bewilderment eventually gave way to a small twitch of the lips and a gaze that warmed with the radiance of affection. With half the room between us, this hard-edged, sharply chiseled beauty of a man stared at me in such a way that made him seem more ethereal than ever. His beauty was masculine and his tall frame held a lethal confidence — almost a regality — that bore testament to his many years as an incomparable soldier. But the soft aura of adoration that poured from his entire being at that moment made the constant fire that burned within him, made the hallowed heat that fueled his very essence seem more of an enveloping glow. His light became the purest kind of fire when he gazed at me like that, but I couldn't put a name to the vision I was beholding until his gift enlightened me.

It took him closing the distance between us, his brilliant eyes still locked with mine as he wordlessly placed his hand over my heart. When I felt the slow spread of his feelings for me encompass every cell in my body, I realized that glow I had seen in him just now was the look of love. What I saw was Jasper's love for me put into art, written on his face and exuding from within.

The revelation took my breath away, the strength of it capturing my soul in a firm embrace.

"I love you, Keira." Softly spoken as he dropped his hand, amber hues glimmering with open emotion since letting me into his heart for the first time. He allowed me to feel him on a level that only he could grant, and the word 'love' seemed sorely inadequate.

"Me too, Jasper. Me too."

And as he ducked his head and nuzzled my hair, a smile stretched my lips from ear to ear, knowing I'd get my cake and eat it, too.

oOo

It piqued me to say goodbye to him so soon, the part of me that still entertained girlish fantasies hoping he'd take me in his arms and hold me throughout the night, caressing me 'till the break of dawn. A honeymoon of sorts, one I felt was richly deserved. But Jasper departed shortly thereafter, and though he did it with reluctance, it was still far too quickly in my book. He had his own family to confront though, and it seemed as if he wanted to get the whole ordeal over with as soon as possible. I had a feeling he was just as wary about some of their reactions as I was despite his assurances from before. There was a look in his eyes when he left, as if he knew a battle was about to commence and wasn't looking forward to it.

I found out later that Edward was the only one that reacted harshly, apparently arguing that it was too dangerous for Jasper to be involved with a human because he struggles so much with their diet. It was an ironic stance considering the boy was dating his _singer_, but Jasper had a solid comeback, telling them I wouldn't be human for long. Supposedly, it was that comment which made everyone realized the depth of what they were discussing, shock keeping the room quiet for longer than a minute before tempers erupted once again. Carlisle, the voice of reason, broke-in and asked if they — and me — had really thought this through, which prompted Alice to tell them _everything_. From the path she knew she'd be taking all along with Jasper to the consequences they both became aware of when they decided to move here, right down to the visions she'd been hiding from Edward and the arguing that she and Jasper had been doing for a whole year. She even told them about _her_ future, the vague flashes she's had about _her_ true mate. No one could really argue once it was all laid out on the table.

I was told that Esme immediately started drawing up plans for a new room, decorated to both mine and Jasper's taste, which was the only sign of contentment that came from her but was more than enough considering her doting ways. Carlisle naturally felt discomforted with the notion of turning someone when there wasn't a dire need, what with him being a standing protector of all things moral and human. He cherishes life and strives daily to maintain some semblance of it within his un-dead family, but despite his stance on the issue, he supported Jasper like the father he portrays himself as. Though he did calmly and diplomatically suggest that we let some time pass before we enacted this irreversible choice. What he didn't know and Jasper didn't tell him was that it was already irreversible, that I made my choice knowing there was no going back. Not unless I wanted to destroy the man I loved, which I certainly didn't.

The one reaction that surprised everyone, including me when I heard, was Rosalie. She evidently knew since Alaska there was something wrong with Alice and Jasper. She noticed the subtle change between them that only seemed to grow with time, and when I came along, she put two-and-two together. That didn't mean she liked me or accepted our relationship, but she understood the circumstances and that meant a lot coming from her. Emmett, on the other hand, had apparently kept quiet throughout the whole course of the night, occasionally beaming at his wife with pride or staring gravely at Edward. But Jasper had said that he sensed his brother's acceptance, that he figured Emmett's mind had been traveling to thoughts of Bella's future now that mine was decided. I didn't know what to make of that, but I had quickly come to realize that the Swan girl was a favorite among them. With the notable exception of Rosalie, they've all been wishing since the day they met her that she'd become a part of their family. I, again, was just a fluke, a shock, something they never expected to happen. It was my lot with them, one I'd graciously take as long as I got Jasper.

And since then, our days just kind of fell into a routine. We still had half the school year left, but Jasper would always be at my house first thing in the morning to walk me there. Our strolls through the forest became a significant past-time for us, something so peaceful and beautiful about being together but alone in the woods. Nothing but us and the wildlife, a mutual reverence between the two. Like we had become a part of the scenery with them and they had accepted us into their world. Every couple has a certain place that has a special meaning to them, and I had come to think of the woods as ours.

At school though, Jasper and I kept everything low-key. The student population had enough talk for the gossip-mill when Edward and Bella came out with their relationship that we didn't need to add on to it. We also wanted to respect Alice as much as possible and not put her in an awkward situation. Our classmates already figured that I had somehow become friends with Jasper, seeing us casually together on more than one occasion. We just let everyone continue to believe that was all we were, and I would act aghast if anyone asked if there was something more between us. No one witnessed our brief touches and quickly stolen kisses in hidden corners, they didn't see the way we looked at each other or the love that shone through our every feature when we shared a meaningful glance. They only saw an unprecedented friendship between the scary Hale twin and the Irish girl no one really hung out with anymore. And that was fine by us, and the rest of the Cullens as well. The vampires really just wanted to try to keep their lives as normal as possible, not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Even so, every day that wasn't bright and sunny, Jasper would walk me home and spend the afternoon with me if I didn't work at the diner. The weekends were always ours though, no matter the weather or our schedules. Occasionally we'd spend time at the Cullen's, more-so at mine, but mostly we'd take to camping out beneath the stars. Once the season had warmed and the weather allowed, it was almost certain you'd find us on a Saturday night holding each other beneath the rare occurrence of clear skies in Forks. Eventually I admitted to my parents the nature of mine and Jasper's relationship, which they hadn't been surprised about at all. They were, of course, ecstatic that I finally found somebody, and they took to Jasper as if he were their very own son. They had liked him before, but now they loved him and embraced him and invited him to everything we did. Family dinners, movie nights, holidays, special events...you name it, he was badgered into it. I was a very happy and content girl, and with each day that passed between us, those doubts of mine faded away. I was secure in the fact that I wasn't going to make an irreversible mistake, that I wasn't being purely selfish in giving my life to Jasper and taking it away from others. I could confidently say we were meant for the long-haul, and that even if everything wouldn't always be perfect between us, I could be happy forever beside him.

That he was sharing my life now and sharing this time with my parents made it easier, too. We'd have those memories and be able to look back on them together, and it would almost be as if I still had them with me. He'd help me carry them through the years and never let me forget, and simply looking at him would remind me of these moments. I was grateful for that, and began to think of myself as the luckiest girl in the world.

It was graduation night that cemented those already firm beliefs. Jasper and I had only become closer and closer throughout the months, our intimacy evolving with delicate ease. He took it slow, starting out with lazy kisses here and there, letting me get confident enough to take the initiative. When my body began to demand more and our kisses would turn into heated sessions that left me panting and aching, Jasper had mercy on my poor soul and introduced me to the wonderful experience of foreplay. It began with gentle caresses here and there, gradually becoming a thorough exploration of my body, leaving not a single inch of skin untouched. What made it beautiful, though, was the reverence that he bestowed upon me, the tenderness in which he always progressed. Never pushing me too far too fast, never looking at me as an object before him but as if I were his beloved queen. It made me want to show him the same kind of servitude, the kind that can only be truly expressed when done out of love.

I was tentative to take action on my own, though. My shyness came through, my hands clumsy and unsure and inexperienced. Jasper had a good chuckle at my embarrassment, but in all his wisdom and practice had guided my touch, never taking his eyes away from mine. He taught me all about my own body and his, let me become comfortable with this new side of our relationship, and we quickly learned everything there was to know on how to make the other moan in ecstasy.

But the time had never been right to take that final step, the only exploration we had yet to fulfill. It hadn't felt right until Jasper gave me my graduation present.

My parents had thrown a party at their diner in honor of us, the whole town invited as if we were freakin' celebrities. Alice, who had probably seen how many would show, had begged and pleaded with my mom to help decorate. Which she had, of course, conceded since nobody could resist Alice's puppy-dog eyes. It seemed as if everyone came, the place packed as all celebrated and had a good time, but I figured it was just as much their graduation party as it was ours. And the envious glances I got from a few classmates told me the proverbial cat was out of the bag, that they finally got the gist of my relationship with Jasper. I don't think either of us cared at that point, but hopefully the fall-out wouldn't be too terrible for Alice next year.

By midnight the diner had cleared, the only ones left being me, my parents, and Jasper. I had started to clean up the garbage that was lying around when my mom came up to me, yanked the trash-bag out of my hand, and placed her hands on my shoulders. I gave her a curious look, but as tears began to form in those pale green eyes identical to mine, I knew I was about to hear another emotional speech from her.

"Oh honey. I'm so proud of you!" She flitted out breezily, placing a hand to her chest as if trying to hold herself together. "I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I love you so much, you know."

Taking a deep breath to compose herself while I refrained from rolling my eyes, my mom glanced over her shoulder before turning back to me, quietly saying as if sharing a secret, "Jasper has something _real_ special planned for you both tonight, so I don't want you to do another thing 'cept leave with him. Your father's talking with him right now, so I wanted to take this opportunity to ask you something." A slight hesitation from her before pushing out, "Is there anything you might need to talk about? You know…any questions you might have about…well, sex? Anything at all, don't be afraid to ask."

_Oh God! My mom wanted to talk about sex? Shit, could I be anymore embarrassed?_

Glancing around the room for Jasper, I spotted him behind the counter with my dad, looking as comfortable as could be. I glared as menacing as I possibly could at him, wanting nothing more than to have enough telekinetic power to toss his ass through a window. He just _had_ to talk to my parents about his _plans_ for us tonight! Though I doubted he mentioned anything about sex, I'm still eighteen! He didn't need to ask their _permission_ for Christ's sake!

With all the heat I was throwing off, he must've felt my glare — probably my utter mortification, too — because he looked over at me with clear, vivid amusement, apparently trying to keep from laughing. The bastard had heard every word my mom just said, and if he thought it was funny, well I'd show him!

I shot him a sly smile and focused back at my mom, who'd obviously seen the glare I gave Jasper and was now looking more than a bit sheepish. _Jeez mom._

Leaning in and lowering my voice to a conspiratorial whisper, knowing Jasper could still hear everything, I feigned ignorance and asked, "Yeah mom, I do. I was wondering…well, there's no easy way to put this so I'm just gonna say it. What happens if he's just too big to fit? I've sometimes felt _it_, ya know," Gesturing towards the general southern region just incase she didn't already get the gist. "...with my hand, and it seems to be a bit…well…_big._"

Distantly, I heard Jasper choking on whatever he was saying to my dad, but if I knew my mom, payback was only _beginning_ to be served.

She was blushing, but held herself together well after my intrusive and somewhat crude comment. "Oh, well honey, tell you what. That's something a guy needs to understand in those kinds of…situations. I promise you the pain will go away, but how about I go mention something to Jasper about how to help you through the process. I'm sure your dad wants to say goodnight, so I'll send him right over while I have a little chat with Jasper. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded. "Sure mom." _Revenge was so sweet!_

Fifteen minutes later found my dad and I watching from a safe distance as mom "chatted" heatedly with my unfortunate boyfriend, her fingers pointing and arms flailing about in an agitated manner, even baring her teeth on occasion like a mother wolf protecting her cub while the big bad vampire curled inward. Father and daughter shared a lopsided grin on the sidelines, the big man leaning down and whispering, "Wha's got yer mom so riled up with yer boy, there?"

I snickered, shaking my head in the only explanation I would give as the words "Fire" and "Brimstone" and "Kettle of curses" carried over to us. Deciding it was time to step-in and give Jasper a break before my mom threw all threats to the wind and just acted, I turned to my dad and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, slowly making my way over with smugness radiating from within. Dark eyes narrowed as I approached, but Jasper's slightly amused smirk diminished any intimidation the act carried, his arm swinging casually around my shoulders when I stopped next to him.

Craning my neck and tilting my head back, I blinked up at him in sweet innocence. "Hello."

He deep, low chuckle reverberated throughout his chest, the vibrations jolting my body as Jasper stared fondly back. "Hello to you, too."

My mother glanced between us, nodding her head in some sort of mental approval before saying a cheery goodnight, her willowy frame buzzing with as much excitement as a kid on Christmas morning as we walked out the door. _She was a strange one at times._

"You are _evil_." Jasper hissed once outside, lightly shoving me towards the passenger side of, surprisingly, Carlisle's Mercedes.

"Now, now." I chided playfully with a wag of my finger. "Paybacks a bitch, Jasper. I hope it's a lesson learned. Now where we headin' to in this sweet ride?"

He snorted, opening the door for me. "If you think you're getting any answers out of me after that stunt you pulled in there, you're incredibly _insane_. And just so we're clear here, my motives weren't to embarrass, simply to respect the wishes and concerns of loving parents. If I happened to get some entertainment from it, well..." He shrugged his shoulders with nonchalant grace. "Then it was simply a bonus graciously given from a necessary situation.

Jasper took a step forward as I sat down, his long legs crowding the open doorway as he leaned in, his eyes flashing with a promise as they locked with mine. His next words were drawn out slowly, equal promise implied when he said, "Yours' however, were purely vengeful motives, and such behavior won't go unpunished. You're right Keira, paybacks a bitch, and before the summer's over that pretty little head of yours' will be swimming with all the unimaginable ways it can be conjured up. I hope it'll be a lesson learned."

With that ominous threat, he flashed a quick smile and pulled back, slamming the door on my slack-jawed expression. He strolled leisurely to the other side, soundlessly got in and started driving away, not saying another word but humming quietly to himself. As I stared out the window, refusing to acknowledge the man that just made my next four months a sure nervous wreck, I began seeing the dark contours of the coastline pass us by. I recognized the winding roads that trailed the northern cliffs, caught sight of the occasional shimmer of moonlight against the ocean surface, noticed the shrouded scenery was becoming less and less familiar. The longer we drove, the more my curiosity grew, and the bastard beside me knew it too.

Finally turning to him, I made the obvious statement, "We're headed north."

"Yes." He answered without taking his eyes off the road.

"You still won't tell me where?"

"No." Still not glancing at me.

"Well, it's gotta be somethin' special for Carlisle to lend you his car." I hedged, hoping a new tactic would give me even the slightest hint.

"Yes, it is." _Well, that didn't work._

Switching to an age-old method of persuasion, I puckered my lips and sniffed, begging in the most pleading voice I could muster, "Pleeease? Pretty, _pretty_, please?"

"No."

And that was that. It was all I got out of him on the subject, though there was a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. So I decided to sulk for the remainder of our hour-long drive, arms crossed and staring straight ahead in feigned indifference, as if I couldn't care less where this little adventure led us. Jasper would chuckle from time to time — probably at my intentional moping — but I'd determinedly swivel away, looking anywhere and everywhere but at the pesky man by my side.

Eventually the car turned off on a narrow drive, my curiosity growing ten-fold and found myself leaning forward, peering out the windshield into the pitch black of night. I didn't know where we were, but the jagged stone wall lining my side of the road and the drop-off into murky oblivion on Jasper's made me think we were heading down some rocky mountain I wasn't aware Washington had. I thought I heard the sound of crashing waves, thought I could see the faintest glow of a reflective sea in the distance, but the moon had vanished behind a thicket of clouds some time ago and left the land in a blanket of darkness. I couldn't tell the sky from the horizon at that point.

A few minutes more of navigating around sharp bends and steep levels, I finally saw a flicker of light ahead. Coming closer, I could see it was several candle-lit windows, a vague impression of a small cottage barely visible. Parking in front of it, headlights illuminating the quaint, grey-shingled structure, I sucked in a breath and cut a wide-eyed gaze to Jasper, who was now staring at me with thinly-veiled satisfaction.

"I rented this place for two days, so you'll be able to explore once you can actually see what's around. We're completely secluded, wedged on a strip of land that juts out about half-way between the top of the cliff and the ocean, so we're free to do as we please for the next forty-eight hours." Giving me a tender smile, Jasper reached over and brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek, softly adding, "Happy graduation, Keira. I hope you like it."

"Like it?" I gasped, returning my disbelieving stare to this tiny piece of paradise he'd given me. "I love it, Jasper. How could I not? It's wonderful."

"Good." He murmured, cutting off the car and stepping out, my legs slowly obeying the same process.

Once standing but still a little dumbfounded, I glanced around the area in a daze. That Jasper would go to such lengths for a simple graduation present was outworldly, almost too much for something so common and insignificant. It made me feel ashamed that I hadn't even thought about getting anything for him, figuring his twentieth or so graduation held no value.

Glancing back at him as he retrieved a few things from the trunk, I hesitantly broached, "Jasper, I didn't know we'd be exchanging gifts. I didn't get you anything at all."

His head popped over the trunk-door with an indulgent expression before he slammed it shut and locked the car, making his way over to me with a couple duffle-bags slung over his shoulder. "We aren't exchanging gifts, we're both going to enjoy mine. Besides, if I received something from everybody each time I went to high school, I'd have a large enough collection to open a small flea market."

I snorted, agreeing wholeheartedly, then motioned to the bags he held. "I guess you've thought of everything. I hope you packed my toothbrush."

Jasper just shook his head, ruffling my hair as he side-stepped me, calling out over his shoulder as he started walking away, "Come on, oh-ye-of-little-faith. Let's get inside and check this place out."

My initial impression had been correct, the cottage was small, consisting of only two spacious rooms altogether. The main room when you walked in was large and open, the layout simple with only the most basic furniture and a miniature kitchen tucked into the far corner. It had a cozy, rustic feel to it, the numerous windows around you giving the eery sense of being in a house with no walls. Like you were standing on a platform in the middle of an open field with only the couch there to keep you company. It made it all the more wild and perfect, but it was the bedroom that quickly became my favorite.

The room itself wasn't that big, but there was a large, four poster bed with a fluffy comforter that begged to be jumped on and too many pillows for one person to know what to do with. The fireplace directly across from it was somehow already lit, the wood burning mutely and casting shades of orange and yellow against the white fur rug laying in front of it. The country feel of it offset the much more modern appeal given by the two, full-glass doors that took up most of the aligning wall, which opened to a wide porch that overlooked the cliffside. I'd have bet a life's earnings in that moment that the view at sunset, with the hues of receding light painting the ocean's horizon, would be ridiculously phenomenal. The potential beauty was already taking my breath away, the prospect of it all making me giddy with awe.

Turning to Jasper, who'd so far been content with watching me take it all in, I gave him a blinding smile and said in a voice raspy with emotions, "Thank you, Jasper. It's lovely."

A noise rumbled from deep in his chest, a low, gravelly sound of assent or pleasure as he leaned against the doorway, his eyes steady on me and reflecting the flames of firelight. He didn't respond in any other way, just continued to stand guard while I looked around, amazed. I had no words to describe the amount of utter astonishment I was feeling, the enormity of this gesture striking me hard and leaving me speechless with gratitude. With this single act, Jasper had managed to make me feel more special than I ever had in my entire life. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought a man would whisk me away on a romantic getaway, and that it hadn't been at some five-star resort or fancy tropical island made it all the more meaningful. All the more unforgettable because this place — this simple, rustic little place — was everything Jasper and I were, bundled-up in a weathered package and dropped in the middle of nowhere. Just how we liked it. Easy, effortless, uncomplicated and comfortable, yet so full of character and discovery. Perfect in all its' imperfections.

"Thank you." I repeated, turning to him once again.

Jasper glanced around the room as if seeing it through my eyes, nodding as he quietly said, "It suits you."

"It suits _us_." I reiterated, bringing a gentle quirk to the corner of his mouth.

"It does, doesn't it?" He murmured, pushing off the doorjam and walking towards me. "Maybe we'll have to build ourselves a little cottage down the road, a place we can escape to that's all ours."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that." I answered huskily, my breath hitching when Jasper wrapped him arm around my waist and lifted me off the ground, kissing me soundly as he backed us towards the bed.

Laying me down on the comforted that I knew would swallow me whole, he smirked at the vision I presented before lithely crawling on top, his lips hovering a breath from mine as he whispered, "You look positively delicious, little one. Good enough to eat."

Any comment I might've had to that was cut short when his mouth descended a precise attack on the juncture below my ear, the very spot he knew could get me moaning and tingling all over just by a simple brush of his fingers. He leaned in as one hand traveled the curves of my body, his tongue tracing a gentle path along my neck and collarbone, pulling back just enough to blow his cool breath against my skin. It made me shiver with sensations only he had brought me to, and when his leg slid between my thighs and his hip pressed against mine, I couldn't withhold the instinctively buck beneath him or the gasp of pleasure as I wove my arms around him to bring him closer.

Jasper chuckled at my impatience, a throaty tenor of pure-male satisfaction that tickled my skin where his lips were placed. But he leaned back and shifted his weight, maneuvering himself beside me so that his long body lay next to mine, his elbow propping him up so he could still gaze down at me. Our legs were still entwined and his fingers were still trailing along my curves, more slowly and absentmindedly now, but his eyes were searching mine in a grave way. Like he was probing deep within my mind for something I didn't yet know, the uncertainty of it keeping the whine that'd been building in the back of my throat from coming out.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked while sidling closer to him, trying to give a small measure of comfort.

He shook his head, quietly sighing in what sounded suspiciously like exasperating before saying, "I can't believe I'm offering you the chance to object since _I know_ I could have my way with you right now, but I need you to realize that this isn't why I brought you here. I did it because I knew you'd love it, because I wanted you to fall asleep beside me in a bed for a change, instead of the hard ground we're used to when camping. I did this just to see the joy on your face, not for any expectations of what might occur." A tiny smirk started to curl his lips and brief laughter sparked in his eyes. "Despite what your mother may think."

I laughed outright at that, nodding my agreement as I remembered my mom's earlier behavior. But as the humor died down and Jasper's declaration sunk-in, I though about what he meant. I was glad he stopped and told me his thoughts, because I hadn't realized that was where this was leading. Not consciously at least, and though I wouldn't have made any objections, that kinda' thing just happening in the spur of the moment didn't feel right. Not for our first time, and certainly not for my first time. It would've made the passion seem more base, in a sense. I wanted it to be a full-fledged offering, a yielding of my body to his the way my heart already was. That he somehow perceived that — and I had no doubt that he did — was a wonder all on it's own. Jasper was a sexual man behind closed doors, a hot-blooded Texan just like any other, but he still found the wherewithal to pull back before I had any regrets. Now it was time for his reward.

Shifting to match his pose, propping myself up on my elbow and staring at him with the straightest face I could muster, I expounded with all the seriousness in the world, "Mr. Whitlock, you're little chivalry just there got yourself a guaranteed booty-call this evening. I give you full permission to line me, twine me, and bind me in whatever way your gallant heart and perverse mind desires."

I was still trying to keep a straight face and probably would have succeeded a few seconds more if Jasper's eyebrows hadn't risen to almost comical heights. I bit my lip to bite back my laughter, but I couldn't stop my shoulders from shaking or the blush that burned my cheeks as my spontaneous words replayed in my head.

"I think I've corrupted the innocence out of you." Jasper replied over another sigh, this one obviously an act since the look in his eyes said he was anything but exasperated. And with a speed too swift for me to see, he flipped me on my back and hovered above me once again, his gaze raking salaciously over my prone form as I gripped his arms for a balance I shouldn't have needed.

His eyes flicked to mine and his soft, deep voice came out in a low husk. "So I can line you beneath me, or on top of me, or even in front of me for all you care?" Long fingers slid down my side and over my hip, curling expertly around my thigh and hitching it around his waist. "What about twining your legs in positions you've never even imagined before? Or binding you to this bed for a week, naked, and at my complete mercy? Hmm, Keira? Does my gallant heart and perverse mind have your permission for _that?_"

The way his body was grinding rhythmically against mine, how he whispered that last part with such dark sensuality, the feel of his cool hand gliding under my shirt and against my now burning skin left me incoherent for words. I could only nod, making some sort of mewling noise in the back of my throat as I tried to focus on one sensation at a time. It was all too much, too many things sending different shocks through my system as Jasper's hands did one thing, his hips did another, and his mouth started a new assault in places I'd never mention in public. When he pulled me into a heated kiss that brought me flush against him, I could only find the power to moan my content as our tongues mingled and our bodies moved in a carnal dance I couldn't rightly comprehend.

Minutes or hours later, however long he had me completely senseless, found me staring shamelessly at the magnificence of his naked form as he eased himself between my legs. The way his muscles shifted beneath his smooth skin, pale flawlessness that seemed so much more celestial in the flickering firelight. The way his taut waist fit so perfectly between my thighs as I wrapped them around him, his soft lines of definition flexing with the fluidity of a wildcat. Even the way his broad shoulders shadowed mine like a protective barrier as he leaned over me, dwarfing me with their comparative size but making me feel so much more safe than I ever had before. But it was how his honey locks fell like a curtain around his face as he stared down at me, how his onyx eyes smoldered in the dark but still managed to carry a hint of concern for me, and how the sight of his lips curving into a smile that softened the sharp edges of his jaw that made my heart race and my stomach coil with want. Jasper had the ability to compel people with a single look, and the way he looked now compelled me to want more of him, all of him, everything he had to give. He filled me with an emotional intensity I shouldn't be able to handle, much less control.

"Shh, calm down, Keira. Calm, that's it...there you go."

I hadn't really registered Jasper's words until I felt the effect of his manipulation, my nerves smoothing out and my jaw unclenching as the tension in my head eased. I blinked once, focused on Jasper's slightly amused expression in front of me and felt my brow furrow in confusion.

"What'd I do?" I breathed out airily, only half-concerned and my mind elsewhere considering what we were leading up to.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned his body against mine, his arms braced beside me and holding most of his weight. "I think I've been going about this a little _too_ well. Your excitement starting shaking the side-tables."

I blinked again, glanced over Jasper's arm to the right and then the left, looked back at him and shrugged. "Oh well."

His chest rumbled with laughter, his lips pressed tightly together and his eyes twinkling. Pale fingers brushed stray curls from my face, and Jasper dipped down and placed a whisper of a kiss along my jaw, quietly confessing as he pulled back, "I love you beyond reason, Keira."

I reached up and buried my hands in his silky locks, pulling his face back to mine and immediately molding my lips to his, delving my tongue deep in the only show of gratitude I could think of at the time. I felt Jasper's hips shift between my legs two seconds in, felt his hand grip my waist as the other entangled my hair, and felt his body sink heavily against me as he somehow managed to hold me even closer to him. And there, wrapped around his body yet feeling as if I were wrapped in his cocoon, I felt him sheathe himself within me in one, swift movement, causing a cry of pain to erupt from my lips as I threw my head back and instinctively tried to buck him away. I'm sure it wasn't exactly the right way to go about it, especially if his labored breath and soft moan were any indication, but I wasn't really thinking of anything except the awkward sensation of being filled to the brink and the thought that I might just split in two.

With my eyes clenched shut, I tried to wait the pain out, absently hearing Jasper murmur small comforts in my ear as he weaved calming threads into me. It relaxed me to the point that the pain was less, and it diminished further the longer I adjusted. The chill he naturally emitted had soothed the last remnants of discomfort from within, allowing me to enjoy the feel of Jasper filling me as I wrapped my arms around his back and nuzzled in the crook of his neck. I gave an experimental thrust of the hips when he shifted slightly, deeply satisfied by his sharp hiss of pleasure and the way he seemed to bury himself even further within me. He wasted no time setting a careful pace, keeping his loving, watchful eyes on mine as he languidly kissed me and rocked us into another slow build of senselessness.

It was an experience completely foreign to me but something I didn't know how I ever did without. The tension in my body felt glorious, as if it were being used and pushed to new heights in the one way it was actually meant to. The boneless feel and lack of thought that coupled it made me feel like I was dancing along the clouds with only the sweet kiss of the breeze daring to touch my skin, leading me into euphoria. But it was the way I felt so complete and in rhythm and as one with Jasper that brought me there, our essences merging and entangling in a way that no other intimacy allowed. It was possession in its' most primal form, the need to own and be owned taking root and causing me to the grip Jasper closer, to match his thrusts harder, to moan my content when he read my mind and held me impossibly closer as he sheathed himself even deeper within me. His purrs rang loudly in my ear and quivered through my flesh, his whispered words of pleasure only serving to tighten the coil in my stomach. Every shift of his hips brought a gasp from my lips, every touch from his hand making me desperate for more, and every surging movement he gave made me clench around him as if to keep him there for all eternity. It was all so much, too much, and so goddamn beautiful to me that I cried out Jasper's name as I reared beneath him in my release, barely registering the sensuous flare of his eyes as he watched me collapse in all these sensations. Barely noticing that he quickly followed me in sated pleasure.

For an indefinable period of time we simply stayed as we were, clinging to each other in the heavy aftermath with Jasper still seated inside me, slow kisses given between labored pants and gentle caresses. I could feel his contentment and love flowing outward and warming my heart, and I knew he could feel mine as I laid in his arms and my body calmed. He was still purring, a muted rumble that lulled my senses better than any manufactured emotion he could produce, and I had never felt so at peace than I did at that moment. I wanted to tell him, wanted to say something, anything to express how far beyond my expectations that had been. I had never imagined sex could convey so much, that the ultimate lover's dance could bring such a feeling of togetherness. But all the words that came to mind sounded so terribly cliché that I didn't dare open my mouth...not until I remembered an earlier comment from Jasper and a devious thought entered.

Tilting my head from under his chin and resting nose-to-nose with Jasper on the pillow, I peered mischievously into his lazy, hooded eyes as I slyly quipped, "I think we can honestly say that _now_ you've completely corrupted the innocence outta me."

He chuckled softly, raising his hand and palming my cheek, his thumb stroking slowly over my bottom lip. His tawny locks — smoothly rumpled and curling slightly at the ends — were laying haphazardly across his face, but I could see the curve lifting his mouth and the way his irises had returned to their dark golden hue. I could see the way he stared at me with such easy devotion; a devotion that filled me with an indefinable and unlooked-for pride. As if I had done something to deserve his attention.

"Good, then." Came his quiet, raspy reply accompanied with a lustful smirk and a languid thrust of his hips, bringing a hitch to my breathing as I felt him move within me. "It'll make abusing this sweet piece of heaven you've got so much easier. I've never felt anything quite like it before, and I'm going to enjoy getting used to it."

It was a compliment, I knew that, but a moment's pause caused an insecurity to form, a niggling in the back of my mind that taunted me. And frowning, wanting nothing more than to have Jasper banish this doubt, I hesitantly asked, "Is it different simply because I'm human? Because I gotta admit, I've never heard of anyone being _that_ good their first time, and you've got over a century of experience to compare me to."

Jasper matched my frown then, wrapping an arm around my waist and rolling on his back, gently sliding out of me as I maneuvered on his stomach. I folded my arms against his chest and propped my chin on top, giving me full view of his face as he stared at me in consternation. His hands glided tender paths along my spine, comforting me, but his expression was too thoughtful for my liking. I didn't want him needing to think about it, I wanted it to be blatantly untrue.

"I'll be honest with you, Keira." He hedged, his voice still a low rasp. "As a vampire, I've never been with a human until now, and the heat that enveloped me was almost overwhelming. The pleasure it brought shouldn't have surprised me." Here he quirked a half-smile, reaching up and tucking my curls — my probably horrifically mussed and disheveled curls — behind my ears. "And yes, I could definitely get used to that, but I can't wait for the chance to experience this with you when you're more... _durable_. This is only the beginning, a memory I'll cherish forever because it was with _you_ that made it so special, but I also love the idea of all the other discoveries we'll make together. I've never felt anything like this before because I've never felt so optimistic of the future. You make me feel settled, giving me an inner-peace that I haven't felt before because you just put it there. _You_, Keira, make me dream of happy endings, and what we just shared was a beautiful beginning to it all."

He efficiently put to rest all my worries and I was back to relaxing complacently against him when I heard him whisper into the crown of my hair, "Thank you for this gift you gave me, little one."

In a voice muddled with encroaching sleep, I sighed out, "Love you, Jasper. Thanks for makin' it so perfect."

His responding purr quickly lulled me over the edge and into blissful oblivion, where dreams of Jasper's happy endings were scripts of eternity watching colorful sunrises after spending the velvet darkness in each other's embrace. It was a perfect ending to a wonderful beginning.

oOo

For those two days, we relinquished our sanity over to the new bond we had formed, a bond that somehow cemented the tie between us. I hadn't realized until then that there was a loose thread that needed to be weaved, a miniscule gap that needed to be closed between us to truly experience the full height of our relationship. Some say sex does not equate love, that the two merely go hand-in-hand but are separate structures that shouldn't define the other. Maybe that's true for most, but for me it was different. I now knew there was a part of me that was made to be given, that demanded unity in the same way my heart was bound. Sex _did_ define our love on a level that no amount of words or gifts or years together could ever accomplish. It was an expression that couldn't be named, a calling that couldn't be denied, that primitive urge to share my whole self with my chosen mate. The depths I felt couldn't have been reached until I surrendered my entire being into Jasper's hands, which channeled an inherent instinct about him that could've only been achieved through such familiarity.

Giving myself to him had broadened the measure of my devotion, my loyalty, my absolute adoration for him.

And our time there certainly completed that connection, spending most of our hours exploring this new level between us instead of exploring our surroundings. We teased and played and dived into our activities with an enthusiasm of a child in a candyshop, Jasper showing me an arsenal of vast skills I hadn't known he possessed while teaching me a few for my own. He said he relished that about me, that instructing me in the art of intimacy was an aphrodisiac unlike any other and he savored being my first for everything. _And better be my only_, he was quick to add, eliciting a teasing grin from me followed by a show of dominance from him. That poor cottage was in dire need of being aired out before we left, my poor body in dire need of rest, too.

We did manage to spare a few hours to inspect the cliffside, watching the only sunset we'd be allowed to from a rocky edge above the crashing waves. It was as phenomenal as I predicted, the view coupled with the entirety of the day bringing a few poignant tears to my eyes as I leaned back in Jasper's arms. He had thanked me for the gift I had given him, but there weren't enough words to express how much those two days meant to me. They were beyond the best of fantasies, yet so simple and unassuming that they were believable. Like the bubble around us wouldn't burst as soon as we left, and the other shoe wouldn't drop as soon as we got home.

When we did return, our families could detect a perceptible difference about us, that first week spent dodging questions about what happened and what it was like from all sides. It was strange, but I could tell that something had changed about me in those first few days. That possessive streak Jasper brought out of me seemed to increase ten-fold, making me what to snarl and snap at anyone who dared asked about our sexual escapades. It was for me to know _only_, he was _mine_ to experience — not theirs'. But in odd contrast to that, there was a steady undercurrent of confidence within me that kept the jealous beast at bay, like I knew I had staked my claim on him in a way that no other could touch. I knew he was mine, and he knew he was mine. It was all a very aggressive tide turning within, a passion towards Jasper that seemed to have been consummated during our brief respite together.

The first time he had felt those conflicting emotions from me, he had paused in mid-retort to Emmett's crude inquiry, turning to look at me as if I had grown a second head. He simply stared for a moment, making me incredibly self-conscious, before blinking away whatever had caught him unawares. Amusement quickly took its' place, a bright twinkle in his dark eyes as he barked out a laugh, smugly informing me, "I believe I'm starting to rub off on you, Keira. You're becoming more vampiric by the day. Welcome to my world and the way I feel about you."

I didn't question it after that.

When our days weren't divided between perpetually bored vampires and trying to get away so Jasper could be around me without the pain of thirst, our summer was mostly spent plotting over the future. The details we had left unanswered were finally filled-in, a solid plan made where before we hadn't really decided. Maybe it was because I hadn't been a hundred percent until now. I had needed this length of time with Jasper to truly be at peace with what I had to do, to be confident it was the right choice despite the surety in my heart. He never outwardly held it against me, but when I spoke about my change for the first time without the slightest hesitation, Jasper had given such a blinding smile of happiness that I knew my previous resistance — no matter how miniscule it may have been — had bothered him. But not anymore, because I was in this for the long haul, finally released from the urge to second-guess my actions.

We decided that college would wait knowing I had eternity to accomplish whatever goals I wanted to, but we would use the pretense of it to disappear from Forks around the first of the year. I hadn't applied anywhere because I hadn't known what I wanted to do, which not only made the ability to hold-off on it even easier, but also gave credence to the cover story that I waited too long to apply and therefore had to wait a semester before I could attend. We'd forge the transcripts, fake an acceptance and some sort of scholarship so my parents wouldn't think they needed to pay for tuition, then we'd disappear to wherever we wanted after spending one final Christmas with them. There was no specific date for when I'd be turned, but when I left this town, I wouldn't be returning. An accident of sorts would occur, probably on my "way home" for summer break, and everyone would think I had died.

It saddened me that I'd be saying goodbye to the very people that gave birth to me, that raised me and loved me in the best of ways. I wanted to scream at the unfairness that they wouldn't know just how final that last hug, that last kiss, and that last farewell would be. They wouldn't know that as I drove away, it'd be forever. I wanted to cherish my parent's for as long as they lived, not destroy them before half my life had begun. The mere thought made me inconsolable at times with both yearning and depression, even contempt for a world that always demanded balance. One was never allowed perfect happiness it seemed, always a counterweight to any amount of joy you receive. But I was adapting to the game of give and take, realizing that nothing ever came without a price and my parents were payment for Jasper. It was a steep cost that damn near splintered my heart every time I thought of it, but I kept reminding myself that every child in the world eventually says farewell to their inherent guardians. It didn't make it any easier, but it helped with the acceptance of it, helped soothe my guilty conscience.

And wherever we went, which was a toss between the inner valleys of Ireland, the coast of New Zealand, and the wild terrain of South Africa, it was decided that Emmett and Rosalie would be joining us. Jasper wanted the support for both he and I when I became a newborn, and Emmett and Rose wanted a vacation. It worked out well for us all, if only we could pick a damn place and be done with it.

As for the others, Carlisle and Esme were staying in Forks for as long as they could since Edward and Alice still had their Senior year to complete, but I think the main reason was Bella.

No one knew what Edward was going to do in that regard, considering he was adamant about not changing her. Despite the girl's wishes and Alice's visions, he wanted Bella to live out her human life as she was meant to. How he thought that might work, I haven't a clue, but I had to give him points for refusing. Even though he was foolish to believe that he — seventeen and unaging — could stay by her side while she matured and lived her life, even though he was misguided in the assumption that it was fair to Bella to want that for her, I also had the sense that she didn't truly understand the enormity of the situation she was asking for. She didn't see the sacrifices she'd have to make or acknowledge the consequences that came with it, and she didn't even blink an eye at anything other than being denied. All she saw was Edward, not her parents or her possible future or all the aspects she was obviously taking for granted now, and that's where she and I differ greatly.

I knew every loss I would have and every heartache that would follow later. I saw every negative that came with the positives, and I mourned for the experiences I'd never have. But I had chosen Jasper above those very things and knew he'd be my glue when I was unable to hold it together. Later, when I felt those losses more profoundly, he'd be right there beside me. Forever supporting me and thanking me for all I'd given up for him. But whereas I've come to terms with such things, I don't think Bella's even realized she's begging Edward to take her away from everything she's ever known. She doesn't understand or perhaps even care that it's not just her beating heart she's asking him to take, but her whole life aside from him. Maybe she's being naïve, or maybe she's simply ignoring the bad parts because she believes there's nothing worse than being without Edward. She just wants him, and everything else falls to the wayside. Later though, later she'll comprehend every simple part of her human life that she sacrificed. If the boy ever gives in.

Unfortunately, this growing conflict between them had caused a conflict for Jasper and I, as well. When Bella had overheard us talking with Carlisle about the process of being turned, she realized that I was getting the one thing she desired above all else. The one thing that Edward was denying her because of moralities. It must have struck her hard that it wasn't humans in general that the Cullens refused to turn, but _Edward_ that refused to turn _her_. Immediately, Jasper had sensed the explosion of emotions inside her, our conversation coming to an abrupt halt in that mere second. The resulting fallout within the entire household had been astronomical, what with Bella being furious and Edward blaming us for not being more discreet. And Emmett, ever the diplomat, thought it the perfect time to point out to him that none of this would be an issue if he'd just stop being so stubborn. So with Carlisle struggling to maintain passivity between all three brothers and Esme busy consoling an extremely put-out human girl, I was stuck staring helplessly at Rose, who just smirked in vindictive amusement.

After that, Jasper and I became extremely cautious with our talks, avoiding them all together when Bella was around. There was no need to rub it in her face.

So in-between keeping things hush-hush, trying to sort out all the details, and finding some time alone with Jasper, those three months of summer went by fast. With my man constantly stealing me away whenever he could, my parents had enforced a mandatory rule that I spend at least two nights a week at home, otherwise there was no telling if they'd see me or not. We swallowed the stipulation with ease, enjoying our time with them almost as much as our time alone. But when my 19th birthday came about, I made it perfectly clear to my mom that I wouldn't budge on my plans. After celebrating the entire day with them, Jasper and I skipped out on evening plans, opting instead to camp out beneath the warm July moon. Just the way I wanted it.

School started again in mid-August, taking Alice, Edward, and Bella out of the day-to-day equation but somehow making things go back to normal. Back to the way things were when we were all attending school, except now we hung out around our homes instead of classrooms and parking lots. Jasper and I still continued our traditional walks through the forest, but we never could manage to do it twice a day like before when there was no need to. Much of our excess time was spent on my on-going training, though my telekinesis had yet to strengthen in any way. I had learned control as much as I believed I would, slips usually occurring only when we're in the height of intimacy. And _that_ I blame wholly on Jasper.

Things remained in an almost clockwork routine until September crept-up on us, bringing a flurry of chaotic activity in preparation for Bella's birthday. Alice had been spending weeks organizing a Cullen family party for her, running us _all_ around during the day to get things she needed without the girl noticing. But despite the constant buzz of excitement within the household, I couldn't help feeling just a tad... _insignificant._ Less wanted, I guess you could say, because this instance just engrained once again how different my relationship with the vampires was from Bella's. Even though everyone had given well-wishes for my birthday, none had gotten nearly as excited for mine as they did for hers'. I had no doubt that it was mainly Alice's enthusiasm at work here, but it still hurt to think that maybe Jasper's family thought less of me than they did for the other human who spontaneously entered their lives.

I tried to ignore those feelings, pushing them aside in favor of another celebration of life. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit grateful that I wouldn't be able to attend the soiree since my parents needed me to close the diner that night. I'd be heading over afterwards to join in the proclivities and eat some otherwise wasted cake, but I was still relieved to miss out on the main shebang. I didn't want to see what I didn't have.

The day of, as I drove myself to work, I wondered why I had yet to hear from Jasper. I knew I wouldn't see him until after closing since Alice had him doing some last minute shopping that I _really_ didn't want to partake in, but that didn't explain the lack of a phone call. Made me concerned that perhaps the pixie was running him around _too_ much, leaving him unable to hunt like I knew he needed to. Like she _should_ know he needed as well. Although Jasper had meant to go last night, he instead found himself busy with satisfying his lady love, a less productive but much more beneficial past-time that left no complaints from this end. It was almost blasphemy to think that Alice might not have seen it, but I was still a bit worried that my soldier would be in an unnecessary amount of pain for a few hours.

Those concerns would creep-up and distract me throughout my shift, so when I got the store closed by ten-thirty, I drove straight to the Cullen's in a mad dash. I couldn't rightly explain it, but a strange sense of unease made me push harder on the gas pedal. There was an ominous feel in the pit of my stomach, the air around me felt heavier, and the wind blowing fiercely outside almost seemed to be howling with rage. These were the type of nights that you never watched a scary movie before bed, or you'd jump at your own shadow and find yourself unable to fall asleep alone.

When I arrived, Bella's truck was nowhere to be found. I didn't think she would leave her own party so soon, but the fact that I hadn't been here caused a slight amount of guilt to surface for my earlier thoughts of discontent surrounding her relationship with the Cullens. Made my feelings seem petty now that I had gotten my wish for absence during her celebration into adulthood. Sure, I didn't really interact with the girl that much and I wouldn't consider us friends, but an eighteenth birthday is almost as meaningful as a sweet-sixteenth. It's an important milestone, and I regretted not seeing Bella for hers' and perhaps bridging a small portion of the gap between us.

But all traces of guilt evaporated as soon as I laid eyes on Jasper, standing a few feet from the porch and cloaked in shadow. The dim light coming through the windows barely illuminated the area behind him, and with the darkness of night I couldn't read his expression, but the glow from inside outlined the tense stance he held and the clenched fists by his side. He looked ready to bolt even to me, yet I didn't know what was wrong. I only hoped to God that everything was okay.

I started to approach him, my steps hurried at first until Jasper tensed even more. I faltered for a moment, unsure as to why he reacted that way, but continued walking over to him nonetheless. When I was a few feet away, Jasper took an abrupt step back, the dull stream of light highlighting one side of his face. It wasn't much, but even that small clarity showed the bitter, utter hopelessness he carried, something I've never seen in him before. It brought a jittery wave of anxiety through me and I stopped my progression, just standing there looking at him with ill-concealed worry as I tried to think of what could be wrong.

The fact that he was silent, not trying or possibly unable to alleviate any of my turmoil told me there was a big problem here. His pained and stricken expression screamed with no sound that something very crucial and detrimental had happened. Watching the remorse flicker in his amber eyes until the devastation harden them to a steely nothing made me realize that whatever occurred had made us all lose. Not just him and not just I, not with that amount of profound loss. I tried to brace myself, but I could never be prepared for what Jasper's words confirmed for me, and I knew in that moment that nothing would ever be the same again.

"Jasper?"

"I tried to kill Bella tonight."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you like it. Their relationship may seem like it came on sudden, but really it didn't. I just squeezed a lot of time into a couple chapters. But next chapter will be in Jasper's POV, and hopefully will give you guys a little more clarity in the whole scheme of things. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

**For those of you who don't already know, JPOV= Jasper's point of view**

Chapter 5

JPOV

I don't remember everything that happened, but it's probably for the best that I don't.

I know it took Bella 47 seconds to walk the short distance from her truck to inside, her uneasiness growing with each step that brought her closer to Alice's decorations, her heartbeat picking up a fraction right before Edward opened the front door. I watched for 13 seconds as Bella took a good, long look around — her eyes going wide and her mood plummeting before she turned a feisty glower on both my brother and my ex-lover. I know it only took two seconds for Carlisle and Esme to step forward after that, the girl's tumultuous emotions immediately brightening in a manic whirlwind that left me somewhat nauseated. It was bad enough being subjected to all this pink, now I had to deal with a girl too self-conscious to just _appreciate_ when someone wanted to do something nice for her.

_Fucking teenagers from broken homes, nothing but headaches most of the time._

From there, it took approximately three minutes for Alice to take Bella by the arm and tow her towards the presents. The girl didn't even experience a single ounce of the same excitement my family had, but grimaced instead as she berated our pixie for doing the exact opposite of what she asked. I would've laughed if I hadn't found it so goddamn ungrateful, knowing Edward had explained to her how much this meant to our family.

We all heard him ask as they pulled down the drive to not be too difficult tonight considering this was the first birthday we've celebrated in decades. For some of us it'd been centuries and in Alice's case, none at all that she can remember. Even Rosalie managed to become part of the festivities, an easiness about her that Bella couldn't properly value behind her wary dislike and preconceived notions of my sister. It wasn't the girl's fault, exactly, since Rose never showed anything other than resentment towards her. But Bella was too young and too inexperienced to realize just how much of a concession the guarded woman had made by being here tonight. She wouldn't see it as the slight offering of _something_ that it was, would never believe on her own that Rose wasn't forced into joining. And in turn, my sister will hate her all the more for that blindness even though she's equally culpable for never saying anything otherwise. It's a vicious cycle between them that they both fuel, yet each blame the other even if Bella's more discreet about it.

I found the entire situation so absurd that I couldn't help but eventually laugh when Bella opened her empty present, confusion written all over her face as she halfheartedly thanked Rosalie. That empty box was the perfect symbolism for their relationship: wrapped in a delicate, decorative paper so it was easy on the eyes, but it was vacant inside because neither bothered trying to fill it.

And watching Bella make a martyr's performance out of her next gift for exactly five seconds was five seconds too long in my opinion, so I looked away before the urge to roll my eyes overcame my want to be polite. I focused on a reflective object I could see in the backyard, trained my ability on Emmett's buoyancy as he came barreling through the front door, and reveled in the joyful peace that emitted from Esme. I know that for all of seven seconds, the entire room fell silent as my family waited impatiently for Bella to open her present, the only sound in the room being her beating heart and soft breathing and the wrapping she gingerly unfolded. It wasn't necessary to actually see what she was doing to know she was prolonging the moment, like she was afraid a snake would somehow jump out from the palm-sized, thin-as-paper gift she held.

Then a split-second of absolute horror coming from Alice right before Bella muttered an exclamation under her breath, but even I didn't have time to see why before bloodlust enclosed me on all sides, swamping me with the thick ache of craving driven by the sharp impulse to take. My family's staggering thirst invading my senses, making me sway with the pure force of it as my own erupted with violent strength, incinerating my throat with the burn of a thousand furnaces.

I know I tried to stop breathing, and a part of my mind even latched-on to the fact that the others had as well. But it wasn't even a fraction of a second later that everything went hazy for me, only truly aware that my body was trembling with the unconquerable bloodlust permeating the room. It was a thirst not entirely my own, but the sheer potency of it wouldn't allow my mind to discern that. It was made my own the moment it happened, completely mine against my will. I could have lunged, could've charged through the crowd, could've leaped over the many in my way to get to my target. I could have done any number of things I know I'm capable of when my mind's set on destroying something, but all I can recall of that moment was the distinct sound of shattering crystal before the thick scent of pulsing life multiplied, live-wiring every dead cell I possessed like an electric shock.

It was undeniable, a calling that couldn't be ignored, and I know I hadn't.

At first, my only drive was getting to the source of my sudden hunger, of taking what was foolishly being dangled before me. My concerns, my family, my conscience... all fell from that map of virtue I've carried with me since my human days, all blimps of morality erased as I became solely focused on my one aching desire. But somewhere along the line, I remember a steel hold wrapping around my chest and pinning my arms to my sides, I remember the sounds of my own snarls and vicious snapping as another's growl echoed around me. Even then, though, I barely registered my own actions, almost like I was experiencing it through a third person's point of view. Watching myself through someone else's detached eyes.

What I can see now that I hadn't the sense to acknowledge then was that I didn't fight against my restraints as hard as I should have. For some reason, I let those steel arms pull me away from what I so desperately needed even while thinking of the twenty different ways I could break free of their hold. I was a soldier of war, a warrior of death, and a strategist that knew his way around a battlefield. Whoever was dragging me away didn't stand a chance if I put my mind to it, but somewhere deep inside my hazy cognizance, I refused to challenge them. I didn't _want_ to hurt them, didn't want to hurt _anyone._

Only once I was outside with the fresh air cleansing my frenzied thoughts did I realized just _who_ had dragged me outside — and that no, I did _not_ want to kill them — and what they had pulled me _from_. I don't remember many details or why it happened at all, but I'm almost glad I can't recall their faces when it all went down.

And now, as I lean against Emmett and Rosalie, who are _still_ restraining me after the almost catastrophic disaster of trying to kill my brother's mate, I fully understand what I've just done. Something that would have torn my family apart forever. Something I never would've been fully forgiven for despite the many other mistakes they've forgiven me for in the past, and something that would've undoubtedly haunted me for the rest of my unlife. _Fuck. __I tried to kill Bella Swan._

"Shit."

It's comes out a mere whisper, but apparently conveys more than enough to my siblings because Emmett holds me tighter, this time in comfort. Rosalie just stares me straight in the eye as she slowly releases her firm clamp on my jaw, and I want to apologize for having snapped at her at all but can't find the words. Not when she has that hard-edged look about her that she does now, the one that tells you to keep your mouth shut if you want to keep your balls.

"Don't Jasper." She tells me, her shoulders tensing and her lips pursing into a thin line as if preparing for an argument. "Don't you dare say a word about how sorry you are."

I can practically taste the bitter residue of all her loathing, her repulsion, her slight fear — but I also feel the warmth of her compassion. If anyone else heard her say those words besides me or her husband, they'd immediately assume she was condemning me. But we knew; we knew her better than anyone else in the house. We knew that she'd kick my ass if I said anything simply because she didn't believe I had anything to be sorry for. Where her other emotions are directed at, I haven't the slightest clue, but I don't even _try_ understanding when my own are so fucked-up.

All I know is that I want to thank her in that moment for being the loving bitch that she is, because without her ruthless strength pinned on me, I'd probably crumble in her husband's arms. So I greedily take from her what she's willing to give, holding her steady gaze until I feel even a portion of my own resolve. I never really do, but I calm down enough for Rosalie's own guise to fall a little, her golden eyes turning with an inexplicable sadness as the weight of everything that just occurred settles in. And she reaches out, tenderly brushing her knuckles along my cheek before glancing over my shoulder, softly uttering, "Emmett, let him go. He's under control now." And then her gaze returns to mine, so gentle and so pitying. "I think you should hunt, Jasper. I know you haven't in awhile, and you probably need to get away from here right now. Do you want Emmett to go with you?"

_No, but... oh god! How the hell did I forget to hunt today? How does anyone just forget to fucking hunt when they obviously need to?_

Oh yeah, Alice. Alice with her stupid, goddamn, last-minute decorations that she needed me to pick-up that had me running around Port Angeles _all fucking day._ But that's not fair of me and I can't place the blame on her. It's my own fault for not going last night when I should have. Instead, I was too busy burying myself in the sweet essence that is Keira.

_Keira…_

Panic grips my chest and twists my insides, sorrow invading my conscience and weighing me down as I think of my girl. Those insecurities must have unintentionally leaked outward, because Emmett once again tightens his loosening hold, his gruff words drenched with sincerity as he says, "Jasper man, don't beat yourself up over this. She got a paper-cut and we all reacted, not just you. It's not your fault. We're vampires for Christ's sake, and when shit like this happens, you know better than any of us that we can't always fight what's in our nature. Bella didn't get seriously hurt, so no harm, no foul. Come on, brother, let's go hunt."

_This all happened over a goddamn paper-cut? Seriously? Fuckin' figures._

And I want to say okay to Emmett simply because he's _him_. His thoughts and emotions are always so simple and carefree, and he doesn't believe in holding grudges or dwelling in the past. Even if that past was only five minutes ago.

No, Emmett's a firm believer in moving forward with a smile on your face, but it wasn't him that just attacked a human who also had a human mate. His need to comfort and complete understanding over the situation is a welcomed reprieve from my own turmoil, but I can't accept it right now because I need to be alone, need the privacy to sort out my conflict.

So when he releases me, I turn to him and rest a hand on his shoulder in honest remorse. "Thanks Em, but I should go alone. I'm not much in the way of company right now."

He opens his mouth to object, but I turn away before he can and never glance back as I run into the woods. They don't follow — wisely — and I move as fast as I can to get away from the very place I've always considered a sanctuary from the outside world. I don't pay Esme any mind as I fly by her, don't bother listening when she softly calls my name, those two syllables dripping with the sympathy I can feel oozing from her before she disappears from my range. No, I simply let myself get lost in my own thoughts as my feet drive a swift, silent rhythm beneath me, my memories of the last 143 years reviving themselves from the dark recesses of my mind. Everything that I've done or that's ever been done to me resurfaces, beating me down to the deepest, blackest pit of hell that I almost want to wallow in. But I'm strong and I'm a fighter. Never in all my years has anything ever crossed me and survived to tell the tale, and I'm not about to allow myself to be taken down by my own warped and demented psyche.

As much as I try, I can't prevent the years from coming forth like a movie playing before my very eyes, but I can at least detach the sane part of my mind and hide it away while the rest continue to inflict the horror and agony that used to be my living nightmare. And the obviously sadistic part of my psyche tries to remember all the lives I've taken — both human and vampire alike — but there are too many to count, too many lifeless faces to recapture. That doesn't keep it from trying though, and the pussy-ass, vulnerable side of me wants to beat the shit out of something for all the pain I've caused. For all the mortal tears I know I've reaped even if they hadn't.

This uncontrollable self-purgatory remains while I leap through trees and jump over rivers and run across fields, but I hope by the time I return home, all my self-repugnance will be exhausted. I may be an empath that feels more than any one person should rightly handle, but I'm also a soldier that'll never forget his bearings. I want to hold my head high and keep my shoulders straight when I let Edward kick my ass for what I've done. It'll be the only chance he gets, a one-time offer and only because I'll let him, but it'll be well deserved.

So I hunt and kill and drink my fill, all the while exposing my anger and frustration and remorse on the poor, unsuspecting victims of the forest. I rip apart every deer and elk's throats I come across, and _Jesus_, I somehow manage to become completely soaked in their blood. I'm a mess, and acting like a goddamn newborn. I need to get home and cleaned-up before Keira saw me like this.

_Keira…_

_Shit._ What was I going to say to her? I know that no matter the circumstances, she'd never judge my mistakes or be disgusted by what I did. Hell, she probably won't even ask how Bella is considering Keira's main concern and top priority since the time she fell in love has basically been me. I could probably ransack a whole town and her first question would be if I was alright. That's just the way she is and I cherish her all the more for that, but none of those oversights make anything I've done okay. I still have to face her in all my guilt and shame.

She wouldn't see it, but I'd know I was walking up to her less of a man than I had yesterday, and that scares the fucking shit out of me. I've always been steadfast and stable for Keira, the very best I could be at all times. I don't know how to be anything other or anything less for her. Within months, the tiny little shit somehow wrapped me around her finger and engraved herself on my cold, dead heart — which, to be completely honest here, somewhat pisses me off.

Even with Alice, I managed to keep a part of myself hidden away. I kept that relatively small portion of my heart protected by unseen and untouchable barriers so when the day came that I fucked-up too severely for the Cullens to stand, I could walk away with that piece I hadn't let them touch while the rest of me crumbled. That day would come, it was inevitable and I expected it. Still do even, but I've always known that I'd never let Alice walk away with me, either. She's a Cullen through and through, has been since the day she woke-up to her existence. No matter how much I wanted it, that beautiful pixie could never be a true Whitlock. Her heart and soul didn't possess that kind of ability, couldn't withstand an eternity of that kind of hardship. My experiences have carved me into the stone-cold sort of man despite the fact that I empathize with others.

Compared to me, Alice was an innocent and I couldn't taint her anymore than I already had.

Keira, though... _man,_ that woman broke through all my self-imposed barriers with an unfathomable easiness that wasn't even _remotely_ fair. She stole every piece of me without even trying, and made me hers' in every way possible. There's nothing about me now that doesn't somehow lead back to her, nothing left within me that's not completely immersed in everything Keira. It makes me more of an animal than I've ever been, more of a vampire than is honestly safe for _anyone_.

The beast within me — that instinctual predator all vampires inherit when turned — seems to constantly roar in outrage and possessiveness these days. It doesn't like to be owned so it rattles the cage, but never too hard because it's content with its' mate and enjoys the snug confines that Keira's love provides. But these conflicting desires bring about a need to constantly mark and mate and rut the hell out of her until she begs for nothing else, until everyone knows she's mine because there won't be a single inch of her not covered in my scent and venom. Keira and I can both be very animalistic in our needs. She's even shown her own primal edge where I'm concerned, but I know we can never fully go there while she's human.

Later though, definitely later. It's almost disturbing how much, and just plain _how_ I react to her.

When I first saw the girl, I didn't really pay her any mind. Keira was just another kid I tried to ignore, just another teenager I refused to let pull me beneath their rip-tide of emotions. But when she stood up in all her invigorating glory and defended _my family_, I became enraptured by the fire burning in her translucent eyes and bathed in the deep protectiveness she emitted from every fiber of her being. She caught my attention and kept it. She made me notice her in a way that no other kid ever had — that no other _female_ ever had. And because of that, I knew she'd be trouble.

Time passed on, and although we didn't interact, we both reacted to the other. She hadn't known it then, still doesn't have a clue as to how much she affected me, but every time our eyes connected my emotional turmoil would mirror hers' ten-fold. My non-existent breath would be clenched painfully from my lungs, and my chest would ache with a powerful desire that couldn't be tamed. My body responded to her with a single glance, would stir in ways I never knew was possible whenever I inhaled her delicious scent of rose and heather. There seemed to be an indomitable _something_ pulling me directly towards her. Always her, only her, never anyone else and never would be again. My gut, my instincts, my frozen heart and the very core inside me were screaming the one thing I couldn't admit. I had found my true mate, the other half meant for me.

Even though I realized this, even when Alice's words about her vision would replay in my mind over and over again, I stubbornly refused to let go of the only mate I've ever known. Vampire's don't accept change very well, and I was no exception. It made my first year in Forks a goddamn living hell, because I knew without being told that Keira was the girl in those visions. But I never acted on it and never did a damn thing, even fought against that pull towards her. I already knew I was in stupid fucking denial, knew I couldn't beat it forever, but also knew I had time. Keira was still a child to me, and we both needed some passing experiences to grow and change. I just hadn't expected those changes to occur in the manner they had.

It seemed to happen overnight, much too soon for my tastes but fate liked kicking my ass that way. I'd covertly watch Keira when none of my siblings were around to notice, and I saw her grow from an awkward teenager to the confident woman she is now. I watched as she relearned her newly formed body like an overgrown puppy, saw her become someone who was comfortable in her own skin and curves. Keira became someone who was more self-assured and secure in who she was, became the kind of person who refused to be a part of the herd like everyone else. Her emotions and facial expressions told me that she saw the truth in the ways of those she used to call friends, that she wouldn't bow down and accept it as the norm. Keira wouldn't follow the crowd just to fit in, and that had me admiring her as much as she fascinated me.

But she was still changing, and I felt that change within her because I watched her everyday at school, sensed her wherever I went. Even though I never told Keira the true extent of it all, I always kept a distant eye on her and unconsciously kept reign on her emotions since that very first day. No one but me knew what I was doing, not even Alice since I took extra precautions to make sure none of my siblings became aware. Because really, even I didn't understand my need to do it, I just had to. Maybe it was the need to support my mate in whatever capacity I could until I was man enough to step-up to the plate. Maybe I was just fucking obsessed, or even _po_ssessed. Who knows.

My vigilance, however, allowed me to instantly sense whenever the quality of her emotional state started morphing. She would often look and feel confused at those times, not to mention a little wary and frightened. Though I was concerned for her, I had always perceived a difference in my girl. Keira's feelings constantly had an almost rough texture to them, like something was continually grating against them. When that began to alter and her emotions shifted into a slightly smoother yet much more forceful flow, I knew that whatever was going on with her wasn't happening _to _her, but _within_ her. She was disguising an underlying strength that belied her small stature, and I could feel a certain power emanating from within.

Underneath her petite form and soft, luscious curves, Keira had a fire gliding through her veins and I knew she'd come out of whatever was happening with a unique gift of mind. I didn't know how or what it'd be, but fuck it all if that didn't make me all the more curious.

It wasn't until Edward and his self-serving heroics led Keira to witness abnormal and supernatural behavior that I was finally able to figure the mystery out. The melodramatic pussy caused a chain reaction, and fate stepped in and brought Keira to me. I had my head too far up my own ass — and Alice's — to take any action and approach Keira like I knew I should. My body was fighting and screaming with me every step of the way, wanting nothing more than to just take her and make her mine like I knew would happen anyway. Alice even told me it was inevitable, but no, I just had to go down the hard way. I had to fight it like a fucking idiot.

But when that old hag called Destiny said enough was enough, I found myself by an old creek out in the woods with Keira, who confessed everything about herself and what she'd been going through. It was then — right then and there and in that moment — that I knew I was going to give-in and fall madly in love with the woman. Soon, too. Surrounded by nothing but the peaceful aura of nature and a warm, surrendering soul, Keira fully relinquished herself over to me with a pleading trust and an aching camaraderie that tore at my own soul. It was the first crack in that single barrier I've always kept.

Never in all my years had anyone put as much stock and faith in me — and _needed_ me — the way she did when she confessed all that she had and all that she was. Not even Maria, for I was just her brilliant, successfully savage pawn; her Ace card that always trumped everyone else. But Keira placed her fragile heart in my dirty, bloodied hands without even realizing she was doing it, begging me to nurture it and feed it hope. So I did in my own, discreet little way. I emptied my skeletons on her lap in hopes that she'd know I understood, that I had been where she was and knew what it felt like to be confused and scared of your own self. I, too, had an ability that frightened me when I first discovered it, that made me feel like I was going crazy until I learned how to control it. Remembering those days of absolute distortion caused an ache to splinter and twist my insides at the thought of Keira experiencing the same, but I swore to myself that I wouldn't allow that to happen. I'd help her in every way possible and never let her go through the things I had when I was discovering my empathic nature. I promised to take care of the gift she gave me, and I left that day with her heart still in the palm of my now slightly-less-soiled hands.

I never did give it back, but she never wanted it back either. Instead she got mine.

I always thought that Alice would forever have the parts of me I gave her. I never fully believed in that vision of hers' that would drift us apart and send us in different directions. Not that it really mattered because she believed enough for the both of us, but Keira did something to me that Alice never could. She was able to latch on to me with a single look and spoke to my questionable soul with every whispered word she uttered. She gave me a certain humanity, a weakness, and a strength. She allowed me my memories of old and an equality of new. She let me take back the many things I had tucked away or was afraid to grasp in fear of damaging any part of sweet, innocent Alice or the perfect, moral Cullens. Because I'm not perfect, and I never could be.

But Keira didn't want idealized perfection from me, and she never wanted it for herself, either. She loves me with everything she is _because_ of my faults and mistakes, and she sees me as a better, stronger man for it all. I never realized that was missing with Alice until I received it from Keira, and maybe that's why I never gave my ex-lover everything I had to offer. Maybe that's why I subconsciously knew I was setting myself up for failure with her. Alice always looked _past_ my faults, but Keira _sees_ them, _loves_ them, _accepts_ them, and it makes me give her all the more of me for doing so. She has some faults of her own, too. It makes us absolute in our love, because we've heard the worst from each other and know to expect the same in the future. We have no illusions, no ideals, no blinders. We just _are,_ and we both love what that is. We mold together impeccably and compliment each other in a divine balance that's impossible to describe, but really fuckin' beautiful if you ask me.

Now I see what Alice meant about finding my true salvation. Keira saves me from the many demons residing in my past simply by loving those demons as equally as she loves the gentleman. She has it in her to welcome the worst parts of me with open arms, making my past sins not seem so burdensome when she adores those atrocities anyway.

Alice was my hope, a needed stepping stone that gave me the blessed chance to find more than what I believed to be all there was. She gifted me with redemption and led me towards a form of absolution. What never could've been predicted was a fragile human girl being that form of absolution. Keira became my true light at the end of the tunnel that Alice spoke about, a peace I wouldn't have known otherwise and never would've realized was possible. She's the reversal of my purgatory, where those hellfire flames quietly eat away at the dead flesh that haunts me instead of punishing me for my sins. She kindles the smoldering burn that keeps me alive instead of slowly killing me. Her love is my savior and her acceptance my final ease, but it's her very presence that's a gift I'm sure I don't deserve.

Her quirks are the fuel to my humor, her smile the balm of an honest lover's embrace, and her eyes a beseeching of every man's primal urge to cherish and protect. Her laugh is the very jolt that triggers my own smile of contentment, and when she touches me, my body quivers with the impossible need to touch all of her at once. When my name slips from her tongue in that sweet way it always does — like that one word is the purest of all things worthy of reverence — I want to cry at the unfathomable beauty she gives this disfigured man. And every time she curls against me and breathes that little sigh that tells me she wouldn't be anywhere else for the world, my throat constricts with the same feeling as gratitude surges through me for this blessing I never thought to ask for. She became so intertwined with my own happiness that I actually feared the future at the same time that I reveled in it. Her end would be my end, her losses mine as well, but she'd be mine and by my side and we'd have the entirety of eternity if I had anything to say about it. I'd destroy any who dared try taking it away from us.

I don't remember much from my human days, but I think it's safe to say that nothing has owned me so completely and ruled my every instinct like Keira does. Not even the desire to go to war before my human prime invaded me quite like she does. She's it for me, and I'll never be able to leave her like I had Alice. Soon I'll make her completely mine in every way a vampire can, with my venom coursing through her and changing her while I devour the only essence of Keira left untouched. Her blood will flow into me, her very life becoming entangled with mine, and my existence will be made entirely whole with her permanently by my side. Alice says she'll make a magnificent vampire, and though I've never had any doubts about that, I couldn't wait to see her as a newborn. They're fun to fuck with if you know what you're doing, and I know she'll be even more fun than the others I've handled.

All I have to do now is get over this bridge I've formed by losing control and attacking Bella. I'd have to find a way to apologize without making both her and I cringe at the reminder of almost killing her, but I know she'll pardon my actions no matter what. She has a forgiving nature and a tendency to look beyond even the most grievous of transgressions against her, but Edward is a different story altogether. He tends to overreact when even the tiniest bit of his emotions come into play, and I blame it on the fact that he's forever caught between adolescence and adulthood.

I've come to realize that as a human, Edward hadn't yet learned control over his body. Sometimes seventeen years is enough time to gain an understanding of your thoughts, actions, and feelings, but sometimes even twenty-five years isn't enough. He would've been such a case if given the chance to live that long, but he was turned before his mind developed enough to govern his body. The result became a man-child vampire who acted on his emotions before he thought them through. He didn't like the taste of animal blood, so he ran away and lived off humans. He'd be disgusted by a person's wayward thoughts, so he'd act on that disgust then use it as a means of justification for murder. He became depressed, so he slumped back to his vampire father in hopes that Carlisle could heal him. When he realized that only he could heal himself, he became overly introverted and stoic, shying away from the emotions he couldn't understand in the only form of betterment his adolescent mind was able to comprehend. Edward saw apathy as a form of control, which he's always desperately sought with a vengeance, so he perfected that apathy over the decades.

Now when he feels things against his will — like the attraction or jealousy or fear he so often feels these days — he associates it with losing his perfectly cultivated control, which makes him seethe in self-hatred and anger. He's often unpredictable in his reactions now, but you can at least count on those reactions being manically over the top and excessive in theatrics. My emotionally-stilted brother was going to be mess one way or another when I got home, and I wasn't looking forward to it at all.

It was a mess I made, though. So I lift my gaze from the ground and square my shoulders, taking a deep breath before starting the trek back home. I'd deal with the consequences I rendered like the man I was reared to be.

oOo

Reaching our property a short thirty minutes later considering the dozens of miles I ventured, Rosalie's distinct growl reaches me in a faint echo as I leap across the river, the fierce quality to it undiminished by how far the sound traveled.

_Her and Edward must be arguing, although it's not as if that's an unusual occurrence._

Rose may be cut from stone with a temper to match, but she only becomes truly feral with her first brother, their mutual animosity towards each other knowing no bounds at times. Even then though, there are but a few reasons why my sister would get this upset, none of which bode well for me.

The mercurial blonde hates anything she perceives as a disruption or complication to her life, especially if she considers that complication avoidable. It's her most selfish tendency, one I experienced first-hand when me and Alice entered the picture all those years ago. She saw me as a danger to her family, unnerved by my scars and distant demeanor. Not that I blamed her for that wariness. Only Carlisle had seen the effects of the southern territory wars before, but even he had never laid eyes on one so physically battered as I was. Rosalie's fear didn't surprise me, but her subtle truce three months later had.

The only words she spoke as she settled beside me were, _"You're scars mark your skin. They're displayed for others to see, whereas mine only mar my insides. I remain beautiful on the outside while you remain beautiful on the inside. We're opposite yet the same, a mirror of each other for what everyone else can't see at first glance."_

She fell silent after that, nothing said between us for over an hour and neither mentioning our scars again. But further words weren't necessary to understand, because I already did and so did she and a mysterious kinship had been born from that moment. Now, decades later, I carry her last name for the sake of pretenses, but also in symbolism of the brother she sees me as. It's an honor she gave me that we both uphold with a true sense of sibling affection. She rarely lets it show but it's always thrumming beneath the surface, softening her granite skin in a way that my ability allows me to perceive, most apparent during times of peaceful companionship and in times of conflict.

And considering the reasons for conflict now, I have a feeling the source of Rose's anger isn't going to sit well with me. Edward's flair for the overdramatic gives way to boundless possibilities, but my sister's reaction narrows it down considerably.

I slow my steps across the yard as Carlisle commands peace over the ferocious cacophony that's erupted in the living room, not particularly wanting to walk into that shit-hole of adversity any time soon. The house quiets the closer I come, though I doubt anyone other than Edward has sensed my presence just yet considering their distractions. A brief glance through the window shows the others staring pensively around the room — as unaware as I thought they'd be — but I also note the absence of a certain birthday girl. Looking towards the side of the house confirms her truck is gone, which meant someone must have taken her home. Probably Edward.

_So much for apologizing,_ I muse with a mixture of relief and annoyance as I leap onto the back-porch. And even though I remember enough to know I hadn't harmed the girl, the guilt still comes rushing back even as I force myself to push it away. Not for the first time, I wish I could use my own ability against myself. An uplifting emotion would be really appreciated right about now, especially considering everyone else is far from happy.

I'd been subconsciously blocking them as much as I could ever since they came into range, ignoring the part of my awareness that can never fully shut out other's emotions. Over a century of practice has perfected this skill of avoidance, but the moment I walk inside, I can't ignore the ferocity of everyone's mood. Rosalie and Edward's dueling anger barrel into me like a ten-ton truck at full speed, while Esme's motherly concern that wars so viciously with her immense sadness would've caused my frozen heart to fail me if it still could. She's our mother, the one we want to soothe and cuddle and protect at all times like she does for us. That even she's so conflicted right now tells me that whatever is being discussed hasn't gone over very well, and I'm about to walk right into that shit-hole of adversity.

_Sometimes I really fuckin' despise my ability._

Running my hand through my hair in an agitated habit that I never got rid of from my human years, I steel myself for the inevitable and approach the room, their negative tides making me maintain a safe distance as I lean against the entryway. They fall silent as I glance around, their anxiousness apparent when I settle on Carlisle, who's standing rigidly behind the couch that Alice and Esme are sitting on. His grim expression meets my gaze head-on, his compassionate eyes tired in a way I've never seen before.

"Glad your home, son." He says with honest relief and a poor imitation of a smile, but there's a fray on his nerves that I haven't felt since my first weeks living with them. A disquiet brought on by my arrival, an edginess in my company that hinted at well-concealed fear.

It's almost undetectable, but my own nervousness allows me to pick-up on it easily and I wonder if the time has finally arrived that I fucked-up in a way they can't overlook. Carlisle's relief can be for any number of reasons, and since Alice and I are no longer mated, it'd only be a simple matter to ask me to leave.

"No Jasper. That's not the case and it never will be." Edward softly assures from the far corner of the room, and I divert my attention to where he's sitting, cloaked in shadows that the dim lighting allowed. But my perfect vision sees through those shadows, peruses his stony expression that's a great contradiction to his tone. "You did miss a few things while you were…out, though."

His feelings towards me bely that seemingly caring assurance, ill-suppressed anger underlying his declaration. He's also carrying a deep loss within that I can't rightly place, and even though he's trying valiantly to hide it, I notice how broken and disjointed he seems. His body unconsciously twisting in the chair like the oriental carvings those wooden armrests display. It has me a little alarmed about the few things I've apparently missed, wondering what exactly took place while I was gone.

_Did Bella leave him? Did my actions scare her away?_

"No, she didn't." Edward grits out tersely, his eyes narrowing at my thoughts, yet avoids my gaze entirely. "Although I think everyone here would believe it a blessing had your actions tonight actually scared her away."

Esme inhales sharply in silent disagreement but doesn't say a word. No one does, making me even more concerned about what I've missed considering this is the part where everyone is suppose to assure Edward that he deserves his happiness. Flicking a quick glance around the room, I notice most are staring at the ground or their laps save Carlisle and Rosalie, who are looking at him with vastly different expressions. The first in sad understanding, the latter in obvious disgust.

Trying to ignore the trickle of unease I feel increasing by the moment, I hesitantly broach to my brother, "I'm extremely curious about what went on while I was gone, but I believe I owe you an apology first, Edward." He finally meets my gaze, his shadowed eyes barren of expression except for a brief flash of incredulity, an unspoken dare to continue. Like it'd be a mockery for me to do so. Still I say, "Words are trite and frivolous compared to what I did, but please believe me when I say how very sorry I am for earlier. It was never my intention to hurt Bella, and if I could take back what happened, I would. You have my sincerest regret, brother, more than you know and more than I can properly explain."

His temper only flares, each word I utter spiking the harsh grate of his ire another degree. He clenches his jaw, and I'm sure we can all hear the grinding of his teeth before he slowly draws out, "I'm well aware of your thoughts, Jasper. But whether you meant it or not, she _was_ harmed and that _does_ rest upon you."

Rose snarls under her breath and my peripheral view catches Emmett shaking his head. Even Esme opens her mouth to object but I raise my hand to stop them all, focusing on Carlisle once again as he turns his attention from his first son to his last. My gaze is questioning, silently asking him to explain, to please absolve me from what Edward implied. I'd remember the taste of human blood if it touched my tongue, but that doesn't mean I hadn't somehow broken Bella's fragile body.

And our father, our leader, the one we all gravitate towards for guidance and support and a steady grip on things actually winces, looking for all the world like it physically pains him when he says, "Bella needed a few stitches from where she fell into the table, but Edward..." Here he glances sharply at his first son. "That's not Jasper's fault. You were the one who shoved her backwards, perhaps a bit too forcefully, no?"

_So that explains the sound of shattering crystal,_ I think at the same time Edward explodes with a furious, "It wouldn't have been necessary if Jasper hadn't lunged. I was protecting her!"

My brother has obviously reached his wit's end by this point, no longer able to maintain the appearance of civility towards me. But Carlisle chooses to ignore his outburst, instead calmly turning back to me, and I'm sure the others see him as cool and collected. I feel his edginess increase though, can detect the tendrils of anxiety clawing at his forbearance. There's a grave fortitude behind his ocher eyes when he holds my own, a sad strength there that's exposed in his tone as he goes on to explain, "Bella wanted me to let you know that she doesn't blame you for what happened, Jasper, and I should probably state for the record that neither do we. We're all sorry this accident occurred, but that's not why we're here now. Given the circumstances and how close we came to losing Bella tonight, Edward has come to a decision that I must ask everyone to understand and respect."

Rosalie snorts, a sound so full of deprecation that my gaze flicks towards her in reflex at the same time Carlisle graces her with a reproving look, noting the rather deep-set scowl she has directed at Edward. Both she and Emmett are standing along the wall next to me, obviously as far from our baby brother as possible while still remaining in the room, but Emmett isn't pissed so much as he is disappointed. When his eyes catch mine before I look away, his disappointment turns to sympathy, those usually lively irises dimming with a sorrow that's directed at me, for me, because of me.

I don't like the look that doesn't belong on my brother, knowing this decision must be disastrous for Emmett to be so affected. _Yes, Edward has definitely overreacted in some way._

So I fold my arms across my chest, deliberately taking a defensive stance as I return my attention to Carlisle, letting him know without words that I haven't agreed to anything yet. And he stares at me, hearing what I'm not saying and somehow finding it in himself to smile at my actions, still proud to call me son despite everything. But that smile quickly turns with pity and the air between us almost cackles with the ominous silence, his emotions churning so fast as the seconds tick by. There's a resignation about him and even a tiny amount of hope, but a certain wariness flashes through him as well. He hides it quickly and it hardly registers on my emotional radar as fleeting as it was, but his eyes couldn't veil the expression fast enough for me to miss. I'd recognize that look anywhere from my many years playing death-incarnate and it makes me tense even more, because if Carlisle's afraid of how I'm going to react, then I have every reason to be worried.

This wasn't going to be good at all, and I needed to brace myself for whatever it was.

He sighs heavily after a long moment, glancing down at Esme for support and she takes his hand without needing to be asked, gripping it tightly as they both turn their pleading eyes on me. I almost growl in the frustrating suspense, but Carlisle reluctantly continues before I can explode.

"Jasper, as I said before, no one here thinks you're at fault for what happened earlier. We took a chance bringing humans into our home, and we were all aware of the risks involved. But now the situation has changed and those risks have only become more apparent. They're hard to ignore when they're as flagrantly illustrated for us as they were tonight. In light of that, Edward has decided it's best he leaves Bella alone, letting her live a life outside our own and without the immediate threat of vampires. He wishes for us to leave Forks within three days time and never return. We must disappear from Bella's life and let her return to a normal one. As his family, we will grant him this, just as we'd do the same for any one of us who needed it as well... Jasper?"

I wasn't even aware that I started growling, don't even know when the deep-pitted vibration erupted from my chest, but I must've had murder written all over my face because Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were all staring at me as if they were debating running for the hills. Their brief spikes of fear calm me somewhat, but they aren't the ones who need to be frightened. They aren't the ones who are demanding we leave Forks, which in-turn means I'd need to leave Keira behind. She wasn't ready to say goodbye to her parents yet, and that fucking mind-reading prick in the corner damn well knew it, too! He's been hearing those thoughts of mine for the last goddamn month, knowing I've been concerned about whether she'd be ready in January.

So I glare at him, speaking to both him and Carlisle as I growl out in a low tone, "I have a set plan with Keira that I refuse to break. She wants one last Christmas with her parents and I'm _not_ going to refuse her that. I understand your need to keep Bella safe, Edward, really I do. Probably better than anyone else here, but all I can promise is to stay away from her from now on. I'll never be around her again if that's what you want, but I _will not_, nor will I _ever_ leave Keira behind just because _you_ wish to abandon the girl you claim to love."

Edward's responding snarl fills the room and ricochets off the walls as he leaps from his chair, but my gaze drifts over the others to make sure they got my message. I can feel their worry increasing by the second, outweighing their current sympathy as they all prepare themselves for a showdown, but none of that compares to my dear brother's massive rage and sudden, bitter resentment directed distinctively at me. I had known that Carlisle's previous words weren't true, that Edward really did blame me for attacking Bella. He tried to cover it up and hide it behind his hollow façade, but I still felt it the moment I laid eyes on him.

And there it was, surfacing with such strength that I took an involuntary step back, needing a moment to separate his fury from my own.

When I calm enough to refocus on him, our determined glares clashing together from across the room in an almost physical collision, Edward smirks as if he has the upper-hand. As if he thinks my ability can be used as a weakness, and the untamed glint in his darkening eyes says he's about to fight back. _Bad move, little boy. This was not the time or the subject to be messing with me about._

Edward slides into the slightest of crouches and his lips curl back over his teeth, probably in response to my thoughts, and my peripheral view catches Emmett taking a few steps towards me while Carlisle does the same with his first son. Both obviously sensing the power-play that's about to happen, all probably aware that this was about to get ugly.

"_Me_ abandon the girl I _claim_ to love?" Edward spits out with pure venom, shaking his head once in a condescending manner. "That's rich coming from you, Jasper. Really. What would you call leaving Alice for another woman? Loyalty? Devotion? Or is cheating _your_ definition of _love_?"

I flinch at the accusation, distantly aware of the other's shocked gasps while Alice stands from the couch with fisted hands and a fierce expression, hissing out like the frighteningly creature she's capable of being, "Low blow, Edward. What happened between me and Jasper was of my own doing and certainly none of your business. I won't stand by and allow you to falsely judge him just because you're pissed off. Fair warning, brother. Next time you decide to drag our personal lives into your rants and use it to hurt Jazz, you'll find out just how much I still love him despite us no longer being mated."

"Alice..." I warn, taking a step forward, ready to launch myself between the two if needed. "Leave it be. What he fails to understand and chooses to be ignorant of is no concern of ours'. We know the truth, and that's all that matters."

Edward straightens from his crouch, throwing his head back with a raucous laugh, a surprisingly cynical sound that mirrors his current mood. "It amazes me how obtuse you are at times. You forget, Jasper, that I can hear Alice's thoughts. I believe I understand the truth better than you ever will. But let me clarify a little for you."

He looks me dead in the eye, his cold smirk fading in light of his firm severity as he slowly proclaims, "No one here cares for Keira except you. Everyone, not just me, sees her as an unwanted addition, as the girl that came between you and Alice. So you might want to rethink bringing her into this family, but you'll _definitely_ be rethinking your stance on not leaving her. It's not up for debate, you _will be_ leaving Forks with everyone else. And if you truly love the girl like you say you do, then you'll do the right thing for once and sacrifice your own happiness to allow her a full life. Don't delude yourself into thinking she'll be content ten or twenty years down the road as a vampire, if she even makes it that far. Chances are you'll kill her before she gets turned. Tonight just proved that, proved how uncontrollable you are. Your weakness is your monster, Jasper, and you've always been a man ruled by your weaknesses. But either way, whether you decide to be selfish or selfless for once, you _will_ be leaving. End of discussion."

The room was completely silent after his little speech, their disbelief circulating in the air, heavy with the sheer depth of it. I was fighting my own incredulousness, utterly stupefied by his twisted logic of love, and trying to tamp down the rage that gradually built with each proclamation he gave.

"Jasper, please know that's not true." Esme pleads from the couch, leaning forward and reaching out as if to comfort me. But when I cast my gaze towards her, she flinches back from the black swirl of fury I feel invading my eyes, whimpering out as she looks at her lap, "Keira's welcomed in this family as your mate. She will be loved as your mate, and loved as a daughter and sister."

Murmurs of consent break the stark silence and Edward stares at the floor beneath his feet, fists clenched at his sides. I know that both his and Esme's contrasting words hold truth, so I find the will to settle my temper for the moment, stating in a tight voice for all to realize, "I'm well aware that most of you see Keira as the other woman, but I frankly don't give a shit what you think on the matter. Esme..." She raises her gaze to mine, her lips trembling and an apology written across her forlorn features. "I know you and Carlisle will love her like a daughter, and I know you'll never hold against her what isn't any of her doing. She's simply an innocent bystander that fell in love, that's all. But Edward?"

My tone comes out stiffer when saying his name, and my mind replays his degrading, authoritative words one by one, suppressing the shudder of violence that wants to rip its' way through me. He locks his narrowed eyes with mine and I notice both Carlisle and Emmett shift forward once again, but I pay them no mind as I advance on the prick. Taking slow, calculative steps across the room, I finally respond to his earlier declaration in a low, deceptively calm tone.

"I'm as much a man ruled by my weaknesses as you are, but at least I have an understanding of what mine are. You, though... you're clueless as to your own arrogance and disdain towards others, absolutely blind about your own ignorance of love. It's kind of funny, actually, to see you act out your life like one of those romantic tragedies you esteem so much. But it's unbearably sad to realize that in all your years and with all the thoughts you've gleamed from others, you've never been able to understand that love isn't about sacrificing what you want, but about that person _being_ what you want no matter the cost."

Pausing with half the room still between us, I lackadaisically wave my arm across our audience, using them as evidence as I say, "Loving someone is about trying and fighting and building to be with them no matter what life throws your way, not running the other way when the going gets tough simply because it might be _easier _on one of you. You think love is making the hard decisions for Bella because you believe you know better than she does. But let me tell you something, _dear brother_, love is about working through those decisions together, not assuming you know best. It's about being a team and considering the one you love as an equal, about communicating even when it hurts to do so and struggling together even when all you want is a moment's peace to yourself. It's consideration and equality in its' most basic form, something you've yet to truly grasp."

His lips start to curl over his teeth and indignation is sparking in his furious eyes, but I sense Edward's insecurity itching beneath the surface. I lazily swagger my way over to him, leaving only an inch between us, my greater height giving the effect of looming over him. But there's not a sliver of fear in his body, so I lean in, my cool breath blowing against his cheek as my lips intimately graze the skin beside his ear, finally invoking the uneasiness I sought.

Going in for the kill, I whisper in the most lethal, feral tone I can muster, "Something else you've yet to grasp is just how dangerous I really am. If I honestly wanted to kill Bella even while vying for her blood, then none of you — and I truly mean _none of you_ — would've been able to stop me because I'm that fucking lethal, Edward. You have no real concept of just how talented I am at the game of death. Think about that the next time you try dictating to me what I do with my mate, then you better pray to that God you're so afraid of that you're like a cat with nine lives, 'cause I'll destroy you before I let you stand in my way."

I chuckle, a sound so deliciously evil even to my own ears as I pull back, staring him straight in the eyes. "If my weakness is my monster, then you should be very, _very_ afraid of my weakness, brother. I won't be leaving Keira just because you can't move beyond being a scared little boy, which means no, you're _pathetic_ orders aren't END OF DISCUSSION!"

I roar the last part a mere breath away from his bared teeth, shoving him backwards before Emmett yanks me away, pulling me across the room while I continued to glare at the stupid shit. Both he and Rose exchange a smirk, sadistic amusement pouring from within as well as being blatantly apparent on their expressions. They always did get a twisted kick out of my feisty side, and I had to admit, it was fun pissing the prick off.

But I watch with a certain detachment as Carlisle soothes Edward with a restraining hand and a few hurried words, and that detachment has me realizing how truly dangerous I am right now. I wouldn't care if Edward charged at me, wouldn't even flinch if I had to rip my brother apart. That absence of conscience isn't something I've felt since my days of burning newborns, and it unnerves me as much as the murderous gleam I see in Edward's coal-black eyes. I had decades of thoughtless, cruel deaths to carve me into a heartless bastard, but what was his excuse? When had he become so disconnected that killing his quasi-brother didn't faze him?

Instinct tells me to snarl and snap, to eliminate the threat before it escalates, to vanquish the one who wants to take me from my mate. But I overpower the predator inside me, reminding myself that this is Edward, someone I've known for decades and consider family. Even if that someone's muscles are twitching as if they'd pounce at any moment. _He would if not for Carlisle's hold on him,_ I realize with a shake of my head, earning another good chuckle from me as I tell him, "Not a smart move, Eddie. You're fucking with me and my mate here, and you don't want to be the one to experience the _true_ monster that arises in me when that happens."

"Jasper!" Carlisle reprimands, shooting me a look that clearly says shut the fuck up. "I understand how hard this is for you, truly I do. But I must ask you to reframe from antagonizing the situation further. Threats will do us no good here, and it fails to help current matters at all. And Edward, I know you're upset right now, but that's no excuse for your disrespectful behavior towards Jasper, either."

He runs his hand through his hair, extremely exasperated and fairly distressed that his sons aren't getting along like a good little family. He glances around at everyone before settling an even gaze on me, his eyes showing compassion as well as a demand as he states with a cool and level tone, "This family needs you right now, Jasper, and we need your cooperation. No one's asking you to permanently leave Keira. Just respect Edward's wishes and come with us now, and when Keira's ready and said her _covert_ goodbyes, we'll fly her out to us and prepare for her change. I know this wasn't the plan, but I've never asked much from you, son. I'm asking you now...please just make things easier on us all and leave with your family."

_Easier on everyone my ass._ Maybe it'll be easier on everyone _but_ me, but it's definitely about being just plain easy on Edward. Damn him. Damn them all.

"What difference does it make if I stay behind for a couple months? And no, Edward..." I cut out sharply when I see him opening his mouth. "I wouldn't be a danger to Bella because I won't be anywhere near the girl. She'd remain completely oblivious to my continued presence here if that'd make it fucking _easier_ on everyone."

No one has a legitimate retort for that one. Carlisle seems like he might object for a split-second before he thinks it through, realizing what I suggested could actually work and looking at Edward as if mentally trying to convince him that it would. But the boy shakes his head with a furious resolve, quickly objecting, "What if another accident occurs like tonight? He could kill Keira or any number of other people in Forks if we aren't there to intervene. He needs to leave with you if for no other reason than the safety of innocents!"

Scoffing, I shake my head before gritting out, "I'll stay away from town and everyone else for that matter. Let them think I left with you. And if an accident occurs with Keira, I know I'll be able to stop before I kill her. It's called faith and love, little boy, you should learn it sometime."

He snarls, attempting to push through Carlisle's restraining arms and I take a feral step forward in anticipation, but a tiny wind-chimed voice halts our need for violence.

"It wouldn't work, Jazz." Alice says quietly, apologetically, from where she's once again curled up on the couch. I cast an incredulous gaze on her, and she holds it for an indefinable period of time, telling me without words how sorry she is for what she's going to say. "Bella would catch Keira coming over here at least once, and Charlie would hear through your mate's parents that you're still around. No matter how careful you are, Bella would find out one way or another. And when that happens, there aren't words to describe the absolute heartbreak and depression she'll go through. It'll already be horrible by all standards, but this will only make it that much worse. This may not be fair to you, Jazz, but reverse the situation for a moment. If you felt like you needed to leave Keira so she could have a better life, would you want anything destroying her more than she already would be? Would you want your brother to stay behind and twist the knife further into Keira's heart simply because he didn't want to separate from his mate for a couple months?"

I look down, pissed-off that she threw my previous words back at me, but also somewhat shamed of my reaction when she put it like that. Alice had a way of putting things in a light that tore at my soul, that made me hear parts of my conscience I wouldn't otherwise because she was perfect, innocent fucking Alice. But she wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. She needed to rip that hole even wider by gently whispering, "Carlisle was right when he said he hasn't asked much of us, Jazz, but Edward hasn't either. We've had to uproot our lives and disappear for various reasons over the decades, but how many times have we done so for you? How many times have we needed to leave a town we were happy in because you slipped in our diet and made a mistake? I'm sorry Jazz, I don't mean to hurt you, but you need to understand that we've all made sacrifices over the years and now it's time for you to make one that really matters. It'll only be for a couple months, and Edward's never asked this of us before. I think that's reason enough to concede, don't you?"

I keep my eyes on the floor, knowing she's right but not wanting to concede to a goddamn thing. Alice feels horrible for what she said and Esme feels even worse, but I don't do anything to assuage their emotions. I can't, not when the likelihood that I'd have to agree to this was becoming exponentially larger. Only an hour ago I told myself that I'd never leave Keira, but now I might just have to unless I wanted to fight half my family on it. It'd be a betrayal I could never redeem, one that I could never make right and things would never be the same between us. Leaving the family and living on my own didn't bother me as much as it broke my heart, but more than anything, I didn't want Keira to live the nomadic lifestyle. She's always been family-oriented and deserved to have at least _that_ after everything else she's giving up.

I finally glance up, taking a good, long look around at everyone. Carlisle was still standing by Edward, but now his eyes, his expression, fucking _everything_ was pleading with me to make the right choice. Edward had reverted back to his blank face, but he was still seething in hatred for me along with a little confusion. I didn't have the mindset to ponder on it though, just turned to Emmett and Rose, who were both staring at me with a mixture of emotions bubbling beneath the surface. Emmett was miserably worried and it showed, looking as if he wanted to hug me and punch something at the same time, but knowing better than to do either. Esme — despite the fact that she'd be crying heartfelt tears if she could — would kick his ass if he put a hole in her wall, and I'd kick his ass if he tried giving me a fucking hug right now. I was in a volatile mood from being backed into a corner.

But Rosalie, my dear sister who's been suspiciously quiet for awhile now, just returns my gaze with understanding, inclining her head a fraction in a silent avowal that she'd stand by me no matter what I choose. Her annoyance for Edward had been diverted towards Alice during the pixie's little speech, but her wrath had not. She was still pissed at our brother for his decision to leave, but whether it was in a moment of compassion for Bella or simply because we're being forced to desert a town she enjoys, I wasn't really sure. Probably both. Rose has always been a complicated creature full of contradictions, rarely showing what she truly feels outside her temper and never admitting to when she actually cares about something besides her husband. She doesn't trust yet she's loyal to a fault, and she's always understood me better than most and had my back whenever need be. Many believe her to be selfish and cruel and hard, but then again, many thought I was simply a heartless killing machine during the southern wars. We all have sides that others don't see, but they don't feel her like I do.

So yes, she has my back and will take my side, but when I glance back at Alice, I know what I have to do. Her narrowed eyes tell me there'll be hell to pay if I don't make the right decision.

"FUCK!" I roar out with a vengeance, clutching my hair in fists as I glare at the trio responsible for this shit. "Goddamn it! Do you know what this is going to do to her? Do you understand that you're asking me to break her heart? Even for a short period of time, it won't matter to her because I'm still _leaving her!_ FUCK!"

I storm out of the house without waiting for a reply, slamming the front door behind me as I simultaneously leaped off the porch. I couldn't believe they were asking me to do this, couldn't believe I was actually going to go through with it. But Carlisle was right, he rarely asks anything of me and yet he gives everything he has without a second thought. So when he does want something from us, or in the few occasions that he demands, we do it with no questions and without hesitation. And Alice...well, she summed-up pretty fucking perfectly why I should be a better man about this. I owed everything to them, but couldn't find it anywhere inside me to graciously sacrifice a couple of months with Keira.

I couldn't comprehend how Edward was able to abandon Bella if he really loved her. Just the thought of temporarily walking away from my girl had my chest aching with a searing pain, had my gut feeling like it was being slowly shredded from my body. My lungs felt like they were caving in, as if the whole goddamn world decided to take a fucking vacation on them, and my entire body burned with an almost manic desperation to avoid what I had to do. Everything in me felt like it was tearing apart, a sensation so intense that I'd relish the indescribable agony of my transformation over this, and I had it easier than Edward did because I wasn't saying goodbye forever.

_Jesus, he must be more of a sadistic bastard that I am._

Standing stock-still in the middle of the yard for only god knows how long, the smell of vanilla and orchids suddenly wafted across my senses and I knew Alice was joining me. I had heard Emmett and Rosalie leaving out the back a moment ago, probably to get away and relieve their frustrations for a while, and I knew Carlisle and Esme were still in the living room. Edward I didn't give a fuck about at this point, but I assumed he had either gone to his room or left for Bella's. Yeah, he's a sick fuck like that, torturing himself.

I didn't glance at her as she came up beside me, just turned around and stalked over to the front porch, sitting down on the steps knowing she'd follow my lead. Alice bites her lip before timidly approaching, and I want to tell her I'm not mad but can't honestly say it. I don't begrudge her candidness before, but I absolutely resent the entire situation. So when she settles next to me I looked away, gazing at nothing in particular as I try to calm my racing thoughts. Eventually she breaks the silence.

"You know," She begins in a tentative whisper. "Everything will work out okay. I can see Keira coming to Vermont in January, and I can still see Bella becoming a vampire. I don't know how or why, but I do know that Edward is being really stupid about all this. He won't be able to stay away from her anymore than she'll be able to just forget about us." She pauses, probably realizing how much I don't give a shit about this mundane chatter, then softly says, "I'm sorry about what I said in there, Jasper. I wanted to take your side and I never meant to be cruel, but the things I saw if you stayed were... _horrible_. Gut-wrenching, really."

I know she's staring at me now, but I don't return the favor. I just listen as she pleads. "More than anything though, I'm sorry I didn't see this coming. I'd have made you hunt instead of shop, or had you leave before it happened. I'm just so... _sorry_."

Alice was feeling extremely guilty. An unusual amount of guilt if you ask me, but I transfer as much calm and relaxation as I possibly can considering I'm feeling anything but calm and relaxed. I finally look over at her and watch as the wind blows her spiky hair, the black tuffs dancing wildly in different directions with each swell of air. If it were possible, I'd think my mood was affecting the weather. The night seemed thick with despair, and you can almost taste the rage on the fierce wind. It reflected the turmoil inside me.

When I respond, my voice is nothing more than a choked whisper. "Wh-what I'm about to do Alice… it will never be alright. Nothing could make this okay, ever. But don't worry, I don't blame you for anything. This is no one's fault but my own... and maybe a little of Edward's tendency to overreact."

Her guilt spikes as she glances away, and I grow concerned.

"Alice?"

I place my hand on her shoulder and turn her towards me, but she refuses to meet my gaze. She's staring off in the other direction when she answers me.

"It's okay Jazz. I just… I just feel so helpless when my visions don't work for something so important. Maybe I was too preoccupied with decorations that I somehow missed this. If I had been paying more attention, this probably wouldn't have happened."

Something wasn't adding up here, but I also know what she said makes sense for her. She _would_ be distracted with the party, and she _would _try to shoulder the guilt for anything that went wrong just because she didn't _see_ it. So I let it go for now because I can't detect a lie anywhere in her, but my instincts are screaming at me that something's off with this conversation.

And because I am who I am and Alice is who she is and we're both who we used to be for the moment, I drape an arm over her shoulders and give a gentle squeeze, easing comfort into her until I feel her muscles relax. "It's alright, Ally. You said it yourself that everything would be okay. There will always be a million what-ifs, but let's just forget about them for now. What's done is done. On a different note, Vermont huh?"

She chuckles, smiling up at me with that impish grin of hers' that I once adored beyond reason, and we fall back into silence. She knows I don't want to hear anymore apologies, so when she looks away and let's me have my peace, I know she understands that my mind is torn between acting a charade and letting my thoughts travel down less pleasant avenues. That she gives me the space I need while still being here for me makes me suddenly grateful for her unsolicited company. Because without her, I might just let myself indulge in my own miseries like I had before, which might just lead me to doing what I wanted instead of doing what I needed to. Alice's presence keeps me from saying fuck them all and just running to Keira, dragging her home, and locking us inside her room for the next few months. She keeps me from making another potential mistake tonight.

I still loved the little pixie and always would. She's given me many happy years and a better way of life, but she's also given me Keira. In my arrogance to do what I perceived as right, I was willing to dismiss my connection with the human child, fully believing that time would heal the wound it caused in doing so. I see now how wrong I was, that I was only shredding us into ragged pieces versus the clean break Alice was striving for. I never would've been able to fight what was meant to be for very long, and Alice knew that. She knew that I'd never be fully happy again without Keira, so she set me free when I didn't have the strength to walk away on my own. I couldn't, not when Alice's emotions were constantly contradicting the things she said.

She'd tell me to go to Keira but she'd be absolutely heartbroken over it, and once I became friends with my future and thought about telling her the entire truth, Alice would get a vision that'd leave her stricken with loss. She tried to hide it, always pulling herself together before those very feelings could play across her face, but I always knew better and so did she. This is what ate at me the most and left me in limbo, but every time I decided to just leave well enough alone, Alice wouldn't let me. She'd glare and scream at me to get my southern butt back to Keira like the truly terrifying little monster she can be, until she eventually had to kick my ass to the curb. She selflessly took the decision out of my hands, leaving me without a choice.

But it just makes me all the more appreciative of Alice. We were breaking each other's hearts, yet she was trying to give me my true happiness and salvation. I swore to myself that when the time came for her true happiness to arrive, I'd help her in any way I could.

Alice's emotions shift now, stirring with a muted melancholy as she glances at me from the corner of her eye with a sad, broken smile. I know what's coming before she says it. "Keira's on her way over. I'll go inside and get you a change of clothes so she doesn't see you covered in blood. By the way, you were really scary staring down Edward looking like that. If I were human, I probably would've fainted from fright."

She's trying to lighten the mood, and I force out a strained chuckle for her benefit, looking down at myself as she stands. My clothes and hands and probably my chin are still stained in blood like a goddamn newborn, and I can only imagine what I looked like earlier during my confrontation with Edward. For some strange reason, I get the mental image of an albino gorilla drenched in red and beating his chest like the fuckin' animal he is. This time my chuckle's less forced, and when Alice disappears inside, I rip off my ruined shirt and run over to the river, washing the blood from my hands and face in quick succession. I haven't the slightest clue how I'd gone this long forgetting the condition I was in after I hunted, but I guess fucking stress will do that to you.

By the time I return to the front porch, there's a set of clothes folded neatly on the steps, and I quickly change into the jeans and sweater before throwing what's now trash by the front door. And I wait; wait for her and wait for whatever will come from this.

A sinking dread settles so very deep inside me that I feel it in my bones, knowing how horribly this can go. I'll be breaking Keira's heart even if it's against my will, but what if leaving her is something she can't understand? The one mistake she won't forgive? My only other choice is to defy my family, which in turn would mean severing from them, but can I risk losing Keira altogether just to make it easier on them?

_Hell no, but I owe them enough to at least try it their way._

I hear her pulling into the driveway, and panic starts seeping in for the second time tonight. I feel like I'm hyperventilating — such a nostalgic, human reaction — but knows it's simply the pain in my chest making it hard to breathe. The thought of hurting Keira even for a second just about kills me on the spot, makes me what to gouge out my eyes and tear off my limbs in punishment. _Shit__ sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for what you don't even have a clue about yet._

I watch as she pulls-up in her mom's shitty Toyota Camry, her gaze drifting around in confusion as she parks beside Edward's car. She hasn't seen me yet, but she's noticed Bella's absence by now and I feel her slight guilt as she steps out into the torrent weather. The sharp wind blows those dark curls across her face, momentarily hiding the small frown I know is on her lips anyway, and all I could think is, '_No baby, don't you dare feel bad about missing Bella's birthday. This is all on me. My fault.'_

Then her gaze catches mine even if she doesn't realize it with the cloak of night, and for the barest of seconds that doesn't seem nearly long enough to be counted as a blessing, everything else disappears and all that remains is she and I. All I know and feel is Keira and her gorgeous, wide green eyes staring at me, seeing into my very soul and clenching it with the power only she possesses. I sense the trickle of unease enter her, the sudden awareness that something was wrong and I watch as concern flashes across her features. _You've always been so good at reading me even when there's nothing to see, haven't you, Keira?_

She makes me want to forget that anything happened at all, gives me that urge to whisk her away from our troubles before she finds out what they are. I want to hide her from the devastation I'm about to cause, maybe take her back to that same cliff-side cottage we went to all those months ago. Our sacred place where we made love for the first time, where she relinquished all she had left to give and broke through any remaining barrier I might've left around that small piece of my heart.

But then she hurries towards me and reality comes crashing down on my dreams once again. I won't be taking Keira anywhere right now, and best-case scenario means I won't be whisking her away anytime in the near future. Time seems to fly by for both humans and vampires, and though the days and hours don't hold the same value for me as they do for mortals, I have no doubt in my mind that the months without Keira will feel like an eternity. What a sad revelation. All of it is, and I unconsciously tense under these opaque thoughts, Keira noticing right away and faltering in her steps.

Worry lines her brow and she nibbles on her bottom lip, but she continues despite her rapidly encroaching anxiety. _You know yet you don't, and I'm so very sorry for it all._

I watch as she walks slower now, but still comes closer because nothing gets in Keira's way of getting to me, and I can't help but think how beautiful she is even when she's nervous. Her soft, shapely hips sway as she makes her way over to me, and all I want is to grab them and hold them and rock them as I slide into her warm, tight core. Her wild curls are still tossing with the wind and splaying across her adorably round face, and in that moment I'd sacrifice both hands just to entangle them through that impossible hair of hers' while I claim her sweet lips with all I have. And as my eyes trace her cute little nose as she wrinkles it in quiet speculation, my fingers twitch with the urge to touch each and every freckle that adorn it, reverently smoothing out the lines that shouldn't belong on something so tiny. Everything about her is irresistible to me, her beauty so fucking breathtaking to me that she literally steals my nonexistent breath away without even trying.

_Fuck Keira, __I love you so much. Please don't hate me after this._

She's only a few feet away now, and despite wanting nothing more than to do everything I just thought, I take a step back instead before she can come any closer. I don't know how she's going to react when I tell her I need to leave town, but I know I won't be able to handle her embracing me now only to feel her pull away later. My heart already feels like it's twisting in ways that simply aren't possible, yet I haven't even begun shattering hers'. _God Keira, I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me._

A brief flash of hurt strikes her at my actions, but she nonetheless stops in understanding, staring at me with all the fucking openness she's entrusted me with that makes me hate myself even more. She's alarmed but not begrudging, and I can't even repay her absolute love by alleviating her worry. I'm too busy drowning in my own goddamn panic and remorse to even get a lock on my abilities, much less control it. I'd be surprised if I wasn't leaking my feelings outward. _Shit__ Keira, this isn't going to be easy. Just give me a sec, okay honey?_

"Jasper?"

Panic starts to creep-up in _her_ now, and my jaw clenches because I know I'm just going to make it worse. Nothing I say will make her feel any better than she already does, and the words I'm about to speak will change the course of our life together. Our plans, our future, everything we talked about is practically useless until this all gets righted, and who knows if she'll even give me the fucking chance after I hurt her like this. I'm breaking her trust in me, but I don't want to and I won't go through with this if she's going to hate me for it. _I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Please forgive me, please understand, please give me the chance to make it all better. I promise I don't want to break your heart, but I'm still so goddamn sorry that I'm going to. Please still love me, Keira... you're my world._

Taking a deep breath, I say what hurts, what will inevitably hurt her when she realizes the consequences, what has the power to shatter us if we allow it to.

"I tried to kill Bella tonight."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So, whatcha think? Did you like Jasper's POV? Next chapter will be back to Keira and will probably remain that way for awhile. I need to give credit where credit is due, so I just wanted to say that my "newborn's are fun to fuck with" state of mind that Jasper has... well, it originated from IdreamofEddy's 'Colliding Meteors' story. I don't want to copy anyone's work at all, but her story had such a profound impact on the way I now view Jasper. Ever since I read her story, I've always thought that Jasper **_**would**_** love newborns in some sick, twisted way. Too many years of playing with them not to. I didn't copy her words or even directly referenced how she used it, just stole the idea - the concept - from her. Shout out to her and her fabulous story, and if you haven't read it, then you should.**

**On a different note, thanks to all who've tuned in, subscribed, and reviewed so far. Your praise is fucking gold to me, because even though I write for my own pleasure, you're what makes it worth posting on here. So thanks again. Next update will be in a few days. Until then…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

Chapter 6

"_I tried to kill Bella tonight." _

I didn't know if I had heard him correctly. Of all the things I thought he would say to me to explain what was going on, that had certainly never crossed my mind. But it accounted for Bella's absence, and Jasper's grave demeanor. The truth of the situation was written all over him, and it was plain to see for anyone. I had heard Jasper correctly; he did try to kill Bella tonight.

"Oh God Jasper! Are you alright?" I choked out from around my constricting throat, right before I ran over to him and threw my arms around him. It didn't matter to me that he obviously didn't want me near him; I _needed_ to comfort him.

And I knew it probably wasn't the most appropriate question to ask first. People typically ask how the victim is before anything else, but I didn't care about Bella at the moment. Jasper was unmistakably feeling the affects of his conscience, and it was patently apparent he was in emotional pain. And he did say he _tried_ to kill Bella, not that he succeeded. I could get the details later, after I was sure Jasper would be okay.

His chuckle was low and strained as he wrapped his cool, strong arms around me. Where at first his touch was tentative, it quickly transformed as he began to cling to me fiercely. His act felt like a desperate surrender. Almost like he had previously decided he wouldn't, or couldn't, touch me, but mercurially gave in to my touch. It screamed of vulnerability; whether for him or for me, I didn't know.

Jasper's next words were spoken in a rough grumble that came from deep within his chest, but I could still detect the sweet affection beneath his tone. He lightly kissed the top of my head as he mumbled into my hair, "I knew that was going to be the first thing you asked."

While he didn't answer my question, I didn't push it as he continued to hold on to me in silence. I already knew the answer. No, Jasper was not okay. He was far from okay. I wasn't aware of everything that happened, so I didn't know how much of his palpable torment was because of his actual actions, or from the consequences of it. My best guess was both, but more the latter.

Since there wasn't utter chaos swarming around us, I assumed that Bella wasn't significantly or detrimentally harmed, so Jasper shouldn't be this miserable over his actions. He would be able to move forward without much difficulty because that was the kind of man he was. He looked at the facts and the entirety of a situation, deduced what needed to be done and would pay his due, then square his shoulders and walk away when all was said and done. His guilt would play with his mind for a little bit, and he would look back on it from time to time, but he was more calculative and strategic than he was emotional and perpetually reminiscent. Ironic for an empath if you ask me, but I guess that's how he stays sane.

So that left us with the aftermath. Jasper was looking far too desolate and broken just for what he _almost _did. I could feel the apologetic regret seeping from him and filling our little bubble of space, and I had a peculiar feeling that it might have something to do with me, or possibly my reaction to everything. But in my eyes, he had nothing to be sorry about. Jasper did nothing wrong. A natural accident between vampires and humans occurred, and I sincerely and vehemently hoped his family didn't give him too hard of a time because of it. Although I'm sure Edward did. He seems too tightly wound and controlled to take what happened easily, and it _was_ his girlfriend after all.

Nevertheless, I was sure that the whole family's bloodlust contributed to Jasper's loss of control, whether they realized it or not. Especially Edward's considering Bella's blood sings to him. So this whole incident shouldn't be put off on Jasper since I'm positive it wasn't entirely his doing. He really needed to just tell his family how their thirst affects him, and I hadn't the slightest clue why he hasn't yet. I certainly couldn't believe Alice never knew or figured it out after all the years they've known and loved each other. And come to think of it, how come Alice didn't see this coming? As in tune to Bella and Edward and Jasper as she is, how in the hell did she not see this attack happening?

A couple minutes had passed since Jasper last spoke, but he must have felt my growing curiosity and speculation because he gently pushed me away from him and ducked his head as he held me at arms length. I couldn't see his eyes or get a clear read on his face as he hid it from me, but his hands had a firm grasp on my shoulders and I watched as his muscles coiled with tension. He reminded me of a caged animal just dying to break free from his captor and release his predatory fury, but was too ashamed or worn down and broken-in to fight for it. Jasper was the comparable image of a wild beast cornered but constrained, that much I could see. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was quickly becoming afraid of what he was going to say. I was silent, waiting and watching.

"Keira…" His voice was strangled and his head was still facing the ground, but his hold tightened on my shoulders and I could plainly see his struggle.

Jasper finally looked back up at me, but his golden eyes had turned dark and barren, and he was swallowing convulsively in what appeared to be nervous apprehension. I continued to watch, silent and waiting.

His tone was gruff and strained as he locked his eyes with mine and began speaking again. "Keira…there's more. I didn't just attack Bella tonight. I don't remember everything that happened. One minute she was in the process of opening her gift, and the next I was being pulled from the house. I wasn't able to, or maybe I just _forgot_ to hunt earlier today, and that was my first mistake…"

"You've hunted now, though. I saw it in your eyes when I arrived and I see it in your face now." I said in a small whisper. My insides were squirming with uneasiness and I swear I could hear my heart creaking under the pressure of every word Jasper carried forth. I knew it was about to get so much worse, and my mind was desperately trying to grasp at anything to make it seem better.

Jasper just slowly nodded his head in response to my useless comment. He must have been feeling my emotional turbulence amplifying throughout this ordeal, because he continued cautiously. "I need you to promise me something, Keira. I need you to promise me you'll stay as calm as possible, and that no matter what, you'll understand that what I'm about to say isn't permanent. Promise me. _Say It!_"

It seemed he was just as terrified of what he was about to say next as I was, because Jasper punctuated his statement with a short, sharp shake of my shoulders. Very unlike his typically cool and calm and put together personage.

Tears were welling up in my eyes, and I managed to squeak out a high pitched, but still barely audible, "I promise."

Jasper sighed, but it was obvious my proclamation did nothing to soothe him, as he would have liked. He roughly let go of his hold on me, and ran both of his shaking hands through his dishevelled locks. He glanced around distantly, almost unconsciously it seemed, before finally settling his gaze back on me. And he looked absolutely _destroyed_. He really was falling apart, or already had, just as much as I was. _Shit, this was going to be bad. Really, really bad._

"Okay Keira, here's where things get worse. By the time I returned home from the quick hunt I took after everything…happened, a few things had already been discussed and decided. _I had nothing to do with it, I swear to you. _I didn't ask for all the details, but it appears that Edward has come to the conclusion that he's going to leave Bella and return her to a life without vampires in it. We…we are all to disappear from Forks, permanently, and from Bella's life within, roughly, three days time."

The tears were falling freely down my face now. Jasper and the Cullens were leaving Forks in approximately three days, _forever_, and I knew that couldn't include me. Not yet. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my parents, and I wasn't prepared to never see them again. I had such a short time with the ones who have given me everything they could since the day I was born, but I had an eternity with Jasper. They deserved better than me abandoning them within three days, and Jasper couldn't, nor wouldn't, argue with that.

We had a plan, and I had counted on that plan. That plan gave me some time. Jasper knows this, which means he's planning on leaving me. He's leaving Forks…without me.

I was still staring up at him, but I had begun blinking rapidly as my tears continued to fall, and my hands had fisted at my sides into tight balls. I really was trying to absorb everything he said, and everything I realized, calmly, but I could feel the tingles crawling under my skin and the liquid fire surging through my veins as I began to lose control over my mind and emotions. Jasper eyes were pleading with me to understand, and I'm sure he could feel my telekinesis surfacing, but I was too overwhelmed with incredulous betrayal from the one I loved. Jasper was leaving me.

"You-you're _leaving_ me?" I asked in a weak, trembling voice. I took a step backwards as I said it, and I felt like a piece of me had shifted within and crumpled to dust because I was actually backing _away_ from _Jasper_. And my mind began humming with its barely suppressed power.

He quickly closed the space I had put between us with one fluid movement of his long legs. He recaptured my shoulders in his firm grip and held fast. Jasper's eyes blazed with a dark intensity I had never seen in him before, and I could feel him surround me in all his desperation, panic, and overwhelming love.

"NO Keira! I'm not leaving you. I just have to leave Forks. As soon as you're ready, I'll fly you out to me. But my family really needs me to go with them. Edward wants everyone gone, and I owe them _all_ my cooperation right now. I'm so sorry Keira. Believe me, I never wanted this to happen, and I don't want to leave you behind, even if it is for a short period of time. I fought Edward and Carlisle on this, but in the end it did no good. I love you Keira, and I promise to make this up to you. I promise I'm coming back for you. I promise to never leave you behind again. Please don't leave _me_. Please don't hate me for this."

I knew he meant every word he said. I could see and feel his love for me, his need for me, and his helplessness over the situation. But my mind and body refused to acknowledge anything else except one thing.

"You're leaving me." It was a statement said in a dull, flat tone. No longer a question and no longer a trembling voice. And the heat from my power continued to lick my insides as my silent tears still fell.

Jasper went to wrap his arms around me again, to hold me and comfort me and assure me that no, he wasn't leaving me. Not really. But I snapped, and I shoved him away as hard as I could as I kicked and screamed and flailed my arms at him right before I collapsed to the ground with my racking sobs filling the otherwise silent air.

"DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU BASTARD! You're LEAVING me." I yelled as I glared balefully up at him from where I had fallen.

And he didn't. He didn't try to touch me or hold me or say anything to me. Jasper just kneeled down where he stood a few feet away from me, and he watched me with a pained expression as I cried out my heartache and sorrow. He transferred as much calm and relaxation as he could over to me, but I didn't want it and I tried to fight it. It was a useless battle though, even I knew that. So my tears and mourning began to slow 'till eventually all was quiet again, courtesy of Jasper. And I no longer felt the humming force within my body and mind.

I couldn't look at him, though. I didn't want to see the reality of our situation. I didn't want to see him watching me break down, and knowing the reasons why. I was ashamed at how I just treated Jasper because I knew this wasn't his fault, and I was miserable knowing I wouldn't have much time with him before he left. Before he was gone until I was ready to say goodbye to the two people who raised me and loved me for nineteen years. How had it come to this? Why?

"Keira…"

I finally looked over at him. Jasper was still kneeling on the ground exactly where he was before, but his eyes had returned to their radiant golden hue. We had both crashed and burned tonight, and now we were trying to pick up the pieces. But once again Jasper was the stronger one of us, as it seemed he was doing a much better job at putting himself back together than I.

He fluidly crawled on his hands and knees over the few spaces between us, and when he reached me, he picked me up from under my arms and pulled me into his embrace as he cradled me in his lap. His fingers ran through my hair and he softly rubbed my back as he rocked us back and forth. I fisted his thick sweater in my tiny hands and clung to him with all my remaining strength. I began to cry once again.

"Shh, Keira. It's alright. I know it seems bad now, but before you know it the time will come for you to board that plane and spend forever with me. I'll call you every day, and we'll talk for hours if you want. It will be like we were never apart. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I fucked everything up."

I looked up at him from under his chin and brought one of my hands up to cup his cheek. He pulled back slightly and locked his gaze with mine, and I spoke to him with a voice coarse from screaming and crying. "It's not your fault, Jasper. I know that and you _should_ know that. And I think you do. But I'm sorry for how I reacted. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, but I wish you didn't have to go. It's breaking my heart knowing you're leaving. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. You're my life and soul, as cheesy as that sounds. You have been for a long time now. I just can't bare the thought…"

I choked up again and couldn't finish. I didn't have it in me to complete that sentence. I didn't want to put a voice to my despair, feeling it was enough. Jasper just continued to look at me, and understanding glimmered in his eyes. He knew what I meant and understood how I felt because he was there too. This was happening to both of us.

I wormed and snuggled my way back into his hard chest as I cuddled up next to him. I never wanted him to let me go, and I never wanted to let him go either. We sat there like that for a while, just holding on to one another as if it were our last time. Jasper's love flowed gently over me as I bathed in his essence and breathed in his sweet, musky scent. But I was exhausted, and eventually grew sleepy in my comfortable enclosure.

I felt Jasper stirring, and when I opened my eyes and glanced around, I realized he had deftly picked us up off the ground and was now carrying me over to my car. He walked directly to the passenger side, and when he set me down on my feet and opened the door, I noticed that I no longer had a window to said door. In fact, all my windows were busted out, and the glass was scattered all over in tiny, broken fragments.

I looked over at Jasper, confused and curious. "What happened? What happened to my mom's car?"

I may be tired and not quite up to par at the moment, but I definitely don't remember anyone smashing the car windows. Vampires are sneaky and silent, but there's no way I could've missed one of them doing _that_.

Jasper smirked at me as he wiped the seat clear of all the glass. "You don't know? During your little temper tantrum and insane attempt to hurt me with your feet and fists, you blew out all the car windows. Not just yours, either. Look around, all of our car windows are now shattered. It was kind of…neat watching the fire in your eyes explode and then the glass flying everywhere behind you. Don't recommend a repeat though. Eddie boy's going to be _pissed _when he sees his precious Volvo. Probably Rosalie, too. With her car, I mean. Actually, we should probably get out of here before they show. I've had enough drama for one night."

I looked around, and sure enough, all the Cullen's car windows were demolished, nothing but miniscule shards lying around now.

Wow, I did that. _How_ had I missed doing it? I didn't know whether to be proud or scared, but I didn't have time to ponder on it long because Jasper was suddenly shoving me into the car and slamming the door in my face. He really likes to do that. Slamming car doors in my face, I mean. Although it kinda lost the effect it was suppose to have with no window there. Huh. Wonder what I was gonna tell my mom.

So Jasper drove us home in my mother's now even _shittier_ vehicle as I covered my eyes and head to prevent flying glass from cutting precious body parts, all the while cursing like a sailor the whole way there. Jasper just chuckled the _entire_ time at the free entertainment I was providing him. You would think he'd be concerned about me getting hurt or cut, but no. He _really_ wasn't.

When we arrived, Jasper picked me up again and silently walked us through the pitch black of the house and straight back to my room without making a sound. Vampire abilities are truly a blessing for teenagers trying to sneak around their parents. But when Jasper laid me down on the bed, I latched on to him with all the force I could muster and wouldn't let go for the world. I had no idea if he was planning on staying or not, but I wasn't going to give him the option. He was staying with me until our time was up.

So he laid his long body down next to mine, and I fell into a fitful sleep full of goodbyes and death and never-agains. It wasn't until much later in the night, or morning I should say, that I woke up startled, and Jasper reached over to me as he tried to soothe my unspoken fears. He held me and kissed me and rubbed me and loved me. He did what he does best. He distracted me with his ungodly talents of sexual discipline and satisfaction. He loved me in an age-old ritual.

I felt so cold now, and it had nothing to do with my vampire's body temperature. The cold was a freezing agony that only seemed to stop when Jasper held me tight and kissed me tenderly. I was deeply aware in the quiet of my room and the dawning of the five a.m. light that this could be our last moments together. That today or tomorrow or the next day, Jasper would leave me behind, and who knew where life would take us after that. I was so sure of us when we were standing next to one another, but when you put miles upon miles between us, well…my confidence turned to uncertainty. So many things can change or go wrong, and even with all my faith placed in Jasper, I knew that we didn't stand a chance against the evil and twisted ways of the world. It could conspire against us and we wouldn't even know.

But once again Jasper pulled me from my tumultuous thoughts as I felt his arousal pressing against me once again. I kiss him urgently, and he returns the gesture in kind. He knew too, that nothing was guaranteed.

My hands grabbed at him roughly, desperately, and I began pulling and tugging at his leftover clothes. Jasper drags my own down too, and for a moment we pause in our frenzied actions to just admire the beauty of the other. So soft and smooth and perfect and all _mine._ And I knew by Jasper's expression he was thinking the same thing.

We had all the time in the world to go sweet and slow, but right now we needed to pour all of our anguish and weaknesses and possession into one another. So he takes hold of my arm and yanks me over to him, and we fall back down to the bed while Jasper thrusts into me at the same time. And once again I feel safe and content. A warmth spread throughout me like a heated blanket clinging to my skin, and I knew that only Jasper could do this to me. Only he could make me feel this way. Only he could take the cold away.

Our first coupling is fast and intense with raging desires and heartbroken promises. Jasper had wrapped his hands around my wrists and held me down as he pounded into me. He animalistic growls as he thrust into me spiked my own soft, and more human, growls, and he nipped and marked my skin the only way he could as I tried to wash him and devour him in my scent. He was marking me as his as I was with him, but we didn't need to. My body and soul already belonged to him in every way, as his belonged to me.

We reached our climax together shortly after, and we briefly found ourselves sated and content and fulfilled. A momentary happiness washed over us as we panted and breathed in the other. But it didn't last long, and we soon reached out for each other again. This time was full of slow and passionate love as our bodies danced to the other's tune. Jasper's erotic pace teased me and twisted my insides as he alternated his speed and angle. He brought me close to the edge often, only to pull me back more times than I could count. Together we overrode the darkness that was threatening to consume us, and Jasper gave me back my faith and hope that all would be okay. That at the end of this journey, we would be okay.

When Jasper finally gave in and released me to oblivion, shocks of pleasure so intense washed over me, and I tightly clenched around him and jerked with orgasmic spasms that brought my lover over with me in one final thrust. He soon withdrew from my depths as he gently coaxed my lips to open for him. He quietly and tenderly made love to my mouth as my tongue twirled with his and loved him back. Our kind of love was for the ages, and was naught to be denied.

I soon fell back asleep, content and more assured, after Jasper had pulled away and snugly tucked me in and curled up next to me. This time, sleep was much more peaceful as I dreamed of divine reunions with blond-haired gods and sweet, hard-earned eternities.

But when I awoke, Jasper was no longer beside me and nowhere to be found. My eyes searched around my room frantically, and in a panic, I jumped out of bed and threw on one of Jasper's large t-shirts as I ran out the room. I was hysterically running down the hall as I yelled out, "Jasper?"

"In here Keira." I heard my mothers voice call to me from the kitchen. _Oh God, did Jasper already leave? Without saying goodbye?_

I timidly walked into the kitchen, too afraid to face my parents in the breakdown I was slowly experiencing with Jasper's absence. But when I walked in, there was my mom and dad sitting down at the table, and…there was Jasper, standing over the stove, apparently cooking brunch for everyone. My heart simultaneously melted and broke at the sight. Jasper was leaving me soon, but right now he was still here.

He looked over at me from where he stood, and gave me a quick, warm smile. But his eyes were frosted over with what was soon to come, as I'm sure mine were too.

He walked over and grabbed my hand as he said in his deep, melodic voice, "Good morning Keira. Why don't you go sit down with your parents. Breakfast is almost ready."

His voice lowered to a whisper as he added for my ears only, "I would never just leave like that. Don't worry, you'll know when I have to go."

I gave a small smile at his words, but they did put me at ease. I absently glanced at the clock on the wall, and the time made my smile turn to a smirk as I quipped, "You mean brunch."

I stood up on the balls of my feet to reach over and lightly pecked Jasper on the cheek. I wanted to devour his mouth with mine while I still could, but my parents were in the room. And he needed to lean down a little, but he returned my gesture with his own innocent kiss placed on the top of my head.

I once again smiled up at him before walking around and gliding over to my parents, who were watching our exchange with sad expressions. So I guess that meant Jasper told them he was leaving. Which is wonderful, because now they'll be watching me and I won't be able to grieve in solitude. I hated it when people I loved knew I was sad. It made me feel pathetic and guilty for some reason.

"So," I began as I pulled out a chair and sat down. "What are you guys doing here? I thought you'd be gone by now. Who's running the diner?"

My parents exchanged solemn glances, but my father looked at me with his dark eyes and spoke in his strong, deeply accented voice. "Well, when we woke up and saw yer mom's car, we thought it might be important to ask yer what happened. Then we realised Jasper was here, and he told us what occurred. He also mighta' mentioned that he and his family were gonna be leaving town because of some emergency. So, we decided to keep the diner closed for the day and spend some time with ya two."

I sucked in a breath and looked over at Jasper, who had his back turned to me, but I was sure he had a mischievous glint dancing off his features. My parents worded their statement in just the right manner to make my newfound predicament askew and unclear, and Jasper would no-doubt realize this. He didn't really tell them what happened to the windows, did he? No, he wouldn't do that to me…I hoped. But I also knew that one side of Jasper would get a sort of twisted kick out of the situation if he did. Sometimes he's a very bored vampire, and what better way to liven up his existence than to fuck with his girlfriend.

I returned my gaze back to my parents as I glanced back and forth between them. They both had an expectant look on their face.

"He-he _told_ you?" I asked in an incredulous whisper.

"Really iníon," my mom began in much less accented lilt. "You need to let us know if something gets vandalized at the store. Insurance will cover it as long as it happens on our property. Plus, we need to know you're safe. You should have called us immediately after you called Jasper. You two didn't need to be driving the car around like that."

I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding, and tried to put on the best doe-eyed, innocent look I could. "Yes máthair. Sorry. Next time I'll call you immediately. I was just so scared you'd be mad at me that I put it off. But that won't happen again. You can still call the insurance company, right?"

"Of course we can, so don't worry about a thing." My mother said as she leaned across the table and petted my hair. And my eyes widened as slight panic coursed through me. _Oh shit! I'm sure I'm sporting a bad case of sex hair, and I'm not wearing anything in front of my parents other than __Jasper's__ shirt. Fuck! _

I think my dad read my look and knew what I was thinking, because he suddenly started chuckling that quickly turned into full-blown, uncontrollable laughter. It raucously filled the kitchen as all eyes focused on him, and my dad eventually fell off his chair in his fit of hilarity. _Oh, ha ha dad. Laugh at my expense why don' cha. _

Eventually his laughter ceased and he recklessly picked himself off the floor, but I think Jasper might've had something to do with that because he was looking at my father like he had grown a second head. It was obvious he was confused about what brought on the siege of amusement and my mortification, but yeah, he really didn't want to know.

"I'm sorry Keira. It's just…yer face…it was _priceless_. Aye, that was good! And yeah, ya do look like ya just got fucked six ways from Sunday. But hey! Yer only gettin' away with it because we know Jasper's leaving, and I know that it must have been hard on ya. Get out of jail free card, or whatever that American saying is. Oh _man_, I wish yer could of seen yer face, Keira. It was classic."

That's my dad in a nutshell. Boisterous and free-spirited and loose with his tongue. Jasper didn't look confused anymore, and he quickly turned back around to pull the food off the stove, but not before I saw him shoot me a purely smug smirk. _Bastard_.

So we ate our brunch, exchanging slightly awkward pleasantries because we now all knew this would be the last time we'd have Jasper with us for a family meal. Well, my parents probably figured it would be the last time for just a little while, but still. The melancholy of farewells was hanging over us, and I could tell by my mom and dad's reluctant approach to certain topics of conversation that they were concerned for us both. They were afraid to hurt us any further than we already were.

And I felt bad for Jasper, because not only did he have to feel all of our emotions, but I also knew what he was going to have to do with the food he was swallowing down. But we had a system for these kind of things. Jasper would always be the one to prepare my plate, and he would give me tiny portions of food so when I was done, I would pick from his _huge_ plate. I would always look like a food-whore, and Jasper always played the role perfectly of the loving boyfriend who gave up some, but really most, of his meal for his girl. It worked every time, but he still had to throw up what little he did consume.

After we finished, I went and changed into something more appropriate for the parentals, and we all congregated in the living room to spend some quality time together. My mother and father didn't know it, but this would be the last time we would all ever be together again. They would never see Jasper again, and soon they would never see their daughter again. And they would probably never know that I was safe and secure and loved with Jasper. They were just going to think I died, or disappeared, one way or another while off at college. Maybe one day I could find a way to let them know I was okay. That I was alive and well, experiencing the world with my soul mate. Maybe.

Eventually the time came when Jasper's phone rang, and I knew this would be my last moments with him until I was ready to leave everything else behind. I wished the Cullens would have given us more time. I wished they weren't so damn fast in picking up their life and moving on. I wished they could have given Jasper and I those three days. Instead we got one, and it was nowhere near enough to say goodbye to the man and vampire I love.

As Jasper got off the phone and turned to me, his eyes became dark in their agony and his shoulders sagged with the weight of despair. When he spoke, his words were tortured. "Their ready. I need to do a few things before we can go, but then we're off."

_And just like that, it's all over._

My parents had immediately gotten up and rushed over to Jasper as they encompassed him in hugs and goodbyes and promises of the future. They wanted to see him again, and soon. Not just for my sake, but for theirs too. They had fallen in love with him in a much different way, but just as strongly as I had. To them, Jasper was the son they never had. And I think he returned the sentiment. We never spoke about it, but I saw the way Jasper would interact with my mom and dad as if they were his own, and I knew he felt their familial love that was so hard to resist. So no, I did not doubt that somewhere in Jasper, he also felt like he was leaving behind and saying goodbye forever to a set of parents. And it broke my heart to witness the scene before me while knowing the truth of it all.

When they parted, my parents walked away and out of the house to give us our privacy. I stood there facing him, feeling lost and confused and frightened and afflicted. But I put on a brave face as I walked over to him and held him with all my appreciation and reverence for him and the time we spent together. This was hard, but I wouldn't allow our final minutes together to be tainted with our torment. I would only love him now, and I would only break later.

Jasper softly purred as he held me in return. He was sending me waves of comfort and tranquillity and hope and devotion. He was breaking down every particle that made up our partnership and was gently serenading me with it. He was leaving no room for me to doubt him or his love for me, not that I ever would.

But we both pulled back from each other after a moment. My parents were somewhere around, even if they were outside, and Jasper needed to leave. His family was waiting, but that didn't stop him from remaining where he was as he brought his hand up and tenderly cupped the back of my neck. He threaded his long fingers between my dark tendrils, and he looked deep within my eyes and held my gaze as he spoke to me in a strong and fierce tone.

"Keira, this isn't goodbye. I love you and I'm never letting you go. You're my world, my heaven and earth. And right now you're going to be my hell because I'll be without you. But you're still my everything. I'm coming back for you when you're ready, and then I'm never leaving you again. You're mine and I'm yours, and this time apart isn't going to change that. Don't think I haven't felt your insecurities, because I have. But there's no need for that. I love you, forever. I'll call you everyday, and you can call me whenever you feel like it. Doesn't matter when, I'll always be waiting for it. And you have to remember everything we've work on with your ability. Remember to control it and stay calm. What happened last night can't happen around anyone else, or you'll be in quite the predicament. It seems your power is growing, but you need to remain calm if you feel it coming on. And walk away if you're around other people. Promise me."

"I promise Jasper. And I love you too. Forever." I whispered. _I will not cry yet. I will not cry. Not yet._

He looked at me for another moment, then delicately pulled me towards him and captured my lips in a kiss that spoke of a thousand promises for the future, and gave a hundred apologies for now. This was the second kiss he gave me that savored strongly of goodbye, but this time I knew it wasn't a permanent farewell. And when he walked away from me and out my door, this time he did look back at me as he felt my eyes on him. He soaked in everything he could in the few seconds it took him to turn back around and continue walking away, but I knew he would see me again. I wouldn't let anything change that fact. I wouldn't let anything break our promises to each other.

So when Jasper evaporated from my sight, I numbly walked to my room and laid down where I would most definitely, finally, crumble away. I wasn't capable of holding it in any longer. I could still smell Jasper in the air, and I could feel his phantom fingers ghosting over my body and surrounding me in his essence. I could see his eyes shining with all his love and worship for me, and I could hear his husky words whispered in my ear. I was entirely consumed in everything Jasper as I fell off the edge of the cliff I was precariously tiptoeing.

Translucent blackness and grievous tears poured forth from within and surrounded me. My mind shut down and thought of nothing but the fact that everything I had recently grown to know and love and trust within every inch of my being was stolen away from me by a single moment. I wasn't even there. I didn't do anything to cause this, but I couldn't do anything to help take it back. In one second, a mistake was made that caused decisions to be ruled and my light to be sucked away. I was now surrounded in blackness deeper than the night, but not thick enough to shield me or devour me, and I wasn't even there.

One second that I couldn't believe Alice didn't see that took so many things away from me. Once again I failed to understand how it all could lead to this. I couldn't comprehend a world that gave infinitely in one moment only to steal it away in the next. The fates and cards be damned, because it wasn't fair to punish those who fought so hard to just be able to exist. Where's the breaking point for someone who could no longer see or hear or do, but could feel with such profound excruciation? My body ached to breathe his intoxicating breath again, but his rendering words kept me alive. Kept me fighting and holding on because I knew that one day, he would make it all okay again. One day we'd be together again. We would both make sure of that.

**JPOV**

If someone would have told me two days ago that I would be walking away from Keira, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have told them there was no fucking way I was leaving my girl behind for anything. But now I was, and I couldn't help the feeling that came over me right before I walked out her door. When I looked back at her in all her beauty and all her distress, I was struck with an intense thought or…or feeling, I guess, that this was going to be the last time that I'd see her like this. That the next time I did, the circumstances won't be the same and Keira won't be the same. That if I walked out this door and leave her behind, Keira will never be the same woman I love now.

But I still turned around and walked away from her. Against my better judgment, I closed that door behind me, ran home, finished the shit I needed to do before we left, and we hauled ass out of there. Sure, I was coming back for Keira, or probably bringing her to me, but still. I can't believe I let my sorry ass walk away from the best thing this world has ever given me. I should have defied Carlisle. I should have kicked the shit out of Edward. I should have done anything besides what I did.

I just _know _I shouldn't have walked away from her. Something was screaming inside me to go back now, to…save her while I still could. Over a century old instincts were wired and drilling into me that something horrible was going to happen if I kept driving down the road, further away from Keira.

I tried to shove it away and play it off as just being over-protective of her, but in the back of my mind I questioned what was the truth. Was I being paranoid, or was I being insightful? My gut instincts have never been wrong, and I was cursing myself back and forth for ignoring them, while simultaneously doing just that. Trying to ignore it.

I know I shouldn't have walked away from her, and I honestly can't believe I was able to. It was the single-most difficult thing I've ever done, and I hoped I didn't live to regret it. I hoped my instincts were wrong, just this once.

* * *

**FYI: Iníon and máthair are endearments for mother and daughter in one of the native Irish languages (Gaelic)**

**Author's Note: **

**This was a hard chapter to write. I don't know why, but it was. I wrote their love-making scene differently than most, and different from how I will in the future, but that's because the situation was different. It wasn't about what they were doing, it was about how they were feeling an why they needed that moment. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and felt the emotions I was trying to convey. Review and let me know what you think!**

**Oh, and big thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and everyone who has put me on their favs list and story alerts. It means so much to me, and gives me the motivation to continue, and probably makes me write better. Thanks a bunch to all of you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does. **

_I wanted to give a huge thanks to __**AnnabelleLee13194**__, __**Patent Peekaboo Poses**__, __**WANTED- Hot Emphatic Vampire**__, and the anonymous__** Mary**__ for your wonderful words and consistent reviews. You're giving me what every writer hopes to receive when posting their story to this site, and there aren't enough ways to express my gratitude for your reviews. So I dedicate this chapter to you guys, and I hope it satisfies some of your curiosities. FYI: this is the last time-jump in my story from here on out._

Chapter 7

KPOV

It has been 86 days and 13 hours since the last time I saw Jasper, and my heart still aches for him just as much as the day he left. I miss him more than any one person should be capable of, but I'm hanging in there.

In the time that's passed, everything has changed for me, yet things appear exactly the same in this small town. It's confusing for me to feel such a profound difference made to my life since Jasper vanished, while everyone else acts like they had never known him or the Cullens. Like they never existed, and their time here didn't affect anything, or anyone. Forks suddenly felt like the Twilight Zone, and it made me want to scream and shout in frustration that Jasper meant something to me, and that his absence affected me. That he was real and they were real and they were all really here. That I remembered and I knew and I felt. It also made me realize that I was probably not all there in the head right now if I was having thoughts and urges like that. I needed my man back, but I knew I'd be with him soon.

I was a complete wreck for the first few days, and if I wasn't moping around the house watching chick flicks and devouring junk food, I was on the phone sobbing to Jasper to _just come home_. It was hard on me to go from having him beside me _every day_ and _never_ having to question when the next time I'd see him would be, to _never_ having him around me and _always_ having to question when I'd see him next. But I worked it out and pulled myself together because I knew I was only hurting myself and everyone I loved with my behavior. No good could come from acting like a sullen child, and I could almost see Jasper's fists clenching tightly and his shoulders tensing every time he heard me cry on the phone. He hated what he had to do to me, but he needed to do it all the same. So no, I wasn't doing anybody, least of all Jasper, any good the way I was.

So I dropped the kicked puppy act and got my shit together. But a few weeks later, I soon learned that not everybody was as easily able to do that as me. Maybe it was because of the differences in our circumstances, of the situations we were both in, or maybe it's because of the vast diversities in our personalities. We might as well be night and day in our similarities, but whatever the reason, Bella Swan became and remained much like a long-time starving man.

When I saw her for the first time since everything happened, she was going in to work at Newton's Olympic Outfitters, and she was nothing but lifeless and cold. Her sunken eyes and sallow skin had lost its' luster, yet she still walked around, albeit in a defunct daze. She was so far gone you could see how unable she was to truly focus on anything around her, and when she _did_ look around her, she wouldn't really see anyone. Because she only wanted to see one person and hear one thing. I knew because I was right there with her, but it was plain to see that where she ceased to exist in his absence, I fought to survive so I _could_ be with Jasper again. But she had obviously lost all hope and will to live. Night and day man, night and day.

It had been six and a half weeks into the Cullen's absence when I saw Bella for the second time. I was working a shift at the diner when she and the Chief came in during the dinner rush. It was like I had practically borrowed Jasper's ability when they walked in, because I could feel the desperation seeping off Bella's father the moment I laid my eyes on him, even though he showed no outward signs of it. For as long as I've known him, he has always been a private man that would withdraw inward and hardly show his emotions. And I rarely saw him eating out, especially since Bella came to town.

So it became apparent to me that the Chief was probably trying to snap his daughter out of the state she was obviously in by bringing her out to dinner. Bless his soul, for if he only knew all the facts then he'd probably know just how far gone she really was, and why. And that nothing he did at this point would help her. Bella needed to help herself first. Or Edward needed to come back. Whichever really.

But when Bella saw me there, it was like she momentarily came back to life and her eyes snapped with glowing knowledge and curiosity. And my guess would be that for the first time since Edward left, she truly looked around her and recognized her surroundings. The Chief immediately noticed, and when I approached their table, Bella's eyes never left mine and they continued to burn with their inquisitiveness.

Her father was glancing back and forth between us, but I was standing in silence and watching Bella as she was with me.

"Do you two, um, know each other? Friends, maybe?" The Chief said in an uncomfortable, but almost hopeful, manner. He was still glancing between the two of us, and there was a few seconds of heavy silence before anyone responded.

"Um, yeah Char- Dad." Bella began in a thick, coarse voice. She cleared her throat, and I could tell it had been a long time since she last spoke. "This is Keira. She and I went to the same school."

Well duh, Bella. This is Forks, after all. There's only _one_ high school. The Chief must have been thinking along the same line of thought as I was, because when he spoke next, there was a hint of condescension in his tone.

"I know that Bella. I'm well aware of who Keira is. She grew up here. But I also know that she was a grade ahead of you, and I've never heard you mention her before now. So, are you two friends?"

Again with the uncomfortable, but _hopeful_, tone in his voice when he asked the last question. He must be really desperate to get Bella out of the house and doing something with anybody.

But then Bella had to go and fuck it all up with her next statement. Her father could have had an almost normal conversation with her, and maybe felt a little more at peace with her situation, if she had just left _them_ out of it. But no, she didn't.

"Dad, Keira use to date one of the…Cullens before they left. Hale actually. Jasper Hale." She said in a small voice as she flinched and wrapped her arms around her waist when she said the Cullen name.

And just like that, I was on the defensive. Maybe it was irrational of me, but I was still hurting too, and Jasper did _not_ leave me. Not really. He did not do to me what her prick of a vampire did to her. Jasper was in no way, shape, or form, anything like Edward at all, and I didn't appreciate Bella using a past tense for him and I. It grated on my nerves for some reason that she automatically identified a likeness in our situations without knowing the facts. That she just _assumed_ Jasper did the same thing to me that Edward did to her. No, Jasper did _not_ leave me. He _loved _me. _Truly_ loved me, not some twisted version of a forever frozen, seventeen-year-old boy's perception of it.

But I didn't immediately respond, instead I clenched my jaw and tried to retain a passive look. Bella threw me an apologetic glance that seemed more pained than anything else, and the Chief looked at me in bewilderment.

"You were dating Jasper Hale? He was the blond one, right?" He asked with an incredulous and slightly taken-aback gruffness. There was also a hint of anger that was barely noticeable underneath his tone.

I gritted my teeth together but just sharply nodded my head once. It would do Bella no good to know that I still communicated with the Cullens, and I was sure it would just cause a scene. That was the only thing keeping me from yelling at them and defending Jasper. Well, that and Jasper telling me to _never_ say anything to Bella about my continuous involvement with them. Oh, who am I kidding? The latter's the only reason I wasn't lashing out in spite.

"Well, it seems you're hanging in there alright." Chief Swan said with an unconscious nod of his head as his gaze settled back on Bella.

She looked over at her father for a second before glancing down at the table. She scoffed and bitterly muttered under her breath, but we still heard her. "Yeah, I wish it was that easy for me to just _forget_ and move on. To be _distracted_. But I happen to actually _love_ him. He wasn't something to _pass_ the _time_ with."

I wasn't exactly sure if her words were directly related to me. It almost sounded like she was quoting someone, which probably meant Edward given the topic of conversation. But still, I felt like she was lashing out at me and condemning me because I wasn't behaving like she was. As if I wasn't as broken up over their departure as she was. And that made me angry with her on top of already feeling defensive. I could feel the licks of vibrating power forming in my heated blood, and I knew I needed to get a handle on my emotions, and thus my telekinesis, before I accidently threw Bella out the diner window in my wrath. Not that I had ever done something that magnanimous before, but I certainly felt like it was possible now. I needed to say my peace first, though, before I walked away like I promised Jasper I would.

"Enough Bella!" I demanded in a stern, hard voice. Both she and her father looked up at me, surprised at my outburst, and the Chief turned his body towards me and opened his mouth as if to say something in reply, but I quickly continued before he could cut in. I stared Bella down with a cold fury and spoke to her with the same hard edge as she continued to look at me in astonishment.

"_Look_ at yourself! You dare to condescend me and how I'm reacting to Jasper leaving when you know _nothing_ of our circumstances. And whether you realize you're doing it or not, you're judging me and comparing me and Jasper to what _Edward_ did to you. Trust me when I say it's nowhere _near_ the same thing. You have no right to say _anything_ to me on the subject when you obviously aren't even _functioning_ properly. Look around you Bella. The world is still living and breathing, and it's time for you to grow up and start doing the same. The world didn't stop just because you got your heart broken, and it never will. Stop hurting you and your father and wake up. It's been almost _two months_ for God's sake. You aren't a little girl anymore, and if Edward doesn't want to be with you, then he doesn't deserve you."

I paused there, just in time to hear a few glasses behind me burst and shatter in a tinkling musical as my mind hummed with a new intensity. I was obviously a lot more pissed than I let myself believe._ Shit! Jasper's gonna be sooo mad at me!_

I briefly glanced behind me to make sure no one got hurt, and thanked my lucky stars that the table behind me was unoccupied. I didn't bother looking around at the other patrons as I took a deep, calming breath and turned back around to face Bella and her father. I looked at them both and shook my head as Bella shed heavy tears, once again oblivious to what was going on around her, and the Chief was focused on his daughter with a mixed expression of obvious anger and helplessness. Whether his anger was directed at me for the things I said, or Bella for the way she's been acting, or even at Edward for causing it all, I didn't know. But I frankly didn't care at the moment because I was too frustrated with myself for speaking to Bella the way I did. I shouldn't have said those things to her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'll go get you another server."

And I was sorry. As I said before, mine and Bella's situation was entirely different. Jasper didn't leave me, but Edward left her, and only they know what he said to her in their last moments. He could have spoken callous and cruel words that shocked her and hardened her heart, and disillusioned her whole perspective on herself and their relationship. Or he could have said gentle and loving things that would have only made their goodbye that much harder to accept, and given her false hope that maybe one day he'd come back to her. I sure as hell didn't have a clue, but I knew I was a bitch for speaking to her the way I did.

I guess I wasn't as put together about this whole thing as I thought I was. Despite still being with Jasper and talking to him everyday, and knowing that we were going to be together again soon, I was still broken and disjointed inside. I wasn't entirely complete without him, and again, I recognized that I wasn't entirely sane either.

It showed in the way I reacted to Bella. My soul was lacking and destitute without my significant other. Jasper brought something intangible and indefinable to our little bubble, and I knew I could never freely be all that I was without his strong and nurturing love for me. I often find it amazing and humbling how much one person can drastically alter another. A single being can either open your eyes and teach you to fly, and give you options and knowledge you never knew you could have and can never go back from. Or they can rip away everything you thought you were and thought you knew, and beat you down with a sick reality that leaves you bereft, hopeless, and utterly unknown. Bella and I are both examples of such influences, but I was definitely the luckier one.

I didn't approach Bella and the Chief again while they were at the diner, and they didn't seem too interested in seeking me out either. They just quietly ate their meals and left with an air of despair surrounding them. But before Bella walked out the door, she turned around and her eyes searched the place 'till she found me staring back at her from across the room.

I wanted to say so many things to her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for the things I said, and that Edward really didn't deserve her if he could just leave her like that. I wanted to let her know that while I had never been where she is now and could never fully grasp her situation unless I experienced it myself, I could still understand her pain and sympathize with her. I wanted to give her hopeful and encouraging words that could maybe allow her some closure. All these things ran through my mind, but I just stood there staring back at her.

And I have no idea what was going through her mind as she looked at me. I haven't the faintest clue as to what she was searching for or why she sought me out in the first place. But she must have thought something and realized something and saw something while we were trapped in our short trance, because she smiled a small, soft smile at me and nodded her head before she turned around and walked away. And I'll be damned, but I never realized Bella had it in her to be so goddamn enigmatic. Just goes to show you that you almost never really know a person.

I never saw Bella again after that day. I heard through the grapevine that she was still a walking zombie, but I also heard from another source that she started spending some time at the reservation. Which was an improvement from nothing if you ask me. _Anything_ but nothing. But that little bit of information also made me wonder about the werewolves that use to be such a large part of the Quileute's and their heritage. Jasper had said the wolves didn't exist anymore, but I just didn't understand how a genetic mutation, as Carlisle described it, could just disappear unless the bloodline was destroyed. If Bella was spending even a small amount of time over there, I just hoped the Cullens were right about the situation, or lack thereof. I've noticed she has a knack for getting herself in perilous situations, and I had no doubt that werewolves would fall under that category.

But later that very night when I talked to Jasper, I couldn't get Bella off my mind. I felt like I needed to let him know what was happening to her in Edward's absence. I didn't know what it would solve, but if Edward wasn't going to stop the ridiculous notion that she was better off having the Cullens just disappear and abandon her, then maybe Alice would decide to come visit her best friend or give her a call. Anything to put some life back in her, and anything to possibly atone for what I said to her.

"_Jasper?" I had said tentatively over the phone after a few minutes of pointless, but adoring, chitchat._

"_What is it, Keira? Is something wrong?" He asked in his smooth, deep voice that was so full of concern. _

"_No, nothings wrong. Well, not necessarily with me anyway. It's Bella. I saw her today at the diner and…she's not doing too good, Jasper. She's absolutely destroyed and broken over everything, and…I don't know. Isn't there anything you can do? Maybe talk to Edward, or even Alice. They haven't helped her return to a normal life; they've __ruined__ her!" _

"_Keira…" He warns me as his tone lowers and becomes slightly strained. "You know there's nothing I can do that I haven't already done. Edward's made his decision, and none of us have seen him since Forks. I'm sorry you have to see her like that, and it pains me to know we did that to her, but we mustn't interfere. It's Edward's choice to make." _

_I almost started yelling into the phone as I gripped the receiver tightly and said, "You don't understand Jasper! When I say she's destroyed, I mean there's __nothing__ left of the girl you once knew. It's like she's fucking dying from some fatal disease or some shit! Can't Alice at least give her a fucking call or something. She's supposedly her best friend after all. Throw her a lifeline for Christ's sake before she really does get herself killed!" _

_Jasper's voice softened as he answered me in barely a whisper, but I could still detect the painful frustration he was trying to hide. "I'm sorry Keira. I'll mention it to Alice, though I'm sure she's already seen what's been going on with her. How are you feeling after seeing that? It sounds like you took it pretty hard." _

_Tears prick my eyes, but I held them back as I gently responded. "No, it's not that. I just, well, I kinda lost it with her. I went off and yelled at her for some things she said to me, and I accused her of acting like a child in far too harsh of a manner. She pissed me off and I reacted when I should have just understood and tried to comfort her or sympathize with her. Not get angry with her and make her cry, ya know? And well, I guess I feel like shit for doing that and want to try to help her in some way, since I'm obviously incapable of doing that face to face." _

_Jasper chuckled lightly, and the sound resonated in my ears and gave me splendid tingles down my spine. _

"_Well, at least you didn't unintentionally throw flying objects at her or anything of that nature. It could have been worse." He said with mellowed laughter still lacing his words. _

_Now I chuckled, but mine came out forced and uneasy as I simply said, "Yeah." _

_Jasper picked up on my disquiet immediately, and he once again stated in a warning tone, "Keira, tell me you didn't react telekinetically. Please tell me you didn't have any objects magically flying around in your parents diner with customers around to see." _

"_No! No, nothing like that!" I hurried to explain. "A couple of glasses shattered behind me on another table, but Bella and her father didn't even notice, and there was no way any of the other patrons would have been able to put two and two together. That's all that happened, no big deal." _

_He sighed, but said in a much more relaxed voice, "Good, I would hate to have to come over there just to 'take care' of a few innocent bystanders. And I don't want anything getting in the way of our plans and easy disappearances." _

"_Hey now, what about me!" I began in a petulant tone. "Who says you would come all this way __just__ to get rid of a few people...if that's what you meant. Which you wouldn't have to, you know. There are other ways to fixing problems other than making them just disappear, and I'll have you know that..." _

_Jasper's hearty, boisterous laughter cut me off from my rambling, and it was a good, long minute before he could speak again without erupting in more laughter. _

"_Keira," He finally responds in great amusement, and I could practically see the twinkle shining brightly in his molten gold orbs. "I don't need to kill people to take care of most problems. I'm an emotional manipulator, remember? A little bit of fear and persuasiveness can go a long way." _

"_Yeah, well…whatever." I replied sullenly. How was I to know how he 'took care' of humans? He's a vampire for Christ's sake!_

"_Anyway," He stated much more calmly and controlled. "You know that if there was ever a reason that made it absolutely necessary to return to Forks, you would be the first thing I ran to, and I'd never let go again. Soon Keira. This will all be over with soon. But how's your control over the telekinesis going? Are you having any other problems or struggling at all? You really haven't mentioned it that often." _

"_Oh Jasper." I sighed. "It's fine, I guess. Not really having any problems with it because it hasn't surfaced that much, but it's still so much harder without you here. I want to explode half the time, and I don't know if it's just me or if it's a different form of my 'mental condition', ya know? But such is life for the weird and supernatural you could say." _

_I sighed again, and Jasper tenderly and lovingly responded, "Hang in there, little one. You're strong and I love you more than I ever thought possible. We'll get through this together, and then we'll spend forever making up for lost time."_

That was all it took for me to crack, and for the first time in a month and a half, I cried on the phone with him. I poured out everything I thought and felt over our situation, and I repeatedly told him how much I missed him and needed him. It might not have been fair for him to have him hear me break down, and once again feel guilty over something that wasn't his fault, but this separation wasn't fair to me either. Jasper understood that, and he listened to me and whispered loving words and promises that help to soothe my turmoil. He kept telling me that soon we'd be together. That come January, we'd never be apart again.

Our new plan allowed me to spend one last holiday season with my folks, but the day after New Year's, I was flying out to Vermont. To Jasper, and to the Cullens. My parents didn't realize that the acceptance letter they read was forged, and that the college they thought I was starting in the spring didn't really exist. They didn't know that the full academic grant I received just wasn't possible. I'm not sure if they'll ever find out either, because not six months later, I will have reportedly crashed and burned in a newly purchased car while driving on some backroad for a short visit to Forks.

It was a strange sensation plotting your own fake death. A death that will destroy two people you love beyond measure. I felt like a villain, an evil culprit who was bringing immeasurable pain to people who didn't deserve it. Instead of plotting my death, I was plotting _their_ demise. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself after all is said and done, but I know Jasper will help me move forward.

I glanced down and looked at my watch.

It's been 86 days and 14 hours since the last time I saw Jasper, and I now found myself trekking through the woods to the spot where I had my first _real_ conversation with my soul mate. I wanted to take a walk down memory lane and re-experience that moment. I needed to see that specific time and space flash before my eyes so I could briefly smile a true, genuine smile. So I could feel all that much closer to my soldier. Because what I really needed I couldn't have, at least not yet. I just needed Jasper, solid and before me, but for now I would have to settle for reminiscing.

And I did. When I walked around and through and under and over the dense trees and foliage of the snow-laced forest, I finally came upon the narrow, black-watered stream that was once again frozen over along the edges. And it still flowed with a barely detectable current. Given the direction the school was in, I knew the fallen tree was up ahead, and when I eventually came upon it, I jumped up and sat down on that same thick log. I could practically see Jasper casually leaning against the exact tree as before with his gaze intently on me, and his tawny locks escaping over his intense eyes. I could almost feel his strong presence beside me as he recounted all his days of death and immortal wars. And it was all gloriously calming and peaceful to have him so near to me when he was so far away. _Soon Jasper, soon._

I continued to sit there for a while, relishing in the past and imagining the future. I had a sudden urge to call Jasper and tell him where I was and what I was doing. I knew it would put a smile on his face as he too recalled our time together, but when I grabbed my phone, I noticed I had no reception this far out from civilization. Just as well, I suppose. Jasper wouldn't be too thrilled with the idea of me being this deep in the woods all alone, no matter how many times I've done it before, and I knew I should get home anyway. I needed to soak in as much time with my parents as possible since I only had a few more weeks with them, and my dad was going to be home early today.

As I jumped down from my perch and began walking back, I looked at my watch again and sighed. It's been 86 days and now 15 hours since the last time I saw Jasper, and the first thing I was going to do when I got home was call him.

I was about a quarter of the way there when I started to get this creepy tingle crawling down my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I paused in my steps and my eyes searched cautiously around me. I could just about _feel_ something watching me, and in my stillness, I noticed the forest around me had also adapted a silence. There were no birds chirping above and no rustling of limbs and leaves from small wood creatures. The air surrounding me seemed to grow in a strange static charge, an energy that you could almost taste. A tension fell over the area and wrapped itself around the silence, practically covering it, and trepidation consumed me as a stinging anticipation coursed through my blood.

My eyes were still searching for something, _anything_, that could cause this feeling within me and affect the atmosphere of the forest so drastically. I knew that in the ways of the wild, I was the prey and would almost _never_ stand a chance against whatever I faced, but what could make the wild cower as if _they _were the prey? And would I really be able to feel an _animal's _presence as it stalked me? I didn't think so, and I had never heard of such a thing before, and that made me extremely nervous.

So I made a rash, split-second decision and bolted. I ran as fast as my legs could take me, and it wasn't long before I felt that burning ache in my side from pushing myself too far too soon. But still I ran, and still I felt the eyes on me, and still I felt the charge in the air. And suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a white streak followed by a red blur that I knew did not belong to the natural surroundings, and I realized that this is what I felt watching me. And it became obvious to me as I continued running and continued to still catch fleeting glimpses of it, that yes, this thing was stalking me. This thing that could make the wild, instinctual world around me quail and scatter in either fright or respect, but either way, I knew I was screwed.

My fear and adrenaline increased with each passing second, and I could feel the stirrings of my power coming forth. I prayed and hoped as I ran that my telekinesis would prove, just this once, to truly be a power and not just an annoyance. That maybe it could somehow save me from whatever was hunting me. But just as I was thinking that, a crushing force trampled down on me from behind, and as I fell face-first to the ground, a searing pain ripped forth from my neck and momentary darkness consumed me. But not for long. No, I wasn't that lucky.

I could feel the life being pulled out of me. I could feel my bones grinding together and crumbling into tiny particles beneath the grip this thing had on me. I could feel sharp teeth unmercifully digging in and out of my flesh. I could feel every painfully broken bone over my entire body that was caused by this thing pouncing on me. And as I realized I was going to die, I could feel my heart breaking with such an incredible magnitude. There were so many things left I still wanted to do but would never be able to.

As my heart constricted in despair, I felt my mind tighten and pound with the panic and sorrow I was experiencing. Then astonishingly, unexpectedly, my attack ceased.

I no longer felt the teeth or the pressure from this thing, and I had to briefly wonder if it was because I had already died. But when I became aware once again of my aching, mutilated body and the slight burn that was growing around my neck, I knew I was still alive.

I continued to lie there as I contemplated my next move. I had no idea why the thing stopped, but I needed to leave desperately while I still could. That was the problem though. I didn't think I _could_ move, much less walk away. Too many injuries and broken bones. So I just stayed down and remained still, but that burning sensation continued to spread across my chest and shoulders, making me think I was being deeply stabbed by a thousand thick needles at once while having peroxide poured over the fresh wounds. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, and it was growing in its' intensity.

Soon the burn engulfed all my senses, and all I could think or focus on was the scorching tide that was ripping it's way through my body and meticulously simmering my insides in a slow, decimating boil. Ragged flames were inching their way through my veins, and I had to wonder if this was the beginning of purgatory or the end of my road.

I eventually screamed out my agony as it increased, and as I twisted my body and tried to turn my limbs and chest inward to somehow escape the pain, I found myself lying partially on my back. It wasn't that I actually acknowledged what position I was in. No, I was too consumed in death's fingers pulling me through my persecution in a plagued and anguished pit of hell. But I realized I was suddenly staring up at an extremely beautiful, extremely pale, women with glowing red hair and eyes to match. And she was looking at me in mass wonder, and if I perceived correctly in my split second analysis, greed.

I immediately knew she was a vampire, and almost instantly comprehended that she was the thing that attacked me. But I automatically understood just how fucked I was, because I knew there was _no_ way I was going to survive this. Not a vampire attack. So I closed my eyes and waited.

It's been 86 days and…however long since the last time I saw Jasper, and I'd never get to see him again. I never got to say goodbye.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**So, what do ya think? Review and let me know. Oh, and like I mentioned earlier, this will be the last time jump in my story. From here on out, it will be day-to-day writings. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does! **

_Someone sent me a pm telling me that it was apparent by my story that I had an obsession with eyes. They, for some reason unknown to me, blocked me from replying to their message even as they subscribed to my story. They said some other things as well, but this is what I choose to respond to. So here's my reply: I am a firm believer that the eyes are the windows to a person's soul. Where we often say or act in ways that are contradictory to our true thoughts and beliefs, the eyes can never lie in their nature. They will always tell you how someone really feels if you take the time to look closely enough. Their expressions and emotions cannot be hindered or altered no matter how hard we try to fabricate our façade. So yes, maybe I do focus on the eyes a lot in my story, but is this a bad thing? And as all my readers will later read in this chapter, Keira's eyes will become her window. I've made them symbolic in a way that will only be explained as the story goes on. So yeah, I hope that's reason enough for you. And I guess…um, sorry? Maybe? Anyway…onward and enjoy!_

Chapter 8

I didn't know what was happening to me, and my thoughts couldn't focus on anything other than my powerful affliction as I continued to burn in a never-ending cycle of fiery torture. It rendered me useless to everything other than the feel of the pain. Acid was being poured over me and in me and eating away at everything I was. No matter how much I screamed and cried and pleaded for it to just stop, it never did. And no amount of thrashing around and clawing at my skin seemed to alleviate my hell. My body wanted to reject the pain somehow, but could never find a way.

As time and fire and agony went on, I felt myself slowly becoming neurotic as my thoughts divided and adjusted. I could swear my mind was splitting apart, and I didn't know whether it was reality or just plain insanity. I became riveted on several flaring impressions at once, and I subconsciously noticed the air and smells and sounds around me all began to change. But I didn't dare open my eyes. I didn't want to see what I would inevitably be confronted with if I did, and I couldn't stand to know what was meticulously picking away at my innards and scalding my body until nothing was left. Not if I still wanted to maintain some soundness of psyche.

This went on and on for an eternity, and all I could think was, '_Make it stop'._

Eventually the burning sensation did begin to die down, and the heat faded away as a cool numbness replaced it. First in my fingertips and toes, then through my limbs as I felt the chilling dullness slowly releasing me from torment. Finally my heart pounded and stuttered as it collected the last remnants of the abuse my body was put through, and my realm of suffering evaporated with a few aching, flaring beats. But when the pain mercifully stopped, my heart stayed still as well, and I became aware that all was silent around me, _including _me.

I continued to lay there for a time in blissful relief, my eyes still shut and too afraid to move just in case the scorching returned. I didn't want to do anything to bring it back, and I didn't think I'd be able to make it through that experience again.

But a simmering…thirst was beginning to overwhelm my suddenly parched throat, and it soon began to overtake all my thoughts and desires. I was so…hungry? No, it had to be thirst. I just needed…water? No. All I wanted, all I needed was…_something_. And as I laid there pondering over what that something was, I sensed a stirring in the air, and my body tensed and my mind refocused as I immediately reacted without a single thought on what to do.

I felt myself twist and turn off the ground as my body flipped over, and I fluidly landed on the balls of my feet and in a low crouch. My lips split apart and pulled back over my teeth as I bared them without permission, and my eyes were no longer closed as I narrowed in on a beautiful woman whose skin glistened a pure white and hair that was as wild and red as a crimson sunset. I tried to place where I had seen her before as I snarled at her in a defensive, instinctual warning. I was sure I knew her from somewhere, but every time I tried to recall, my memories were too fuzzy and incoherent to read.

This woman lowered down in a crouch as well, and when she growled back at me, a man rushed in through the entrance of the cave in less than a second's notice. He placed himself beside her as he bent his knees and leaned slightly in preparation for an attack, all the while meticulously watching my every move. I tensed even more with his appearance and snapped my teeth in his direction. His protective posture made it obvious that he was there to defend her at a moment's notice, and I…wait a minute…a cave?

For the first time since I opened my eyes, I consciously took in my surroundings and noticed that I was in a dark, shallow cave filled with ragged rock edges. That I could _see_ in the pitch black of the cave, and out into the darkness of the night. That I was perfectly able to make out every detail of the man and woman before me when I shouldn't be. And _that_ made me suddenly take notice of just how _oddly_ I was behaving, and how…_different_ I felt. My mannerisms were much like an animal. I was snarling and snapping my teeth for God's sake. I was acting like a…like a…like a _vampire_.

Oh shit! I remembered what happened now. I remembered this woman, _no_, this _vampire_ attacking me in the woods. I remembered the feeling of being watched, and running away, and then teeth digging into my flesh. I remember thinking I was going to die; yet I'm still here. I'm still alive.

But then I recalled the endless burn my body was put through, not that I would ever forget that. No more than a minute ago, I had noticed that my heart stopped, and now I was coming to the full realization that it _still_ wasn't beating. That little, minor detail that I'm still standing around instead of being…well, dead. Let's just say I could put two and two together. Somehow I knew what it all meant. Almost like…_someone_ had told me before about all this. And all of it led to the ironically probable conclusion that I was more than likely a vampire now. Huh.

But the most dangerous conclusion I had was the blaringly obvious fact that I was now in the company of not one, but _two_ other vampires. One which had already attacked me on a previous occasion for reasons unbeknownst to me at this time.

Three seconds had passed since the man, well, more like a boy, had entered the cave, and the female and I were still crouched in the same positions, neither one of us making the first move. I didn't want to ponder on how the hell I knew how long I'd been consumed in my epiphanies when I had no earthly way to tell, so instead I covertly judged the distance between me and the entrance to the cave as I simultaneously kept the majority of my attention firmly planted on the other two.

"You don't know this yet, but…" the female cooed in a sickly sweet voice. "It will do you no good to fight us. It's two against one, and you're a newborn. We'd destroy you before you even knew what hit you. So play nice and you get to live."

I tilted my head to the side as I pondered. The word newborn had struck a cord in me for some reason. My mind was trying to grasp the memory of where I had heard it said before, or rather _who_ had said it before. I felt like this was important, that I forgetting something substantial. But again, my recollection was vague, distant, and impenetrable.

I guess she took my silence as acquiesce, as my submission, because she rose out of her crouch and began to speak again in an almost aloof tone. "I never meant to turn you. You were suppose to be just another meal, but you're little gift you have kind of spoiled my plans. So I improvised and brought you here while you were changing. I figure that your talent will be of great use to me. What was it that you did anyway, aside from the obvious?"

I really didn't have a clue what she was talking about, and I guess it showed because she let out a malicious chuckle that sent a unpleasant shiver down my spine.

"You don't remember, do you? Just as well, because now we get to force that talent out of you and prep you for the battle to come. I'm going to allow you the chance to taste the most delicious blood you'll ever have, but first you'll have to fight for it. This is Riley, by the way, and he'll be showing you the ropes. When you're ready, you'll both be in charge of taking care of other newborns. But that's later on. I still need to do a few things first before I make my army. Right now, you need to hunt. I'm sure you're very thirsty, and I know Riley is."

Yes, I was thirsty, but I was so much more than that. I was ravenous. My attention had been momentarily diverted from my painfully starving throat, but a part of me was continuously aware of the building scorch that was begging me and calling to me to quench my…_hunger_. And when this woman, who had not yet told me her name, mentioned blood and hunting and being thirsty, this pain, this _need_, once again came to the forefront of my thoughts and consumed my senses. I knew I would do anything to stop this feeling. To get what I needed, what I wanted.

I flinched and brought my hand up to cup my throat as I looked up at both of them, and I felt like I was silently, _pathetically_, begging and pleading with them to give me something, _anything_, to help me quell this driving force. I still didn't understand what it was that I needed, even though I felt like it was practically being spelled out for me. At the moment, the word vampire was just that to me. A word that held no other meaning besides different from what I once was, different from human. And even though I reacted innately to some of the things this female was saying, I still wasn't able to comprehend why I did so. I felt like I was being dragged under a powerful current that was pulling me through muddled chaos and mass perplexity. It left me as nothing more than utterly and completely confused.

The woman was now looking over at me with satisfaction, while Riley glanced around in agitation before settling his gaze back on me. A small and brief part of my mind wondered what was making him so jumpy, but I frankly didn't care at this point as long as I got what I needed.

"Riley, take the girl out for a meal, then bring her back to the border. Make it quick, we have work to do."

Riley grunted as he turned around and swung his hand in a forward motion, beckoning me to follow. He glanced back at me as he was walking away and yelled an annoyed, "Come on."

I warily watched the redhead as I stood from my crouched stance. My instincts were screaming at me to not turn my back on her. She had attacked me once before, and just because I was like her now didn't mean she wouldn't do it again. I really wanted to get as far away from her as possible, but first I needed Riley to…feed me? _Oh God, I'm so lost and befuddled._

This woman just continued to look at me with an evil, calculative glint, but she waved her hand towards the entrance of the cave in a dismissing fashion. I took that as my cue, and I began to quickly back out, all the while keeping my eyes on her as she did the same. When I was fully out in the open, I turned and hightailed it towards Riley.

It was strange, but even though I could no longer _see_ where Riley was, I was inherently able to sense _where_ he was by listening to his practically silent footsteps and following his scent. I wasn't consciously aware when I did it, but sometime in the cave I had taken in his scent, and the woman's, and memorized it. He smelled of leather and peaches, and was covered in the female's scent, whose aroma reminded me of sweet magnolias and cotton.

But Riley was about a half-mile ahead of me going in a southeast direction, and again, for a split-second I found it absolutely bizarre that I could just _know_ all that. So I ran after him with a speed and accuracy I didn't know I possessed, and I quickly became enthralled in all the detail I could see and smell and hear in the darkened forest, despite the velocity I was maintaining. I was instantaneously exhilarated with the power of the run and the beauty me eyes beheld. The experience was alluring, thrilling, and utterly freeing. It was like nothing else on the face of the earth, and I never wanted to stop.

All too soon though, my liberation came to an abrupt halt as I came upon Riley. I knew he was right in front of me, and I didn't think anything of it as I ran up behind him. But apparently he did. He thought a great deal about it.

I don't know whether it was from surprise or instinct, but he attacked me a second before I could stop beside him. Riley had growled loudly and whirled around to face me so fast that I was _almost_ unable to catch the movement. And when he lunged at me I was taken completely by surprise, which allowed him to quickly sink his teeth deeply into my right shoulder as his hands forcefully grabbed on to me and held me in place.

He was still growling as he shook his head back and forth, and as I felt my arm being torn and shredded from it's socket, I reached up and pulled his head to the side with a sickening snap, and in a natural, fluid movement, bit down as hard as I could. Riley released his hold on me and pulled back, tearing away the flesh from his neck that I had a hold on. He quickly leaped backwards and landed in a defensive crouch with his hands on the ground, ready to lunge again.

I spit the chunk out of my mouth and mirrored his stance as I snarled viciously at him. My shoulder was mutilated and stinging, but my arm was still attached. I could still fight.

Riley twitched and moved slightly forward, but this time I lunged first. It was basic survival and predatory instinct that I was going off of. I was not going to allow him to make a move on me again, but I was new to this way of life, and he was older and more experienced. I haven't a clue by how much, but when I attacked this time, he jumped and collided with me mid-air as he threw me down to the ground beneath him.

And as his teeth latched on to my neck as we fell, he ripped and yanked my skin apart as he hovered above me and held me down with his body when we reached landfall. I shoved and pushed and struggle under his weight, but barely managed to jostle him as he swiftly kicked my side and kneed me in the stomach while still biting and tearing at my neck.

I was rapidly losing this fight, and I began to panic and struggle even more as Riley's teeth embedded further into my flesh. I felt a pressured vibration that seemed to call to me as it wrapped around my mind, and it was like my brain was humming a tune, calling to me to dance with it as it sang a familiar rhythm. Again, I felt an intimacy and recognition that I couldn't rightly place with my hazy memories, no matter how hard I tried. I knew what was occurring within my mind, yet I didn't at the same time.

So a rising frustration grew on top of my fear, and when I focused once again on shoving Riley off of me, he was thrown away and back through the trees with a force and strength I knew I didn't possess in my arms.

No, that strength, that power, it did not come from my limbs. It came from my mind. I felt it the moment it happened. It was like my emotions triggered this psychic force and threw it outward. The humming in my head had expanded and grew in intensity, then clamped down on me with a painless pressure when I focused. And when I acted, it acted. I felt the energy collect within my mind, then release itself in an invisible surge while simultaneously relinquishing the blanket it had wrapped around my brain.

I didn't ponder on it for too long, though. I was significantly injured and still in danger, and I needed to get away from Riley as soon as possible. He had just proven to me that I did not stand a chance against him in a fight, and I did not fancy another try. But before I could do anything at all, the most repulsively pungent smell invaded my senses, and I could hear and feel the vibrations through the ground of something very large running in our general direction. When I stretched out my senses in search for this unknown, I was able to detect three strong heartbeats, and the sound made my mouth water and my mind cloud over in lust. Nevertheless, the offensive odor was rapidly filling the air, and although my eyes could not yet see what it belong to, an ingrained, instinctive reflex in me told me to run. That whatever the smell was would be an enemy of mine, and I was powerless to stop the instant loathing that consumed me for the unidentified source.

So I quickly jumped to my feet and turned to see where Riley was, and I noticed him quite a distance away from me. But he was still crumpled on the ground with wide eyes and looking in the general direction that these things were coming from. He looked like he was shaking in fear, but as his gaze drifted to me, his lips curled up in a malevolent sneer that was full of unfinished business. I didn't wait any longer or waist any concern for the other vampire as I obeyed my body's intrinsic response to my surroundings.

So I leaped up, high and wide over the top of the trees, and when I landed, I ran off in the opposite direction of Riley and whatever the hell the other things were. This time I did not relish the speed or scenery, because this time I was pushing myself farther and faster with each passing second, too afraid that it wasn't enough. Because this time I was running for my life.

I did not hear anything giving chase behind me, and I could no longer scent the foul odor, Riley, or the red-haired woman in the area. I continued to run south for hours, hoping that my senses were correct and nothing was following me. I eventually came across a town that was strangely reminiscent to some place that I guess I knew, but I shrugged it off as I slowed my pace along the currently deserted road. I walked through what appeared to be a small, downtown area, but all the buildings were closed and nobody else was walking the streets. So I continued my stroll down that same road in hopes that I might find some place that was open. I wanted to ask someone where I was exactly, and I desperately needed to find a bathroom so I could check my wounds. They stung a little bit, but they were itching something fierce.

I could see the dawn was soon approaching with the lightening of the dark sky and the rapidly disappearing crescent moon, and I knew I needed to vanish from sight before the sun came up. I couldn't recall exactly why it was important that people don't see me in the daylight, but I still possessed that opaquely inherent knowledge. I somehow knew I was a vampire, and I somehow knew I shouldn't let people find out, and I somehow knew it was because _someone_ told me about it before.

This was starting to get really bewildering for me again. I knew I was a vampire, but couldn't figure out what that entailed even though it was on the tip of my tongue. I knew I was thirsty…hungry…_something_, but didn't understand what I needed to fix it. I understood certain things, but never saw the whole picture. It was like my mind had locked up everything prior to being attack by the female, and the only things I comprehended where the thoughts running through my mind right before the change occurred. _Fucking hell! What is __wrong__ with me!?_

Eventually I did come across an isolated, and desolate, gas station with its running-lights on, so I quickly walked over to it hoping that it was open. I knew my shoulder and neck took some hefty carnage from that bastard, and I wanted to take a look at the damage. To do that, I needed their bathroom, and I preferred that this gas station had one on the outside so I didn't have to see anyone. Once again, my unconscious knowledge that told me to stay away from people was truly confounding since I couldn't remember how or why I knew it.

When I approached, I noticed my luck was in because there was a marked bathroom stall located on the outer, darkened corner of the building. Which meant it didn't matter if the place was open or not, because I could just break the door down. Actually, now that I thought about it, it would be better if the place weren't open. Sure, I wouldn't get to ask anyone where I was, but I could find that out later once I had a better grasp on my situation. Maybe figure a few things out first before talking to anyone. _Jesus Christ, I'm talking myself in circles here! Figure it the fuck out, Keira! What to do or what not to do. It shouldn't be that hard for Christ's sake!_

But just as I was a few feet away from the bathroom, an aged gas attendant wearing a grease-stained company shirt happened to walk out of the stall at the exact same time I approached it. So no, it appeared my luck wasn't working for me, or maybe it was, but definitely _not _for _him_, and doom and fortune spontaneously transpired in a grossly underestimated split second of time.

It's funny, but more often disturbing, how chance and timing work in the order of the world. You could be set on one certain path, but in the blink of an eye your course can change because of one person or one thing that occurred in the single most affective moment of that time. And there's nothing anyone can do about it because no one can control the sporadic forces of human nature. Chance and timing make a very tyrannical pair, and that coupling severely fuck over this poor man.

I don't remember what happened first, whether I lunged prior to the man screaming, or if that just further incited me to attack him. I don't recall when I unknowingly broke his neck. It could have been before when I yanked him to me, or during the time I was draining him. Because I _really_ wasn't cautious on how I handled him, nor was I concerned with hurting him. All I could recognize and all I could think on was his sweet smelling nectar pumping through his veins as he walked out the door, then seeing a blinding red haze obscure my vision. I forgot all else as the beautiful crimson flow rushed down my throat and finally relieved me of my agonizingly consistent…thirst? Yes, definitely thirst. A thirst for this delicious liquid that I could never get enough of. It was heaven to me, and I could vaguely hear my own purr of contentment as I drank the wonderful gift this man was giving me.

But when I finished all that the man had in him and dropped him to the cement ground, I stared down at his dead, limp form as I realized I had just taken his life. That I had killed him, and was now a murderer.

Heavy guilt flooded through me and gripped my frozen heart tightly, but there was still an undercurrent of lasting desire that made me want more. I hungered for more satisfaction. His fatal doom was my ultimate fortune. Confliction had never been a good friend to me, and it certainly wasn't now. Not when it meant the difference between life and death for someone. Not when it made me a killer.

And suddenly, I knew that this is what it meant to be a vampire. This is why they must retain their secrecy. They…no, _we_ are murderers that seek and devour their blood, and the world must never know that we exist. That we exist for and with their lifeline.

I didn't know what to do with his body, but I had a hard time even stomaching that thought, let alone doing anything about it. Something needed to be done though, and quickly. I couldn't just leave him there for others to find, and I had no idea when someone else might show up.

I glanced around me, and when all I really saw was the dense winter woods surrounding the area, I decided to take his body and, as horrible as it sounded, dump it deep within the trees. Maybe an animal would pass by and…_fuck, _what was I _thinking_. Could I _actually_ be any more of a terrible person? _Shit, I'm definitely going to hell._

I did it anyway, though. And I'll never openly admit it, but there was a part of me that secretly hoped that an animal really would...you know, eat him or something. I had no way of knowing what other vampires did with the, um, bodies, and I had absolutely no idea what the norm was when hunting and feeding. I just prayed that I covered my tracks well enough. _Yeah, prayed. That's real funny, Keira. You got no right praying anymore, not that you ever did it in the first place. Yeah, you're __definitely__ going to hell._

When I made it back to the now-abandoned gas station after all was said and done, the sun was rising into the sky, lighting it up in translucent pale blues and vague orange tints. I knew I needed to make my time there fast if I still wanted to use the bathroom to check my wounds, because I was now racing against the daylight. So I hurried into the stall, foregoing closing the door in place of making a quick in and out. Vampire speed can be a true blessing.

But when I looked in the mirror and saw myself for the first time with my new eyes, I gave pause to the sight before me and forgot all about the injuries I had received.

Yes, I was beautiful, much like every other vampire out there I'm sure, but that wasn't what stopped me in my tracks. My lips, my chin, my neck, and even the front of my shirt was covered and drenched in that man's blood, and I was truly struck with the enormity of what I had just done, and what I now was. There was no going back from it, any of it, and there never would be. When I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. What I now was. And I hated that I couldn't remember who I was before this happened, because maybe I was a better person. Not a bloodthirsty murderer.

But I _was_ able to remember something of my time before becoming a vampire, if only a small and insignificant fraction of what I should. But I still held on to that miniscule knowledge that I was someone else beneath what I was now, before I was made what I am now. When I saw my reflection, it was instant recall for me and I managed to filter through one of the foggy memories of myself.

For a brief moment when I looked in the mirror, a part of my mind observed the fact that my eyes were not exactly like Riley's and the females. While we all contained lustrous red pools, mine also had small specks of pale green, almost luridly yellowish, amongst my crimson irises. The specks weren't round like dots, but had a thin length to them like miniscule lines. They were sporadic and had no pattern to them. They just were, but I was still able to recognize the color from my human days, and I was able to finally see myself as something other than what I had become. And for some inexplicable reason, I found myself subconsciously expecting to see the warm, darkened gold that flashed in my mind when I briefly locked eyes with myself. Like that was the color they should be, despite the fact that all I've seen and all I've known is red. And that anomaly made me feel even more exasperated, lost, and even bitter.

So I broke down there in that gas station bathroom stall, out in the middle of nowhere where I had no idea where nowhere was. I sobbed and cried but couldn't produce any tears, and I felt like I was robbed of something so precious that I had probably taken for granted when I could actually properly cry.

I sunk down against the wall and onto the dirty tile floor as I wrapped my pale arms around my hard body and rocked myself back and forth. I was desperate and alone and scared and I needed someone. I just didn't know _who_ that someone was.

I sat there for a long time. I didn't want to move, and I couldn't find the will to care what happened to me if someone found me. So I continued to stay where I was and to cradle myself in the only comfort I would receive. The only comfort I deserved because I was a murderer, a killer, a _vampire_. And there was no going back from that.

I wondered if there was anyone missing me. If I had family and loved ones, or maybe even a significant other. The word 'mate' momentarily flashed through my mind, and for some reason, that made me feel slightly better. It allowed me to feel a little less alone for a time. Like I did have someone who I _should_ know was missing me and loved me and was afraid for me right now. But I didn't even know how long it had been since that fateful encounter in the forest. How many hours or days or weeks or months or…or even _years_ has it been since I last saw anyone who cared about me, and who I cared about also. I didn't know, and I wasn't sure I'd ever find out. I wasn't sure if any of my questions would ever be answered. _Fuck, I feel so __lost__! _

I could now hear the first car of the day pulling up, and it made me think that maybe this was it for me. That I would finally be discovered in all my blood and glory and absent gas attendants. I let out a humorless chuckle that broke into a half-sob when I thought about the police hauling me, a _vampire_, off to jail.

I heard three doors opening and slamming shut, and three sets of soft footfalls quickly heading in my direction. But again, I failed to care. Let them come. Let them find out what I am, what a monster I've become. Let them see the blood and run for their lives, because that's what they need to do. Run while they still can.

But they didn't run. No, they didn't run at all. Instead, when these three people walked through the open door and saw me huddled in the corner against the wall and floor, they rushed in and over to me. One kneeled before me with a fierce look in his eyes, but a stricken expression on his face, and the other two hovered over me in evident concern.

And it took me a moment to realize that I knew these three people, who weren't _just_ people at all. It took me a moment, but in one single second of following time, a lifetime of hazy remembrances unlocked from within me. Almost as if I had packed it all up and shut the door on my memories. Maybe I was guarding them and keeping them safe, or maybe I pushed them away during my trauma, but it was like I forgot where I had put them. I needed someone else to show me where they were, and to open the door for me. But I now remembered exactly who I was and my life before I was attacked. I remembered that I wasn't just a killer, just a vampire, and that I did have others that loved me and who I loved back. I remembered everything, especially the three glorious immortals before me.

Jasper had come back for me. Against all odds Jasper, Carlisle, and Alice had found me. And I couldn't have been more happy or relieved in all my years than I was right then.

"Keira? Are you okay? Are you injured at all?" Jasper asked in a soft, worried tone as his eyes scanned over my form and narrowed in on my neck and shoulder.

I was about to answer him, but he reached his hand out to touch me and I panicked. I instinctively reacted in my residual alarm and wariness from the fight with Riley, and I hissed through my clenched teeth as I quickly leaped away from him to the other side of the small stall. Once again I crouched down in a defensive stance and bared my teeth as I emitted a constant low growl.

Jasper's eyes tightened and frosted over as he turned and looked at me, and I tensed even further as my muscles coiled, ready to spring at a moment's notice. His battle scars, that I was just now consciously noticing, didn't help the situation either. They made me more nervous and wary than I already was. I didn't want to react this way towards him, but I couldn't help the fear-based response that was now imbedded in me.

Carlisle and Alice had begun to back away and towards the door when I reacted, and I presumed it was to give me and Jasper some space. Jasper never took his eyes off me as he slowly stood up from the ground. He held his hands up in a surrendering and placating gesture towards me, and I felt a calming and peaceful atmosphere take away the tension that had built up in me.

I stopped growling and eventually straightened from my crouch, and they all visibly relaxed as I did. Carlisle smiled over at me as Alice timidly, but optimistically, looked me up and down. She would not meet my gaze, though, which I found odd. But Jasper stayed where he was even though his eyes softened slightly and a small smile briefly flitted across his lips.

Shame coursed through me for my behavior towards him. I knew he would never hurt me, and I couldn't believe I acted that way.

"It's okay Keira." Jasper began in his low, calm tone. "There's no reason to be ashamed. You reacted naturally for a newborn, and it seems you have some battle wounds on you, which leads me to believe that your reaction was also brought on from a previous attack. So that makes it even more understandable. But I would like to take a look at your shoulder and help you get cleaned up if that's okay. I promise I won't hurt you."

His words tore at my soul. He actually felt it necessary to promise me he wouldn't hurt me. _My_ actions made he feel that way. So with a crushed spirit, I did the only thing I was capable of doing at the time. I collapsed to the floor as I buried my face in my hands and began crying once again. I felt so horrible and wretched and confused over the things I was doing. But I also had Jasper with me now; I had that someone I desperately needed not five minutes before. So when he slowly approached me and reached out to touch me again, I flung myself into his arms and wrapped my body around his as I held him as tightly as I could. I deeply inhaled his scent, and the smell of sandalwood and pine and fresh ocean air blanketed me in his protective presence as he wrapped an arm around my waist and stroked his fingers through my tangled curls. He allowed me to nestle further into him as he strengthened his hold on me and let out what sounded suspiciously like a sob of his own.

"I'm so sorry Jasper." I muffled into his shirt.

Jasper sent me surges of love and comfort as he said in a quiet voice. "Shh, it's okay. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. And I'm here now, you're safe. You have nothing to worry about."

I pulled back from his chest and looked up at him, and when he locked his warm gaze with mine, I leaned forward to kiss his beautiful lips in love and gratitude and happiness. But all too suddenly, he jerked his head to the side before our lips could connect, and I felt a startled pang in my chest from his rejection. I went to slide off of him, but he once again tightened his grip on me and shook his head.

"No Keira, it's not that. It's just that, well, I need to clean the blood off your lips before I can kiss them. No matter how delicious they look right now." He teased with a playful smirk and mischievous glint in his eye.

But I still felt horrible for killing that man, and the reminder of the blood I was covered in did nothing to alleviate that. It almost made it worse now that some of the Cullens had seen me as I was, drenched in Death's wine. Jasper's face became serious once again when he sensed my tumultuous emotions.

"Don't." He said in a deep, solid tone. "Don't you dare feel guilty for something you couldn't help. Don't you dare feel the way you're feeling right now when it is I who needs to feel that way. I should have been here for you. I should have never left you, and if I hadn't, these events wouldn't have occurred. Everything that's happened is my fault and lays on my shoulders, Keira. So just…don't."

I didn't say anything in response; I just looked him in the eye and ran my fingertips lightly across his cheek as I mouthed a silent 'I love you'. I didn't want him to feel at fault for anything that happened just because he wasn't there, and I didn't want him to take the blame for my mistakes. But I knew Jasper, and I knew that anything I said at this point, or on this subject, would not make a difference. So I kept silent and pushed out all the love I had for him to let him know that I didn't condemn him for anything, just as he didn't with me.

Jasper closed his eyes as he lingered for a moment in my love for him, and as he leaned forward and tenderly kissed my forehead, he showered me in all his boundless affection and devotion.

When he pulled back, his gaze was back on me as he began to look me over with a critical eye. He brought his hand up and swept my hair away from my injured shoulder as he gingerly ran his fingers over the bite marks. I had no idea how bad it looked, but I had a feeling it wasn't pretty.

Jasper stirred and wrapped his arm around my waist as he lithely picked us both off the floor. He took my hand as he settled me back on my feet and started pulling me over to the sink. He began speaking in a tight voice where you could hear the slight southern accent break through and the barely concealed menace he was trying to control. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up so we can get out of here. Then you can tell me what happened and who the fucker is that did this to you, 'cause I'm going to permanently kill his ass."

And I giggled. Yes, I actually giggled. I couldn't help it, Jasper was just too damn _hot_ when he was pissed off and the country twang would come out. As long as it wasn't me he was pissed at, I could sit back and watch him like that all day long.

He glanced back at me and smirked, and I'm sure he was feeling the lust that I was, but I just smiled innocently up at him as I followed behind and over to the faucet just a few feet away.

I knew that Carlisle and Alice had quietly disappeared after I broke down and collapsed on the floor, but I wasn't aware that either of them had come back at some point and placed a clean set of clothes on the edge of the sink. And I must have look or felt confused, or both, because Jasper smiled and shook his head as he said, "Alice."

So we both got to work on quickly cleaning me up. We didn't speak when Jasper washed the blood off me, nor when he checked out my wounds. Not a word was muttered as I discarded the ruined clothes and put fresh ones on, but we both knew we were thinking and feeling and seeing many different things. We just didn't say so because we didn't need to. Our eyes were locked together and remained connected the entire time, and everything that could have been voiced out-loud was silently conveyed through every look and expression and gentle gesture. We never stopped staring at the other, and I think it was our surreptitious way of proclaiming that we were here and we were together and it was going to be okay.

But when we finally walked out of the wretched bathroom stall firmly holding hands, Alice and Carlisle were both standing there looking at me expectantly, and I knew the muted tranquility that Jasper and I had formed would be broken.

Carlisle was the one who spoke, but his soothingly definitive, non-judgmental words coupled with his understanding and compassionate expression surprised me. All that he said, all that was said by anyone was…

"Let's go home."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I had something completely different in mind when I started this chapter, and I certainly didn't plan on having Jasper and Keira reunite for at least another chap. But as I wrote it, well, this is how it came out. Next chapter will be JPOV, and will answered all questions left over and tie up all loose ends. On a different note, I want everyone to know and prepare themselves, because I am ****not**** going to make Keira this magically controlled and stable newborn. I thought it was absurd and completely mary-sueish of SM to do that with Bella. I absolutely refuse to make Keira more special or unique than any other newborn vampire. Don't let the second-half of this chapter fool you. Please review and let me know your thoughts on everything so far.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

_Big thanks to all who reviewed. You words keep me writing for you guys, and I love you all for it! I promised to update by Wednesday, so here ya go. Be prepared for pissed off, vengeful wrath of Jasper before things get any lighter.  
_

Chapter 9

JPOV

When I saw Keira huddled against the wall and floor of that small bathroom, looking lost and broken and desperate…and covered in human blood, I was distraught, yes, but I was also _enraged_. It took every ounce of control I had mastered over the decades to not outwardly show just how furious I was. This never should have happened to her. It _wouldn't_ have if I had just _listened_ to my instincts. Now I was kicking myself in the ass for _ever_ leaving her when I knew, I just fucking _knew_ that it was a bad decision. No, it wasn't a bad decision; it was the _worst_ decision I've ever made in all my years.

When I left Forks, I had a gut-hunch that something terrible was going to occur. That my absence would inevitably result in the destruction of everything Keira and I had built. That I was leaving her too vulnerable, and too many things could and would go wrong. But I brushed it off, pushed it away and out of my thoughts as I did right by my family. I thought I was just being paranoid, maybe picking up some bad personality traits from my compulsively worried and controlling brother of mine. Like I was thinking these things just because I wasn't going to be there with Keira, that I was only nervous about not being around to protect her in the unlikely chance she might need it.

And as time passed on, I did grow more relaxed with the situation. I missed Keira dearly, but I knew she was secure and healthy without me, so I disregarded the innate presage that kept telling me it would all go to shit. With each daily phone conversation we had, I became more reassured that she was fine and would continue to be okay, thus leaving me more at ease over my departure. But that didn't mean the feeling of troubled disquiet completely went away. It wouldn't until I had her by my side once again.

I think Alice knew I was struggling, too. She was always around, continuously popping up just in time to corral me away from the deeply filled pit of memories my mind often replayed while missing my girl. But Alice's distractions didn't work the way she intended, because it always left me wondering what Keira would say or do or how she would feel if she were there with me at that moment. What would she think and how would she respond to the crazy pixie's persuasive entertainment. I often found myself randomly chuckling at just the thought, because I knew she'd more than likely throw her hands up in the air in an exasperated fit and tell Alice to go force her activities on someone who actually gave a fuck about the shit she was trying to get me to do.

But I couldn't help noticing that I was beginning to upset Alice with my behavior. She would look at me and know that I wasn't really there with her, that I wasn't truly into whatever we were doing at the time. That the majority of my thoughts were still on Keira, and at least a small part would always continue to be. And I would feel her disappointment and rejection with my lack of involvement. Any time I would try to comfort her and tell her I'm sorry, she would just pull away from me and look out into the vast distance of nothing in particular as she said, "It's okay Jasper. I know. But she'll be okay."

And she was okay. For 85 days, Keira was perfectly fine physically. She missed me terribly, as I did her, but we only had a few more weeks until we'd be together again, and I would finally get rid of my pesky apprehension. I would finally be able to breathe, no matter how unnecessary it was for me to do so. But that 86th day ruined it all, and it shattered my carefully concealed perturbation and unleashed the monster, the _beast,_ the ferocious vampire nobody wanted to fuck with, from inside me. The memory of finding out just how effectively my world, and Keira's, had shifted once again would be forever burned inside my mind for as long as I existed, but I'd never be able to lay it to rest until I made sure Victoria paid for her sins against my mate. I can be a vengeful bastard when the situation calls for it, and that day certainly brought it out in me.

Nobody had been home since the morning hours on that 86th day, and I wasn't expecting anybody to be back until that evening. Alice and Esme were out hunting, and Carlisle was working a shift at the free clinic across town since he had three days off from the hospital. Emmett and Rosalie were on their 'second' honeymoon in New Zealand, and no one had seen or heard from Edward since we left Forks. Carlisle did get a text from him though, telling him he was safe and sound, that he just wanted some time alone. Probably to wallow in self-pity for his own fucking choices, but hey, who am I to judge when I was practically doing the same thing. Maybe not self-pity, but close enough.

So it came as quite the surprise to me when around three 'o clock that afternoon, I heard the whispered travelings of two rushing vampires a quarter-mile outside the house. I figured it was Esme and Alice returning home early, but when I reached out to sense their emotions, a habit I picked up from my days with Maria to always know my surroundings, I felt my own dread slowly creep up and mingle with my sudden apprehension and confusion.

From their emotional signatures, I was able to distinguish Alice's daunting anxiety and hard determination from Esme's intense fear, utter devastation, and complete helplessness. I didn't know what had happened, but I was going to be finding out in approximately five seconds.

Just as I reached the kitchen to greet them, they burst through the adjoining back door with frantic expressions that match what they were feeling. Alice silently ran over to me, grabbed my hand, and began dragging us upstairs as Esme picked up the phone on the counter and started dialing.

Alice didn't say a word to me in explanation as she dashed into her room and came out a second later with a duffle bag, and she was refusing to look me in the eye. She still didn't speak or gaze directly at me as she quickly stormed in and out of mine, but not a half-second later, as we were running back down the stairs and into the front living room, she began to talk in a slow, but slightly hysterical voice. And my cold heart froze even more with every word she uttered.

"Jasper, it's Keira. I saw her getting attacked by Victoria. She was walking through the woods, and Victoria must have caught her scent because one minute she was fine, and the next she was running for her life and then Victoria jumps on her. She survives because of her gift, but we have to leave as soon as Carlisle arrives. She's going through the change _right now_, as we speak, and we need to get to her and get her away from Victoria."

I quickly grabbed Alice by the shoulders and roughly spun her around as I brought her right up to my face in a tight grip. My tone was low but strained as I growled out, "_What…_did you just say?"

"You heard me Jazz." She whispers as her wide eyes looked up at me apologetically. She was forlorn and contrite, but there was something off about her emotions that I wasn't quite able to determine in the state I was quickly coming into. My wrath and disbelief was battling within me for the leading position, while the sentient instincts ingrained in me were screaming, _"I told you so!"_

"You said she would be _okay_. You _told_ me not to worry, that she'd be **alright**!" I vociferously snarled at her. And Alice's face rapidly took on a devastated expression as she emitted nothing but defeat and a sympathy I didn't want or need. All I wanted, all I needed, was for this to not be true. For Keira to call me and tell me that it was all some sick joke to get me to fly out and steal her away. But it wasn't. This was real, and the only person who deserved sympathy was Keira.

I hissed around my clenched jaw and shoved Alice away from me harsher than I meant to. I knew this wasn't her fault, and I knew I shouldn't be handling her the way I was, but rage and agony was coiling throughout my body and all sense of reason and respect had escaped me. My mind was on one thing and one thing only. Keira was attacked. By that stupid bitch Victoria.

I imperviously balled my fists and squeezed my eyes shut as I bellowed out a massive roar filled with regret and despair and savage promises of painful death. Victoria was going to burn slowly, and definitely _not_ in pieces, for hurting Keira. For attacking _my_ mate. For making her have to go through the change alone and suffer more because I wouldn't be there to help alleviate some of the blazing fire that will consume her. And I sure as hell knew that Victoria wouldn't give a damn about her during or after the transformation because Keira was just a meal to her that managed to survive the attack.

As my thunderous outcry carried in length and resonated the whole house, Esme rushed into the front room, only to pause immediately as she took in my evident anger and tense stance. She timidly walked over to me in an inhibited pace, but she was releasing deep compassion and heartbreak not only in her emotions, but on her angelic face as well. When she reached me, she placed her small hand softly across my upper arm, and when I didn't violently respond, she enveloped me in a strong, motherly hug. She whispered soothingly in my ear, "It's okay Jasper. We're going to get her back, and we're going to make this okay somehow. Keira's not gone, and she'll be safe soon."

I sharply growled under my breath at her words, and _Jesus_ did I feel like such a shit for doing that to Esme. But this whole fucked up situation was _not_ okay; Keira was not _okay._ And yes, I would undeniably and completely make sure Keira was safe once we got to her, and I'd _definitely _make sure that bitch Victoria got her due for what she's done, but that didn't erase what had already happened, and what Keira was going through right now. _Christ, what am I doing still standing around?_

Esme pulled away and looked up at me with understanding, and I knew she didn't hold my rather _unstable_ mood and reactions against me. But she swiftly turned her gaze on Alice, who was standing a few feet to the left in the same spot she settled in after I pushed her away.

"I just got off the phone with Carlisle, and he's on his way now. He should be here in a few minutes." Esme said in a resolute tone while she maintained a comforting and supportive grasp upon my shoulder.

"Two minutes and forty-seven seconds to be exact." Alice chirped, though her emotions gave away her bleak state. "But Esme, we need you to stay here. The car will be more crowded when we pick up Keira if you come, and we'll probably need to give her as much space as possible. Call Emmett and Rose and get them home. I haven't seen it yet, but I have a feeling there's more to this than we know. Try to get in touch with Edward as well, and..."

She paused there, and she looked back and forth between Esme and I with an unfathomable expression before she continued with a sigh. "And try to discreetly find out what Keira's parents think happened. Given everything I saw, I imagine the police will call it an animal attack, but we need to make sure they think she's dead, and that no foul play was involved."

Esme looked even more devastated than before at Alice's words, but she nodded her in agreement. I shifted out from under her hand as I advanced a step towards Alice, but my stance was deceptively casual as I spoke in a calm but solid voice that discreetly demanded reasons and answers.

"Why are we driving? It will take us two days to get there if we do, no matter how fast we go. We need to get there sooner than that, otherwise we'll be cutting it too close to when the transformation will be complete. Keira doesn't need to wake up anywhere near Victoria. We should fly out so we can get there by tonight, and in case you haven't realized, we still have to search for her. Shouldn't be too hard with Victoria and Keira's scent, and your visions, Alice. But still, I don't want to take any chances. Not with Keira."

"We can't Jazz." Alice stated firmly, but with an ominous undertone. "There's going to be a heavy snow storm that will shut down all the flights before we'd be able to leave. There won't be any departures until tomorrow, and you won't be able to last that long without losing it. This is the only way if we want to act now."

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration, but nothing else was said by anyone as we silently waited for Carlisle. Alice and Esme had backed-off and allowed me to stew in my powerfully potent fury and sorrow and need for vengeance. My muscles were tense as hell and rolling beneath my armored flesh with the unreleased expectation of battle and war. And judging by the posture of both Esme and Alice across the room, I must have been exuding the vicious storm clashing within me. But I couldn't and wouldn't rein it in. Not when my mate was still out there, in pain and in danger. Not when Victoria was still walking this earth. Not when I was uselessly standing around, unable to act just yet. So yeah, this was going to be a _fun _fucking two-day drive for all of us.

When Carlisle arrived, he and Esme swiftly said their goodbyes as he ran and grabbed a few things from their room. He had apparently already called the hospital and informed them he had a family emergency that would take him out of town for at least a week. Esme promised to contact the others and get them home, and we assured her we'd be safe as we walked out the door. No one spoke or uttered a sound until we hit the highway, but I wasn't surprised when Alice finally said what she needed to. A strange but strong guilt had begun to immerge within her, and it was intensifying and filling her with each passing minute.

"I'm sorry Jasper." She murmured contritely.

I didn't know what she was apologizing for, but there was certain quality to her guilt that made me afraid to ask. There was a fault, an accountability almost, vaguely underlying and mixing within the tenor of that emotion. It was painfully heavy and ragged compared to the usually consistent light-hearted and airy feelings I sense from her.

I looked back at Alice in the backseat of Carlisle's Mercedes, and internally debated on whether or not I should ask her why she's decided to take the blame for a situation she had nothing to do with, but a small voice in the back of my mind was telling me it was a dangerous road to go down, especially now. That I didn't need or want to know the true answer to that question yet. Besides, I had too much to deal with and too much to think about already to handle any more fucking drama and bullshit at the moment.

So I just settled with a softly spoken, "I'm sorry too, Alice. For everything." And I knew she would understand that I was apologizing for handling her the way I did earlier.

When I turned back around in my seat, Carlisle glanced over at me, and for the first time since we left, he spoke directly to me in his warm, fatherly tone. "I'm sorry as well, son. Keira's change wasn't suppose to happen this way, and I can't help but wonder that if maybe I didn't push you to leave Forks with us, none of this would have occurred. Well, I know it wouldn't have, because you would have been there to protect her. I just…I just wish there was something I could do for you, and for her, right now. But I know I can't, and I can't change anything that's already happened. I'm so very sorry, Jasper."

I nodded my head and briefly quirked my lips, knowing he would understand that it was my most capable way of saying at the moment that I had no ill-will towards him or his past decisions. But really, I knew I had some deeply buried resentment over the whole situation and having to leave Forks, and I was desperately trying to keep it from surfacing in light of everything that's happened. Maybe Carlisle realized this, and that's why he was apologizing to me the way he was, but that resentment wasn't directed at anyone in particular, just a general overview of regarded wrong. Well, it was probably safe to say that I harbored a certain indignation towards Edward and his recent childish antics, and not for the first time, I wondered where we'd all be and what our lives would have brought us if Edward didn't lack a maturity in his emotional responses. Maybe Esme was right; maybe Edward was changed at too young of an age.

We had grown silent once again, and remained that way for a day and a half. No one tried to make meaningless conversation as we drove non-stop and well past 100 miles per hour, only stopping when we needed gas. I think they were trying to give me as much privacy as possible in the confining space of Carlisle's car. I was frequently agitated, frustrated, and worried as hell, and I did nothing to try to control my emotional state from seeping out and affecting the others. I was too lost in my own plans of finding Keira and destroying the bitch that did this to her. It was suppose to be me that changed her, and it was suppose to be done in a willing, loving manner. Not like this, and not so cruelly. Keira deserved better than that.

It was in Montana, just past the eastern border, that Alice had another vision that completely changed the course we were set on. We were not going to make it to Forks in time. We would not be able to find the exact cave Keira was apparently located in before she and another vampire took off.

And according to Alice's vision, Keira would not be burning for the standard three days. Carlisle theorized on the side of the fucking highway we parked at that Alice's description of the condition Keira was in after being attacked would explain why she had a faster transformation. That so much of her blood had already been taken and she was too weak and close to death when the venom began simmering away through her veins. At this point, I didn't really give a shit about their theories or explanations. I just wanted to keep fucking _moving_. I was thankful that Keira's pain wouldn't last as long as most, but I was more annoyed at Carlisle for even stopping the goddamn car in the first place. My mate was still out there, and the general direction we needed to head towards hadn't changed for Christ's sake.

So in twenty-one more hours, it appeared Keira would wake up without us around and run off with an unknown vampire to hunt. It pissed me off and frustrated me more, and I firmly and vehemently argued with the two know-it-alls that we could still catch Keira and Victoria's scent and track them down. Maybe we would even run into them while in their pursuit for blood, and stop Keira from doing something she would later regret.

But Alice said we still wouldn't find her in time. That twenty-one goddamn hours wasn't enough time to arrive and find her even though we weren't even twenty hours away if we maintained the speed we were. Her visions of Keira had abruptly disappeared at one point, which worried me to no end, but eventually showed my girl heading south for some reason to an unrecognizable town. A town Alice couldn't distinguish just yet, but at least she'd be alone. She would somehow manage to ditch the other vampire, which filled me with simultaneous relief and concern. Usually when a newborn separates from a coven, it's due to threats and injuries or banishment. The latter was unlikely considering Victoria stuck around after the change, and I shied away from even thinking about the other option. I didn't have all the facts or knowledge of events that would occur yet, but I was ambivalent to finding out. My already erratic and homicidal mind-set couldn't handle anymore traumatizing bullshit thrown at Keira. I was ready to start snapping some necks, and I needed to start doing something fucking productive before I lost it.

After a few more agonizing minutes, Alice was finally able to discern certain details from her vision. She believed that Keira would travel through the Cascade Mountains near Crater Lake National Park in south-central Oregon, a place Alice and I had gone to hunt around not too long before we left Forks. We immediately began driving once again in our new direction. We still didn't have an exact town, but at least we were moving again.

It wasn't until everything happened in concurrence to Alice's vision, and Keira was on the move 21 hours later, that we were able to figure out which town she would be arriving in. In the vision, Keira had passed by a window shop that had a Lincoln, Oregon address on it. A small town just south of Crater Lake National Park, with virtually zero population and entirely surrounded by woods. Exactly how Alice saw it, and we once again had a new destination. My frazzled nerves and aching heart thanked whatever deity there was above that I would soon be reunited with the one person who completes me so entirely.

I hoped, and for the first time in many decades, prayed that Keira was going to be alright when we got to her. I silently begged God that if he really did exist, he would take care of Keira while I couldn't. And I hated that. I absolutely _loathed_ the fact that I wasn't there for her in her time of urgent need and utter havoc. I knew what it was like to be a newborn and having to wake up in a strange, new place surrounded by the people, the _things_, that attacked you and gave you your own personal hell to endure for a few days. I knew not only because I experienced it myself, but I also endured it many other times with thousands of other newborns. I would feel what they felt and what they went through every time, and I would relive it through my own memories. The total confusion, the intricate mayhem, the complete madness, the raging thirst…it all added up to one big cluster-fuck of distortion. It wasn't fun to go through, and if you cared enough, then it wasn't pretty to see in others either. But nothing, _none_ of my previous observations and adept encounters, could have prepared me for seeing and _feeling_ Keira as I did when I found her in that bathroom stall out in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

Alice had already warned me before we got there that Keira had attacked a human, so I wasn't surprised when I saw her covered in blood. I was expecting that, and I personally couldn't give two shits about the poor guy when I knew Keira needing me. But she cared. She was cradling herself against the floor of that disgusting excuse for a human hygiene facility, her knees tucked into her chest with her bloodied arms wrapped tightly around them, and I could feel all that she was feeling as it overwhelmed me and broke my heart. I could sense she cared a great deal about what she had done, and a small part of me was delighted to know that some of who Keira was had survived the transformation. It's rare to retain forms of your conscience during the first year of newborn life when amongst all the chaos it carries with it, but I could also tell from her emotions that she wouldn't really be any different from any other newborn I experienced. The only notable exception would be her remorse beating her down after her naturally rash decisions were acted on.

She was expressing large amounts of shame and repulsion and confusion and despondency. She was so lost and scared, scared of herself and frightened by the unknown and unable to figure anything out. And she was at the end of her emotional and mental rope. I could feel Keira's hopelessness when we arrived, and she couldn't even conjure up the will to care or react when three vampires came into her sensory range. She had given up completely and thoroughly, so I guess it's a good thing we found her when we did, otherwise she wouldn't have lasted long without being discovered. And ultimately fucked us all.

And when I looked into her eyes, I didn't need to be an empath to read her clashing affliction. All her conflict and sorrow was swirling heavily within her crimson irises that, surprisingly, had small flecks of pale green sprinkled randomly within the red. And they really were flecks of color and not rounded splatters. The green was composed of miniscule shards, like shattered glass, and it reminded me of hazel eyes in the way the colors would blend together in intricate, thinly veined lines that if you didn't look close enough, seemed like one big cluster of shaded colors. Keira's had much more of the glowing, bright red than her yellowed green, and there was no blending of her two colors, but a distinct separation amongst the tiny, translucent flecks and her prominently scarlet eyes. They were beautiful, unique, and entirely devastating in her evident ruin.

But as I continued to look her over, I could also see the numerous, overlapping bite marks on her that was slightly obscured by the blood that had poured down her jaw and neck. I knew then that she had been attacked since she became a vampire, and that it had probably happened with the unknown vampire from Alice's vision that Keira had gone hunting with. It explained why she ended up running off alone, and that rankled me with more fury and outrage than I've ever experienced. I was barely able to contain the innate growl that was threatening to erupt from the deepest pit of hell within my chest. _No one goes after Keira and gets away with it._

Where before the beast within me was impatiently pacing along the cage I placed it into, waiting for me to unleash it the next time I saw Victoria, now it was howling and rattling the bars, demanding to be set loose to spill the proverbial blood. If Keira hadn't already killed the fucker, he was going to be the first on my list of stupid bitches that fucked with the wrong vampire's mate. They didn't realize how thoroughly they messed up, how dead they really were. But they would, soon. And I would enjoy every long-lasting second of it.

Eventually Keira shook herself from her stupor long enough to realize just _who_ was kneeling before her, and I had never been so relieved to feel her boundless love and joy and happiness over seeing me as I did at that moment. My girl was still in there despite everything she'd gone through, and it would be a long road in helping her to overcome the things that have happened to her, but we'd get there. That was all that mattered. The struggles and hardships we will inevitably face don't mean a damn compared to the end result as long as we got there, and got there together.

And Keira finally reacted to us in a way that didn't surprise me. She instinctually became defensive and wary when I reached out to touch her, and given the state she was in, it was the only natural response I was expecting. It still pissed me off that she was preparing herself for an attack though. She shouldn't have ever had to worry about that, but she was. Nevertheless, I managed to settle her down anyway, and I pulled her into my embrace as I comforted her and breathed in her heavenly scent. She still smelled like rose and heather, but now she had a hint of sweet honey added on, and I couldn't wait to bathe in everything that was her. All I would ever need was Keira, and I planned on showing just how much I depended on her happiness as soon as we got some privacy.

I helped Keira clean up to make sure she didn't break down again while washing the blood away, but I also just wanted to get us the hell out of that place as quickly as possible. I heard Carlisle and Alice go take care of the body that was dumped deep in the forest, and I felt horrible knowing what that would do to Carlisle with his peaceful doctor psyche. But I was also slightly disturbed that Keira didn't seem to notice what was going on around her at all. Made me wonder if her flawless vampire senses were slightly askew, and I briefly pondered on the possibility of whatever made her eyes the way they were. That it somehow affected her sensory receptors as well since it's all connected inside her brain. And that made me think of her telekinesis and the fact that she used it after Victoria had already infected her with venom. But it didn't really matter at the time, and I could think on it later. Besides, it could just be the fact that she was pre-occupied with continually staring at me, and I definitely returned the favor. It was going to be a long time before I let Keira out of my sight again, and silently staring at her right now seemed to be the best way to assure her I was really there, and I wasn't going anywhere without her ever again. It also helped to remind me of what was most important to me. Not revenge or destruction or petty resentment. She is what's most important. Always her. I'd without a doubt still kill Victoria and her little fucking sidekick, but Keira would always come first in my focus. She grounded me and guided me, and I'd repay her by doing the same.

When we finished and walked out of the bathroom, Keira squeezed my hand that she had taken just a little too hard, and I tried to hide my grimace over the discomfort she caused. But apparently I didn't do too well, because I saw and felt Alice trying to contain her amusement over it. She pursed her lips and brought her gaze quickly back on Keira, but I saw the laughter dancing in her eyes while she did so. I'm glad she found the whole situation entertaining, because I found Keira's anxiety and nervousness a bit disconcerting. I think she was expecting a blowout from the others when we came out. Her small, petite form had tensed slightly, and I felt a tiny trickle of fear shoot through her as we approached them. I squeezed her hand back in reassurance while issuing a soft grumble from deep within my chest, knowing that Keira would instinctually interpret my sound as a noise of comfort and support. And she did as she relaxed once again without my manipulation, and I couldn't help but internally rejoice and feel a bit smug at our small progress.

But the best thing for Keira by far was when we stood before Carlisle and he refused to judge her at all, though he was still deeply worried for her even when he didn't show it. He understood as well as I did that it was going to be a long road to getting the woman we all know and love back to who she was before, but I also knew it could never _fully_ happen. The first few days of a vampire's existence can dramatically affect how you act and shape who you become. Years upon years won't completely erase that kind of influence, just like mine has never really released me. But Carlisle did what he does best, and spoke the three most perfect words he could have ever said to Keira at that moment.

"Let's go home."

And we did. We all jumped into the car as fast as we could and hauled ass out of that god forsaken shit hole.

The drive back to Vermont was strenuous to say the least. All of us had so much to say and ask, but none could build up the nerve to approach the topics we needed to. Which in my opinion was better, because I wanted to have the full conversation back at the house where Keira would have more space to 'breathe' and react if she felt inclined to. I also didn't want her to have to repeat her story, both for her benefit and mine, knowing how much it would tear her apart. It was necessary to do so, but that didn't mean I wanted it to happen any more than I knew she would. So we mostly remained silent, and I just held on to Keira as I absorbed the thunderously harsh emotional climate that had settled among us.

I could feel her building need to hunt again, too. One human simply wasn't enough to sustain a newborn for any length of time. I was a little apprehensive about how she would take to hunting animals now that she's had human blood, but I knew I wouldn't give up on her or judge her no matter how hard she fought the transition. I would stand by her through every struggle and try to keep her from taking another life.

We were passing over the Pennsylvania state line when I turned to Keira and finally broke the silence that had descended upon us. We were sitting in the backseat, and she was lazily leaning against my left side with my arm around her shoulders and draped over in front of her. She had my hand that was resting down and across her chest firmly clutched in both of hers, but her face was turned away from me and staring out the side window. I don't think she was looking at anything specific, and judging from her emotions, she was deeply lost in thought.

I leaned down slightly and nuzzled my nose in her hair as I whispered in her ear, though I knew everyone in the car could hear. "Keira, do you want us to find a safe place to stop so we can hunt? I can feel your thirst, and I think we should satisfy it as much as possible before we make it home. There will be a lot of things we're going to need to discuss when we get there, and it will be better for you to not be experiencing strong bloodlust while doing so."

She shifted her small and huddled form slightly, and turned her gaze from the window to up at me. She had a delicately pained expression on her face, and her emotions were fluctuating between the strengthening thirst she was experiencing and a deep concern. Keira swallowed the venom pooling in her mouth, a consistent trait with being a newborn, and spoke softly in her silky, wind-chimed voice.

"I…I, yes, I guess I do. I'm sorry Jasper, I hope my thirst isn't affecting you too much. I don't want you to lose control too. I think one wild and crazy vampire is all the poor Cullens can handle right now."

She cracked a shaky smile at her poor attempt at inserting some humor into our situation, but before I could respond, Carlisle had annoyingly cut in from his place in the driver's seat.

His tone was questioning, and his curiosity was certainly peaked, but his pale blonde head continued looking straight ahead as he asked, "What does she mean by her thirst affecting you, Jasper? And you losing control because of that? Is there something we don't already know about your gift?"

I sighed and slowly shook my head as I looked over at him from the backseat. I did _not_ want to get in to this right now, especially when Keira's thirst was my main priority, but she scooted forward on the seat and moved out from under my arm as she glanced at me with a frown on her face. She held my eyes for a good, solid second before turning her disapproving gaze on Carlisle. She began speaking to him in a firm voice that made it obvious to everyone in the car that she was trying to defend me, and you could detect the hint of disbelief lacing her words as she spoke.

"He's an empath. Of course other's thirst would affect him because they're feeling it, aren't they? Jasper told me he's never lost control when it's only been his bloodlust he's had to deal with, but when you add in all of your's on top of his, that's when and why he slips up. How do you think we were able to have such a physical relationship while I was human if he didn't have any control, and why do you think we always ventured away from you guys? Your thirst makes it harder on him, and now my thirst too. And I'm absolutely certain that Edward's bloodlust contributed the most to Jasper losing control at Bella's birthday, even though Jasper doesn't exactly remember all the details. But Bella's…what do you call it again? I can't remember, it's too fuzzy, but her blood…calls to him? Whatever it is, you know what I mean."

"Sings. Yes, Bella's blood sings to Edward." Carlisle answered distractedly in astonishment. He seemed to be unnecessarily over-thinking everything that Keira had just said, and his driving skills were taking a shitty downturn as he mulled over this new bit of information in his dumbfounded state.

"Carlisle, would you like me to drive?" I asked, full of mirth.

Alice's tinkling laughter filled the car, and that seemed to snap Carlisle out of his stupor. He shook his head in disbelief, and briefly glanced back at me in amazement before he said, "No, I just can't believe I never put two and two together, and why I never thought about how our thirst would affect you. For fuck's sake son, you should have mentioned something a long time ago! We could have tried different tactics to make it easier on you. Jesus! How did I not figure this out!?"

Keira's eye's widened as she swiftly moved back against the seat. Carlisle cussing was a rare event, and I don't think Keira had ever heard it before. She looked over at me, still wide-eyed and taken aback, as she whisper conspiratorially, "I didn't know it was possible. The good, kind-hearted, genial Doctor Cullen can actually throw a fit…" she lowers her voice even more as she adds, "…and says _dirty words_. Very unbecoming of a role model, don' cha think?"

She tuts and shakes her head in feigned disapproval, and when Carlisle glares back at her in the rearview mirror, she starts giggling like a little schoolgirl. Her laughter and carefree moment brings a smile to everyone's face in the car, and I relished in the joy and contentment they were all emitting.

I chuckle as I tell Carlisle, "Yeah, well, we'll talk about it another time _dad_, but for now let's find a place to pull over and hunt. And to answer your question Keira, yes, it's affecting me. But there isn't anything I wouldn't go through for you. Nothing I can't handle as long as I'm with you, so stop stressing that pretty little head of yours over wholly unnecessary worries. Okay?"

She nods her head as her splendid eyes soften and her exquisite affection wells up inside her and washes over me. But Alice swivels around in the front seat and looks back at us, and we turn our gaze to her as she begins speaking for the first time during the ride back home.

"There's another national park about fifty miles up ahead that's closed due to hazardous weather conditions. No one will be around there, not even the park rangers, and we'll be able to hunt without running into any hikers or tourists." She had a smile on her face as she glanced between the both of us, but I could feel the tumultuous emotions sweeping heavily within her ever since my little declaration of devotion I gave to Keira a moment ago. They were a mix of anger and grief and acceptance and even gratification, but there was also that same strange guilt that started a few days ago that had yet to abate. It was constantly there, like a consistent undercurrent to everything else she was feeling at the time, and I was starting to get a really bad feeling over the cause of it.

I responded slowly and cautiously. "Sure Alice, that sounds great."

Alice quickly turned back around and started giving Carlisle directions to the park, and Keira gave me a peculiar, indecipherable look when I returned my attention back to her. I touched her hand and let my curiosity flow into her as a silent question, but she just shook her head as she leaned her body back against mine once again.

A hushed minute had passed, and I could feel Keira swallowing convulsively with the excessive amount of venom collecting in her mouth from her rising thirst. I transferred as much calm and relaxation as I could to her, and I softly rubbed her hand as I rested my head against hers. I quietly murmured into her dark curls, "We're almost there, Keira. We'll be there soon, and you'll feel much better afterwards."

She didn't move from her position, but I felt her growing wonder following my comment, and she soon asked what was on her mind in a shy, timid whisper. "Jasper, do animals taste anything like humans? I mean, is their blood as…as _satisfying_ as human blood? I don't exactly remember if we talked about it before because all my memories have this…murky quality to them. And there are still some things that I'm sure I'm not recalling at all. Like I know and have the recollections, but it's so blurry that I'm not getting all the details, ya know?"

She still hadn't moved even a inch, and I saw Carlisle briefly flash me a concerned and wary look over his shoulder that I had no idea if Keira saw or not, but I was focusing on something else she had said. So I gently grabbed her by the shoulders and adjusted her so she was sitting up more with her body turned towards me. She was feeling self-conscious and guarded in her inquisitiveness, so she kept her head ducked down and let her long tendrils cascade over her features to keep her face hidden.

I tucked some of her hair behind her right ear as I tenderly brushed my fingertips across her cheek, but I didn't try to bring her gaze upwards just yet.

"Keira…" I said in a low and reposed tone. "What exactly did you mean when you said that there are _still_ some things you're not recalling? Were you talking about the quality of your memories getting in the way like you mentioned, or are you having difficulty remembering in general?"

Agitation quickly built up inside her as she answered, and parts of her speech came out as more of a growl than anything else, but still she kept her face down. "Yeah, that. Well, when the burning finally stopped, I couldn't remember _anything_, not even the female _attacking_ me. But I knew certain things or could figure it out, I just didn't know _how_ I knew. When the word 'vampire' crossed my mind, I knew what I was and could remember the attack in the woods, but that was _all,_ and I still couldn't figure out _how_ I knew these things."

Keira paused there, and she finally raised her eyes to meet mine before she continued. "It was only when I saw you that my memories became…_accessible,_ I guess you could say. It was very confusing for me to know certain things, but not know how I knew them. Is that normal? To not remember at all, I mean."

My frustration and anger at myself surfaced again as I realized just how truly vulnerable Keira had been, but I managed to respond calmly and collectedly, even though my voice deepened in it's struggle. I kept my eyes locked on hers as I responded. "Yes and no, Keira. Alice doesn't remember anything from her human life, so it's not unheard of. Most of our kind will remember things at first, but it'll fade away as the years go on. Some hold on to the memories longer and can recall their human days better than most, but everyone's different, and I think it depends a great deal on who you were as a human, and what your experiences became as a vampire."

"That's an interesting theory, Jasper." Carlisle chimed in. "I'm inclined to agree with you, and maybe when you ready Keira, we can discuss it more at length and possibly find a trigger or pattern that could help Alice get her memories back."

I heard Alice snort delicately up front, and Keira glanced over at her as she scrunched-up her eyebrows and pursed her full lips into a thin line. But she still hesitantly said, "Sure Carlisle."

I didn't understand what was going on between those two, and judging by Carlisle's confusion and brief questioning glance towards the little pixie, he didn't have a clue either. But Alice's conflicting attitudes were starting to give me a complex and slightly piss me off. I would have to find out what was going on with her soon, because I didn't think I could take much more of it without confronting her in an _entirely_ wrong manner. I'm usually a patient man, but it's coming in short supply these days.

We were about to turn off on the exit that would lead us to the national park, so I returned my full attention back on Keira so I could answer the questions she had previously asked before I steered us off on a tangent. Her emotions were all over the place, and she was back to swallowing convulsively as her thirst once again reared it's ugly head and consumed her, but she was still looking over at Alice, although now with a thoughtful expression on her face.

I went to gently cup her chin and turn her gaze towards me, but she was so focused on whatever she had running through her mind that my touch startled her. I should have known not to spook her, and I should have guessed and anticipated what her reflexive response would be. And before I could correct my mistake and calm her down, she snarled ferociously at me and quickly jerked her head away faster than I could react myself. In the following split second of time and in a simultaneous act on her part, Keira managed to shove me forcefully back against the car door without using a single finger as she scrambled away to the opposite side of the backseat. The powerful collision I had with the metal caused Carlisle to uncontrollably swerve off the road as the car door I was pushed into broke off, and I tumbled out into the cool, dark night along with it.

I heard the screeching of the tires against the wet, ice-crusted grass as Carlisle tried to regain control of the vehicle, while I rolled once over the fallen, skidding door before quickly springing upwards and landing in a crouch forty-three feet away from where Carlisle was about to run into the trees. _Oh shit! Fuck!_

I leaped over as fast as I could in an attempt to stop the Mercedes before it got demolished. But right as I landed about ten feet in front of the ill-fated car and slightly off to the side, the front-end dipped down and caught on the rough surface of the uneven ground. At a speed of at least 60 mph, the frontal impact caused the rear of the car to fly upwards and flip over in the air, and at this point, I knew there was nothing I could do. The car would get destroyed no matter what I did. So I straightened my stance while I smiled and waved to Carlisle as they flew over me, and he just rolled his eyes and flipped me off in his hilariously upside down position as he instructed the others to jump out of the hopeless scrap of metal before it crashed and exploded.

I took a quick glance around to make sure there still wasn't any sign of other traffic on the highway at the moment, and thanked our lucky stars that it was three in the morning and all the humans seemed to have pulled over at rest-stops for the night. When I looked back over at the Mercedes, it was in the process of roughly tumbling down between the trees and Carlisle, Alice, and Keira were making their way over to where I was standing. Each had very different expressions on their face, but all of them were internally battling between utter disbelief and absolute mirth.

But Carlisle's blank façade gave way to the humor of the situation when he began chuckling as he approached me and clapped me on the shoulder. Alice's dazed look morphed into incredulousness at Carlisle's gentle laughter, and Keira's uncertain features relaxed with relief at the sound. I hurried over to her side and loosely slung my arm around her shoulders in reassurance.

"Well," I said in a jovial tone. "It seems Keira's power has definitely intensified. That's quite a punch you pack for not even lifting a finger, little one."

I looked down at her with a smile on my face and softly squeezed her shoulders, but I could feel the apologetic regret seeping up in her, even as a small chuckle escaped her lips when she gazed up at me.

"I'm so sorr-" She began, but I abruptly cut her off.

"Nope, not having any of that. You have nothing to be sorry about when you did nothing but react to a situation that I practically set you up for. I was stupid enough to not realize just how distracted you were. I scared you, and your ability activated. That's all. So just shut up and laugh like I know you want to."

That got a bright smile out of her, and as Carlisle came over to us, I let go of my hold on her as he pulled her into a comforting hug and whispered to her that everything was alright. I glanced over at Alice standing a few feet away, and while her emotions told me of her continuous astonishment over the situation, I could also tell she was beginning to calculate our next move. And her following words not two seconds later confirmed my thoughts.

Alice focused her eyes on the three of us, and in a firm, resolute voice she said, "We still need Keira to hunt, and we're not _that _far from house, so we could run the rest of the way. We'll have to be careful about humans, but I don't see any problems. Carlisle, you still have your cell phone on you, right? Call Esme and have her report the car stolen by five o'clock this morning. Have her park the Jeep at the truck stop near the highway, we'll pick it up on our way and if there are any questions as to our whereabouts, we went camping while Esme had a weekend trip at the spa. That will explain how the car got so far away before we knew anything about it being stolen, and will eliminate our involvement in the accident."

We all just stared at each other for a moment, still reveling in everything that just happened while trying to get back up to speed with Alice. But Alice placed her hands on her hips and started impatiently tapping her foot as she said, "Well? Come on, let's get to it. My visions aren't infallible you know. There's a time frame things need to happen in for it to go the way I see it."

So we did as she said, but not before Keira busted out laughing at our entirely comical predicament. A minute later, she eventually picked herself up off the ground where she had fallen in her fit of hilarity, and she shook her head and looked around at the three of us as she said, "That was by far the most bizarre thing I've ever heard anyone say after a car accident, Alice."

And we all chuckled our agreement.

Carlisle got on the phone with Esme and explained the situation to her and everything that needed to be done. If things went as planned, we would see her sometime in the evening. She wanted to order a new Mercedes online for Carlisle, but Alice made sure he told her to hold off on that until everything was figured out. None of us had a clue what she meant other than going after Victoria, but she didn't feel inclined to share with anyone.

Afterwards, we ran off to hunt, and I have to say that it went a lot better than I expected. The first animal Keira took down was a deer, and after she latched on to it's neck and pulled her first three mouthfuls of blood, she spit out what remained in her mouth and threw the deer away from her in disgust. I had decided to find her a carnivore after that.

We wandered around for a bit, but eventually we came across a lone black wolf. I motioned her towards it as I casually leaned against a tree and folded my arms across my chest, and I began to watch the scene before me with divine entrancement. I witnessed her stalked her prey with lethal grace, and she was absolutely beautiful as she crouched down on all fours ten feet away from the wolf. Her muscles smoothly coiled in preparation to spring on the unsuspecting animal, and the sight was reverently reminiscent of a sleek panther. And as the snow fell wildly around her and the wolf, and the cool wind blew her dark locks across her crimson-green eyes, it made the vision eerily innocent in the contrast of light and dark, life and death. As if the picture before me was the most pure and natural thing the world could ever behold, and death was the simplest sacrifice one could give.

When Keira silently pounced and took down the wolf, her teeth ripped away it's sinewy fur and she bit down and greedily sucked away at its life-force. I knew we had found an animal she could enjoy when her contented purr permeated the air as she relished the taste that gave her satisfaction. She was ecstatic, relieved, and extremely gratified. So for now we'd stick to a carnivore diet, and try to find as many wolves as possible for my little panther.

Eventually we all had our fill of blood, and we set off for Vermont. I made sure Keira stayed by my side and didn't go running ahead with her newborn strength, just in case we came across any humans along our path. And by six-thirty that evening, we pulled into the driveway of our recently acquired home in Emmett's Jeep, and home never looked so good. Except now came the hard part for Keira, and I had no doubt in my mind that it would be hard on me too. It was time for her to recount everything that had happened, and it was time to discuss her parents. It was going to be a very long night, and I truly hoped things would go smoothly for us.

* * *

**Okay, so I know I said all would be explained in this chapter, but it just didn't happen that way, but I promise by the next two, all loose ends will be officially explained and tied up. Next chapter is back to Keira's POV, and will probably remain that way for a few. I had a few people ask me to better describe Keira's eyes, so I hope Jasper did that for you. And in case you didn't catch the brief glimpse into the explanation, there is a good reason for why her eyes are that way. Review and let me know what you think, and perhaps I'll update faster!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual. SM does. **

_Hey guys, sorry about the delay. This is the longest chapter I've written so far, and I have much more dialogue in it than usual. It was a different style for me, and I tried incredibly hard to not lose the intimacy of the character's viewpoint while doing so. You'll have to let me know if it didn't work for you guys very well. _

_On a different note, I wanted to give a special thanks to __**DreamerLoverHaterKillerMolder**__. You review was wonderful, but the message you sent me brought me back from the dead. Your inspirational words revived me, and there aren't enough thanks in the world for the things you said to me. So this chapter's dedicated to you, and to all my loyal reviewers who consistently bring a smile to my face every time I update. You know who you are, and you know I love you guys. Thanks again everyone. I hope you enjoy._

Chapter 10

KPOV

When we arrived at the Cullen's new home in Vermont, I was taken aback for a brief moment with a vague sensation of déjà vu. The view before me was strangely reminiscent of the old Cullen mansion back in Forks. The long gravel driveway that led deep into a secluded, forest-rimmed lot held a white, Victorian style house that was almost identical to the one I was so familiar with. And from what I could perceive while peering through the front windows, the wide-open space that made up the entire first floor of their house was laid out in practically the same design as their place in Forks. It made me defenseless to the memories that swarmed me as I looked on, and I couldn't help but think back on better times. Days without sizeable cares and deadly repercussions. Hours that gave endless amounts of love and laughter and unguarded touches. Weeks that held bright futures and plans with mom and dad. Better times that could no longer exist in the same capacity as before. Long gone were those fond days, but now was the opportunity for a new and different future with a dissimilar, but expanded and stronger love filled with reckless embraces. I was now with Jasper for an eternity, which was what I had ultimately wanted and strived to achieve. I knew it was imperative for my mental health and emotional stability to focus on just that fact instead of the way it occurred, and all the painful playbacks of carefree days and a new life without my parents.

But all I really wanted to do was turn back around and beg Jasper to run away with me. I didn't want to come face-to-face with all the impeccably ideal and faultless Cullens when I felt so immoral, so defective…so _imperfect_. Tainted, perhaps. Nonetheless, the moment still came when I was about to walk through their front door and stand before them like a sacrifice to the gods thrown before a maniacal, reverent crowd. And I realized…or maybe I just became more thoughtfully aware, that I _would_ never and _could_ never be exactly like them, like the Cullen clan. I wasn't cut out for perfection, or all the rules and demands and disciplines that instilled the idealism of such a concept.

'Them' did not include Jasper however, for he was a breed apart. He was different. He was not only a man that had been down much more horrendous roads and trials than I could ever imagine, but he was also the man I loved. He had a way about him that made everything okay, even when it was far from it. He had the ability to make the whole world disappear right when I needed it to. He had the gift of effortlessly accepting and understanding even the most vile and difficult of circumstances, and where others would subconsciously judge or visibly cringe or even commiserate, Jasper was able to just acknowledged in his easy and calming perception. He helped when asked and left alone when needed without anyone having to say a word to him. And I craved that right now, just as much as I _didn't_ want to stand before the Cullens and recount everything that had happened. Even when I knew the family _needed_ to know more than I didn't _want_ to tell. Because I really had no idea what to say. I had no understanding of where I stood with everything that had occurred. And what would they see and think when looking at the new, more dangerous me? I normally wouldn't give a shit about superficial judgments, but this was Jasper's family, and now my family I guess. Simply put...I was downright confused about my place in the world, and had no concept, no grasp, on who I was now that I had done things I never thought I would, or _could,_ ever do. Maybe it shouldn't be this hard, but it was. At least for me, and at least for right now.

I once thought I was just a small town girl who was immensely loved by her parents, and who wanted to do them proud. Not much more, and striving to be no less. But I'm no longer that girl; I'm no longer that child. I'm no longer an innocent. I am a vampire, and I have shed human blood and enjoyed it. I savored it, and I wanted more. No, I'm no longer the girl I once was, but who am I now?

Can I still be the same Keira that the same people loved, and can I still love them back the same way? If I can't get a grasp on who I am anymore, how will I be able to hold on to anyone else? When Jasper and I would talk about my change as we planned for it, I wasn't naïve over it. I understood it wasn't going to be an easy transition, and I thickly swallowed the sacrifices I would inevitably be making when the time came. But it was still my choice. I still got to choose that path, and I still got to decide when I would walk down it. But my choices and options and preferences all got ripped away from me and led me down a road I never wanted to go on, but couldn't ever completely come back from either. I've been irrevocably altered in ways I wasn't quite ready to accept, or entirely sure of how it would affect me. But the joy that should have come with reuniting with Jasper and joining him in immortality was stolen away from me. Because it wasn't my choice. It wasn't the way I wanted it to happen. And even though I knew Jasper could sense the conflict in me, I wasn't ready to let the rest of them _see_ that in me.

So when he and I were approaching the porch steps, I turned my head and looked up at him as I asked in a small voice, "Is there any way we could _not_ do this right now? I…I don't want to do this with them. Not now. I don't want to be around anyone else but you for a while. Can we just be alone for a little bit, then we'll discuss the things I know we need to with everyone else?"

Jasper had abruptly stopped walking when the first question passed through my lips, and he shifted his body around to face me with an unfathomable expression on his face. He stood stock-still for several quiet seconds, looking down at me as his dark, molten-gold eyes visibly swirled with that same acute sagacity that was so common with him. A few of his honey-blond locks fell lightly over his sharp features, and I had to resist the urge to reach up and tuck his hair behind his ears and run my fingers across his strong cheek, for now was not the time for intimate distractions as I stood waiting for his answer. Carlisle and Alice had already walked inside the house, and I heard them tell the others to give us a few minutes of privacy, so it was just me and him outside in the cool, winter air with our eyes locked together.

Jasper silently reached out and grabbed my small hand with his much larger one, and his gaze traveled down to them as he intertwined our fingers together and ran his smooth thumb across my palm. He was still looking at our blended hands as he began speaking in a low tone that sounded slightly anguished.

"Keira, I would love nothing more than to steal you away from all of this right now. Believe me when I say that I know this isn't the best time for you to talk about everything, and certainly not in front of everyone for the first time. But there are some important details we need to discuss and figure out. There are loose ends that need to be tied up to secure our safety and secrecy, and we need to figure out what's going on with…"

He paused there as he brought his remorseful eyes back to mine, and he finished in a slow and careful manner. "…with Victoria, but also with your…parents. I'm sorry Keira."

I felt a deep pang resound in my chest when Jasper mentioned my parents, and although I didn't outwardly react, I knew he felt it because his eyes shifted with a pain much like my own. I really had been trying to _not_ think of my parents too much since I was able to remembered them, and I've been so overwhelmed with everything else going on that it was easy to do. But it still hurt every time I briefly did, because I knew I could never hug them again or tell them I loved them. And my last Christmas with them was taken away from me. I wouldn't have that ever again. I wouldn't have them ever again.

But there was something else Jasper said that caught my attention though, and when I reflected on it, I found myself thoroughly confused by his words. I felt my brows furrow as I continued looking up at him, and I cautiously asked in my mystified state, "Who's Victoria?"

Jasper seemed completely bewildered for a brief second as his eyes widened…right before they narrowed into thin slits and he pursed his lips into a hard line. His features adapted a malicious glint to them as he answered me in a rough grumble that was fully laced with dark intentions. "She's the _bitch_ that _turned_ you, and she's also one of the vampires we ran into before with the Bella fiasco. She was mated to the one we killed in Phoenix. She never told you her name?"

I shook my head in reply since I found myself unable to vocally respond at the moment. I was too busy pondering the odds of me being attacked by one of the same vampires that tried to kill Bella. What was she still doing in Forks, or rather _back_ in Forks since I seriously doubted Jasper would have left if she had been hanging around the area. Then I recalled what she had cryptically said to me in the cave about her plans, and about the army she was going to build. I didn't understand the full implications of it all, but I felt it was imperative to tell Jasper immediately.

"Jasper…" I quickly began while I clutched his fingers tightly and looked at him with wide eyes. "While I was in the cave with her, she mentioned some kind of plans that she had. She said she was going to build an army, and that Riley and I would be in charge of the newborns once I was ready. She wanted me to fight for blood. 'The most delicious blood I'll ever taste' was how she put it. But she said she still needed to do a few things before she carried through with it."

Jasper hadn't moved even a fraction of an inch or responded in any way since I mentioned the word army. His rapidly darkening gaze was still locked with mine, and he didn't try to loosen my grip on his hand no matter how hard I was squeezing. It was obvious he was focused on his thoughts, and I could practically see the calculative wheels turning in his head.

Finally, after twenty-three seconds of remote stillness, he snapped out of his trance with a slow blink of his eyes as he said to me in a calm, but firm voice, "Keira, we really need to go talk with the family now. I need you to tell us everything that was said or done while in Victoria's company. I'm sorry we have to do this, but it's really important."

"No, it's okay Jasper." I immediately said in reassurance, even as I shot a nervous glance towards the front door before focusing back on him. "I understand. When you told me it was the same female from before, I knew it was important to tell you right away what she said. And now that I've said it out loud, and remembering things you've told me in the past, the words newborn and army and Forks together don't sound too good, huh?"

Jasper shook his head as he gravely answered, "No, it doesn't. Not at all."

He started turning towards the steps to the front door, but he paused half-way and glanced back at me right before he leaned down and captured my lips in a brief, but smoldering, kiss that licked my insides with subdued passion. And when he pulled away, he smiled gently down at me as his eyes brightened with tenderness. The hand that I wasn't still clutching fiercely reached up, and his fingertips reverently stroked across my cheek like a feather and traced over my lips with a light touch.

"Thank you for telling me." He said in a soft whisper. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Always Jasper. With everything I have." I responded just as softly, while the pure love and adoration I had for the man before me filled and consumed my entire being. And when he felt that surface within me from under the many tumultuous newborn emotions I was constantly expressing these days, his smile grew even more tender if possible as he simply stated no more than a few words that spoke volumes.

"Me too, little one. Forever."

I loved him. I really, _really_ loved him. But even _that _couldn't stop me from groaning in annoyance when a moment later, we both turned and hightailed it inside the house. Everyone had already congregated together in the area just to the left of the front entrance, and when we rushed in with an urgency I didn't necessarily feel but Jasper obviously did, five pairs of eternal eyes immediately fastened their gazes on us. They stopped all conversations they were engaged in as a muted, but questioning, atmosphere was set for precisely half a second before Jasper took over. He didn't waste any time allowing them the hellos and pleasantries I could tell Esme and Emmett were itching to give, but he did make one small observation before he said anything else.

"Where's Edward?" He asked as he looked around at everyone while simultaneously pulling me in front of him and pressing up against my back. He kept our same fingers interlaced, and he started to send me small doses of tranquility as we stood before his family. I must have been tense and my emotions all over the place, because my body noticeably relaxed as I leaned back against my man.

Esme, who was sitting on the couch a few feet in front of us with Rosalie and Alice, immediately answered with a torn expression on her face and a conflicted voice. "He didn't answer his phone when I called. I left several messages, but we haven't heard back from him yet."

She turned her worried gaze from me and Jasper to Alice as she hopefully asked, "Alice, have you seen anything on Edward? Something that could help us find him?"

Alice, who was seated between Esme and Rosalie, just shook her head in reply. She didn't even glance at her as she did so, but instead kept her unwavering stare directly on me. Her indecipherable features were unnerving for some reason, and I had to look away from the drowning look in her ocher eyes. I didn't know what she was thinking or why she was staring at me in the indefinable way that she was, but I definitely didn't like it.

"Alright then. All we can do is keep trying." Jasper stated in a tone that meant he didn't really give a fuck. "But Keira's informed me of some serious issues we need to discuss…"

So he immediately dived right into what I told him outside about the things Victoria had said. I could see the collective shock, and in Emmett's case anger, wash over them all. And Jasper explained how and why he thought this new development meant that the redheaded bitch (his words, not mine) was building a newborn army around Forks. It made me think about my parents, and I worried for them and hoped they would be okay. Jasper sensed my distress and wrapped his strong, solid arm across my upper chest and pulled me more firmly against him as he continued talking. Our further secured embrace provided a great solace for me, and it make me feel a hell of a lot more at ease with the topic of discussion. I knew Jasper wasn't going to let anything happen to my parents if he could help it.

Once he had finished telling them his analysis of our predicament, Carlisle turned his focus from Jasper to me as he stood behind the couch where Esme was sitting. It seemed like he was debating on something for a moment, almost cautiously thoughtful you could say, before he finally spoke in his warm, fatherly tone. "Keira, I'm truly sorry we have to do this because I know it won't be pleasant for you, but we really must discuss everything that occurred from your time with Victoria and beyond. There are details we need to figure out, and we must decide where we go from here."

"I know it's important, Carlisle. Thanks though." I said, but despite my words, nervousness and hesitation crept up inside me before Jasper showered me in calming surges and his supportive love for me. It was his silent way of comforting me and being there for me in my time of need, and I loved him all the more for it. I squeezed his hand that we still had interlocked, but I grasped onto Jasper's forearm that was across my upper body with my other one, and I wasn't letting go of him until I was through. So I glanced around at everyone as I took a deep breath, but I quickly brought my gaze down to the wood floor in edgy contemplation. _Oh, where to start in all the fucked up bullshit. Beginnings always best, Keira. Cut and dry, straight to the point, give them all the nitty-gritty details and get it over with._

I shook my head ruefully at my uncomfortable situation before I reluctantly brought my eyes back on them and began my tale.

I recounted everything that happened from being attacked in the forest to waking up and not remembering a thing, to running off with Riley. I told them how we had fought, and how I was able to use my telekinesis to throw the other vampire off of me. I mentioned the foul smell that I was able to distinguish belonging to three separate heartbeats, and the instinctual response it gave me, but how I didn't stick around to find out what it belonged to. I told them the fear that was in Riley as he noticed the same things I did, and how I used that as a distraction from him to run as far and as fast as I could to nowhere in particular. I told them why I had gone to that gas station, and how I had killed that man even though I didn't realize his blood was what I thirsted for. I even told them about my breakdown right before they found me. I don't know why, but once I started, it all just kinda spilled out.

They were all silent as they listened. Carlisle occasionally nodded his head as he looked at me with nothing other than compassion and understanding. Emmett tensed up from time to time from where he was also standing about ten feet to our left, and it seemed he was trying to keep himself from growling aloud with some of the things I said. And his wife kept a stone-faced gaze on me with her perpetually detached look and unaffected persona, but I think I detected a hint of sorrow in her golden eyes. Esme had ended up sobbing a few times throughout my tale, and at one point, she even attempted to come over and embrace me I think. But Carlisle quickly placed his hand on her shoulder in a silent request to stay where she was.

And Jasper never said a word or reacted externally to anything I said, but many times I felt a faint rumbling of a growl building within his chest as the dim vibrations traveled through him and into my back. His arm was still around me, and I could sometimes feel a coiling of his muscles, like he wanted to tense up but controlled himself from doing so. His calming influence had briefly, but _abruptly_, stopped when I mentioned my fight with Riley, and a momentary burst of rage erupted from within him as it leaked outward. But he quickly reined that in too, and sent me all his love and remorse he had for me and the situation I was put into. There was one time that I shifted my body to glance up at Jasper, and I noticed his eyes were darkly intense even though his features were smooth and gave no indication of his inner turmoil. And somehow, in some way, I just _knew_ he was cataloging everything I said so he could repay the bastards back in kind.

And Alice, well…I wasn't able to read her reactions to the things I was saying considering she kept her head down the entire time I was talking. Almost as if she were heavily weighted by my words.

When I finished saying everything I needed to, they all remained quiet and still for a few moments as they absorbed the things I relayed in tense deliberation. But surprisingly, it was Rosalie who broke the hushed surroundings as she looked directly into my eyes and spoke in a firm voice that demanded you listen, and you listen good.

"Keira, I murdered four men that were responsible for my death as a human almost immediately after I became a vampire. I sought them out and killed them. Maybe some time I'll tell you the reasons why, but for now, I just want you to know that you attacking that man was a mistake you made that couldn't be helped in the situation you were in. You didn't actively seek him out to murder him like I've done. We aren't perfect Keira, not a single person in this room is, so stop fucking standing there looking like we're all about to condemn you."

She paused as she focused her gaze on Jasper, and she continued in the same forward tone. "Well, it sounds like we've got a couple of vampires we need to get rid of, right Jasper? The question now is what do we do, and how do we do it." And just like that, Rosalie was officially my second favorite vampire.

I beamed at her, and if I could, I'm sure large tears would be forming in my eyes because her words were just so fucking _perfect_ and they were everything I needed to hear at that moment. She rolled her eyes as I smiled at her, and Emmett laughed boisterously at our rare interaction. I knew Rosalie and I weren't friends, but that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate the hell out of her.

Jasper chuckled lightly too as he extracted my hand from his and stepped beside me. He casually wrap his arm around my shoulder and tucked me into his side as he leaned down and whispered in a deep, husky voice that sent shivers down my spine.

"See," He said. "There's nothing to worry about. You were so nervous for no reason. Now relax, the worst part's over and later, once we're alone, we'll get to the _really_ good part."

He straightened, and as I looked up at him with what I was sure was a lust-filled gaze, Jasper smirked down at me devilishly and squeezed my shoulder as his fingertips lightly, but purposefully, grazed my skin. I narrowed my eyes at him before I shook my head in feigned exasperation, and we both smiled endearingly at each other for a brief moment.

But Carlisle cleared his throat from across the room, and we once again came back to our surroundings. We looked over at the patriarch of the Cullen's, and he was staring back at us with an amused smile of his own.

"Okay, let's get down to the crux of the matter." Carlisle began as he glanced around at each and every one of us. "I'm inclined to agree with Jasper and Rosalie on this matter. It's obvious by Victoria's words to Keira that she's planning on making a newborn army. We don't know why, and all we can do is guess her reasons, but it seems to me that she's going to accumulate her…newborns somewhere near Forks. I know you want to go after her for personal reasons, Jasper, but I'm more concerned for the citizens of the town. More specifically, Bella and Keira's parents. I don't fully believe just yet that Edward will stay away from Bella forever, and you've gone through enough Keira. The least we can do is make sure your parents are safe. So we can head back to Forks and try to solve this situation, but we would have to stay completely off the radar. Not only because of Keira, but also Bella. We still need to respect Edward's wishes and leave Bella alone until he decides otherwise. Or we could wait, stay here and track what's happening through the news, but essentially not go after her unless she forces our hand."

"She's already forced our hand." Jasper declared in a hard voice as he stared firmly at Carlisle. "She forced our hand the minute she attacked Keira, just like James forced our hand the minute he went after Bella. The situation is _no different_."

"I agree." Emmett piped in loudly from the sidelines as he nodded his head.

"Agreed as well." Rosalie stated simply from her seat on the couch as her eyes settled on her mate.

Alice was _still_ staring down at the floor and offered no opinion on the matter, but Esme looked around at all of us worriedly before she finally spoke in a small, but concerned, voice that was barely above a whisper. Though we all heard her clearly as she said, "I know the circumstances are no different when it comes to taking care of those we love, but I really don't think we should return to Forks without speaking to Edward first. He would be unnecessarily furious with us if he called and found out we were in-"

"If we don't go, or if we wait too long, someone else will die." Alice interrupted in a chilling, omniscient tone that sent shivers down my spine. She finally raised her eyes and, oddly, locked them on Jasper. "And there's a good chance that Bella will too. You guys may not have thought of it yet, but Victoria's words to Keira about tasting the sweetest blood was probably a reference to Bella. I'm sure she's the only human in that general vicinity that has encountered Victoria long enough for her to catch the scent of their blood, and still lived another day. So what blood would she be after but Bella's? It's probably Victoria's revenge for her mate. And if what we're doing is protecting Bella, then Edward has no right to say anything on the subject. The only thing we need to hear from him, or frankly nothing at all, is that he'll join us as soon as he can to help protect the girl he loves."

Jasper didn't say anything in response, and Alice still kept her eyes directly on him even after she had finished. Again, it was just plain _unnerving_, and I wanted to tell her to stop looking at him like that.

And Carlisle and Esme both appeared uneasy as Alice's words settled among us, and Emmett and Rosalie seemed tense, but I could only reflect on other matters. So I wrapped my arm around Jasper's waist and held him tightly to me in both comfort and possessiveness, and I glanced around at all the still bodies before I broached the one important question that no one had yet to ask.

I narrowed my eyes and glared slightly at Alice as I asked her in strained politeness, "Would it be possible to go back to Forks without anyone finding out we're there, but more importantly, without anyone seeing _me_? And honestly, me being anywhere _near_ humans is really not a good idea."

Although I had directed my question at Alice because of her foresight, it was Carlisle that responded in an assured tone as he looked at me with a sympathy I kinda hated it for some irrational reason. "We would need to make sure you only left the house to hunt, which would minimize the risk of all around exposure, meaning someone possibly spotting you _and_ the chances of you running into humans. I'm sorry Keira, but that's the way it would have to be. And that would have to apply to all of us if we intend to keep our presence there a secret."

"The wolves." Jasper suddenly stated out of nowhere, and we all looked at him confused. "The smell Keira mentioned combined with the instinctual reaction it created right before she ran from Riley, well…I would bet just about anything it was the Quileute wolves. They would've heard about her disappearance, and they probably ran across Victoria's scent somewhere and followed it. I know you said there haven't been any transformations for two generations Carlisle, but is there any other explanation other than three _random_ werewolves that are _also_ in the Forks area. Not likely, and if we go back, you'll have to make them aware of our arrival, and make sure the treaty is still in tact."

Emmett let loose a sardonic chuckle and shook his head as he sarcastically said, "This just keeps getting better and better."

"It's possible Jasper." Carlisle began cautiously even as his feature twisted with consternation. "It's definitely something we'll have to look into if we go, and if it's true, then it could potentially cause a problem with the treaty concerning Keira. She's a newborn, and I don't see them being too lenient with that."

Jasper growled aggressively in response to Carlisle's comment and protectively tucked me further into his side as he spoke in a forceful, very matter-of-fact tone. "I don't care how they fucking feel over the situation, and _we_ didn't do anything to break the treaty. But if they want to go there, I'll show them just how kindly I look upon them almost attacking my mate, which I have no doubt they would've done if Keira hadn't run when she did."

Carlisle raised his palms in a placating gesture before he stated placidly, "This is all hypothetical, Jasper. But if the situation becomes a reality and things do go south, we'll need you to keep your composure despite the circumstances. We'll need your abilities to keep the situation under control."

Jasper just sharply nodded his head in response, and Carlisle continued. "So I take it from everyone's previous proclamations, with the notable exception of Esme, that we're all in agreement to go back to Forks and take care of Victoria?"

They all nodded their concurrence, and I decided that now was as good a time as any to ask the question that had been running through a small part of my mind for awhile now. I spoke up in a shy voice as I glanced around at everyone, but asked no one in particular, "What do my parents think happened to me?"

I felt Jasper's powerful calm take hold on my body, and Esme looked over at me apprehensively as she fidgeted nervously with her hands. _Oh, sweet Esme, surrogate mother of us all. I promise I won't bite your head off if you tell me._

She remained pensively quiet for a few seconds more, but she eventually answered in a voice full of sorrow. "I was able to find out from Chief Swan that the investigation into your disappearance was declared an animal attack."

She stood up from the couch and made her way over to me as she continued. "They found blood and signs of struggle in the woods about a mile away from your house, and your cell phone was lying on the ground beside it. He wouldn't give me any details, and I found most of my information through articles in the Forks newspaper online, but they're giving it one more week of searching for your body before officially declaring you dead and closing the case."

Esme went to touch my cheek with her hand in what I'm sure was suppose to be a comforting gesture, but I jerked my head away from her touch as I stepped out from under Jasper's arm. I slowly backed away from them both while I looked up into Jasper's eyes in search of some kind of answer that I didn't know the question to. I didn't understand what I was asking him, begging him to enlighten me with, and maybe that's why he had no reply as he just stared back at me with a stoic expression that was devoid of all feeling and any answers. So I turned my gaze from him to the floor as I began to pace back and forth along a few feet of pale wood floor.

And Jasper had taken a few steps back from me and leaned his long body against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He was watching me carefully, but he wasn't influencing my emotions. He was letting me feel what I needed to as I lost myself in thousands of rushing, tempestuous thoughts. I vaguely heard Carlisle asking him to perhaps relax me and calm me down, but I didn't see Jasper's response and I never heard him reply. Instead, I continued to stare down at my feet as I paced, contemplating all the things my parents were probably going through at this exact moment and all the heartbreak and sorrow I knew they were experiencing. I thought of all the potential moments lost between us, and how they would never know that their daughter was actually alive and well, living her newfound existence with a different family. I felt so much anger and hatred surface for what Victoria had stolen from me, and a feral growl erupted from my cold, hollow chest as my savage temperament increased. I was suddenly very thankful that neither I, nor Jasper, were the ones responsible for my apparent death. I wouldn't want to know what it felt like to possess, to direct, so much loathing and spitefulness towards myself or the man I loved for causing my mom and dad unnecessary pain. I would hate to resent Jasper.

I assumed it was a few minutes later when I finally halted my strides across the same space of floor, and I looked up at everyone and realized they were all watching me with varying expressions of wariness and concern. Probably had been the entire time. So I took yet another deep, calming breath that felt and sounded more like a snarl than an actual intake of air, and finally responded to Esme's information on my parents.

But all I could come up with as I looked at them looking at me was, "This sucks."

Esme retook her seat on the sofa, and Carlisle once again walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder as he simply asked me, "Keira, are you going to be able to resist the urge to see your parents if we go to Forks?"

Carlisle's face was blank as he asked, but Rosalie tensed up with the question as her eyes frosted over, and Esme simply looked down at her lap. I noticed in my peripheral view that Jasper had taken a step away from the wall and towards me with his fists clenched tightly together, but still I felt no emotional manipulation from him. I found it strange that he wasn't trying to keep me calm or relaxed, and I had to briefly wonder if he grew tired when he continuously used his ability on others. But before I could answer Carlisle's question, or try to figure out why everyone had reacted so negatively, Alice piped in once again with her all-knowing ways.

"Keira will be fine." She stated as she got up from the couch and walked over to the window by Emmett. She looked out into the darkening evening as she went on in a tone devoid of any emotion whatsoever. "If we leave at sunrise, our arrival in Forks should occur during nightfall in the early morning hours. No one will see us return. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Keira will travel in the Jeep, while the rest of us go in Rose's car. We should leave the Vanquish here, and we'll detour somewhere in Seattle or Port Angelus to get you a new car, Carlisle. We shouldn't take many belongings, just in case someone does find out we're back. It'll look like we're only there for a short visit. Edward will eventually call us, and we can deal with it when the time comes. But we need to head back soon, before anything happens to Bella."

Rosalie huffed in annoyance, and we all knew she despised it when anyone else drove her car, but it was probably more so because she really didn't give a shit what happened to Bella, and she _really_ didn't like having to do things because of her. She had no qualms with letting everyone know that, either.

"I don't know, Alice." Jasper calmly stated as he walked up beside me. "I think we should probably take the Vanquish in case we drive around anywhere. No one in Forks has seen that car, but everyone knows Rose's BMW. If we wish to remain inconspicuous, I suggest a vehicle everyone won't recognize, even if it does draw attention."

Alice didn't move her gaze from outside as she responded in just as calmly a manner as Jasper. "No one will recognize Carlisle's new car, but we'll have to make sure it's noticeably different from the Mercedes."

Carlisle looked a little put-out and horrified at that comment, so I guess he was hoping to get an exact replica of the one I had inadvertently destroyed. But it was Emmett that commented next, and he voiced exactly what I'm sure all of us were at least _partially_ thinking to _some_ degree. I knew I was anyway.

"Come on!" He said in his loud, deep voice as he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "This is ridiculous, even for me. There is _no way_ the people of Forks are _not_ going to notice the nicest cars any of them have ever seen in person driving down their streets and _not_ have the Cullens cross their mind. They're going to _at least_ speculate that we're back in town, even if it's a car they haven't seen us drive before. And who fucking cares! We never should have just left like we did anyway, and I think what happened to Keira just proves what a bad fucking idea it was. We should…no, we _need_ to let Bella know we're back for a short visit. Tell her we're taking care of whatever business you want to make up, let her know that Edward isn't with us, and leave it at that. Jasper told us all what Keira said about Bella's state after we left, and maybe we can help her or something! We never should have just abandoned her without even saying goodbye! Who cares how pissed Eddie gets at us. I sure as hell don't when it means the welfare of someone else I care about."

No one said a word in reply for a few seconds, and everyone just kind of peaked around at each other to gauge the overall reaction to Emmett's words. I thought he had a good point, and I'm positive Jasper did too since he didn't say anything to the contrary and offered no argument. Esme was still looking down at her lap, but I knew with her kind-hearted and motherly nature that she would agree with what was said, despite Edward's preferences. Rose had returned to her stone-faced expression, and Alice still hadn't turned away from the window, but it was Carlisle that had tensed up at Emmett's words, and he seemed more than a little angry. I had never witnessed Carlisle honestly mad before, but it was an extremely intimidating site to behold. _Huh. I wonder if all blonde vampires are able to intimidate the hell out of you and freak you the fuck out simply by looking angry, or if it's just a trait that holds true amongst the Cullen clan._

And the blonde father of them all spoke to us through slightly gritted teeth and with a strict tone as he said, "What happened with Keira is a travesty, no one is denying that. And no one here wants that to happen to Bella. I also won't argue the fact that leaving Forks when we did and how we did was not a good decision for any of us, but it was still a decision we all made to respect Edward none-the-less. We will continue to try to respect Edward's wishes as much as we possibly can in this situation. Bella was his mate, so it is his choice."

This time I snorted, and I condescendingly asked Carlisle while still trying to maintain a respectfully low voice, "Where was Jasper's choice when it came to me, _his mate_?"

And as Carlisle stood there, opening and closing his mouth in repeated attempts to reply only to give up and pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, Jasper once again wrapped his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled his face in my wild, tangled hair. _I really needed a shower_, I suddenly realized. And I really needed to change into cleaner clothes since none of us were able to clean up after the hunt. Even though I was the only one who really needed it.

Carlisle sighed, and it brought my attention back to him instead of my rapturously wistful thoughts of warm showers and naked Jasper. He looked at me painfully and remorsefully as he apologized. "I'm sorry Keira. I did push Jasper into following the family and allowing Edward his wishes. It wasn't fair on him, and it wasn't fair on you. I made a mistake, even when I thought it was for the best. I can't take it back, and can't make what happened disappear, but I can promise you I will never make that same mistake again. But the situation with Bella is different, because it is Edward that wishes for the separation. Not anyone else forcing it upon him. The least we can do is _try_ to leave Bella alone, as Edward wants us to. But if it becomes a matter of Bella's safety and things she absolutely needs to know immediately, then that is another situation all together, and a bridge we will cross when we get to it. For now though, we remain off the radar. Even if that means no driving around, period. The majority of our time will be spent at the house, I'm sure. Everyone understand and agree?"

"Yes." I softly replied, and it was echoed by Rosalie, Esme, and Alice. Jasper just nodded his head, but Emmett didn't respond at all. He continued to stand there in stoic silence with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at Carlisle with unfathomable eyes.

"Emmett…" Carlisle warned.

Emmett sighed and shook his head before he reluctantly said, "Fine. I understand, but I don't agree. Edward's not even _here_, he hasn't been here for _awhile_ now, so if you ask me, his preferences shouldn't be held with such high regard. But I understand Carlisle, and will do as you ask."

"Thank you." Carlisle said in evident relief. "So we'll leave at sunrise like Alice suggested, and we won't be taking the Vanquish, nor many possessions. Are you able to see how long we're there, Alice?"

And little Alice finally turned around to face us, but instead of looking at Carlisle as she answered his question, she focused her sad, golden eyes on me _once again_ as she spoke.

"No, I have no idea how long we'll be there."

Maybe it was the way her words were clipped and distant, as if she didn't really care about the question asked or the answer she gave because she was too preoccupied with whatever else was on her mind as she eerily peered at me. Or maybe it was the way her stare bore into mine with so much knowledge and guilt and ruination, like she knew something that would completely destroy me, but was already eating away at her. Whatever the reason, Alice was _really_ starting to creep me the fuck out with her continuously penitent and portentous gaze that was solely directed at me more times than not. It made me wonder what she knew and what she was hiding and what was killing her usually buoyant spirit so much.

Alice and I had never truly been friends, despite her bright smiles and friendly demeanor towards me. I always knew there was something else there behind her carefully cultivated façade. I remembered through my hazy memories that her eyes were never left unguarded when we were around each other, even when she appeared as happy and content as can be. I could recall her always trying to disappear whenever I was around. Like she was the scorned ex who couldn't stand to see Jasper happy with someone else, even though she was the one who, as much as I _hate_ to say it, released _him_ and not the other way around. I could remember all the reasons why we weren't friends, and I was reminded once again by those strange looks she kept throwing my way. But this was different from those times because she wasn't guarded; she was open and contrite in a painful fashion.

And Jasper must not have liked what he saw and felt from Alice or me in our visual stalemate, because he tightened his grip on my shoulders and sent a strong surge of calm throughout the entire room. Everyone's expression and stance perceptibly altered to much more at ease than we had been for the last half-hour, and it made me suddenly realize just how stressed we all were. I didn't notice how fractionally tense everyone had become until Jasper's influence washed it away for a short time. But when I glanced up at him from under his arm to see how he, himself, was doing since he didn't have the luxury of being emotionally doped up, Jasper had his hard eyes firmly locked on Alice. His focus was solely on her, and whatever it was that he was feeling from the little pixie, he didn't like it. Which made me even more uncomfortable over her peculiar behavior.

Four seconds had passed since Alice had responded to Carlisle's question, and I felt it was time to finish this conversation so Jasper and I could get some alone time. The muted awkwardness with Alice was too much for me to handle right now, and I really didn't want to think on it while in the company of the entire family. So I cleared my throat to gain everyone's attention, and nervously shifted my weight back and forth from each foot while I shuffled my gaze around the room. My eyes settled on Carlisle, and I spoke to him in a quiet voice, but was really addressing all of them.

"I wanted to say thanks." I said. "For coming to get me and all that. I hadn't said it yet, but I really am very grateful for you guys going after me and saving me, helping me. I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing if you hadn't, but I doubt it'd be anywhere pretty, ya know?" I chuckled, but it was strained and nervous.

"No need to thank us, Keira." Carlisle began sincerely. "We're just as relieved to have found you and have you back with us as you are. I'm sorry we couldn't get to you sooner, but we tried as hard as we could. I think Alice has shown us once again just how lucky we are to have her and her visions, otherwise it might have been days before we knew what happened to you."

I went to respond, but right before I could, a thick pressure, an unidentifiable strain, exploded throughout the room. And for a brief second, a few of us looked around confused. But soon we were all looking at Jasper, knowing he was the only one who could affect the atmosphere, albeit emotionally, in such a climatic way. The hand he had around my shoulder was brought down to his side as he balled it into a fist, and his shoulders became hunched over as he once again focused directly on Alice. But this time, his face gave away realization instead of tension, right before his lips curled back over his teeth and his eyes darkened as he said in a low hiss, "Alice…"

I was glancing back and forth between Jasper and Alice, wondering what in the hell was going on while trying not to physically react to the anxiety consuming me, and a small part of my mind noted the others were doing the same.

"Alice…" Jasper said again, but this time there was a hint of desperation leaking into his words. "Please tell m-"

Alice interrupted him in a weak voice barely above a whisper, but she was looking him directly in the eyes as she said, "Not now, Jasper."

Jasper shook his head in blatant disbelief right before he uttered in a soft, fragile tone, "No…Alice, I…oh God! No."

"What the hell is going on here?" Rosalie demanded as she continued to look between the two.

"I was kind of wondering the same thing. You guys care to fill us in?" Emmett asked sternly, but evident concern was lacing his features.

Jasper shook his head again, but this time he looked sick as his face scrunched up in distaste and he shut his eyes tightly together. Whatever it was he knew that the rest of us didn't, it obviously didn't sit well with him. His eyes were still closed and his face was still distorted, but he went to open his mouth to respond. Before a word could be said though, Alice once again cut in, but this time in a much more forceful voice while still looking directly at Jasper.

"I said not now, Jasper. It's not what you're thinking anyway. But this is between you and me, and it needs to remain that way. We'll talk later, privately."

I didn't like the way she was talking to him, and I didn't like the feeling I was getting over whatever this confrontation was over, but I _really_ didn't like it when she said _privately_. It brought out the possessiveness in me, and I had no qualms with letting it show. I began growling at her long and menacingly, and it was only then that Jasper refocused his attention and emotional manipulation back on me. A gentle wave of serenity washed through me as he stepped in front of me, effectively blocking my view of Alice. As the manufactured calm began to have an effect on me, I looked up into his dark eyes and my growl became nothing more but a hushed vibration reverberating deep within my chest. Jasper slowly raised his hand while maintaining eye contact with me as he tenderly tucked stray curls behind my ear.

"Keira, it's okay." He said as he brought his hand around to cup the back of my neck. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, knowing how it would affect you. We'll talk about this later though, in _private_." And the smug bastard smirked at me because he knew that was what I reacted to the most.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead as he intertwined my fingers with his, and once again began stroking the palm of my hand with his thumb. But when he turned back around and faced the others, his expression altered to an intense seriousness that reflected off them as well.

He momentarily glanced at Alice and scowled before he said in a hard tone that left no room for discussion, "I think this conversation is over unless there's anything else we need to discuss at the moment. We leave at sunrise and we'll probably have to stop along the way to hunt for Keira, but we bring little with us. I got it, and I think everyone else does too. So if that's all, I'd really like to go take a shower with Keira and relax before we have to jump back in the fuckin' car for another two days."

"No, I think that's all." Carlisle stated in frustrated voice. "But I must say that if whatever's going on here affects the whole family, it would be imperative that you speak to us about it after you've figured it out. Agreed?"

Carlisle directed his question, and overall general statement, towards Jasper as he looked at him sternly. Alice's gaze was fixed on the floor, so I don't know if she just knew Carlisle wasn't talking to her or if she saw it in one of her visions or if she just didn't want to say anything else. But for whatever reason, she didn't even try to respond to Carlisle's overruling request. And Jasper nodded his head in acquiesce as he looked back down at me with gentle eyes.

"Come on, Keira. Let's go be alone for a while." He said with a soft, tender tone.

I eagerly nodded my head and smiled brightly up at him. We turned to leave, but before we could take one step in the opposite direction, I was bombarded with the welcomes I had been trying to avoid. Even though I was sure how obvious it was to everyone how quickly I wanted to escape to solitude, still I was enveloped in large welcomes and big smiles and constricting hugs from Esme and Emmett, regardless of my tension, agitation, and standoffish persona. I wasn't comfortable yet with the physical contact they all yearned to give because I couldn't fight the instinctual wariness that crawled up in me. Or the defensive reaction my body coiled with when they'd approach.

But thankfully, they were the only ones who came up to me. Carlisle must have known how I was feeling because he just smiled at me from afar, and Rosalie stood off to the side with a detached expression and cool stance. But I was actually very relieved she didn't try to engage in pleasantries with me. Finally someone who would leave me be. _Was I always this temperamental?_ I hoped not.

I chanced another glance at Alice while Jasper was leading me up the stairs, and her eyes were still glued to the floor. But right before I was about to look away, she tilted her head slightly upward and peered at me from under her dark lashes, and I was struck with the broken innocence I saw there. She was the most carefree and good-natured person I had ever met before, and whatever was going on between us now really was tearing her up inside. The glow in her golden eyes was dimming, and a shadow was casting across her face that had nothing to do with the lighting in the room. It made me feel for her in ways I never had before because we weren't ever close and never could connect. She had always blocked me from associating too deeply with her, and maybe that's why she's acting the way she is. Maybe that's why she looks so…hurt. And guilty. But that didn't explain Jasper's reaction to her earlier, so I'd just have to ask him about what was really going on since he seemed to have a better grasp on it.

So Jasper led me up the stairs to the second floor and down the wide, brightly lit hall to his bedroom. It was a large room with dark beige walls and the same pale wood floor I'd seen throughout the whole house so far. It had a large, rectangular window that practically covered the whole expanse of the south wall facing the backyard, and he had a low bed lined up neatly underneath it in the center. Not much else was in the room except for a tall, dark wood bookcase filled with old, worn novels and historical writings. It was a beautiful room in its' simplicity, but it lacked a certain homey quality to it.

"It was waiting for you to come and make it ours'." Jasper stated quietly as he looked down at me and fiddled with my fingers.

"The room?" I asked as I glanced around once again.

"Yes."

And when I raised my eyes to meet his, he looked like he would be crying if he could. There was so much emotion and depth in his gaze, and he seemed equal parts distraught and felicitous. But before I could ask him why he seemed so sad yet so happy, he pulled me into his arms and wrapped himself tightly around me as he buried his face in my curls. I held onto him with as much passion and love and desperation as he was with me, and I made a silent promise to myself to never take advantage of this man; to always appreciate him. To always let him know how much I cherished his love and care for me, because I suddenly realized that was what this was all about. He was distraught because he cared about everything that had happened and how we got here, but he was so happy and relieved to finally have me back with him. And I knew this because I knew Jasper, it just took me a second to figure it out.

"Come on, let's take that desperately needed shower." He murmured right before he extracted himself from me. He looked down at me with his hands resting on my hips and such tenderness in his burning eyes that I felt entirely compelled to mutter the three words I would undoubtedly say to him every day for the rest of time.

"I love you, Jasper. So much." I whispered as I brought my hand up to lightly trace his beautiful, full lips.

"Forever." He whispered right back from around my fingertips, right before he took one in his mouth and nibbled gently. He winked at me as he let go and walked over to his closet, and he came back out with a shirt and a pair of lounge pants. It was then that I realized I had no clothes, and I must have looked or felt slightly panicked, because Jasper chuckled as he softly transferred calm over to me. He looked at me with a teasing glint in his eye as he dragged me into his adjoining bathroom and spoke with detectable amusement.

"The shirt's for you, the pants for me, and tomorrow I'm sure we can convince Rose to let you borrow some clothes. They'll be extremely long on you, but they'll fit at least. Unless you want to wear something of mine, which might be extremely sexy. I already adore you in my shirts, I'll probably love you in my pants as well."

"Oh, I'll get in your pants all right, Mr. Whitlock. Just you wait!" I teased right back with a playful smirk on my lips.

Jasper laughed heartily as he lifted the shirt I was wearing off of me and threw it in the hamper. He pulled his own over his head and tossed it as well when he walked over to the dark, stone-cased shower and turned it on. It was a wide open and deeply inset shower with no door attached to it, but the spray was far back enough that there was no need for one. And it was a beautiful bathroom indeed, with the same dark grey, coral-like stone covering the walls and floor, and a solid black, granite countertop with nickel-brushed fixtures everywhere. It was a rich room with a relaxing feel to it, and the dim lighting almost made you feel sleepy. Which was a nice experience for one who could no longer sleep.

But I made the mistake of looking in the large mirror above the sink, and I noticed with great dismay just how bad my shoulder and neck really were. My neck was ravaged; not only from the bites and tears I had received from Victoria, but from Riley's attack as well. The whole right side of it, from just below my jaw-line all the way down to my collarbone, was marked with rigidly raised crescent-shaped bite marks that crisscrossed and overlapped each other. I didn't realize Riley had bit down that many times and in so many different places, but you could see he had ripped my neck apart really effectively. And my shoulder was the same way, except you could see the jagged tears my steeled flesh now had from where he yanked with his venom-coated teeth and tore at it with fierce determination. My skin was now marred all along my right shoulder and neck, and it was hideous to me. I was hideous.

"You're beautiful, Keira."

I didn't even notice Jasper was standing behind me, naked as a jaybird, and watching me in the mirror. And I have no idea how long I was looking at myself, but the mirror was starting to fog over as well. I looked at him looking at me in the mirror, and his eyes, though intense, held an understanding sympathy that only he could relate to. He walked up beside me and I gazed through the mirror at the scars covering his body. They weren't ugly on him. They made him more beautiful in the dangerous individuality they gave him. They gave him character and strength, and they were a testament to his keen skills and lethal power. But on me, it was just evidence of how weak and moronic I was.

"You're beautiful, Keira." Jasper said again, and now he stepped back behind me and wrapped his strong, scarred arms around my waist as he rested his chin on my mutilated shoulder. "These scars here, they don't change that. It might change the way some vampires react to you, but that can only work to your advantage. But they don't take away from your physical beauty, little one, and they only add to your internal strength. When I see these marks, I only think of how much greater a creature you are than most because you survived it not only with your life, but with your heart still in tact. You still have what makes you the woman I love so much. And you could be absolutely covered in them and you'd still be the most beautiful thing my sight has ever beheld. They don't matter, Keira. Not to me, and they shouldn't to you. They don't make or break you. Besides, it's kind of hypocritical of you to look at my scars and love them, but look at yours and get repulsed, don't you think?"

I sighed and glanced down as I muttered under my breath, "Yeah, yeah. I know your right, as usual. Just give me some time to get use to them, but don't count on me loving them like I love yours."

He chuckled as he swiftly picked me up and carried me the few feet over to the shower and dumped me under the running water with my pants still on.

"Jasper Whitlock!" I yelled as I glared at him. "I could have worn these pants tomorrow, you pushy bastard. You could have just _asked_ me to hurry the fuck up or something."

Jasper seemed to be trying to contain a laugh, but I could feel his amusement trickling outwards and affecting the air around us. Soon I was trying to contain my smile and retain my glare, but it was of no use when it came to my vampire, even if I really was mad at him. I never could be for long no matter how pissed I was.

Jasper's eyes twinkled and a large smile was gracing his lips as he said, "Well, get your fucking pants off, woman. Jesus Christ! And there's something called a washer and dryer, you know. Is that memory loss still affecting you, or are you just too distracted by a naked body to think clearly?"

"Shit head." I huffed as I took off my wet jeans and threw them at him, but he just laughed and tossed them aside.

"Now that's better." Jasper huskily proclaimed as his eyes roamed my naked form. His hands reached up and traveled along my arms and around my shoulders as the hot water slid down my body. He stepped in closer to me, leaving only an inch of humid air between us. He drifted one hand slowly down my chest and traced my peaks with a feather-light touch, and his other reached behind me and grabbed something I couldn't see. His fingers felt like satin against me, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head back with the sensation.

With my eyes still shut, Jasper captured my lips with his own in a deep, sensual kiss, and he traced his tongue along my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I parted them and gave him what he desired, and our tongues danced together and explored each other in a newfound capacity. I no longer needed to breath, and our mouths were no longer a heat against the erotic chill. It almost, _almost,_ made me wish for the old sensations, for the varying temperatures and textures, for the way it use to feel before I became immortal. But as our kiss strengthened in intensity, I knew this endless pressing of lips and mingling of tongues was so much more powerful and vigorous than anything I could have hoped for as a human. And this was just the beginning.

I moaned quietly and contently into Jasper's mouth, and his hand squeezed my hip right before he broke away, leaving us both panting for unneeded air.

"Keira…" He whispered a hair's breath away from my lips as he hovered over me with glazed eyes. I went to recapture his mouth, but his hand swiftly caught my shoulder and held me in place.

So I trailed my hands down his chest and over his pronounced pelvic bone, and his eyes became half lidded with my touch. But still, Jasper's deep, husky voice breathed out, "Keira…we need to…uh, stop."

"Why?" I pouted up at him with wide, falsely innocent eyes.

He smirked down at me as his gaze darted to my bottom lip, but he quickly looked back up as he said in a soft voice, "Because Keira, you don't need this right now. And when we do this, I want you to be feeling better. Completely here with me, and not weighted down by everything else that's happened."

I looked at him for a moment in confusion, and to be honest, I was a little put-out. _Was Jasper denying me? Rejecting me?_

"No Keira, it's just…" He seemed a little frustrated, and he took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his wet locks before he spoke again in his low, calm tone that's so familiar.

"Keira, while I would love nothing more than to fully bury myself deep within you in every way possible, I can feel your constant anxiety and perpetual confusion and disorientation. I don't think that you need to add any other factors or…_activities_ on to that right now. My guess is that, at this moment, you probably need to talk about some things. Clear your mind and get that pesky baggage off your chest. So tonight, how about we just hold each other and love each other quietly, and you can talk to me about anything you need to. We can just be, like we used to before everything went to shit. We'll get to everything else later, but for now, how about I give you what you _need_ instead of what we both _want_."

I stared up at him silently, thinking over his words. I know I've been extremely moody and unnecessarily agitated over the smallest things. And it still hurt, _a lot_, to think of my parents or anything else that happened before Jasper and the others showed up. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did need to get my shit straight before I added any more components on to it, and Jasper probably had a better idea of how I was feeling and what I needed than I did right now. Not that I could ever recall a time when he hadn't. _Fucking know-it-all vampires. What's up with that?_

So I nodded my head and gave him a small smile to let him know I understood, and he definitely seemed relieved when I did, but it could have just been my currently fucked-up mind playing tricks on me. I'm not the empath around here, after all.

And apparently what Jasper had previously reached behind me for was the shampoo, because he was now squirting it into the palms of his hands and instructing me to turn around and lean my head back. I did as he said, and he leaned over me from behind and tenderly kissed my forehead before he began slowly cleansing my hair and scalp in the most relaxing rhythm. I bathed him as he did me, and all too soon, there was no other reason to stand in the shower and use up all the hot water. We were finished, and it saddened me to leave the intimate setting behind. But I gotta say, washing a girl's hair should definitely be on Jasper's repertoire, that's for sure. I don't remember it ever being quite that wonderful before.

A few minutes later, we were dried off, partially clothed, and sitting in bed as Jasper ran a brush through my tangled curls. He was brave enough to try and get the utter mess that was now my hair straightened out since I got far too frustrated with it. I turned my head slightly to look back at him, and he had a serene expression on his face and his entire body was relaxed as he rested on top of his shins with his knees bent in front of him.

"What is it, Keira?" Jasper asked in another soft voice as the brush continued sorting through my curls.

I guess now was as good a time as any. So with an almost timid curiosity, I asked, "What's going on with Alice? What was that downstairs?"

Jasper sighed, but answered in a slightly harder tone than before. "I believe I've figured out what's been going on with Alice and why she's been feeling so…well, guilty. But there's been something different about her guilt that I've never felt from her before, and it was confusing me. Downstairs, with the right combination of words at the right time, and Alice's reaction to those words, I came to a conclusion that might explain it all. But I'm not sure yet, and I don't want to rile you up about it until I know for a fact that it's the right reason. Because if it is…well, let's just say the rest of the family will be picking her up in pieces. And I don't think any of us will ever have the same relationship with her again. You and I might have to find some other place to live, because I'll refuse to live under the same roof as her. But for now, don't worry about it. I'm not positive, and until I am, there's no need to be upset about it. You have enough to worry about and be upset over."

"Will you let me be there when you talk to her?" I asked with an dark edge to my voice that made me wonder if I was actually feeling jealous instead of just possessive.

Jasper abruptly stopped brushing my hair and quickly turned me around to face him. The action surprised me, and I involuntarily tensed up as I faced him. He paused for a moment to allow me to relax before he cupped my face between his hands and spoke to me in a stern voice, "Keira, if you want to be there, then fine. I have no problem with it other than you losing control and doing something you might regret later. I'll try to keep you restrained as much as possible, but there's only so much I can do since I'm sure I'll be just as furious. But do _not_ be there just because you feel threatened by her and our previous relationship. I love _you_, I'm with _you_, and I'm completely _yours_. And I know this is just your erratic newborn emotions acting up, so I won't even go any further than that. Okay?"

"Yeah, sorry." I replied as I looked down at my lap.

"Hey…" Jasper whispered as he lifted my chin to meet his gaze. "No need for that. I understand. I've been there myself and dealt with many others going through this same shit, remember? So stop being sorry for things you can't rightly control at the moment. It will get easier, I promise. You'll start feeling like your old self in no time. And until then, I rather enjoy your jealous and aggressive side, as long as you understand there's no real reason for it."

I smiled, and I couldn't help throwing myself on top of him, which sent us crashing down to the floor with a loud thump. We were laughing heartily, but we could still hear Esme chiding us from downstairs that we better not come blundering through the ceiling or there'd be hell to pay, which only made us laugh louder.

And that night, we did just talk and hold each other and wrap ourselves up in the other's presence like we used to. I got all my insecurities and doubts and fears and guilt's off my chest like Jasper wanted me to, and I did feel better afterwards. I felt lighter, and I thought that eventually, I might just feel normal again. I knew I still had a long way to go, and I was positive with the way things were going in this family right now that things were about to get much more complicated before anything got fixed. But Jasper and I would get there together. I just hoped Edward stayed away for much longer than everyone else hoped for. He didn't like me, and I liked him even less after making Jasper leave Forks and what he did to Bella. The tension would be thick with he and I, and I didn't know how much I could take before I exploded on him. I told this to Jasper as well, but he just smirked and said, "Well, it should make for some very interesting entertainment."

We laid there in his…no, _our_ room all night until the sun was about to rise. I was struck with the strange feeling that this wasn't going to be our home though, no matter how much Jasper and the family called it that. But I also knew that Forks could never be either. Not with me there. It made me wondered what our future was going to be like, and where we would be in fifty years. What places would we visit, what things would we do in that time, and how many states and lands would we live in during those years. But I mostly thought about our immediate future, and I wondered what it would be like to see Victoria again, and Riley if he was still alive. I completely believed Jasper when he told us his theory about the werewolves, and my first almost-encounter with them made me want to never be around them again. That reaction they brought out in me, the instinctive fight or flight response, made my skin crawl with the powerful fear and aggression they caused in me. I would be perfectly okay if I didn't ever meet the Quileute wolves, and I was sure they felt the same way since we were now inherent enemies.

But when the sun did rise and cast a dusky blue and pale orange hue to the sky, we were almost immediately on our way to Forks. Towards Victoria and near the wolves. In the same town as Bella and my parents. And completely surrounded by human population. I didn't know what the future held for us, but I just hoped those horrible combinations didn't come back to bite us all in the ass.

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**So…what do ya think? Did I lose the intimacy of the viewpoint when I added in more dialogue? There are going to be several more chapters that have more dialogue in it than most, and I need to know if you think I should change the way I proceed with this. If you think I did fine, then great! Review and let me know. Thanks guys!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.**

Chapter 11

KPOV

The wind was howling and shrieking with a speed and force that whipped my hair around my face in powerful lashings as the inky black sky lit up with long, jagged bolts of lightning. The bright surges of electricity barely illuminated the thick, thundering clouds amongst the heady darkness. What I'm sure began as icy rain falling from the sky was now soft flakes of pure, white snow pouring wildly around us, adding an eerie contrast to the otherwise menacing night as we stood before the Forks Cullen home. The ominous setting was the perfect closing to our arduous journey here. To me it was an omen, a symbolic warning of what was to come. To me, it was nature's way of subtly conveying that our return was going to be a tumultuous, unwelcomed one. But I was still surprisingly relieved to be back where it all began for me, and was definitely grateful to finally be free from the confines of Emmett's wretched Jeep.

For me, the drive was excruciatingly long and painful, and because of my newborn antics and obvious lack of control, we had arrived a day later than anticipated. Jasper had been right, we did have to stop so I could hunt. Otherwise, I probably would have ended up flying through the plastic windows in my pathetic attempts to rip open the throats of passing motorists. I never realized how much insulation a car can provide until I had practically none with the Jeep's design, and while the other vehicles helped contain the smell and sound of their rushing blood, it did nothing to truly shield them from my vampire senses when they were only a few feet over in the next lane. Jasper constantly had to forcefully hold me down in the backseat as I struggled to leap out at the unsuspecting humans, and he was continuously trying to manipulate my state of thirst into oblivious relaxation. And it was probably a good thing that Emmett's windows were somehow tinted, because I'm sure someone would have eventually called the highway patrol at the sight of me and Jasper wrestling in the backseat.

Of course, Emmett just got a huge kick out of the whole ordeal. He couldn't stop laughing his ass off the entire time, even when my annoyed growls would fill the air and his wife would glare over at him as she slapped him upside the head. And more than once, I found myself fervidly chanting in my head how much of a fucking genius Alice was for suggesting I ride in the Jeep instead of the more secured BMW. I desperately wanted to scream at whoever the modern day Einstein was that thought it would be a good idea to drive all the way to Vermont, just to turn right the fuck back around. They probably weren't thinking about the possibility of going to Forks at the time, but still, I was too frustrated to logically consider that. I guess you could say the extensive amount of time I'd been spending in vehicles was starting to wear on me. Possibly driving me insane with mindless boredom and surges of bloodlust. Possibly, maybe, but more than likely.

On the third day of our travels, we had reached Olympia by mid-afternoon and decided to stop there so Carlisle could purchase a new car. Two hours and one new Mercedes SUV later, we were back on the road, but instead of the highway we took some old detour that supposedly no one really drove on anymore. They said it was to make the rest of the trip easier on me, but I had a hunch that Carlisle just didn't want to be troubled into letting me ride with him in his new car after what I did to his old one. Not that I blamed him.

We still needed to wait for the cover of early morning nightfall to have our arrival in Forks go unnoticed, so we had a few hours to kill before we went much further. Instead of driving aimlessly around for a while, everyone decided to pull over on the side of the road as we passed a large, circular field. It was a barren piece of land except for the thick blanket of snow on the ground and the thriving, ice-capped pine trees that rimmed the abandoned property. The familiar grey sky that was cast above us reflected the gloomy mood that seemed to invade all of our countenances, and it once again reminded me of the severity of our circumstances. It was obvious to me that no one really enjoyed the prospect of returning to where everything went so wrong when there was nothing that could be fixed. There was no taking back the mistakes we made and the hurts that were caused, and unless Edward allowed anything to the contrary (which would mean actually speaking with him), there was no helping Bella either. The only thing we came here for, and the only thing that could be done, involved battling and destruction and features of carnage. Old, familiar faces of a time not too far back at all that caused my death, my demise. And it was visible with everyone's tense stances and troubled expressions that no one thought this a vacation or warm homecoming of sorts. This was a serious time for the Cullens.

Carlisle and Esme ended up wandering off for a private stroll, but they still remained within earshot distance. Rosalie had opted to pass her time by checking out the mechanics of the new sleek, gunmetal-grey SUV. Jasper had thrown a quick, agitated scowl at Alice before grapping my hand and walking away in the opposite direction, leaving Emmett and the little pixie to their own devices. I had no idea what Jasper was thinking on so heavily or possibly feeling from the others, but his eyes were hard and his shoulders were tense as he sat back against a tree along the outer rims of the field. His legs were casually laid out in front of him and crossed at his ankles, but his hands were fidgeting with chunks of ice from the ground as he flicked and crushed the innocent capsules of frozen water. I was sitting beside him, lounging in much the same manner, and I couldn't help but notice the dubious glances Rosalie was occasionally sending to Alice and Jasper from under the hood. And not that we didn't all know that something was going on between the two, and thus speculating on it, but I had no doubt that Rosalie was probably closer to the truth than the rest of us. She saw more and knew more than people gave her credit for. She just didn't need to flaunt it or try and be something she wasn't for the sake of civility. I respected that in her, and I could see us truly being friends in the future. If she allowed it, that is.

After an hour or so, Emmett had eventually bounded over to the tree that Jasper and I were at, and he looked down at me with a mischievous glint in his golden eyes. Any amount of time I had spent with the large, mountain of a man taught me that Emmett always resorted to tricks and thievery when he was either bored to death, or trying to lighten the mood. I couldn't guess which one motivated him this time because both were equally possible, but at the moment, I was just glad for his playful antics. Because lets face it, we all needed the distraction.

He rubbed his hands together in evil anticipation as he smiled broadly and said, "What do you think it will take to get Carlisle to let you ride with him after what you did to his last baby? I bet we could figure something out. I know! I could promise him I'd be in the backseat with you the entire time!"

He paused for a second as he looked over at Jasper with an antagonizing 'come and get me' smile, and gestured towards him with his hand as he continued, "You couldn't toss me out as easily as this bean-pole here."

I giggled when I heard Carlisle yell from somewhere amongst the thick woods across the field, "Not a chance in hell, Emmett. So don't even try it, especially with you added to the equation!"

Emmett looked bummed by Carlisle's intervention into his plans for havoc, but he still snuck a furtive peek at Jasper that begged him to take the bait he threw out there for him. Yes, he was definitely bored, but was probably weary of the bleak state everyone was in as well. And I couldn't help but glance hopefully over at Jasper, because for once, I would love to witness them go at it with each other when I could actually _see_ what they were doing.

And Jasper did take the bait as he chuckled and looked up at Emmett as he said in a sly tone, "Bean-pole, huh? I think you might be confusing me with another dear brother of yours."

Emmett threw his head back as he guffawed loudly, and without further warning, Jasper jumped up and tackled Emmett to the ground in a thunderous clash of steeled flesh. They wrestled for awhile, Jasper proving many times over just how scrawny he _wasn't,_ even in comparison to Emmett. The carefree scene they provided brought a relaxed and joyous smile to my face, and their infectious laughter coming from their tangled limbs and tumbling forms soon brought the others over as well. Carlisle quickly joined in on their rambunctious activities while the rest of us females looked on fondly. Eventually the dull, murky light of daytime receded to black night, and all to soon, midnight came upon us and it was time to continue on.

While I grew timid and nervous the closer we got to Forks, I only felt nostalgic as I finally stood before the Cullen's once abandoned, darkened house. The weather had turned severe and advanced in strength with each passing minute that we continued to drive here, but it didn't deter us from taking a moment to just gaze upon the home and reflect amongst the tumultuous and slightly portentous atmosphere. Though Esme and I were reminiscent as we gathered around outside, I could tell that Jasper and Carlisle became afflicted by many different thoughts and feelings as they stood beside us. Emmett and Rose appeared sad, though they had a chipper aura to their stances and gaits when we arrived. But little Alice seemed more pained and tortured than I thought her tiny body could handle by whatever memories swept through her as she looked on with the rest of us. And Jasper had taken a concerned, surreptitious glance over at her before his face hardened and his grip tightened on my hand.

But it was Carlisle that interrupted the moment as his smooth, warm voice broke through over the howling wind and flurry of snow. "Well, we might as well go in. It's not going anywhere, and neither are we. At least for a while anyway."

So we all went in, and almost immediately everyone went straight to their rooms, not bothering to speak what was on their minds or troubling their spirits. The following day found Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and I busy dusting and scrubbing the first floor while Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice were on the third. We had all privately agreed to clean our own rooms, and last night was spent doing just that as Jasper and I cleaned out the guest room he had moved into when we started dating. For now, that room was our room. Until we left once again. So maybe it was more appropriate to still think of our bedroom as the guest room, because that's what we were. We were guests that were here for nothing more than to take down a nomad vampire, then everyone would pick up and leave just like before. Except now I would be coming with them.

But as Jasper and I were uncovering the various living room furniture from the protective sheets they were clad under, Carlisle's phone started ringing from across the room. He'd been wiping down the windows that made up the entire south wall, but his arm stopped mid-stride across the expanse of glass as the ringing continued, and we all paused what we were doing to look over at him. Because we knew who that would be. Carlisle had already put in an undetermined leave of absence from the hospital in Vermont under the guise of a family emergency, and everyone else was here, so for the most part, that left only one other person who would call Carlisle's cell phone. One person everyone except me, and possibly Jasper, had been waiting to hear from. Edward.

Carlisle slowly turned around to face us with a stoic look as his hand grabbed at the ringing phone on his side. Without even looking at the screen to see who it was, he flipped it open and brought it up to his ear, all the while maintaining his blank, impassive gaze. Esme had flitted from the kitchen to stand beside her husband, and I swear if she could cry, she would've had tears streaming down her face at that moment. I could hear the rest of the Cullens quietly making their way down from the third floor as well, so it appeared they all had a pretty good idea who was calling too.

"Hello." Carlisle said into the receiver with a monotone voice that matched his features, but his eyes burned with a turmoil I didn't realize he was experiencing for his first son.

"_Carlisle, I just checked the messages Esme left when she called. She said there was an urgent matter that required I call back immediately. What's wrong?" _Edward's silky voice traveled throughout the otherwise silent room, and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Emmett and Rosalie had tensed up as they entered the room and heard their brother's voice.

Carlisle pursed his lips into a thin line and slightly shook his head as he asked, "You just now checked your messages, son? You've been given that phone for many reasons, but the main one would be to get in contact with each other in case of emergencies."

"_I apologize, Carlisle. I've been extremely busy with…other things, and my phone has been turned off for the most part. What's going on? Is everyone alright?" _Edward's tone really did convey his concern, and Carlisle relaxed slightly when he heard it.

He sighed before he spoke again, but this time Carlisle's voice was weary and his eyes grew forlorn as he said, "You could say we're all okay. But Edward, we need you to come home. There are things we have to do, matters that need to be taken care of, and you're participation would help us tremendously."

Jasper snorted next to me, and I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. But he just glanced at me and shook his head in a deprecating fashion before he focused on Carlisle once again.

Edward answered smoothly, but you could pick up the hint of distress, and even slight disappointment, when he did. _"Of course, Carlisle. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm currently in South America, so I'll need to fly out to the Texas airport where my car is located, and it will probably take me a day or two to drive up to Vermont. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're still there aren't you?"_

Carlisle's body stiffened with Edward's question, and his face adapted a wary quality to it. Esme's did as well, but she put a comforting, supportive hand on his shoulder as she nodded her head for him to continue. Carlisle briefly glanced around at everyone before he said in a slow, cautious tone to Edward, "No son, we're not in Vermont as of right now, even though it's our goal to get back there as soon as the circumstances permit it. We're…"

He paused there, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he continued in a firm voice. "We're in Forks, Edward. We're here-"

"_WHAT!" _Edward furiously interrupted. _"What are you doing in Forks!? I thought we all agreed to stay away from there. It was Jasper, wasn't it? He just couldn't control himself and stay away from his precious Keira, could he? I'm going to rip him to pieces…" _

You could hear the sneer in his voice when he mentioned Jasper, and I couldn't help the growl that escaped from deep within my chest at his ignorantly condescending and hate-filled words. I wanted to fly through the phone and tear _him_ to pieces for his callous statement, but Jasper put a firm, restraining hand on my shoulder as he guided a calming influence throughout my body. I momentarily peered up at him, but Jasper's stern glare remained on Carlisle and the _fucking_ _child_ he was talking with, and that spoke volumes of what was going on underneath his otherwise casual and collected demeanor.

As I looked back over at Carlisle, he was clenching his jaw and his eyes had glazed over with a coldness very unlike him, but he spoke again in only a slightly strained tone as he responded with icy words. "Edward, I must request that you let me finish explaining before you get upset over the wrong things, and do _not_ interrupt me again. Are we clear?"

When Edward didn't respond, even though we all heard the hiss that escaped from him, Carlisle began to explain. "Jasper did nothing other than what we asked of him, no matter how wrong it was of us to do so. A vampire…Victoria to be exact, attacked Keira just over a week ago. With Alice's visions we were able to find her afterwards, and after a lengthy family discussion, we decided to come back to Forks to stop Victoria. Nothing more. We would appreciate your help, and I'm sorry to ask it of you because I know it will be hard for you to be back here. If you decline, I will understand."

And all the bastard on the other end had to _arrogantly _say to that was, _"That's impossible. I've been tracking Victoria all the way down to South America. That's why I'm here. I've been following her ever since I left Forks in the first place." _

Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper all snorted at that comment. I didn't know anything about tracking, as he called it, but if he's where he says he is while Victoria is actually around here, then I would say he officially sucks at it and should try a new hobby.

But Alice, who I didn't even realize was in the room even though I heard her shuffle down the stairs, gracefully skipped over to Carlisle's side and held her tiny hand out for the phone. Carlisle seemed to gratefully relinquished the conversation over to her before he became any more frustrated with his beloved son, and he rolled his eyes and shook his head as he stepped behind Esme and wrapped his arms around her waist. Alice pursed her lips as she brought the phone up to her ear, and she began speaking to her favorite brother in a firm tone that belied her high, tinkling voice. "Edward, as hard as it may be to believe, you have been falsely tracking Victoria. If you had bothered to answer my calls four weeks ago, or here's a fascinating concept, maybe even _return_ them, you would have known that Victoria was heading north instead of south. And I saw Victoria attack Keira minutes before it happened, so stop arguing the facts! Now, are you coming back to Forks or not?"

There was a tense moment of silence, and I briefly noted everyone had adopted rigid poses while awaiting Edward's reaction. But a few seconds later, Edward's once silky voice came through the receiver in a bitter and biting tone as he said, _"Yes, I'm coming. I hope your presence there is remaining obscured? I don't want Bella to know we're there." _

"Yes, yes, of course Edward. That was the plan." She sighed in a depressed manner as she looked down at the floor.

"_Good."_ He grounded out, and I think I began to loathe him at that point. _"Please keep it that way, and I'll be there within a few days. As soon as I can." _

"Sure!" Alice responded in a falsely bright voice as she brought her gaze upwards and looked at me. She smiled tersely as she said, "And in case you were wondering, Keira's doing okay, all things considered. Just thought you might care to know about her well-being is all. See you in a few days, Edward. Bye!"

And with that, she abruptly snapped the phone shut and handed it back over to Carlisle. I didn't know what to say to her departing line to Edward. It almost appeared as if she cared about me, or was defending me in a small sort of way. Which is very different from her usual avoidance of me and the strained smiles thrown my way. It was a big contrast to the strange looks she's been giving me since they found me at the gas station, and the uneasiness that had enveloped around her, Jasper, and me ever since Vermont. I almost wanted to thank her, and probably would have if Rosalie's sudden comment didn't stop me in my contemplations and make me suddenly look at Alice in a speculative light.

"You've been watching Victoria through your visions, and you knew she was heading north to Forks?" Rosalie asked in a tight voice as she quickly glanced over at Jasper, then to me from the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes held a bright realization, as if she had just figured everything out.

I looked from her, to Alice, then up at Jasper's expressionless features before returning my gaze to the now anxious future teller. Alice shook her head emphatically before she frantically replied, "No! When we first left Forks, I had visions of Edward following Victoria, and he got close to finding her a few times. I wasn't looking for Victoria, but I was searching for Edward's future, which is why I was seeing hers. They were both in Texas for awhile, but she always managed to elude Edward from what I could see. I saw her leave the area, but I was only able to distinguish that it was north. Edward headed south, and after that, the visions I had were sporadic. When I tried to force them, they wouldn't tell me anything significant, but I never saw Victoria again until Keira. To truly look into someone's future so thoroughly requires me to have a connection with them. A relationship, I guess you could say. So I couldn't really see Victoria until she collided with someone else's future, which was why I was able to see her through Edward, then with Keira."

Rosalie appeared to relax slightly after that, but she had a suspicious look in her eyes as she kept her gaze on Alice. It was Emmett who asked another interesting question that I was sure everyone wanted the answer to. He looked over at Rosalie as if he were gauging her acceptance to what he was about to say, but quickly glanced back at Alice and asked in his deeply clamorous voice, "So then what's going on with you and Jasper? Why is he avoiding you like the plague, and why does it seem to have something to do with your visions?"

Everyone inhaled sharply and waited with bated breath, myself included. Carlisle and Esme were looking at Alice intensely, and I felt Jasper's grip on my shoulder tighten with restraint and anticipation. If he hadn't already stopped calming me a long time ago, I was sure he would have then in his anxious state, even though he was good at hiding it. Only the pressure from his large hand gave him away.

Alice's petite shoulders sagged as her eyes reflected a bleak gloom to them as she gazed at me and Jasper. She answered in a small voice that almost made my heart break for her, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's between Jasper and me, and if he feels the need to tell all of you after we talk, then so be it. But until then, it's a private matter that needs to remain that way."

Again, with her automatically extracting me from the colloquy to be had between her and Jasper. Made me wonder what it was that she was trying to hide from me. Or maybe, if my emotions weren't so climatically vibrant, I'd simply wonder what it was she was attempting to _shield_ me from, _protect _me from. But as I was, level-headedness just wasn't going to be obtained. I didn't feel the need to be a part of every little thing Jasper says or does with someone else, but this was obviously something consequential. Jasper even said so, but Alice just kept shoving me aside as if neither mine nor Jasper's opinion on the matter even counted.

So, I shifted forward slightly, and I'm sure my eyes were spitting fire at her as I asked in a low voice that was almost a growl, "When, _exactly_, is this conversation going to happen? And why do you feel the need to exclude me from it so much when it obviously has something to do with me? I'm not _stupid_, Alice! I've seen the way you've been looking at me, and whatever the fuck is going on, I'm getting real sick and tired of it. You're starting to freak me the fuck out with your stares!"

I had to swallow the large amount of venom pooling in my mouth from my tirade, and Jasper once again had to manipulate my emotional state to reign me back in. Esme was looking at me with a bit of shock, so I guess she was surprised by my not-so-kind outburst. Or maybe my crude language. _Sorry Esme. _

But Carlisle. Rosalie, and Emmett just continued to stare directly at Alice as if waiting for her to answer. She never did though. She brought her gaze back down to the floor while everyone else looked at her with little expectation, but obvious suspicion. We were all starting to catch up with Jasper and truly grasp the concept that Alice did something that would hurt us all when we found out. That Alice somehow and somewhere did something that produced a grievous backlash that affected us all. Maybe I didn't really want to know. Let the old skeletons lay buried. Keep the deceitful monsters full of hurtful truths at bay before I completely broke down and did something I could, _once again_, never take back. But I doubted Jasper would let it go, considering his dark eyes were boring into Alice's ducked head with a painful distrust and a stabbing betrayal. He seemed honestly _hurt_ as I took the time to glance around at everyone since Alice was failing to answer.

And it was in those few seconds that I saw something surfacing within the family. Something I never fathomed possible with them. As Esme glided over to Alice, who still had her head bowed in a deafest stance, she wrapped her loving, comforting arms around the pixie's shoulders. But she held a clouded, worried expression as her once bright and open eyes turned dull and timid when they skidded around the room in an anxious manner. Carlisle looked on thoughtfully, his gaze never breaking away from Alice as he pushed his hands into the side pockets of his dress slacks and his brows lightly furrowing in contemplation. But there was an almost hidden edge to the lines of his face that spoke of our recent, but many, misfortunes. What I know by my time with Carlisle is that he never really shows the stress of situations unless it's starting to get at him. He's usually calm and collected persona was crumbling, and not just because of Alice.

Emmett and Rosalie stood off to the right by the stairs, and their obvious annoyance and subdued agitation with the unknown situation became highly palpable. As was their uncertainty as their askance stares flickered back and forth from me to Alice. I knew then that this family was going to break before anything got mended. They were already too unnerved and too jumpy and too quick to think on the worst. Too much had happened in too short a period of time, and one of their own was going to destroy the precarious balance they were trying to maintain. One of their own was going to shatter their belief and trust in each other. It was written all over Alice's penitent behavior, and in every single one of the other's warily unsettled eyes. They knew that Alice did something that none of them really wanted to know. Not really, not even me. But we still would, because at this point, we needed to.

There were too many dark secrets and deceptions and guilty misdeeds and loaded baggage that had settled among us, and the tainted duplicity that carried forth had wrapped itself around the whole family. I'm positive that all of them could feel it, sense it, and taste it in the air just as I could. It almost felt like I was choking on thick smoke, or someone was sitting on my chest when all I needed was a deep breath of air. The situation weighed heavily on my shoulders the longer Alice refused to be upfront. And everyone was beginning to ponder the implications of it all. But they were refusing to step back and see themselves and what they were becoming as they did so.

The Cullens call themselves a family. They refer to themselves as mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters, and they believe that's what they truly are. I had no doubt that they were for most of their time together, completely and thoroughly. But as I observed the silent but tangible stress weave it's way through the Cullens and intertwine around them so potently, I knew that this _family_ was about to change…possibly forever. That relationships and friendships and trust and familial love were all about to be altered and maybe corrupted, if not utterly broken. I didn't know how or why or in what way, but I watched them all become affected. I saw them all become covertly suspicious in their deciphering glances, and I knew things were about to surface that would test the bonds of this loving, forgiving clan. I knew I was going to soon witness just how far those binding connections could be pulled before there was nothing left to give. And I knew I was somehow involved in all of it, maybe even the cause, but I was vehemently refusing to step into the limelight. I much preferred to remain in the shadows of this obscured conflict until it was absolutely necessary to step forward.

So I turned around and left behind the twisted tiptoeing that would only further serve to fuck with my already fragile state of mind. I shrugged out from under Jasper's hand and quickly fled up the stairs to our room, not bothering to glance at anybody as I did so. And as I curled up in a fetal position on the bed, I began wishing I could just go home. I shut my eyes tightly together and let my dark, thick hair fall over my face in a protective curtain as I wished over and over again that I could just go back to my parents. That I could fall asleep in my own bed where I would wake in the morning and realize this was all one big nightmare. I hated to think I was being weak or pathetic, but I didn't know how much more bullshit I could take. The only thing that was keeping me together, keeping me from screaming out at everything and running away, was Jasper's constant presence. But even that was starting to lose its strength over me, because I really was just done. I was done with the secrets, done with the conflict, done with vampires, and done with them. All of them. I wanted to go home where none of this drama existed. Just love and honesty and humanity. I wanted to leave this all behind and never look back.

I have no idea how long I stayed like that. It could have been mere minutes or long hours for all I knew, but eventually I heard the whispered footsteps of someone pattering their way up the stairs and down the hall to my room. I could hear the rest of the Cullen clan talking downstairs as they had been ever since I left, but one strong voice was missing amongst the others where it hadn't been before. So I knew it was going to be Jasper before he could open the door and allow me to inhale his heavenly, masculine scent of sandalwood and pine.

I didn't move from where I was as he came in and closed the door behind him. I didn't brush my hair aside so I could look at him, and he at me, as I felt the bed depress under his weight from where he sat just behind me. And I didn't respond when he softly called out my name, even though it did sound slightly anguished. That probably meant he was picking up on my solidly rising depression, though I don't know how he wouldn't. But I also didn't care at that moment, because Jasper was not and could not be my saving grace this time. I needed things he couldn't give me, and probably wouldn't even if I asked.

But when his hand reached over and tenderly tried to tuck my hair away from my face, I flinched at the contact. His hand abruptly stilled and pulled away, and I felt him stand up from the bed, but I didn't open my clenched eyes to look over at him or watch what he was doing.

"Keira…" He softly says again, and this time the hurt there was definitely noticeable. Still, I didn't move.

"Keira, what's wrong?" He asks, this time with concern, and I shrug my shoulders just a fraction of an inch, but I know he can still see it.

"You have to talk to me, Keira. I don't know the reasons _why_ you feel the way you do until you tell me." Jasper's voice is low and gentle, but an edge has begun to creep up in it. I don't outwardly respond in any way, but inside I'm screaming at him…or, or maybe me, I don't rightly know anymore. But still I'm screaming at someone, something, to just _leave me alone_. To please, just leave me alone before I say or do things I'll undoubtedly regret the moment it happens.

There was a beat of silence between us before Jasper spoke again, and this time thick frustration laced his words. "Is this about what happened with Alice downstairs? I know you're pissed and want to know what's going on with her…hell, we all do. But I don't understand how it brought out this reaction in you. I could feel your sorrow and desolation from downstairs, Keira. I know there are many things to be unhappy over right now, but I can't help if you don't let me in. I can't try to fix things if you don't talk to me about it."

With my eyes still shut, I barely shook my head as I let out a rueful chuckle that ended as more of a half-sob. I finally opened my eyes and saw Jasper kneeling in front of me, and he appeared very concerned. But I didn't focus on that for too long as I adjusted my body and fluidly sat up to face him more fully. I gazed directly into his eyes as I began speaking in a low tone that came out harder than I meant, but as equally pained as I felt. "You can't help me right now. This isn't something you can just fix, even I know that. But I don't want to talk about it, Jasper. I want to be left _alone._"

I saw the hurt flash across his face before he quickly covered it up with a flat expression, but he stared intensely and meaningfully into my eyes for a good long minute. I knew he was judging what I said and how I really meant it. I knew he wasn't entirely sure if it was really me speaking or if it was just my erratic newborn emotions taking over. But I also think he was giving me time to retract what I said, to take it back before he walked away. I didn't though, and he slowly stood from his position and took a small step back. His face had become entirely unreadable, and he had somehow closed off all emotion from his eyes. Jasper had shut himself off from me completely and thoroughly, and that hurt, but I couldn't find the words to take it all back. I wasn't able to tell him to stay, and I think he realized that when he curtly nodded to me and said, "As you wish, Keira."

He swiftly turned around and walked out the bedroom door. I didn't see him again for two more days. I had closed myself off from everyone and just stayed in the solitary confines of our room, and remained firmly planted on the bed. I only moved to change my position once or twice, but I never got off or made any move to go outside. And no one tried to come in either. They left me alone for the most part. There were many times when I heard the others ask about me and try to find out what was wrong, but there never was an answer to their questions, so I assumed they were directed at Jasper and he just didn't want to talk about it. Or he didn't know, didn't have an answer for them.

Rosalie was the only one I saw in those two days. She came barging through the door the evening after mine and Jasper's little quarrel with a duffle bag in hand and threw it on the floor near the bed. She glared at me for a few seconds, and I tensed up under her harrasing look. I wondered if she was here for a reason, and what could possibly be in the bag, or if she just came to gloat and intimidate me. But she finally spoke, and when she did, her words were steel.

"What the fuck is going on with you, Keira? You've been in here for over a day now, and Jasper has either been a humongous dick to everyone or avoided us altogether."

I wasn't sure what showed on my face as I looked at her in silence, but whatever it was, it made her eyes soften slightly and her tone became much more compassionate compared to the razor blades she was spitting out a moment ago. She said, "There are a few of your old clothes from your house in the bag. Alice stole some things to hold you over until what we ordered for you online arrives. Listen, I know how hard it can be trying to adjust to this life, and I understand being pissed off at the ones who caused it to happen. If you need to talk to anyone, well…I suppose you can come to me. I need to get used to you being a part of this family anyway, so whatever."

She shrugged her shoulders and tried to appear nonchalant at the end, but I knew it meant a lot coming from her, and the value of her words should not be held with little regard. She was offering me a tentative friendship, and that wasn't something to be taken lightly. So I gave her a small smile and a short nod of the head, and Rosalie sighed and shook hers as she turned and walked back out, closing the door softly in her wake.

Throughout the next twenty-four hours, judging by the lighting and darkening of the sky, I heard random conversations ensue within the household. I overheard Carlisle speaking with Jasper about the werewolves, and how he had come across their scent while he and Emmett were out hunting. He said he was going to contact the elders of La Push right away and set up a meeting with them, hoping to keep the treaty intact and inform them of their newest member of their family. I snorted when he mentioned the word 'family', and I think they overheard it, because they paused mid-sentence before Carlisle sighed and Jasper grumbled. They continued on with their discussion after that.

No one had run across Victoria's scent yet, but apparently Alice, Jasper, and Emmett went as far as to locate the cave she has carried me to in an attempt to track her from there. But its' as if she had just vanished from the area. No scent, no trail, no trace, no nothing of any type of vampire. I heard Esme even speculate that maybe the wolves got rid of her and Riley, but they wouldn't know until they talked to them. I knew better though. She had her plans, and she had _things_ to do before she set everything in motion. She didn't just vanish or get destroyed, she was being cunning.

And according to Alice, Edward was set to arrive in 52 hours. I could practically see the relief wash over Esme's face when Alice informed them, but I could hear the weary sigh escape from Carlisle as he said, "Good."

Myself, I wasn't too thrilled over the angry boy's homecoming. He and I never got along, and I distinctly remember him harboring a large dose of ill will and bad temperament towards me for what his own actions caused. The memories may be fuzzy, but his unwavering hostility towards me easily transcended my hazy recollections. I don't ever remember a true reason for his dislike, and that gave me a small amount of hope that it might be different between us in the future, but I also knew that sometimes personalities just clashed. Maybe ours did, but none of that made any difference if he was going to speak to Jasper, or about him, like he did over the phone. That was something I wouldn't put up with, and Eddie will be dealing with one very pissed off newborn if he acts self-righteous and indignant towards Jasper. I may be on the outs with Jasper right now, but that didn't mean I loved him any less. No one can be a dick to my mate but me. That's just the way it is. Period.

But it was right after nightfall on that second day that I heard the first conversation that had truly captured my interest thus far, but it also shattered me with the truth of it all. I had no idea where the rest of the family was, but Rose and Emmett were spending some _quality_ time together in their bedroom, and I gotta say, they're just as loud as Jasper and I can be. Which is saying something. But then again, I do have vampire hearing now. I briefly wondered why the Cullens never thought to soundproof their walls, but my attention became immediately diverted when I heard the low voices of Alice and Jasper downstairs. What I was able to pick up between the married couple's activities and the pixie's soft voice made me still in tension and disbelief.

"Jasper…should have….conversation…_I want to tell you the truth!_" Alice ended with a bit more force then her previously whispered words.

I slowly crept out the door and over to the top of the stairs as I heard her continue in a fragile tone, "I don't want to keep hiding this, Jazz. I know you want to wait for Keira to be here with us, but I really don't think it's a good idea to tell her at all."

"Alice…" Jasper bit out sternly, and I could now tell they were somewhere in the kitchen area. "I'm not going to hide anything from Keira. And I promised her that she could be here when we had this discussion. She's going through enough as it is right now. I don't need to add on to that by breaking my promises to her and making her think I'm sneaking around behind her back."

My heart swelled with love and pride at Jasper's words. Yes, we weren't on the best of terms right now, but he still loved me just like I still loved him. I truly didn't deserve him at times.

I settled down a few steps below the second floor and continued to listen, and I made a brief mental note to let Jasper know he didn't break his promise to me. His words were enough reconciliation even if they did have the conversation without me.

Then, Alice rushed out the most sickening sentence at an almost incomprehensible speed before Jasper could walk away, for I had heard him take a couple of light steps in the opposite direction of her voice.

"Come again." Jasper said in his deadly calm tone, and I guess he paused in his leave because I could no longer hear his footsteps. No, Jasper would not walk away after a comment like that. Alice got just what she wished for. She said exactly what she needed to, and tangled Jasper into the conversation without my presence. Or so she thought.

I heard her take a deep breath before she began again in a shaky voice. "I said…I knew what was going to happen at Bella's birthday party. I had a vision a few days before, and I was reeling in hurt and jealousy seeing you with Keira, so I decided to let it occur. I even…kind of…_planned_ around it. You needed to be distracted enough that you didn't hunt, and I kind of…positioned everything in the room that would cause the most damage without seriously harming Bella. The table…the glass plates that would never be used…that kind of thing. I knew we would be leaving Forks if it happened, and I was stupid and desperate to get one last shot with you, Jasper. I know I pushed you to Keira, but I didn't realize how much it would pain me to see you with someone else. I had to try. Please believe me when I say that I _had to try, _but I _never_ saw the outcome with Victoria. I never knew Keira would lose so much in all of this. I'm so sorry, Jasper. I really never meant to hurt anyone. The way I saw it, it was just one more chance with you, and if it didn't work, then Keira would just come to Vermont and I would have had some quality time with you. If there was anyway I could take it back, I would. I don't know what came over me, or why I decided to mess with everyone's lives so thoroughly. I was weak, and I wanted something, and I saw an opportunity to possibly get you back. I'm so very sorry. Please don't hate me."

_So that's why she's been looking at me the way she has. The manipulative bitch felt guilty. Good._

I vaguely noticed that Emmett and Rosalie's private activities had stopped, and I could distinguish the sound of rustling clothes being quickly put back on. And Jasper was silent for a few seconds, but I could imagine his fists were clenching and his face was showing a mixture of intense anger and extreme betrayal. I felt that way, and she was never someone special to me. It took everything in me not to jump down the stairs and tear her to pieces…well, if I could.

When Jasper finally did respond, his voice was loud, wrathful, and came out as more of a snarl than anything else. "You're fuckin' _sorry_! After everything we've been through…you could still do this to me, to Keira, and _shit! _ You did this to Bella, your best _fuckin'_ friend! And all you have to say is _sorry._ What if I had accidently killed Bella? Were you okay with the possibility of that being forever on my conscience, with Edward hating me for the rest of our time on Earth, with the possibility of it tearing apart our family? You were okay with those consequences?"

He paused there, and even though I was completely wrapped up in the conversation downstairs, I was also aware of Rosalie and Emmett now standing behind me listening as well. I have no idea how much they heard before they came out, but I had a feeling they stopped what they were doing when they heard Alice's confession.

Jasper continued. "Alice, you played God with our lives. You took extreme chances, and manipulated us all in a single night. _You stole Keira's life from her!_ You indirectly caused everything with Victoria to happen to her. SORRY ISN'T ENOUGH!" He roared.

"Jazz, I-" Alice tried to say, but Jasper interrupted her before she could say anything more.

"NO!" He growled. "I _don't_ want to _hear it!_ You say that you did this for another chance with me? Why, Alice? I would have walked away from Keira before anything got started. I tried to, even after our friendship began. Like you said, _you_ pushed _me_ to _her_. I never wanted to separate from you, but you made it happen. Then once I'm happy with Keira, you try to rip it away? Is that how you show your love for me?"

At that point, I didn't want to hear anymore. I knew what I needed to about Alice, and now I understood why she didn't want me present when she told Jasper everything she did. But I really was getting annoyed by everyone saying the Alice pushed Jasper to me, and it was slowly tearing apart my silent heart. Like he wouldn't have fallen in love with me any other way. Like I was only with him because Alice allowed it. And Jasper had just said exactly that in so many words._ Yeah, it hurt._

So I quietly stood from my seat and swiveled around to walk back into my room. Emmett and Rosalie were still standing there behind me, and when I turned around, they both looked down at me with mixed emotions flashing across their faces. But the most evident was anger and disbelief with a deep-seeded sorrow rooted in their golden eyes. When I went to walk past them, Emmett pulled me into a strong hug as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Chin up, Keira. We're here for you. It's not as bad as it seems right now, and things _will _get better. I promise. I don't know what to do about Alice and what she did, but we'll figure something out."

When he let go and I pulled back, I gazed up at him with a shaky smile that I was almost sure came out more like a grimace. But I still nodded my head at him in a more or less agreement, and Emmett shuffled out of my way. I briefly glanced at Rosalie with the same smile I gave her husband as I went to walk away, but she did something even I could never in a million years ever expect from the hard-edged, blonde goddess. She gently cupped my cheek as I stepped by her, and I paused as I looked over at her. For the first time ever, Rosalie had a sweetness, a phantom of motherly compassion in her eyes, and it was directed at me. For me. Because of me.

And she softly whispered just like her big bear of a husband, "He's right, Keira. Things will be okay. Don't take what Jasper just said at face value. It didn't come out sounding right, but he loves you more than anything else I've ever witnessed. He loved you before you ever knew it. Alice may have pushed him towards you, but that's only because Jasper was caught between his heart and his mind. No matter what he felt, he still wanted to do the right thing. You know this, so don't let those words twist you up inside."

If I could, tears would have came to my eyes at her heartfelt words. My smile became just a little more honest and real, and I almost pulled her into a hug as well, but I didn't want to break the fragile relationship we were building by pushing her beyond her comfort level. So I patted the hand she still had over my cheek and simply said, "Thank you."

"Come out of that room soon, will ya?" Emmett softly demanded behind me as I walked away, and I turned my head and winked at him before I locked myself up once again.

Alice and Jasper were still arguing downstairs, and I heard Emmett and Rose walk down to join them. I knew that Jasper wouldn't have heard what went on with me and the other two because he was too busy yelling and growling at the stupid bitch that inadvertently fucked up my life and tried to steal my man. So I knew he had no idea that I, along with his other siblings, had overheard everything and now knew the truth. Well, until the couple spilled the beans, and Jasper let it click inside his head just how loud he was being. Not that I thought he was trying to hide anything from me.

I didn't curl back up on the bed, though. Instead, I glided over to the window and peered out into the great expanse of darkened woods. I enjoyed the night. I found it much more beautiful and ethereal and peaceful then the daytime. I always found the moonlight much more illuminating than the sunlight, and the crisp whiteness of the moon far surpassed the yellowed blaze the sun emitted in my opinion. And on this night, with the uncommonly few clouds in the sky allowing the moon to cast it's light around, I wanted nothing more than to go run through it all. To feel free and liberated once again, and forget all about Alice and the shit she pulled. And in a split second of time, I did. I made my decision. I opened the window and jump out as far as I could while I sailed through the air and landed just on the inside of the forest line. I was immediately grateful that the room Jasper and I had wasn't along the south wall, because there was nothing but glass and no way to exit through those windows. I needed to escape my self-imposed cage, and I needed to do it without anyone knowing. None of them were going to be thrilled with me, the unstable newborn, leaving without a chaperone to keep me in line. But it was wintertime in Forks, and Christmas was only a handful of days away. This time of year was spent with families whenever possible, and I doubted anybody would be out in the freezing, snow-crested woods at night who didn't already have a death wish.

So I ran and I ran and I ran some more for miles upon miles through blackened foliage and white-lit shadows and ice-capped twinkles caught by the shine of the illuminated sky. I had no idea where I was, but I knew I could easily find my way back just by following my own trail. I intentionally swerved away and went in the opposite direction from the fresh scent of Carlisle and Esme, knowing I would probably run into them if I continued along that path. I was aware of my thirst that was building over the last couple of days, but I didn't stop the exhilarating speed that took me far away from everything but nature to hunt and feed. I didn't stop to disrupt, and ultimately end, the primitive existence around me. I was only one with them for a short period of time until I had to crash back into reality…my reality.

I pondered the idea of just continuing to run away. Never returning to the Cullen household. It's what I wanted not two days ago, but really, I just wanted my parents. I felt like a child desperately needing to cling to her long-time, worn baby-blanket and comforting teddy bear that was so warm and familiar and represented the safety of mom and dad. I needed their unlimited love and their wise guidance and their unwavering support. I wanted to hold them once again, and I wanted to say goodbye because it was all I had left to give them. I should be able to give them something back for everything they've ever done for me. I should be able to give them closure. I should be able to give them a reason, an explanation for their loss. But the world never seems to give back what it's taken from you. It truly is the goddamn circle of life, and there's no rewinding of time, only moving forward and hopefully gaining something new. But I wasn't taken. I was still here, just different. I didn't need to rewind time to get what I wanted. _I could still see them even if they couldn't see me, and now would be the perfect opportunity to do it. _

With that sudden thought, I abruptly stopped in my tracks and stilled all other variable nuances running through my mind. I tried to form logic in what I was thinking, and I tried to grasp the full consequences of what I was about to do if I went through with it. But nothing other than the possibility of seeing my parents one final time ran rampantly in my head. Logic and reason eluded me, and I turned and hightailed it back the way I came. I would get close enough to the Cullen home to know where I was, then divert my course through the woods towards my house.

I rushed back as fast as I could, not bothering to take in my surroundings as I did before. I only followed my trail with one objective in my mind. _My mom and dad._ And probably no more than an hour later, I swerved my direction over to the other side of town and passed by the school, only resting once I made it to the quiet woods that lined my backyard. My best guess was that it was around midnight when I arrived, but the lights were still on and my parents were still awake. I could see through the back windows that they were sitting in the living room, huddled together on the couch with the phone by their side and a photo album laid across their laps. I had no idea if I had been officially pronounced dead yet, but it was something I would have to ask Esme about later. From the looks of it…no, I hadn't. Not yet.

So I sat down on the cool, wet ground, hidden amongst the shadows of night and thick trees as I tucked my knees up to my chest and rested my chin upon them as I observed. My hands fiddled with the hem of my jeans as I noticed the heavy tears streaming down both my mother and my father's face. My teeth clenched together when I heard their broken chuckles break out over a certain picture, and they both glanced at each other with sad smiles that tour at my soul. A painful heartbreak ripped its way through my chest and gut when my mom erupted in mournful sobs that carried more hurt and loss than I have ever known or witnessed. My father gathered her in his arms and rocked her frail form like a small child, much the same way Jasper has done with me. My arms instinctually wrapped tightly around my legs as I rocked myself in the same fashion my father was doing with my mother, because it was the only comfort I would receive among the almost morbidly rendering scene. And I tilted my head to the side and laid my cheek against the top of my knees as I continued to watch them and wish to comfort them as they were doing for each other.

I had done this to my parents. Victoria had done this to my parents. Alice had done this to my parents. And I found myself once again thankful that Jasper had nothing to do with my change from human to vampire, because I would hate to resent him as much as I did the others who truly were responsible for my mom and dad's devastation. Here they were, waiting by the phone and holding on to a small hope that would never be granted. Hoping by some miracle that I was still alive and would come back to them. I was and I had, but they would never know that.

I started to notice that I was swallowing large amounts of venom that had begun pooling in my mouth since my arrival. And I realized my body was shaking with tiny tremors as all my muscles coiled with tension. I had no knowledge as to why I was suddenly reacting this way until I searched my mind and focused on my subconscious thoughts. Awareness of the sound of two beating hearts no more than a hundred feet away from me had been with me the entire time, only I was too focused on other things to really pay attention to it. I couldn't smell their blood, and I think that helped keep my thirst from taking over. But now that I had brought it to the forefront of my mind, I began struggling with the urge to run in there and devour them. I thrashed my head back and forth while my hands dug into the earth beneath me and clenched the ground for some sort of restraint. My legs were tensing even more with the instinct to leap up and pounce them. I was disgusted with myself, but now I wanted it. I wanted their blood. I didn't care that they were my parents. The intrinsic, vampiric part of my mind had now taken over since I inadvertently allowed it.

I shakily stood from the ground and clutched onto the tree beside me. My fingers ripped away at the bark as I kept repeated over in my head, '_no, no, no, no, no'._ I almost thought for a split second I could walk away fast enough to not attack; that I could find the strength of will and mind to turn around. But in just a few seconds, my father had decided at exactly the wrong moment to come outside and grab some more firewood, and as he opened the door and walk over to the stacked logs, his scent invaded my senses and all reason escaped me.

Right when I bent my knees to lunge, a strong arm wrapped itself around my waist and threw me backwards. I flew through the air for quite a distance before I collided into a tree, and just as I landed back on the ground in a crouch, my unknown assailant once again picked me up and threw me backwards some more. My mind had yet to become unclouded from bloodlust, so I wasn't entirely able to detect who this person was that kept me from doing the one thing I would never come back from. But even as I became partially thankful for their interference, my body was now in defense mode from the unprepared assault against me, and I wanted nothing more than to tear this person apart for attacking me.

I didn't ram into another tree this time, and even though I was new to being a vampire, I possessed the innate sense to twist in the air, much like a cat does, and land on the balls of my feet when I hit the dirt for a second time. I growled out threateningly, and it reverberated throughout the otherwise quiet wilderness. I still couldn't see who it was that came at me, but a few seconds later a familiar voice sounded behind me.

"I can't believe you would do something so stupid, Keira." Jasper said softly, and I relaxed slightly as I twirled around to face him.

He was standing about ten feet away from me with his legs spread about a foot apart and his hands tucked casually into his jean pockets. His head was tilted upwards just a fraction, but enough so that his eyes were looking down on me instead of over at me. There was no judgment in them, only an unnerving blankness that he cast around himself when he walked out of our bedroom two days ago.

Jasper glanced off to the right, then turned his gaze back on me as he said in a monotone voice, "Come on, we need to get away from this area. Your father heard the commotion."

He didn't say anything else as he turned around and started walking in the opposite direction of my home. I paused for a moment as I peered through the trees, attempting to get one more glance of my parents, but Jasper had throw me so far back and deep within the woods that the house was no longer visible. So I timidly followed after him, all the while maintaining a silence because I didn't know what to say to him. The last words we had said to each other before this wasn't exactly the easiest conversation to pick back up from, and although I couldn't see it in him, I had a feeling he was disappointed in me for my current actions.

I quickly caught up, but I remained a few steps behind as I continued to follow him. He didn't speak to me for a couple of minutes, but it felt like an eternity in the muted strain that was almost tangible between us. So I decided to break the awkward silence. I looked at his back as I asked in a small voice, "How did you know where I was?"

He didn't turn around, he didn't face me, he didn't even pause in his stride. But he didn't hesitate to answer my question immediately as he replied in once again, an emotionless voice. "I was busy arguing with Alice, so I wasn't aware that you had left the house right away. But I eventually noticed I could no longer detect your emotional signature in my sensory range, so I followed your scent outside. When the trail separated and went in two different directions, I had a hunch where one route led. Seems I was correct in my assumption."

"Oh." I replied, stupidly.

"I was there for awhile, watching you." Jasper said in an off-handed manner, still walking in front of me. "I found it interesting you weren't aware of my presence. I haven't told you yet, but I'm certain your own sensory range isn't as well developed and astute as others of our kind. I think it's related to the same reason your eyes are different as well. When Victoria attacked you…"

He did pause there, and his voice became slightly rough as he continued. "…when she _attacked_ you, her _venom_ immediately began coursing through you. When your telekinesis activated, I think it affected the way the venom flowed through your brain. Your ability is a psychic energy that originates from your mind, but once your throw it out, it becomes a tangible, almost physical, force that alters not only the things around you, but your body as well. Your emotions gain a different texture to them, as ludicrous as it sounds. So, your power originates from your mind, and your sensory triggers are processed and stimulated throughout your lobes, as well as your visual cortexes and nerve endings. All in all, everything's connected with your brain, and I believe the differences in you are the cause of your telekinesis and when you used it on Victoria after her venom already infected you. I believe your ability somehow stopped it from fully transforming, or altering, parts of your mind. Like a psychic shield, almost."

"Oh." Was all I could say once again, even though I really wanted to ask how long he had been at my parent's, watching me watch them. But before I could comment again on anything he had said, he abruptly swiveled around and faced me with that same stoic, flat look. He stared down at me for a long moment, and all I could do was stand there in silence and watch my intimidating mate seemingly size me up for all I was worth. It hurt that Jasper was acting this way towards me, and I didn't know if I deserved it or not, but I was waiting for him to make the move first.

And when he did, his tone was cold and his dark eyes were hard as he said, "I can feel your curiosity, and I imagine you want to know why I didn't approach when I caught up to you." _Well…yeah, kinda._

He continued. "You wanted me to leave you alone, so I did. I was only there to keep you from making the mistake you were bound to when you went there." _Ouch, Jasper. That fuckin' hurts, man. Please stop._

I stared up at him in complete shock. Jasper had _never_ spoken to me that way before, and I really couldn't figure out why he was being so cold to me. I knew we had somewhat of a disagreement, and I knew I shouldn't have gone to my parent's house. Hell, I shouldn't have even left the Cullen's without someone with me, but didn't he understand at least _part_ of the reasons why I did all those things? Okay, so I guess I have been acting up a bit, and I've already proven I can't be around humans, but still. I couldn't stand to be in that house one more minute, surrounded by the uncomfortable company that stabbed me in the back. And I really missed my parents, especially with all the drama.

"Jasper…" I began cautiously. "I really am sorry for taking my problems out on you. I didn't mean to, but I was upset and I was frustrated. I needed to be alone to try and calm down, figure some things out. But the things going on with your family was really starting to wear on me, and it made me really miss my own family. And since you were there at my home, you know I didn't just lose control. That I wasn't going to attack until the very end when my dad came outside. I only planned on watching them from afar for a few minutes."

Maybe I was making excuses, but I wanted Jasper to understand that I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all him. And definitely not my father. I wanted him to see where I was coming from, if only a little bit.

Jasper's sharp features shifted under a flurry of different thoughts and emotions that I couldn't decipher, and his dark molten pools softened as he gazed at me. His hand reached up and lightly tucked my wild curls behind my ear as he calmly said, "What happened moments before you almost attacked your father doesn't mean anything, Keira. If I hadn't been there, you would have killed him. In the matter of life and death, the end result is all that matters. It's the only thing that counts, and in this case, the outcome would not have been pleasant for anyone. I don't mean to chide you or reprimand you, but you need to grasp the fact that you almost killed your father just now, and would have without a second thought until afterwards. That you are a newborn, and it isn't safe for humans if you're among them right now. Our anonymity is key to our survival, our existence. We can't have you randomly running around. I have no doubt that you comprehend that already, but right now you're unable to act or think rationally, so I need you to let me guide our way until you can."

I'm sure I was pouting like the child I felt I was at the moment, and when he worded my behavior that way, I also felt like a real shit. Jasper was just trying to help, but I was too busy sulking to appreciate it. _Yeah, I've been a huge bitch._

But then I thought about Alice and what she did. I wouldn't be a newborn right now, and I definitely wouldn't be a newborn in Forks, and I certainly wouldn't be a newborn in Forks that almost just attacked my parents if it weren't for her. My anger mounted once again, and the words that spewed forth from my mouth in a moment of fury were not meant for Jasper. They were meant for Alice, for Edward, for Victoria…hell, maybe even for myself, but he received them anyway as he got the brunt of my wrath. I faced him head on in a fight that wasn't even ours to begin with, but I made it ours with my vicious speech that I couldn't stop before it began.

I glared at him as I grounded out, "Let you guide me? Let the almighty Cullens guide me? Into what, exactly? Into a fake-ass family that lies to each other and betrays one another? I may have taken a life and become a killer, but at least I don't spend my existence manipulating the people I supposedly care about and destroying the lives of those that _they_ care about. Like Alice. Like Edward. Any other members of your family I should know about before they unexpectedly wreak havoc? You know what, Jasper? I'm obviously not following the _Cullen _path correctly, and I'm apparently not fitting in with the _perfect_ standards that go along with being in your family. Since Alice spent so much goddamn energy trying to get you back after she _pushed_ you to me, after she _allowed_ you to be with me, maybe you should just go back to _her._ You never would have been with me in the first place if it weren't for your sweet, charming _Alice_, right? Maybe we really aren't meant to be, because I _sure as hell_ am not cut out for that fucked up _bullshit_ that's going on in the _wonderful_ Cullen abode."

"Are you done yet?" Jasper asks me calmly, and he's once again placed his hands in his pockets as he casually stands in front of me with a blank expression. If I'd been thinking clearly, I would have detected the subtle warning beneath his tone and underlying his calm exterior. But I wasn't, and I was far from done. I had opened the vents of my frustration and anger, and the proverbial steam was pouring out and unable to be contained any longer. And poor Jasper was the wronged victim in my verbal assault. I didn't _really _mean the things I was saying to him...well, most of it anyway, but that wasn't stopping me from shouting them at him.

"No!" I growled. "Why the fuck can't I go see my parents as long as they don't see me? If you had offered to take me, then maybe I wouldn't have lost control, or you wouldn't have had to be concerned about me almost killing them because you would've been there the entire time. And don't think for one _goddamn_ minute I'm not thankful you stopped me from _killing _my _father_. On a different note…what the hell is so goddamn wrong with me wanting some time alone, huh? Better yet, why the fuck can't we let Bella know your family is back? Because Edward says so? Please, that's just fucking wrong on so many levels. Bella deserves the truth, and she deserves to be able to see the ones she loves. And when I say the ones she loves, I obviously mean you guys, not Edward. Fuck him. He doesn't deserve her! Why the fuck do we have to stay here, Jasper? Why can't you and I go off and find some place of our own and leave this fucking _Alice_ and _Edward_ drama behind? Is it because you _enjoy_ spending some quality time with the bitch that ultimately caused this all to happen? You know, if you want her back, if you want to go and fuck her, then fine! Go fuck her, because you sure as hell aren't interested in fucking me and being around me!"

Immediately, I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as the words left my mouth. I was completely astonished and mortified over what I had just said to him, and I was in a state of utter disbelief over the fact that I actually _could_ say that to him. It was uncalled for, and I'll probably never understand why I did. Not to mention the fact that I would cut Jasper's dick off before I allowed him to go have sex with Alice again. He was mine, forever.

Jasper's entire face darkened in severity at my words, and his whole stance became threatening as he took slow, calculative steps towards me. With each precise footing placed in front of the other, his body language became more menacing and screamed danger. I was frozen in place and couldn't move as I became utterly transfixed on the feral vampire advancing on me. Just as he was a hairs breath away from coming into full body contact with me, he roughly grabbed my shoulders and shoved me back against the tree that was apparently directly behind me. I gasped as he rushed his whole body firmly up against mine, successfully trapping me between him and the tree with no room to even squirm if I wanted to. Jasper grabbed my hands and locked them _both_ in _one_ of his own above my head, while his other hand reached down and hitched my leg around his waist. My other leg automatically followed, and as he ground his hips against mine, he whispered, "Is this what you want, Keira? Is this what I've been denying you that's got you so frustrated? Is this the answer to all your problems?"

"Jasp-" I started to moan out, but he quickly, and sternly, interrupted me.

"Shut it, little one. You've run your mouth quite enough, I think. You aren't allowed to speak again until I say you can, understood?"

I looked at him through half-lidded eyes, but managed to nod my head in understanding.

"Good girl. Now it seems we have a few problems. For starters…" He paused to punctuate his words with another grind of his hips, and I could feel his arousal rubbing against me, causing sweet, rough friction between my legs. "…for starters, you appear to be under the impression that I don't see, or _feel,_ what's going on with _our _family."

Jasper's strong hand began rubbing along my outer thigh, just barely brushing against the more sensitive juncture between my hips and the inside of my thigh. I whimpered, and he paused his movements as he tightened his grip on my hands above me and his intensely vibrant eyes looked at me sternly. I got the message, no noise of any kind.

His fingers began anew as they glided up and down my leg with just the right amount of pressure, and his deep, rich voice rumbled out as he kept our eyes locked. "You're sorely mistaken on that point, Keira. I see, but what would you like me to do about it? Hmm? Hold a little family pow-wow where we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya? Or let the cards play out the way they're suppose to, and let things take it's natural course? All families fight, Keira. Even ours. We're far from perfect, and right now we're dealing with a little more bullshit than usual and it's going to undoubtedly shake up the family. But all I can do is be there for the one's who deserve it. Okay?"

I wanted to say yes, and I'm sorry, and I understood where he was coming from, and _please just fuck me already!_ But I knew he wasn't finished. Far from it, and he didn't want me to speak until he had said everything he needed to and was through torturing me with splendid sensations. He was dominating me, punishing me, and educating me in all the many ways I went wrong in the last few days. He was guiding me in his own unique way.

So I just nodded my head again in response, while biting down on my lip as his hand traveled under my shirt and brushed against my skin. It caused tingles of pleasure to travel through my body at the feel of Jasper touching me so intimately after so long. If he continued like this, I'd be having an orgasm before he even got my pants off.

And I think he knew it too, because he smirked ever so slightly as he repeatedly grinded his hips against mine in a slow, sensuous fashion. I threw my head back against the tree, and my eyes rolled beneath my lids as my own hips tried to move in a rhythm with his. I almost, _almost,_ moaned out loud, but somehow managed to suppress it. And with my mind focused on the sensations he was evoking and my eyes shut to the outside world, Jasper ripped my shirt in half and tore it away from my body, all the while never removing his body from being fully up against mine.

His fingers once again traveled over my now bare skin as they swept over my side and up towards my arm, only to circle down over my collarbone with his smooth, feather-light touch. I had no bra on because I had yet to go through the clothes Rosalie had brought to me, so Jasper's chest was pressed firmly against my peaks, causing them to harden immediately upon the naked contact. I so badly wanted to rip his sweater off of him, to feel his flesh with mine, but when my hand flinched with the prospective thought, he tightened his hold on my hands even more.

"Now," He whispered huskily. "I'm well aware of the fact that most of the things you said was just you venting out your frustrations. I'm educated enough in the ways of emotional women to understand when they're throwing bullshit at you just because they're pissed and hurt and you're the one that's there. But…and I want you to look at me when I say this Keira."

I reopened my eyes and tried as hard as I could to truly focus on him, but his fingers were still sweeping across my skin and up and down my side as his arousal continued to rub against me at just the right angle to get me thoroughly wet with his slow, rocking movements.

I finally managed to look into his almost pitch black eyes that were staring down at me with a fierceness I had never seen directed at me before. It surprised me, and he stilled his body's motion as he waited a second, then he continued speaking in low, hard tone. "But if you ever pull that 'maybe I should leave you' shit on me again, or think for one second that I'm not with you because it's what I want with everything that I am, then I won't be so tolerant next time. You won't get a good tease and a fuck against a tree, you'll be dealing with your very pissed off mate. Your mine, Keira. Bottom line, end of story, period, amen. I don't like it when you question where my heart is when you know it belongs to you, and I'm not going to walk this earth without you by my side. Where ever you are is where I'll be from now on. Understood?"

My own body had stilled with the seriousness of Jasper's words, and I'm sure my eyes were wide as I continued to gaze up at him with a vast mixture of emotions. I was really starting to feel like shit for going off on him the way I did, and his devoted proclamations tore at my conscience and made me feel entirely guilty for hurting him like I did. I had acted like a spoiled child, and I truly didn't deserve this magnificent creature's love and understanding. I needed to tell him so.

"Jasper, I'm so sorr-" I began, but was unable to finish before Jasper cut me off in a soft voice and a firm pressure against my body.

"I didn't say you could speak yet, little one. And I don't want your apologies, I want your trust. I want you to be okay when all is said and done, and I want you to be able to come and talk to me instead of pushing me away. I want you, Keira. Scars and baggage included. That's all. Do you think you can do that for me?"

I simply nodded my head this time, but I tried to send out as much love and devotion with equal amounts of regret as I could to him, hoping he would once again understand what I was trying to say without words. And he smiled softly at me as his traveling hand came up and tenderly cupped my cheek. He pulled me into a deep, long kiss as his tongue mingled with mine and devoured all coherent thought. His hips began rocking against mine once again as his hand roughly grabbed my waist and rubbed me hard against his erection. I couldn't stop the moan this time, but Jasper's mouth swallowed the sound.

He briefly tilted away from me as he quickly yanked his sweater off and shredded my pants in careless discard. His one hand was still holding both of mine in place above my head, but I still tried to yank them away to rip his pants off of his own body. I almost succeeded, but Jasper shoved his chest back against mine, and the force and constriction of it made me useless to anything but what he allowed. He smirked devilishly at me and had a wicked glint in his now ocher eyes as he clucked his tongue and mocked in feigned superiority, "Patience is a virtue, young one. It provides great rewards."

Not two seconds later, his pants were removed and our naked bodies were blessedly pressed together against the tree. Jasper positioned himself at my dripping entrance and firmly grabbed hold of my hip with his free hand, and he plunged forcefully into me and filled me to the hilt. He stilled as he was and looked down into my eyes as he said, "I just want to say one more thing before we continue."

His hips pulled back, but he quickly snapped them forward as he simultaneously pulled my hips down on him in a sharp dive back into my tight depths. He growled his pleasure soundly as I gasped loudly, but he remained as he was as he continued speaking in deep voice that was full of seductive promises.

"I don't ever want to hear you compare yourself to Alice again, and I really don't want to hear you tell me to go fuck her when I'd much rather be doing this with you." He punctuated his remark with another sharp thrust of his hips and moved within me in a circular motion that practically vibrated my inner walls and rubbed all the right spots. He tilted his lips over to my ear as he whispered, "Obviously you heard our conversation, and don't worry, she'll get what she deserves for fucking with us. You can have a go at her later. Just don't ever offer that bitch up to me ever again. By the way, you now have my full permission to scream my name and make as many noises as you so desire from here on out."

And scream I did. With his body pinning me to the tree, he innumerably drew his hips back slowly, only to slam back into me and grind in circular motions, jarring my whole body with the quickening movement. Jasper set a controlled and angled pace as he eased me into a hard pattern that had me moaning and panting and whimpering immediately, and in all of a couple minutes, the painfully pleasant coil in the pit of my stomach increased to unbearable heights. I tried to arch my back and buck against him, but Jasper had me thoroughly restrained and was entirely in control. I was not allowed participation in this coupling, only submission.

He eventually let go of my hands in place of gripping my waist tightly, and I quickly tangled my fingers through his tawny locks as I threw my head back in pleasurable oblivion. He forcefully guided my movements against his as he leaned down and began sucking and licking and nipping at my peaks. I was already clenching tightly around his sheath, desperately trying to prolong our long-awaiting unity. But alas, it was a futile effort, for Jasper shifted his angle once again and repeatedly pounded against my sweet spot until I shattered only moments later around his throbbing cock. I screamed his name into the dark, snowing night as my body convulsed in beautiful spasms that signified my release.

Jasper paused, but he wasn't done with me yet. He pulled away, only to quickly grab me and turn me around as he brought us facedown to the snow covered ground. He slammed into me from behind as he fisted my dark curls in his pale hand and yanked my head backwards, and he whispered darkly in my ear, "You're mine, Keira. Say it."

I turned my head slightly so I could look into his beautifully intense eyes as I reverently said, "I'm yours, Jasper. Forever."

His long body covered mine as he leaned over and kissed me with brutal passion and love, and he began pounding into me again with a thundering rhythm as his own cries and moans of pleasure filled my mouth against his. He was rutting the hell out of me in phenomenal angles as only a truly talented and gifted mate could do. Yes, he was brutal, but he wasn't hurting me. He was only bringing intense gratification as he marked me with his scent and memory. He was claiming me again after so long without each other, and he was making sure I got the message. I guess my outcries towards him earlier affected him more than he previously let show, because this was his primitive side coming out. His animal, his _beast_ as he told me once before. He said I was the only one who could bring it out of him after so long, and I felt a bit of pride surface with that knowledge, because I wanted to bring out sides of him no one else could. He was the only one who could bring out the possessive side that I recently found out I obtained.

And it could have been minutes or hours, but it was definitely two orgasms later when Jasper had finally reached his precipice and roared out his release before he gently bit into my neck. I knew he didn't leave a scar because that wasn't something he would ever do, but I think I'll forever feel that specific spot where his teeth dug delicately into my skin with tender passion. And I have no doubt that it's why he did it and how he wants it to be. With both of us spent, he shifted to the side as he laid on his back beside me, and he softly pulled me into his arms as he stroked his fingertips along my spine and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Keira." Jasper strongly says, and his deep, baritone voice surrounds me and envelopes me just as much as his words do.

I tilt my head up from his chest and rest my chin against it as I silently study him. His honey-hued hair is gently cascading over his pale, chiseled features, and his molten-gold orbs are a shining beacon of the love he feels for me. A small, almost innocent smile is gracing his lips as he gazes into my eyes, and I knew all of it was for me, because of me, directed at me. And the guilt from my earlier episode once again surfaced, and this time I knew he'd let me say what I wanted to. Even if he didn't want my apologies, I still needed to say them.

"Jasper, " I began in a small voice barely above a whisper. "I really am sorry about taking my problems out on you. You had nothing to do with it, but you still suffered _because_ of it. My frustration stemmed from the problems going on with the family. Basically Alice and what she did, but also Edward and the things he said over the phone. Not to mention the fact that he hates me and he'll be permanently around in a day or two. It all just makes me really miss my own parents and the comfort of my own home, ya know? They fight too, and they're not perfect, but I knew they would never hurt me. They only loved me and protected me. But I promise I won't pull that shit again, and next time I'll let you in instead of pushing you away. I honestly didn't mean it that way, but I know it's how it came out. How you perceived it. I'm so sorry, Jasper. I love you so much; you're my whole world and always have been since we became friends. I never meant to hurt you or make you think my love for you was any less than absolute."

Jasper smile faltered for a moment, but his eyes were still soft as he said in a firm tone, "I never doubted your love for me, Keira. And I know you miss your parents dearly. I even miss them and they weren't even mine. You're going through a lot of changes, and it's going to be hard for awhile. But I meant what I said earlier. I want all of you, baggage included. I wouldn't have it any other way. As for Alice and Edward, well…you know you won't get any argument from me there. I don't even know where to begin with the shit Alice pulled, but I promise you Edward's not gonna be a dick to you and he's not going to hurt you. I'd kill him first, but if his temper gets out of hand, I'll take care of it. Don't worry."

Jasper hesitated for a moment, but he quickly continued in an almost shy whisper, "I've been thinking, and one of the things you said earlier kind of cemented the idea, but after this bullshit with Victoria is through, I was hoping maybe you and I could go off on our own for a time. Carlisle and Esme would understand, and we wouldn't stay away forever, just a year or two to have some privacy and quality time. Let everyone, including us, get re-acclimated with all the things that have changed for the family. Get some space between us and the…_others._ What do you think about that idea?"

My mouth gaped open as my eyes widened for a brief second in astonishment before I squealed like a little girl and wrapped my arms around him. I emphatically chanted, "Yes, yes, yes, yes! Of course, Jasper. I love the idea, and nothing could make me happier than spending time together, just the two of us, for awhile!"

He laughed, long and loud, before he deftly picked us up off the ground. He glanced down at me with mirth sparkling in his golden eyes and a smirk across his face as he teased, "Sex is all I have to do to make you agreeable, huh? I'll have to keep that in mind."

I shook my head at him in feigned exasperation, but couldn't keep the smile at bay when I quipped, "Arrogant bastard."

Jasper's large, wide smile lit up his entire face, and he slapped my ass and replied with a slight southern twang in his voice, "You got that right. Now come on, woman!"

We picked up the scattered clothes amongst the surrounding brush, but there was nothing really left of mine except torn strands of thread thanks to Jasper. So with a smug quirk to his expression, he tossed his sweater at me to wear. And If I didn't know any better, if I didn't know that the destruction of my clothes were a result of the heat of passion, I'd say he planned it just to see me wearing nothing but his sweater when we arrived back to his family. But we got, well…_partially _dressed and began walking back to the house, and we took our time as we strolled leisurely through the woods. Neither of us were in a hurry to rush back, and I don't think Jasper wanted to see Alice anymore than I did. But that didn't mean we weren't both thinking about her, or the things she had done. And when Jasper broke the peaceful, content silence between us, he confirmed to me that's where his thoughts were. He grabbed my small hand in his as he intertwined our fingers, and he softly spoke.

"I don't know what to do about Alice, Keira. The majority of my thoughts agree that I should tear her to pieces for the shit she's pulled and the trouble she's caused. I honestly don't know how I reframed from doing so earlier. But there's still a small part that's telling me I might regret it later if I do. That after all the years we've been through together, it might just be better to walk away and leave her behind for good instead of hurting her physically. But then I think of you, and the heartache her actions inadvertently caused you, and I'm right back to where I started. Wanting to rip her to pieces. So it basically comes down to you and what you want. I'll be behind you 100 percent no matter what you decide. If you want her to physically suffer, then that's what we'll do. If you want to walk away and leave it, leave _her_ alone, then we can do that too. But I want you to do whatever you have to, whatever you _need_ to do, so you're able to leave the whole travesty behind once we move on. The ball's in your court, so to speak."

Wow, it was up to me, huh? _What did I want to do with Alice and the shit she did?_ I hadn't thought of specifics, I just knew I was pissed. But I understood where Jasper was coming from. Alice was the woman, his mate, that he loved for many years and still did to an extent. Well, maybe not now, but I didn't know for sure and I wasn't going to ask. What I did know was that underneath it all, Jasper was truly more hurt by her betrayal than he was angry at her actions. Sure, he was furious at what she did to me, but it cut him deep that she lied to him and manipulated him. Even if he would never show it, I could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes when he said her name now. He was definitely pissed at the outcomes her actions caused, but Alice herself pained him more than infuriated him. He trusted her and loved her and she set him up for a fall. A potentially devastating position that could have gone either way, and only with luck did it work out in the most favorable of circumstances. Excluding me, of course.

Which brought me down a completely different path of thoughts and feelings. What she did caused a chain reaction that consequently stole my humanity, my parents, my choices, and my plans away from me. She not only ripped away the love of my life right out from under me in a pathetic attempt to gain back his place in her life, but her choices resulted in the destruction of my own, and left me in an aftermath of chaos. She basically fucked up my life, whether she meant to or not, and that made me murderous. Yes, I wanted her to pay, _dearly_. But how? Jasper had a point about tearing her to pieces. It wouldn't really do anything unless we burned them, but it would still feel so good to actually do it.

Then again, if I were her and had her gift of foresight, what would I have done in her situation? I certainly hoped I wouldn't have done what she did, but you never really know what you're capable of until you find yourself there. She was desperate, and she found a solution to her problems. It didn't excuse the things she did or lessen the severity of the consequences she caused, but it was a reason. We all have our reasons for doing certain things, and sometimes those things go against our character, against the very core of who we are. And there are even those moments when we step back and go, _'What the fuck did I just do? And really, why?'_ No one's immune from those moments in life, and we all experience a gut-wrenching guilt over our own actions at least once throughout all our years. We all make mistakes, and we all hurt each other, whether intentionally or not, with our actions and behavior. I didn't doubt Alice when she said she never saw the repercussions from that day, and I believed her when she said she'd take it all back if she could. Alice wasn't a mean-spirited woman, and she never struck me as the type to go out of her way to hurt others. But that didn't make anything she did okay. It didn't take away the pain, the experiences, the fear, or the devastation. It would never make anything right…or better. So what do you do with that? How do you try to make it right, and how do you punish someone for making a mistake? I just didn't know yet.

So I didn't really have an answer for Jasper. My thoughts were too contrasted, and I couldn't separate the actions I wanted to take from the things I knew were wrong…and right. So I shrugged my shoulders as I looked up at him and said in a conflicted tone, "I don't know either, Jasper. But in many ways, I think I might loathe her more than Victoria. To Victoria, I was just a meal that fit into her plans after a few surprises, but Alice tried to steal my mate and ultimately destroyed my life. She purposely set out to do something that would have hurt me either way, but there was also the possibility that it could have destroyed you if things didn't go precisely the way she saw it. And If everything had gone according to her plans, you would have left me behind. That would have crushed me, and I don't think she's really thought about that one yet, or how she ultimately crushed Bella in that exact same way. I like to think I'm an understanding person for the most part, but she crossed the line severely. Even if she is sorry about it, and even if it was a mistake that she now realizes. I don't know what to do about it, but I do want her to pay Jasper. I just don't know how. What's the right way, and what's the petty way?"

Jasper nodded his head thoughtfully and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he said, "I don't have those answers either. There are too many wrongs and so little rights, but unfortunately, none of that will make you feel any better. Maybe you can expel some of your newborn wrath and strength on her. It would help to alleviate a lot of tension you have pent up."

He smirked down at me, but I could see it in his understanding eyes that exuded so much knowledge and perception, that it was his way of telling me it would be okay if I reacted violently. He was giving me options with no blame. Because really, there was no telling how I was going to react once I was face-to-face with her. I knew that. I was now a creature ruled by my erratic emotions for at least the next six months, or so Jasper keeps telling me._ I wonder if I'm really as bad as he makes it sound. Hmm. Maybe, probably…okay, more than likely._

And within the next few minutes, we'd be finding out just how it was all going to go down with the little pixie. I chuckled almost evilly as anticipation filled me, and I couldn't help but think in sing-song mantra, _'I'm coming, Alice."_

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**Author's Note: **

**Long chapter, I know. Sorry to those who don't prefer it that way. Big thanks to everyone who reviewed, and hopefully you guys will tell me what you think about this chap. Alice fans, don't throw a fit just yet and attempt to murder me. Alice is NOT the bad guy in this fic. I could never truly justify it while staying true to her character. She will eventually be redeemed to the best of my capabilities while still keeping the story as 'realistic' as possible. Review and let me know what you guys think. Thanks everyone, and I hope you enjoyed. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. **

_Okay, so I know I said I would get this out earlier, and all I've got to say is sorry! Life get's in the way of small pleasures occasionally. I've been updating twice a week, but I'm well aware that the time between those updates is getting further and further apart. So this is my solemn promise to all of you: I will __always__ update at least once a week. NO MATTER WHAT, and I will try my hardest to continued to do it at least twice a week! Again, my apologies for the delay, and I hope you enjoy._

Chapter 12

KPOV

It didn't take Jasper and I long to arrive back at the house. Even though we were strolling along, hand-in-hand, at a normal human pace, Forks wasn't that big of a town and the school wasn't that far from the Cullen home. So even pacing ourselves in an attempt to bask in the afterglow of our private time together for as long as possible didn't make much of a difference, because not half an hour later, we were walking up to the back door.

I could hear their rich, smooth soprano and bass voices the moment we stepped onto the large expanse of the snow-covered backyard, so I knew everyone, excluding Edward of course, were now home. I could tell they were all congregated in the living room once again, and even though I'm new to this family and their ways, it seems to me that anytime they needed to discuss things of importance, they'd all gather in that specific room. Which led me to briefly ponder the possibility that Rose and Emmett had let the proverbial cat out of the bag. That they had already informed Mama and Papa Cullen about Alice's little confession earlier. But I couldn't make out more than a few words here and there, and it could have been because they were talking too low for me to really understand anything, or maybe my supposed subpar sensory range that Jasper mentioned had something to do with it as well. It's possible it was a combination of both. But either way, I had no idea what they were conversing about inside, and I couldn't shake the unexpected tension that enveloped my suddenly tight chest. I wanted, or maybe I honestly needed, to know if all the dirty secrets had been aired before we went in. I didn't want to be blind-sighted with family drama again, so I had to ask.

Jasper was a step in front of me and reaching out for the doorknob to the backdoor, so I quickly but tentatively whispered as low as I could, "Jasper?"

His hand stilled in the air and he swiveled his head to look at me over his shoulder. I was hoping that if I talked quietly enough, the family wouldn't be able to hear my next words. For some reason unbeknownst to me at that moment, I didn't want the vampire parentals to know what the pixie had done just yet. I wanted it to wait for a later time. So I continued in the same hushed tone, "Were Carlisle and Esme told the truth about Bella's birthday yet?"

He silently shook his head as he answered just as quiescent as I had, "To the best of my knowledge, no. I don't think Rose or Emmett would say anything. They'd feel it was our place to tell them. And I'm almost positive Alice wouldn't bring it up considering she didn't really want anyone to know in the first place. But I'm sure she's aware that it's inevitable now since everyone _except_ Carlisle and Esme know. At this moment though, they're in there discussing the Quileute wolves. Do you want to say anything about it when we go in?"

I had to think about it for a second. _Really_ think about it. I knew they would find out sooner or later, but now I wanted to stall it from happening so I could confront Alice before the whole family got involved. That way we could say what we needed to without the rest of them intervening, and hopefully Alice would answer my questions more honestly and thoroughly if no one else was present. I needed to have that dreadfully cliché talk a girlfriend occasionally needs to have with the consistently present and constantly troublesome ex who just won't go away. Just like those evil fuckin' cockroaches.

But mainly, I knew we needed to have a sort of woman-to-woman talk, because all of this bullshit was basically over Jasper. Pathetic, I know, but true nonetheless. The only problem was…when would I get a chance to be alone with her before the truth came out? And would I realistically be able to keep my temperament in check long enough to have a concrete discussion with the bitch? Did I actually _care_ if I lost control with her? Maybe, but any part of me that did wasn't out of any concern for her whatsoever.

"No, I don't want to bring it up just yet." I finally replied after a few seconds. "I wanna try and talk to her first. Figure a few things out before everyone else gets involved. Make sure we got a clear picture of everything Alice did and…where she was coming from, I guess. But don't think me a saint or anything! Believe me when I say it's for purely selfish reasons."

But despite my words, Jasper still looked down at me with his dark, penetrating eyes that were glowing with a seldom seen respect and admiration. He had a small, almost imperceptible quirk to his lips, and I knew that it was his silent way of showing his approval. Seeing him this way made me vividly recall the first time Jasper and I had locked eyes on the day the Cullens started school. He had a small amount of respect for me even then, and the memory brought a reminiscent smile to my face. I loved this man beyond words, and it made me feel kinda proud to have this brave and sagacious soul think of me with high regard, even though I certainly didn't do anything to deserve it. _Especially_ right now.

Jasper's molten-gold orbs were still shining brightly with their dark, laudable glow as he brought his hand up and cupped the back of my neck. He leaned down and gave me a brief kiss on the forehead, and before he lifted his soft, shapely lips from my hairline, he murmured, "I'm so proud of you, Keira. Don't get me wrong, I can see where you're going with this and I know your intentions for Alice aren't pure. But the way you're wanting to do this and not just reacting despite your every right to…I just love you so much! I'm proud because you're attempting to control yourself and your behavior. _For a change_ I might add."

He pulled back a few inches and smirked down at me in a teasing manner. I sheepishly averted my gaze off to the side as I dismissively waved my hand through the air, but chuckled under my breath anyway. When I looked back at Jasper though, his expression had dissolved of all humor as he became quite serious and stated in a firm tone. "We're not going to tell them where you went tonight, okay? Carlisle would just get frustrated and concerned, and hell, probably pissed too. I don't feel like dealing with that right now, and I'm sure you don't want everyone hovering over you and watching your every move from here on out. But I'm trusting you, Keira. I'm trusting you to not pull that shit again, because we could be in a world of trouble from many different angles if you do. I doubt any of them will ask where we were given the state we're coming back in, but just in case they do, we went out to be alone for awhile. Understood?"

I nodded my head slowly and frowned, once again feeling horribly guilty for what I did to Jasper. I know there was a part of me that knew better, but I just couldn't stop myself from going to see my parents. Then I took my angers and disappointments and frustrations out on him when he didn't deserve it. _I really need to start getting myself under control more, even just a little bit. Yeah, I've only been a vampire for a week and a half, but still…_

Jasper chuffed me lightly under my chin with his finger as he said, "Chin up, little one. The past is the past. Come on, let's go in. I can feel some of them getting anxious."

So we walked in, me in nothing but Jasper's sweater and Jasper in nothing but his jeans. I probably would have been slightly embarrassed if I wasn't so sexually content and satisfied. Okay, so I was a _little _smug too, and more than a _tiny_ bit too happy to rub mine and Jasper's activities in Alice's face. _Bad Keira, bad! No need to be vindictive…well, that's actually not true. The bitch tried to steal my mate, and in the process, destroyed my life. Fuck her. _

Which I'm sure is exactly what the cold smile I shot her expressed when we entered the living room. I may not be looking for a fight right now, but that didn't make me any less pissed at her. And Alice just gave me a shaky grimace in return as she stood by Esme, who was sitting on the floor near the coffee table while flipping through a home design magazine. Carlisle had been speaking with Emmett and Rosalie on the far side of the room, but he turned his attention to Jasper when we came in. His eyes were intent and his handsome face reflected only sobriety, but he spoke in a placid tone.

"Jasper, I spoke with Billy Black earlier; he's one of the elders of the tribe. We're going to be meeting with him, Mr. Uley, and the wolves at the treaty line at sunrise, which is in roughly an hour. I want you, Emmett, and Rose with me when I go. It would have been substantially easier if we had Edward with us as well, but he won't be arriving 'till later."

_Wow, sunrise is in an hour? I guess Jasper and I spent more time out there than I thought. _Jasper nodded his head thoughtfully, but he was blankly staring at the opposite wall. After a moment, he stated more to himself than anything, "I assume Mr. Uley is an elder as well, and that he and Black aren't shifters like the new generation."

He turned his eyes to Carlisle then, who was nodding in affirmation, and he asked, "Do we know how many wolves there are? And do they know about Keira yet?"

Carlisle gave a longwinded sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, but he returned to his previously relaxed pose as he gravely answered, "Ultimately, no to both. I was given the vague impression that Mr. Uley's son is the current pack leader, but the newest Black bloodline has yet to show any signs of becoming a shifter. Though given their history, I think it's inevitable. The Black's have always been the Alpha's from what I understand. So we need to prepare for the possibility of at least one more transforming in the future, but for now we believe there are only three. Unless you have Jasper, no one has crossed any other shifter scents except the three trails. With that and Keira's account of hearing three separate heartbeats, it's probably safe to assume that's all there are. But we don't know for sure, so we still need to be cautious just in case. They aren't aware that Keira is with us at the moment, but Mr. Black did mention a vampire attack on one of the children of the town. We have every reason to believe he was talking about Keira since no other animal attacks or missing persons have been reported here, which would make the situation slightly easier. They know it wasn't us that attacked, so they know we haven't broke the treaty. I just don't know how they're going to react to a newborn being around town. I briefly asked more on the vampire trail they picked up, assuming it was Victoria…"

Carlisle's voice lulled in the background, and I felt a large, knot-like sensation form in my gut as they continued talking. It was a clenching, heady fear. Fear for Jasper and what he was walking into, and fear that it would be more than they could handle if things went south. I didn't know if Jasper was going to be okay if there were more than three wolves. Hell, I didn't know if he'd be okay with just three. I understood nothing about the wolves and had no inside knowledge to their kind, but I was intensely aware that ignorance was a dangerous, deadly state of mind when it came to your enemy. Any idiot could figure out how vulnerable and blind it makes you, and even though the Cullens weren't ignorant when it came to the wolves, they were still walking into a situation basically unawares. When I thought about Jasper being in an even slightly unknown and precariously susceptible situation with the wolves, it made me entirely too anxious for my liking. Despite my own innate trepidation for the creatures, I wanted to go with him. I needed to stand at his side, to just _be there _in case anything went wrong. But Carlisle had said that humans were accompanying the pack for this meeting, which meant I couldn't tag along.

So I shifted my weight around nervously, and I really didn't mean to, but I couldn't help the small whimper of unease that escaped me. My mate was going to the front lines, and I had to stay behind where there was nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and be left to wonder. I didn't like it; I didn't like it _at all_. So I clutched Jasper's hand and tugged lightly to get his attention. When he turned his gaze from Carlisle unto me, I spoke so casually that it concealed my hidden terror from the others, but I knew Jasper could sense it.

"Jasper, can we go up and change before you finish this conversation? Maybe take a shower first?" And my eyes bored imploringly into his, trying to make him understand that I wasn't really asking if we could go change together, but if we could talk privately for a moment. It was a desperate plea, and for a fraction of a second, his eyebrows scrunched slightly together as a perplexed curiosity flashed within his deciphering pools. But his expression swiftly cleared to nothing at all, and Jasper nodded his head minutely as he squeezed my hand to let me know he understood. He looked back over at the others and said in his low, calm voice, "I'll be back down shortly."

When we walked into our room and Jasper quietly closed the door behind us, I whirled around to face him as I feverishly started whispering, "Is it safe for you guys to meet the Quileute's when you have no idea how many wolves there'll be? Even if it's only three of them, will you be able to defend yourselves against that amount? I scared for you right now Jasper, and I need you to tell me that no matter how many wolves there are, you can take care of them. Or more appropriately, take care of _yourself_ if they attack."

I stared at him with what felt like a stern but frightened glare, and my chest was heaving with deep, unnecessary breaths brought on from the panic that was surfacing. I did _not_ want him to go, and I felt completely useless in this situation. There was nothing I _could_ do, and I _hated_ that.

But Jasper just stood there with his lips pressed tightly together as if to hold back his laughter, and mirth was visibly dancing across his features as if this was _funny_ to him. He took a few steps forward with his long legs as he closed the space between us to nothing more than a few inches, and I had to tilt my head back to keep my harmless glower on him. He placed his hands on my shoulders, which felt suddenly dwarfed underneath his large palms and long fingers, and he started talking in a deep, soothing speech.

"Keira, " He began, and that one simple word spoke of the laughter he was trying to keep at bay. Yes, he was definitely _amused._ "The odds could be two wolves to one vampire and they _still_ wouldn't have a chance against us. They could rip us apart and all we would have to do is be put back together. But one simple bite from us and they're dead. And although they're fast and bigger than us in wolf form…and they smell _horribly _disgusting, we are much faster, much more experienced, and much more deadly than they could ever comprehend. These are children we're dealing with, and even in the worst scenario, we would _still_ be _fine_. Now don't doubt their skill, because they are creatures designed to kill our kind and normally would without a second thought. But Carlisle has kept peace with them for decades, and intends on continuing that to the best of his capabilities. We're not going there for a fight, and neither are the wolves. It's a simple exchange of information between us, and making sure they're aware of the new situation we're in. You, Victoria, and so on. If they don't take it well, I'll just have to manipulate their persuasion a little. They won't even know that I'm doing it, if they're even aware of my empathic abilities, which they shouldn't be. So stop worrying. Everything's going to be fine."

"Okay." I breathed out wispily as I glanced down to the floor.

Jasper's words did make me feel better, and I wasn't really scared for him anymore since he apparently had no worries. He would never lie or hide things from me just to placate my fears, and I trusted his judgment implicitly. But I still didn't like the idea of him going there without me. I never assumed for a second that I could be of any help in the situation, and I hardly believed I'd be useful if a fight ensued. However, I'd still feel more assuaged, comfortable even, just being by his side and knowing what was going on. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do in an attempt to protect Jasper, even if that meant taking on a werewolf that would, more than likely, be able to destroy me since I was inexperienced in every way that counted in that matter. The only thing I had going for me was my telekinesis, but I've only been able to use it in heightened states of alarm and panic so far. I wanted to learn how to control my ability and use it at will, I just didn't know if I'd ever be able to. And it was something that could only be discovered and worked on through training. Like we use to do.

So I looked back up at Jasper, who hadn't moved at all but was now staring at me in keen contemplation, and I curiously asked, "When are we going to start working on my telekinesis again? I'd like to practice and see if I can activating it at will. From the little amount I've actually used it since becoming a vampire, I've noticed a perceptible difference. For starters, it isn't as uncontrollable as before, and it vibrates and flows from my mind easier. I was able to focus on doing something specific, like pushing Riley off of me, and it kinda just did it for me without me consciously trying. So I was thinking I might be able to do more with it now."

The weight of his hands on my shoulders lifted as he began to rub up and down my arms, and his expression shifted with a tender understanding as he immediately responded, "Of course we can start training your telekinesis again, Keira. The only reason I haven't suggested it before was simply because I wanted you to be able to relax before you were pushed into anything. But if you want to, we can begin practicing and honing your skills as soon as possible. Later today, if you like?"

I smiled brightly and nodded my head. That sounded like a great idea to me, and it might just get my mind off of everything else going horrendously wrong right now. A distraction from Alice, an escape from Edward, and a possible defense from Victoria. Not that my telekinesis hadn't already worked on her before, and not that I doubted Jasper's protection of me. And I truly didn't believe she would come after me anyway, but it was always best to be prepared for anything in every way one was capable of.

Jasper chuckled lightly and leaned down to give me a slow, leisurely kiss. He wrapped his long, sinewy fingers through my tresses as he briefly deepened our contact, but entirely too soon, he pulled away and gave me a soft, concluding peck on my lips before he straightened to his full height. His hands were still woven within and hidden amongst my curls as he gazed down at me with a gentle smile.

His words were like a darkly velvet caress, a baritone symphony, as he said, "I love you, Keira."

But for me, the comfort of the choir was halted with a bitter sweetness as he continued in a regretful tone. "I need to get back downstairs, though. It's almost time to leave, and there are still a few things I need to discuss with the others before we go…which will be in about fifteen minutes."

I was practically pouting at him, but Jasper just shook his head and gave me another brief peck before he pulled away and walked over to the closet. I watched him as his broad shoulder's ripple with easy motion when he grabbed a sweater and tugged it over his head, and I stared at his lean waist right before the thick fabric covered his taut muscles. I was unabashedly ogling him and appreciating the fine specimen in front of me, and when Jasper turned to face me with a deviously raised eyebrow, I knew that he had felt my lascivious stare tracing his smooth movements and sensed my lustful emotions. But I firmly locked my eyes with his and raised my chin as if to say, _"What? So I'm eyeing you like a prime piece of meat. Get over it 'cause it can't be helped, and you're mine anyway_._" _

He smirked and rolled his eyes in reply to my silent defiance as he made his way back over to me. When he was mere inches from me once again, he deftly wrapped his arm around my waist with a fluid stealth as he picked me up and brought me to his height. I automatically secured my legs tightly around his hips, and I giggled as he nuzzled his face against my neck, tickling my skin with his soft breath and the light brush of his lips. His nose skimmed along the length of my collarbone before he trailed it upwards and gently nibbled my ear as he huskily murmured, "You had me buck naked no more than an hour and a half ago…for many, _many _hours, and already you're looking at me like your own, personal sex toy. You're insatiable. Didn't you get enough to last you for _at least_ a few hours?"

It was my turn to smirk as I shot back in a playfully devilish tone, "I do believe it was _you_ that had _me_ buck naked, not the other way around. I didn't even get a chance to explore you with my new eyes! Shame on you for teasing me so."

I faked a sniffle, and Jasper pulled his face away to look at me with a lazy grin as his chest rumbled with his quiet laughter. He stated in a tone that wasn't sorry at all, "My apologies, ma'am. I'll do my utmost to rectify that problem later."

"You better." I quipped as I reached up and tugged one of his honey locks that had fallen over his eyes.

Jasper shot me a promising wink and kissed me once more before he reluctantly set me back down on my feet. He gazed down at me in an almost tangible adoration for a moment, then spoke in a tired voice, "I need to go now, but I'll be back soon. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I replied in a downtrodden grumble. "I need to take a shower and get dressed anyway. It's going to be just me, Alice, and Esme here?"

"Yes, but do me a favor." Jasper softly said, but with a certain wariness. "I know you want to talk to Alice, just don't do it around Esme. She doesn't need to be there if things get out of hand. Despite everything she's done, I know Alice won't attack you in the heat of the moment, even if _you_ do. So I'm not concerned about letting the two of you go at it alone, but I don't want Esme around to see it. She's been stressed enough as it is, not to mention just plain depressed, and she wouldn't handle you and Alice fighting very well. Please wait 'till she's not around…and that may not happen today."

"Of course, Jasper. I wouldn't want to do that in front of Esme either. That was kinda the plan anyway." I stated firmly as I built up my resolve to be partially civil to Alice today if I had to. It was going to be hard, but I could do it for Jasper, and I could do it for Esme.

The wariness left him as relief visibly washed over his features, so I guess he was really concerned about that for a minute. But he once again leaned down and kissed my forehead as he said, "Thank you, Keira. And I'll be back before you know it."

He turned around and started walking out, but before he could shut the door behind him, I tensely whispered out, "Be careful, please."

Jasper paused and bent backwards to briefly duck his tawny head of hair through the small space left between the door, and his lips curled as he answered back, "Just for you, worrywart. I love you."

He didn't wait for me to respond as he quickly closed the door and rushed downstairs in a hurry. I could hear the echoes of him rapidly conversing with Emmett and Rosalie, and I just stood there looking at the spot he was at seconds before with a light smile of appreciation.

"Forever." I breathed out reverently, not knowing whether Jasper was paying attention enough to overhear, but not caring either way. It wasn't meant to be heard. It was more of a voiced proclamation of a brightly burning revelation. An epiphany that eternity was really ours; that forever really did exist for Jasper and I now. It had just sunk in for me that there was no limit to the amount of days I could spend loving my beautifully fierce soldier, and he in return. I had known it and thought it many times since becoming a vampire, but it was just now really taking purchase on my mind, heart, and soul. A weight was being lifted off of me and an inconspicuous pressure released from within my chest. I was beginning to heal…beginning to move forward. More importantly, I was beginning to break away from my self-imposed purgatory filled with past lives, mistakes, and burdens. I was finally letting go and becoming free. Truly liberated for the first time since coming into this way of life, and it was a glorious sensation and a blessed revelation.

I shook my head with no small amount of exasperation at myself and chuckled under my breath as I turned and headed to the shower. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face the entire time I was beneath the warm spray of water, or when I changed into my favorite pair of jeans that smelled like home, and not even as I walked downstairs towards Esme and Alice. And I didn't care who saw me acting like an idiot as I bounced around with a renewed enthusiasm for life that I didn't realize I was missing. Well, I didn't care until Alice glided right in front of me and blocked my path to the backyard. _Great, just great. I've been studiously ignoring her presence and she gets in my face. What does she want now? _

I glared balefully at the little shit, and she smiled beatifically back at me. It was actually kinda scary for a moment, and I had to reign in the hiss that wanted to escape. So instead, I clenched my jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. "What do you want, _Alice_?"

Her expression faltered for a moment before she said in an unnaturally chipper voice, "I just wanted to let you know that Esme will be heading to Port Angelus in half an hour, then you and I can talk. I know we have a lot to discuss, and both of us prefer it to be done with no one else around. Also…I wanted to say thank you. Thanks for allowing me to explain before trying to rip me apart."

And with that, she vanished from sight. I remained standing there, slack-jawed and staring out at the backyard in a slightly shocked daze. Not only had she given me a heads-up about our little talk, but she thanked me for it while simultaneously saying I could only _try_ to tear her to pieces, not actually do it. _Huh. She's definitely a weird one. _

I turned my back on the door and gently leaned against it as I tucked my thumbs around the belt loops on my jeans, and I gradually lost myself in thoughts. I knew I needed to hunt. I could feel the burn of my thirst intensifying over the last two days, and right now it was almost unbearable. I had planned on asking Esme to take me out, but if she was leaving, then I might as well hold off. Today will probably be my only chance to talk to Alice alone, especially with Edward arriving soon. This family had almost no concept of personal space and privacy, but I guess it was kinda hard to achieve when you had a mind reader, an empath, a future seer, a rambunctiously playful vampire, and an overly attentive mother-figure all dwindled in to seven individuals with enhanced senses living under the same roof. They probably just got accustomed to the lack-of and forgot about the notion entirely. So yes, these next couple of hours or so were probably my only shot at Alice alone.

And although I had no immediate intentions of starting a fight with Alice today, that didn't mean it wasn't going to happen. The likelihood that it will come to that was more so than not. I had so many questions for her, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy her reasons and celebrate over her answers. Because no matter what, she caused everything to happen. She may not have meant for the consequences to occur, but she purposely set out to do harm to others for her own selfish motives. That wasn't something I could accept easily…or gracefully. _Shit Keira, chill! You're not even talking with her yet and you're already getting riled up. Think calm thoughts like Jasper…eternity…time alone with him after all this bullshit is over. Yeah. Calm. _

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them. I glanced around for something else to occupy my time with until Esme left, but said woman walked right in not three seconds later. She turned the corner from the living room to the kitchen with her purse in hand, and gave a pleasantly surprised look when she saw me. But her warm, ocher eyes quickly turned morose as she realized I was doing nothing other than standing against a door, seemingly lost in thought. Which I had been, but not when she found me, and she didn't need to be so sad over it. I briefly wondered what she thought was running through my mind at the time, but dismissed it entirely as I smiled brightly at her to ease her conscience.

"Hello Esme." I said in low, calm tone that made me wonder if I was starting to imitate Jasper's vocal cadence.

The caramel beauty's good nature easily returned, and Esme quickly replied in her soft, motherly voice, "Hello dear. I was about to go looking for you to let you know that I'm heading out to an interior design store in Port Angelus. There were a few things I saw in the magazine I was looking through earlier that I thought would be lovely in our home back in Vermont. And, well, it could brighten up this place here until we leave again. No use in not feeling at home just because we aren't staying forever."

I could tell it pained her to talk about leaving Forks again, and I couldn't resist walking over to her and enveloping her in a tight hug. She returned the embrace just as fiercely, and with my arms still wrapped around her, I whispered, "Wherever you and Carlisle are is home, Esme. Location and memories don't matter if there's no one there to love."

And even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I knew this place would forever be more of a home than any other I'd come across in the years ahead. Forks was filled with memories of a lifetime…_my_ lifetime, and endless moments of happiness. There were people here to love, we just weren't allowed to show them. And when I released Esme and pulled back, I could tell by the conflicted expression on her face that she was thinking somewhere along the same line of thought as me. But she just patted my cheek with tender affection as she said in an endearing tone, "Thank you, Keira. It means so much to know you feel that way, and that you think of us as your home now."

I had to bite my cheek from grimacing because I felt like such a shit. I really didn't think they were my home now. I had only said that to make her feel better, even when I didn't directly mean it. Jasper was now, and would forever be, my only home. The places we would go and houses we would live in were just that…places. Nothing more. And even though I cared for the Cullens, I only saw them as a form of in-laws. Maybe in time I would view them differently, but I doubted it. I already had a true and wonderful home with priceless parents, and nothing would compare or erase that. Jasper's arms were the only other place I felt like I effortlessly belonged and felt just as safe. Everything else was merely surroundings; things that came with the life I now had. A package deal kind of thing. But Esme didn't need to know that, and I would never tell her that. So I just gave her another smile and placed my hand over the one she still had on my cheek, and I softly squeezed in what she would take as agreement and understanding.

She just stood there looking at me for a moment longer, and I could swear she was reading my mind and seeing through my charade. Like she knew I didn't receive her words the way she wanted me to. Something flickered sharply in her eyes, but if I weren't a vampire, I wouldn't have ever caught it. It vanished as quickly as it came, and it was far too obscured for me to define what I saw. And in the next second, she brought her hand back to her side and turned away as she started shuffling through her purse. When she spoke again, her demeanor had returned to normal, as if nothing had occurred at all. "I should be gone for the better part of the morning and afternoon, but Alice will be here with you."

She paused there as her brought her gaze back to me, and her expression turned hesitant as she lowered her voice and timidly asked, "Is that going to be okay? I know things were a little tense between you two a few days ago, but everything's fine now, right? You don't mind being alone with her for awhile?"

I shook my head as I reassured her. "Everything's cool. Don't worry. Besides, Alice and I could use some…_bonding_ time together."

Esme still seemed hesitant, but she said, "Okay. The others should be back in an hour or two, and I left a note for Carlisle telling him where I'm going. If you need anything, my numbers' programmed into the cell phone on the counter over there."

"Gotcha'. Thanks." I replied in absent manner as my thoughts drifted to Jasper and what he was doing. I hoped everything was alright, but I honestly didn't even know if they had met up with the wolves yet. I really, truly hated just waiting around to find out what happened, but there was nothing I could do, and I knew my presence would only add conflict. Plus I had Alice to deal with, so I needed to just focus on the things I could do instead of the things I couldn't.

Five minutes later, I was waving goodbye to Esme from the front porch as she climbed into the SUV. Alice was over by the car door, and the two of them were whispering so quietly that I wasn't able to pick up their conversation. But I had a feeling that was what they intended, and frankly, I didn't care. I was too preoccupied with the confrontation to be had with Alice, and the things I wanted to know. And when the car door shut and Esme pulled out onto the gravel driveway, disappearing from sight a minute later, Alice gracefully flitted over to me with a serious expression on her face.

"Let's do this." She said with a firm nod of her head, and she began walking to the front door.

"How about we _do this_ out here. Just in case, ya know." I dryly retorted before she could go inside.

Alice paused, and she swiveled around as she met my stern gaze with an apprehensive one. Our eyes were locked for seventeen seconds in a complete standstill, neither of us making a single sound, but eventually she ducked her head as her shoulders sagged. She released a heavy sigh right before she looked back up and skipped passed me to the porch swing. She was sitting down as I turned to face her, and I folded my arms loosely over my chest and leaned my hip against the railing that lined the deck. I once again had the vague inclination that I was picking up on Jasper's behavioral habits and poses, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from crossing my ankles together in a deceptively relaxed stance, much like my mate would do. I almost chuckled at my unintentional imitation and wayward thoughts, but stopped when Alice shot me an extremely broken smile and shook her head in what appeared to be a rueful manner.

Her legs started swinging back and forth beneath the swing since her feet were unable to reach the floor, much like a small child would do from a high perch or chair. And I was struck with a sense of frailty and youthful adolescence about her even though she was anything but those things. I wondered how old she was when she was turned, because I couldn't imagine it being any more than eighteen years. She just seemed…so _young_ and childlike, even though I knew there couldn't be much difference between her human age and mine, and it was possible she might even be older.

"You look just like him right now." She said in an ambivalent tone as she continued to look at me with that same broken smile, like she couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh or cry at that fact. She went on in a low, tortured voice. "You two are perfect for each other. You're so much alike in many ways, but where you two differ only balances you guys out with a divinity that makes your pairing flawless. It's like you were designed for him specifically, Keira. And while I'm happy that he's found his perfect mate, I can't help but hate it at the same time. Because it's not me, and I still love him so much."

I didn't rightly know what to say to that. I completely understood where she was coming from, but I didn't want to feel sorry for her. I didn't want to feel for her at all. So I stuck to my plan and diverted our conversation to things I was more comfortable with. I went back to the beginning, when it all started becoming weird and when it was obviously to me that something else was going on.

"I don't remember everything clearly…" I began in a slow, almost nonchalant tone even though my eyes were narrowed on her in an unforgiving way. "But I do remember your pleading expression that day in the cafeteria when Jasper and I went out in the woods to talk for the first time. The beginning of our friendship, I guess you could say. What was it…a year ago now? No, a couple of months over that if I recall correctly. So tell me…what were you trying to say to me? What exactly were you trying to plead?"

My voice became stronger and more forceful than I intended at the end, and I needed to remind myself to cool it since we haven't even gotten to the bad parts yet. My newborn temperament was obviously going to make this harder than I anticipated. _Deep breaths. Think of Jasper. Think of eternity with Jasper. Think of… _

"I was begging you for more time." Alice tiredly explained as her suddenly dull, golden orbs focused on a spot somewhere around my feet. "I wasn't ready to completely let him go yet, which I knew would be inevitable if the conversation you two had went the way I saw it. Which it did. It seemed the fates were tired of waiting no matter how much I wasn't. I knew all along it was going to happen. I knew before I had even met Jasper, but that didn't stop me from falling for him any less. And from the very first moment I saw you, I knew it was going to be you."

She raised her eyes back to mine, and there was such a tragic, angry strength in them, a whirlwind of defeated heartbreak and battling fury as she continued in a sharper, harder tone. "My visions with you and him became much more clear. _You_ became much more clearer. I never saw you properly before, but I did from then on. Do you have any idea how hard it is to repeatedly see the man you love happily together with _another_ woman? Over and over and over again my visions replayed in my mind, and every single one of them was of Jasper deliriously content and affectionate with _you_…in _love_ with _you_, and it was like I had never existed for him. Every time a new vision came, my heart broke a little more. I tried _so hard_ to be strong and brave, to be happy for him. But I'm not unbreakable, Keira. And I kept thinking '_Just a little more time. That's all I need. Just a little more time to let go and move forward.'_ But it never came, and I swear it's like something snapped inside me."

Alice paused and laughed sardonically, if not a little maniacally, for a brief moment before utter despair invaded her every feature and dripped heavily from her small voice. "I think it was my cold, dead heart breaking in two. I was begging you for more time, but you didn't understand that. And from then on, I was desperately trying to put myself back together. To feel at least semi-okay with the way things were now. But he was always with you and never with me anymore, and I think that made me bitter. I mean, when he was around, you were _everywhere_! If not _physically_ beside him, your scent covered him and your name was all that came out of his mouth. I couldn't escape the torment, so I escaped completely away from everyone as often as possible. That's why you never saw much of me, and I think Edward read quite a few of my thoughts at precisely the wrong moments, which is why he acted so…_resentful_ around you. Sorry about that. You never deserved that kind of treatment."

Her bared confession ate at my conscience and made me feel guilty. If I had known all the details, if I had known the circumstances and what she was going through, I would have gladly given her that time. If I had known, I would have helped her any way I could. I never wanted to cause anyone so much pain and suffering. I thought she pushed Jasper away and demanded they separate, and I had to ask her about that just to be clear.

"Alice," I cautiously began in a soft voice as she continued looking at me in despair. "I thought you wanted Jasper to walk away. From what I understand, he argued with you and fought with you in Alaska over this, and even when he and I began a relationship, it was _you _that pushed him to do it."

She sadly nodded her head and frowned as she stilled the movement of her swaying legs. She brought them up and tucked them underneath her body as she leaned back against the swing in a more relaxed pose, causing it to gently float back and forth through the thick, winter air. But her tiny fists were clenched in her lap, her eyes were hard as she stared unflinchingly into my curious and slightly pitied ones, and her frown remained as she started speaking once again, this time in a detached monologue.

"You're correct on all counts. I did it because it was the right thing to do. You belonged with him, and he with you. It was meant to be before you were born. I'm not a terribly religious person, and I have no idea how I could see your future…your destiny, decades before you walked this earth. But somehow, and by someone or something, you were suppose to be a part of Jasper in a large capacity long before you ever existed. I saw it, I knew it, and it was going to happen whether I played along or not. Maybe it was the angels way of warning me before I got my heart broken, but then again, that would mean I actually believed in them."

And for the first time ever, I saw Alice briefly show the most jaded, twisted smile that definitely wasn't becoming on her before she quickly continued in the same monotone voice. "Before we moved here, I didn't realize it would hurt so much because I had always thought of our separation as a part of us. An inevitable happening that was, from the very beginning, a major part of who we would become not only as a couple, but as individuals as well. It was always going to be, and I thought I had accepted that as a defining quality to our relationship. But it did hurt…too much so. But if I had forced Jasper to stay in a relationship with me, one he never could realize on his own that he didn't want anymore…well, let's just say he would have hated me later for it. And he would have become a shell of the man I knew and loved, but not even a fraction of who he would be with you. I would've destroyed him if I tried to keep him, which is why I set him free. And even though I couldn't release him in my heart, I vocally did it to make him walk away. He never would have done it on his own freewill because he's too good of a man, too loyal of a mate, to walk away despite his deepest desires."

Alice brought her stare down to her lap and fidgeted with a piece of thread from her shirt as she said in an aloof, off-handed manner, "You know…we never made love again after that first day he saw you. We tried, _I tried_, but he always got too frustrated and would walk away. He subconsciously knew it was suppose to be you beneath him and not me, even though he had no idea that you were the girl from my visions. I didn't tell him until later, but his body still couldn't react the same way to me, even ignorantly, because it was a form of betrayal to his true mate. Funny, huh?"

No, it _really_ wasn't funny, but she knew that. And this was the part I started to get really pissed at, because if she recognized the pure, undivided connection Jasper and I had even then, why did she do what she did at Bella's birthday? I didn't understand her logic at this point, and I was becoming very frustrated over it. So my eyes narrowed on their own accord, and I managed to entirely growl out my next question.

"Then why'd you do it, Alice!? If you knew what was meant to be and all the other crap you just spilled out, then why in the hell would you set out to destroy it? I get that you were hurt, and I even understand and sympathize with you, but that doesn't explain the utter lunacy of your actions thereafter!"

"No, it doesn't, and I don't really have a good, solid excuse for what I did." She replied in small voice as she kept her gaze downcast. "Rose told me you heard the conversation I had with Jasper yesterday, so I don't need to repeat what I told him. But it's the truth, and it's all I can offer in way of an explanation. I was desperate, and I had to try. My heart was shattered and it caused me to make a stupid choice. I never saw what would happen to you because of Victoria, and I honestly thought, as well as anticipated, that the only thing that would come out of it all was you flying out to Vermont in a month or two. But I still had to try _one last time_."

She paused there, and her mournful eyes raised back to my widely incredulous ones as she said, "I'm so sorry, Keira. I never saw a negative outcome, and I know for an absolute fact that I wouldn't have done it if I had seen anything like that. I can't change what I did, but I'd take it all back if I could. I could say a million apologies to you and it won't make a difference, but just know that I won't stop feeling very guilty for a long time to come, and I'll probably never truly let it go. I'll live with this for the rest of my existence, and I know I've lost the chance at even a friendship with Jasper now."

Again, I heard her and understood where she was coming from, but my thoughts were stuck on one simple thing she had said through that little speech. So I took a deep breath and tried to calm down my evident anger and frustration, and I asked in a disbelieving tone, "What do you mean you never saw a negative outcome? You purposely let certain things happen, and hell, even made it worse by adding glass plates and cups to the equation and positioning them _just right_, all the while knowing the end-result would be everyone leaving Forks. Which meant you knew Edward would end things with Bella and demand you all do the same. You don't call that a negative outcome?"

I was vaguely aware that I had pushed my body away from the railing and taken two slightly crouched steps towards Alice. I'm sure my face was stern and my eyes were vividly burning with indignation, and I'm almost positive I had an air of menace around me, because not only did I feel that way, but Alice had tensed up and was looking at me warily. Four seconds of silence surrounded us before the pixie took a deep breath of her own before she relaxed with a resigned sadness, and that effectively brought me back from the dark recesses of my mind that was filled with wrath and fury. I successfully tampered down part of my emotions as I straightened from my partial crouch, and I stubbornly folded my arms in front of me once again as I waited for Alice to respond. Two more beats of silence, then…

"Okay, Keira. I never intended to tell anyone this, but you deserve to know the truth since you asked. Edward and Bella…well, they weren't going to last the way they were headed anyway. Edward had already made up his mind in Phoenix that he was going to eventually leave Bella. As time went on, his resolve only strengthened even though there was no reason for it. I kept getting visions of him being too cautious over the smallest things with Bella, and his overly abundant carefulness led to Bella's inevitable unhappiness. He would never give Bella what she wanted, and she in-turn would become depressed. All of it would lead Edward to believe, much like he already has, that Bella was better off without him instead of just giving into both of their desires and changing her. By the time Bella's birthday came around, Edward was _looking_ for _any_ and _all_ reasons to leave her. He was waiting for a good enough excuse. Not because he didn't love her, but because he's a seventeen-year-old boy who's scared of his own feelings and has no idea how to love someone properly. His arrogance and propriety will be his downfall for many years to come until he can learn to think beyond what he solely believes is right and wrong. Until he can learn how to grow-up and move beyond his time and own personal demons. Until he can learn that he doesn't always know what's best for everyone else."

She shook her head in deprecation before she moved her gaze off into the distance and through the trees. I simply stood there dumbstruck, because of all the things I thought Alice might have said, Edward eventually leaving Bella had never crossed my mind. But before I could pull my thoughts together and reply, she continued in a weary tone as she kept her eyes focused elsewhere.

"Edward wasn't ready to meet his Bella yet. He needed to go through a lot of soul searching first. It happened too soon for him, but it is what it is. I can only hope that when he gets here, that maybe he's ready to accept certain things and do it differently. Like stop trying to control everything around him and let go of his inhibitions. I hope he goes back to Bella and treats her right this time. Not like a piece of cracked glass, and if he can't do that, then change her. But I don't know what he's going to do because I haven't seen it. So when you asked me if I thought about the negative outcome with Edward and Bella, the answer is yes. I did think about it, but it wasn't a negative outcome…it was an _inevitable_ one that I saw happening in many different ways and manners. None of them good, but at least this one didn't fall directly on Bella's shoulders. I discreetly gave her the choice to think their break-up was his reaction over an accident involving our kind instead of thinking it was over something she directly did or didn't do. She never would have come back from it otherwise, and Edward would've never been given a second chance with her."

Wow. Just wow. I was speechless in a way I had never been speechless before. There were no words I could say to that even if I wanted to. Which I didn't, because she said what she needed to and explained why her conscience was okay with that part of the backlash from Bella's birthday. And I, _once again_, fucking understood where she was coming from. But I didn't want to anymore. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to hate her and blame everything on her just like I thought she deserved. But it's what I _thought_ she deserved, not what I think now. Now I was just confused and even more frustrated because I had no one to point the finger at and say, _'You're why this happened! You're why everything got so fucked up!'_

But Alice _is_ the reason why everything played out the way it did for me. If not for her, then I never would have been separated from Jasper, and Victoria never would've been able to attack me. I would've still had the holidays with me parents, and I could have said my goodbyes to them when I was ready to. Now I was a scarred fuckin' freak with a huge case of the jitters anytime someone surprised me, and it was all because she wanted another chance with _my _mate. _Yeah, get mad Keira. Get mad at Alice and build up all the reasons why you should hate her. Piss her off and take out your pent-up aggression on her in a fight. It will stop you from self-reflecting too much._

So I did release my anger out on her, while I simultaneously ignored what my annoying inner-dialogue was trying to tell me by throwing self-reflection at me. I growled sharply under my breath, and faster than a blink of an eye, I had rushed at Alice, grabbed her by the throat, and pinned her against the house with my fingers tightly gripped around her neck. I heard the pristine, white shingles of the outer wall crack and splinter under the force of Alice's body being thrown against it, and I absently noted that Alice was doing nothing other than looking calmly at me with sad, but unsurprised eyes. I was mere centimeters from her face as I spoke to her in a low growl.

"It doesn't matter how sorry you are, _Alice._ You still manipulated a dire situation to your advantage, and your selfish actions still cost me my life. You tried to take away someone who was _meant for me._ I sympathize with your heartbreak; really I do. But I don't think you understand how much it hurt me to lose him, even for a short period of time. I don't think you comprehend just how much pain and heartbreak _I've_ been going through since your selfish misdeeds. You brought your own personal pain onto me. Made me feel what it was like to lose the people I loved most. Not only Jasper, but my parents as well. And I may have Jasper back now, but that pain IS STILL THERE!"

I shook her for good measure, but Alice's eyes had already widened with newfound realization. I could see it in her slightly shocked and haggard expression, and I could read the self-deprecating there. She had never really thought about it like that. She never really saw it as transferring her heartache unto me. But now she was, and I could see the self-disgust flicker across her face before she schooled her features to a blank calm once again.

So I lowered my voice and silenced my growl as I continued, "I can't decide if I hate you more than Victoria because if it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened. But then again…"

And I had to stop there because all of the sudden, something clicked inside my head and my line of thought shifted rapidly with a view-shattering realization. My subconscious had been screaming at me what I already knew but had yet to really accept. My inner-dialogue that seemed to have a personality of it's own more often than not had practically spelled it out for me, but I let my voluntary ignorance and residual anger get in the way. But no more of that, because I just had this epiphany that brought so much clarity to my distorted perception. None of this, and I truly mean _none of it,_ would have occurred if it wasn't for me. Not Alice. She was not to blame for the path I blindly chose.

I had known what Jasper was, and still I didn't care. It didn't deter or sway me from the perilous causeway I was more than happy to travel on. I was the frail, ultimately vulnerable human that decided to get involved with the unbreakable, blood-drinking vampires. And the caustic repercussions of two very different species not meant to peacefully co-exist was inevitable the day we blended our lives together. I was now dealing with the consequences of my own choices. I made the choice to step over the boundaries of safe and normal and into the dangerous realm where the supernatural is common, and death of the weak is a given. It was only a matter of time before my time was up, and it's no one's fault but my own because I was the one who chose to dance with devil. It was my choice to skirt around with Death knowing, and even accepting, that the most likely outcome would be my own.

Alice was not at fault for what became of the path I chose; only her decisions that directly influenced and manipulated those she claims to love. My circumstance with Victoria and the resulting aftermath was merely chance and timing breeding havoc once again. And it could have happened even if I'd never gotten involved with the Cullens. But I did, and I eventually had to pay the toll to the highway of stupidly brazen ventures. There was always a price to be paid when taking a daring risk with too many unknown factors, and mine had to be taken sooner or later. _Well I'll be damned! I'm just full of all kinds of awe-inspiring revelations today, now aren't I?_

No more than a few seconds had passed since I cut of my heated sentence, but it was apparently enough time for Alice to start staring at me in a strangely confused, but still erringly calm manner. I don't know what my face was showing, but the little pixie wedged between my hand and the house, and raised a few feet off the floor, was looking at me with that same crazy expression like I was some sort of crazy myself. The twisted irony was almost comical. But I released her from my hold nonetheless, and I took a couple steps back to give her some space. She was smoothing out her shirt and rubbing her neck when I finally found my voice again.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I contritely stated as I kept my apologetic gaze on her. "I shouldn't have done that. I kinda just realized that everything that happened to me isn't really your fault. I want to blame someone for my grief…point a finger at anyone in hopes of making me feel better about all this. I guess I'm searching for closure in all the wrong places. But I know it won't make anything better, and I know the only one to blame for the way my life turned out is me. I got involved with vampires, and something like this was bound to happen. All things considered, I think I got pretty lucky! I mean, I essentially still _have_ my life, and that's more than most humans can say, right!"

Alice let out a wheezy chuckled and shook her pretty head before she said, "You're definitely unpredictable, Keira. I thought you were eventually going to try to tear me apart there."

I looked at her in mock offense as I stated with false innocence, "Me? Never! I'm a perfectly controlled newborn vampire that makes absolutely no rash decisions. Ever. But again with this '_trying'_ to rip you apart. Never actually doing. Are you hinting at my inability to thoroughly dispatch a fellow vampire? 'Cause if you are, I have some newborn aggression that's just begging to test out that theory."

I was teasing her, and her full-blown, tinkling laughter let me know she understood that. I found myself smiling at the sound, and I realized I was truly happy to bring this recently tortured soul some sort of relief. I was happy to bring Alice a moment of unadulterated joy where all our past sins were momentarily forgotten. But after a minute, we had both calmed down and sobered up as we stared silently at each other with a seriousness that reflected off the both of us. I decided to be the one that broke the quiet.

"Alice…" I began in a low, solemn voice. "This doesn't mean that all is forgotten, or forgiven. And I don't know if we'll ever really be friends. Maybe one day when you find a new mate, things might be more comfortable between us. I don't blame you or hate you for the events that went down after you guys left town, and I've got no right to get involved in matters that don't…well, involve me. But you still lied to everyone, and you still set Jasper up. And that _does_ involve me. You manipulated him, and he never did anything other than love you. I've never been the kind of person that can trust someone and let them in when they can do those sort of things to a person they claim to love, even if it's for a good reason. Which yours weren't. Understandable, yes…but not a good reason. So I don't trust you, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. No matter how much time has passed."

Alice nodded her head in either agreement or understanding, I don't know which, as she spoke in a voice full of conviction. "I know. And it means so much to me that you don't hate me for things that even I hate myself for. You may not blame me, but I do. So thank you, and…"

She paused there, and her whole demeanor suddenly reflected a devastating defeat as she dropped her gaze to the ground and whispered out, "And please take care of him. Never stop loving him."

"Always and never." I passionately replied, and I knew my tone left no room for any doubt. "But Alice?"

I waited for her to raise her gaze back up to me so she could see I meant every word I was about to say. When she did, I closed the few feet between us and placed my hands on her shoulders as I spoke with a softness that surprised even me. "Jasper never stopped loving you. Never. One of the first things he said to me when we started our relationship was that he'd always love you so much more than the others. He wanted me to be able to accept the fact that while I held his heart, a large piece would always belong to you. He loves you so much, and in ways I'll never be able to touch or wash away even if I wanted to. You were still his world and heart, he just expanded it to fit two. I'm sorry your hurting, and I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away. But you gave him to me, you set him free, and I could never just walk away and give him back. Even at the very beginning. Our love doesn't work like that. You know that though, so I'll just say one more thing."

I looked deep into her glossed-over eyes as I firmly stated, "You hurt him tremendously with your betrayal, and I don't know if you'll ever get back the closeness you had with him before. He'll never forget what you did to him, but I do know that he still loves you despite everything. He's more pained than he is angry over your actions. If you can talk to him, just the two of you before anybody else finds out and things escalate like I'm sure they will with dear 'ole Eddie, you might be able to salvage a small part of the rift that's accumulated between you two. Don't expect it to go as easily as it did with me, but somewhere is better than nowhere, right?"

Poor Alice looked like she would be crying if she could. I was about to turn around and leave to give her some privacy, but she quickly wrapped me up in her small arms and gave me one of the biggest hugs I had ever received. She started shaking with suppressed sobs, and I folded my arms around her tiny frame and tried my hardest to comfort her the best I could. I ran my fingers through her short, spiky hair in an attempt to soothe her, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't _have_ anything left to say. My monthly quota for words of advice, comfort, and wisdom were all used up within a few short sentences. My sporadic moments of surreal realizations had _definitely_ been exhausted for probably a year's time, so now I was left dumbstruck and feeling like an idiot since I had no idea how to handle a sobbing pixie. I mean, I'm a woman for Christ's sake! Shouldn't I have a never-ending supply of soapbox material to expel at times like these? _Guess not._ _I wish Jasper were here. He'd know what to do since he's fairly acquainted with emotional females, and I do mean myself._

It was an awkward few minutes of me holding Alice and stroking her hair and patting her gently on the back before she was able to pull herself together. Her shaking subsided, and I gave her one more pat on the back before I dropped my arms to my side. But when she removed her arms from around me, she leaned into the side of my face and softly whispered, "You deserve him so much more than I."

She gave me an enigmatic smile as she pulled away before abruptly turning around and walking out into the yard. I watched her as she headed towards the woods, and right before she disappeared among the thick trees, I yelled out, "Hey! Where're ya going?"

I didn't really care if she left, but it was just plain _weird_ how she did it. Without stopping or even glancing over her shoulder, she hollered back, "I need to be by myself for awhile. Edward should be arriving in a little over an hour, so you won't be lonely for too long!"

And I could practically see the sarcastic smirk on her face as she mentioned Edward. _Yeah, like I really wanted to be around him. Joy._

"Oh, and Keira?" I faintly heard Alice say from a distance, and I could no longer see her anymore. "We will be friends one day. I've seen it." _ Freak. Little know-it-all, future telling freak of a pixie. _

I shook my head and chuckled under my breath as I walked inside the house. As I went into the kitchen to check the clock on the cell phone, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd find out in due time that all the Cullens were just as strange. Although I couldn't see Rosalie ever being that obtuse. She was a pretty straightforward character. And of course, Jasper was a Whitlock to me, not a Cullen. So he didn't count.

I flitted over to the living room and sat down on the couch as I fiddled with my thumbs and thought about the day's events thus far, and it wasn't even ten o' clock in the morning yet. Jeez, it's been a hell of a rollercoaster ride for not even being noon yet. I've gone from worried to deliriously content and free with Jasper, to feeling nostalgic but guilty with Esme. With Alice there were too many different emotional tides to count, but it was one big, tumultuously fucked-up ride. I kinda felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with all the contrasting personalities I went through during my talk with her. But I was happy to have resolved things with her without violence. Well, mostly without violence. At the end of the dark, narrow tunnel we all travel through to find answers within ourselves, it was startling obvious to me that if anyone's to blame for the things that have happened to me after the Cullens left…it's just plain me. And even that's debatable, because like I said earlier, even if I had never dived into the world of vampires, it's still possible that Victoria could have attacked me anyway. Hell, it could've been fate!

I shrugged my shoulders at my contemplations and diverted my thoughts down a different path. I was thirsty, and I needed to hunt badly. I haven't, um, _fed_ since our drive to Forks, and that particular day was five days ago. Jasper said a newborn needed to feed every few days, and I was definitely feeling the increasing burn. I had been for a while now, but I kept being distracted by other things before I could bring it up to Jasper. And although I'm sure he felt it himself, he's been pretty distracted as well. _Okay, change of thoughts. This is just making me grumpy. _

I continued to fiddle with my thumbs, but I vaguely noticed I had started tapping my foot as well. I was becoming anxious as my mind drifted to Edward and what he was going to be like when he got here. He was probably going to be a hypersensitive prick like always, but I knew I wouldn't put up with that shit if it was directed at Jasper in any way. He could complain about me all he wanted to and I probably wouldn't care too much. Or I'd just put him in his place as I gleefully knocked him off the pedestal he's so self-righteously placed himself on. But it would be war if he went after Jasper. I didn't want to hear any of his shit about Jasper's supposed lack of control, and I wasn't going to stand by and let him belittle my mate in any form. I know Jasper can take care of himself and decide when enough is enough, but still. Nothing ignited my fury like someone taking a stab at Jasper.

I sighed out loud and ran my hand through my curls. I was starting to worry about Jasper and the Quileute wolves again. How long did it take to bring everyone up to date on current supernatural events? I tossed around every possible scenario that my wild imagination could conjure up about things that could've happened that would delay them for this long. My concern and nervousness ran so rampant that I managed to start tapping my foot twenty-three times per second, and I had run my hands through my hair fourteen times in the last…god only knows how long.

I decided to get up and check the time again, and when I walked into the kitchen and looked at the cell phone, I saw that just over an hour had passed since I came inside. In a pathetic attempt to change the scenery, I stayed in the kitchen as I leaned against the countertop. After a few minutes of doing absolutely nothing productive, I began pacing the length of kitchen walkway. I almost came to the decision to go hunting on my own, not only because I needed to, but also to pass the time. Eventually though, I heard the low rumble of an engine pulling into the driveway, and I figured Edward was finally arriving since it didn't sound like Carlisle's SUV. I could bite back my extreme dislike for the immortal boy long enough for him to escort me out hunting. It was daylight, and there was a higher probability that humans would be out hiking despite the cold weather. Some people are just extremists like that, but not extreme enough to handle me coming upon them. Edward could probably wrestle me down before I attacked someone…maybe…possibly…right? He was the lankiest of the male Cullens, but he had to have some muscle in there…somewhere. And even though I possess newborn strength, I'm still just a tiny little thing compared to the men of the family. Yeah, Edward could probably handle me well enough to ensure the safety of others if it came to that.

I heard the car door slam shut, and I quickly walked to the foyer area. I could hear Edward's heavy footfalls crunching across the yard towards the porch, and while I absently noted how odd it was that his steps weren't as soft and meticulous as all the other vampires I've come into contact with, I didn't think on it too much since I was busy worrying about how I was going to ask this favor of him. I dropped my gaze to the floor, and when the steps became stomps upon the front porch, I became slightly bewildered as to why he was being so loud. _Was he angry? If so, then I wouldn't ask him to take me out. No way in hell was I going to approach an angry Edward._

Until I realized that whoever was making their way to the front door wasn't Edward at all, because Edward didn't have a heartbeat. I could detect the faint, but rapid thrumming of beating blood vibrating through the air outside and traveling to my ears, and it was only getting closer…stronger…_faster_. I clenched my fists tightly together at my side, and I had a split second of comprehension as this person took their final, definitive step to the door before my thirst, my bloodlust, swarmed my senses. _Oh shit._

The burn in my throat thickened as it scorched fiercely from my mouth and down into my chest, and it felt like my insides were cracking and peeling away beneath the dry burn that enveloped me. Any and all air left in my lungs evaporated in a simmering blaze that consumed my previously dead, frozen organs and made them alive with torture once again. A prickling tingle filled with lust and promises of satisfaction spread throughout my suddenly charred bones and down my spine. My mouth quickly became dry with want despite the excessive venom pooling, and I could feel every single rough particle that lined my usually silky tongue. And the majority of my mind was chanting one solitary word. _Need. _

This person's only saving grace was the fact that I had yet to smell their scent, and it was quite possibly the only thing stopping me from throwing myself through the door. I was thankful there were no windows around the door to see who it was because I was certain if they stayed much longer, they'd be dead. I prayed to whatever deity above that they would go away when no one answered their knocks, but I still couldn't bring myself to walk away. I was frozen to the spot with want, need, _hunger._ And it wouldn't go away until it was sated.

What I never anticipated though…what I could never have foreseen in a million years or perhaps I would have done something different, was this person never stopping when they reached the door. Instead of hearing the knocks I'd expected, I heard the creak of the doorknob as they turned it, and my eyes widened but I still couldn't move. Then it was swiftly opened in a demanding and angry gesture.

I would later reflect on that moment in a slow motion play-by-play, and I'd be lucky if I could ever forget it. As soon as my eyes locked on the doorknob, the door was whooshed open not even an inch before the air around me filled with a crimson-coated freesia. A red haze immediately obscured my vision to the point where I had no idea who the person was that was barging through the door uninvited. But I didn't need my sight to locate and capture my victim, and in a tiny fraction of time that was too small to even measure, I had pinpointed my victim by smell and sound and feel of the atmosphere around me. I barely crouched before I lunged, while a shrill voice simultaneously exclaimed, "Oh my God! Keira!"

Then there was nothing but the dismal screams I only noticed with a distant detachment as I gave in to my killer instinct.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, so I know this chapter was for shit. I don't know what was wrong with me while trying to write this, but I just couldn't get it to flow like I wanted it to, and I know parts of it were repetitive. I tried to correct it, which is why it wasn't posted yesterday, but I just couldn't really get it any better. My mind was too stuck on next chap, I guess. Sorry! Maybe when I'm done with the story, I'll go back and rewrite this chap. But I needed to post it for you guys so you didn't wait longer than you have already. Once again, sorry. **

**Alice lovers****- I hope you are satisfied enough with this outcome. ****Alice haters****- I hope I made their conversation/argument/whatever believable enough for you, and I hope I stressed the point enough that everything is NOT dandy between them just because Keira understands where Alice was coming from. But anyway, I hope you all enjoyed, and I simply can't resist the urge to dryly say, "I bet you'll never guess who was stupid enough to barge into a vampire abode." Please review and let me know what you think, and big thanks to all who have in the past. Love you guys!**


	13. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**Hey everyone! Sorry about the delay in updates, and I meant to get this A/N out a week and a half ago to let you guys know what's going on. (I'm horrible with procrastination)**

**Back in November, I got into a pretty bad car accident that landed me in the hospital. I wasn't terribly injured, just needed a few minor surgeries and got released later that week. Unfortunately, my body reacted extremely negatively to one of the antibiotics I was on, but being the procrastinator that I am, I didn't go back to the hospital immediately. I tried to stick it out, but learned later that it was the worst possible thing I could have done. **

**I did eventually go back when my body started shutting down, spent more than a week in ICU, and the docs had to open me back up for surgery. My recovery kinda went out the window after that, and I was on bed rest and medicated cloud-nine for awhile. **

**Sorry I haven't let you guys know sooner, but I've spent every available minute that I haven't been sleeping or doped-up just trying to get back on track with bills and school. I'm only a waitress, which means I work paycheck-to-paycheck and shift-to-shift. With my injuries, it was difficult to get back on the floor right away, which put me in even more of a bind. I was extremely behind in money and unable to pay any of my monthly bills, but thankfully my apartment complex was willing to work with me given the circumstances.**

**School was a different story, and I had to work my butt off just to barely pass the semester. So all in all, for the last two months, I've been in hell! I'm finally getting back into a groove and things are getting easier every day, so yay for me! (I'm such a dork) **

**Moral of the story****: watch what you say. The very week everything went to shit, I promised you guys I'd always update at least once a week, and I had mentioned in a passing conversation with one of my friends that I had never gotten into a car accident before. What happens? Both. In the same week. So yeah, knock on wood or some shit like that. Never say never. **

**But I've started writing again, trying to get back into the flow of Keira's mind and all that junk! I will be updating by the end of this week, and everything should be back to normal after that (weekly updates and so on). This next chapter probably won't be my best because I found I'm a little rusty with the feel of what I've had going on with the story, so I apologize ahead of time. Also, you might want to go re-read last chap because things have drifted over from there. It's still the same day and what-not, and things might get a bit confusing if your memory's not fresh. **

**Heads up****: there are only a handful of updates left. I don't foresee this story being over twenty chaps…so yeah. Hopefully this will all be completed by this time next month.**

**So sorry again, and I can't wait to get this next chapter out for you guys. Thanks for your patience (if you've had any), and I apologize to all who reviewed while I was away but never received a response from me. I loved all of them, and I promise to hit you back next time. Until later this week, my loves…..**


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